by Sammy King
“I’ve missed you today” he said, as he put his hand on the back of my head, and kissed my lips.
“I’ve missed you too” I murmured against his lips. He tasted good. He brushed his hand against my breast and down my side to my hip. My nipples instantly became hard as I leant forward and kissed his neck, rubbing his chest, bumping the horn with my elbow in the fervour of the moment.
“Let’s get in the back, we have more room there” he said, as he knelt up to climb through to the back.
We lay in the back, kissing frantically and removing layers of clothes, hands touching each other as if for the first time again. Our tongues and lips exploring each other’s bodies; gasps of pleasure and moans the only sound to be heard.
“Wait do you have a condom?”
“It’ll be ok, I’ll be careful” Dylan moaned into my ear.
Passion took over my sense of sensibility, as I felt him moving inside me. We lay in each other’s arms, silently for a long while, as we enjoyed each other’s presence.
“Are you guys ok in there?” the voice called.
I yelped in panic, and started to rummage for our clothes, throwing on shirts and pants regardless of what way they went or whether they were inside out. Dylan peeked out through the window, to see two middle aged bushwalkers, who stood peering back in at us. I began to giggle nervously, which must have been contagious, as Dylan soon couldn’t control his giggles. The bushwalkers, looked at each other and shrugged as they moved on, satisfied that we weren’t in any danger. Finally our giggles subsided and we were able to control ourselves again.
“Shit, what time is it?” Dylan said searching for his watch among the blankets and cushions of the back. “We better get going, Tilly will be back soon”
I climbed through the front, checking to make sure my uniform was on right and my hair wasn’t too tussled.
When we got home, Tilly was home and was waiting in the lounge room for us.
“Oh about time you two got home” she snapped.
“Sorry, we got carried away, how was your day with Chantelle?” Dylan asked.
Tilly eyed us suspiciously; I didn’t want to look her in the face, out of fear that my face would tell the story.
“Fine” she pouted as she stood and marched into the kitchen and slammed the fridge open and shut. Dylan turned to look at me and grabbed my hand, a smiled flashed across his face. I went into the toilet, and realised that I had forgotten to put my knickers back on. Panic gripped me.
“Dylan, I forgot one of my books in the car, can I have the keys” I yelled down the hallway.
He tossed me the keys and I went to the car, I watched the window to make sure that Tilly wasn’t looking to see what I was doing. I quickly rummaged into the back, finding my knickers, and stuffed them into my uniform pocket. As I got to the front door, Tilly was standing in the door way, her hands on her hips, a frown on her face.
“Where’s your book?” she barked.
“I, I um must of left it at school” I stammered as I brushed past her, I put the keys on the side table inside the door, as I avoided eye contact with my sister and went to my room. I shut the door, and leant against it, the coolness of the wood against my back. I sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly. Tears pricked at my eyes again. I didn’t know how much longer I could do this. That night I didn’t come back out of my room, I stayed in bed, I couldn’t face Tilly again.
“Mon? I’m going to bed” I heard Tilly’s voice through the door.
I pulled the blankets up around my neck and closed my eyes tight. I heard the door open and could see the light of the hall shine through onto my face through my closed eyelids. I kept my eyes closed, and breathed a little heavier than normal to pretend I was asleep. I heard Tilly move into the room and felt her creep closer to me. Her hand was warm when she touched my face; I focused on keeping my breathing steady.
“Oh Mon, what have I done” she said quietly.
She then turned and left, she shut the door with a quiet click. I laid there for a long while thinking over and over about what she said and what she meant by what she had done. Finally in the early hours of the morning sleep came with a crash. My alarm went off far too early. I felt like I had a hangover, well at least what I imagined a hangover to feel like, as I dragged myself into the bathroom to have a shower. When I came out into the kitchen Dylan was in the kitchen making my lunch.
“Is Tilly up?” I said.
Dylan shook his head, without looking at me. I felt something was going on, something wasn’t right.
“What’s wrong Dylan?” I asked.
“Nothing Mon, just leave it for now, ok?” he said harshly.
I felt an instant sting of hurt at the tone of his voice. When he realised that he had hurt me, he turned and wrapped his arms around me, and ran his fingers through my hair.
“I’m sorry Mon, there is just shit going on, it will work itself out, come on let’s get you off to school ok?” he said.
I didn’t believe Dylan. Normally I believed him when he said everything was going to be ok, but this time I didn’t. Something didn’t feel right. Something felt very wrong. But I didn’t know what it was.
Chapter Six.
I went to school that day in a sombre mood, Dylan had tried to make small talk on the way, but I just wasn’t interested. I felt like something was being kept from me. When Dylan came and picked me up from school, he leaned over and brushed my cheek with his lips, but his smile and eyes weren’t the same. I could see that something was wrong. We drove home in silence; it felt like Dylan tried to say something several times but couldn’t find the right words to say.
When we pulled into the driveway, Tilly was standing on the front step, her arms crossed, and a worried look on her face. Panic started to fill me, as I got the sense something bad was going down. She came to the passenger door to meet me, blocking my exit out. I braced myself for what was about to come, I half expected her to punch me in the face, the look on her face made think she knew what had been going on between Dylan and I. But when I looked into her eyes, they told a different story. Her eyes weren’t angry, they were concerned.
“Mon, before you go inside I need to tell you something” she said.
Dylan slammed the driver’s door the violence of it shook the whole car, the irritation on her face smoothed when she looked back at me. I frowned with confusion as I couldn’t read in her face what she wasn’t telling me.
“Dad’s out of jail Mon” she said.
I shrugged, I didn’t care. I wanted nothing to do with that no hoping drug dealing piece of filth. Tilly shook her head in frustration, and grabbed my arms.
“He’s inside”
I looked at her blankly.
“Inside where, the house, you mean here?” I said, my anger began to boil, and I could feel my head begin to throb.
Tilly nodded her head; I pushed her arms off me as I swung my legs out of the car. I slammed the door and felt it reverberate up my arm. I was angry, but I didn’t know why. I couldn’t find reason for my anger, maybe it was selfishness, not wanting this man to come in and blow up my little bubble that I had found myself in. As I stomped into the house, I threw my bag down onto the hallway floor, making sure not to look in the lounge room. I could feel his stinking presence in there. I started to walk into my room.
“Mon, please come in here” I heard that gravelly voice that I hadn’t thought about since the day I saw my mum dead on the floor.
I spun on my heel; fury was coursing its way through my veins as I stared at him. There on the couch sat a small fragile old man, his muscles sagging under his shirt, his hair or what was left of it white and wiry. I stood just in the doorway; I caught movement at the corner of my eye and saw Dylan standing in the kitchen door. He watched me, concern all over his face. This is what was wrong; he knew my father was coming back. I tightened my hands into fists, suddenly angry at Dylan for not telling me, for not giving me the heads up.
My dad stood up
and walked towards me, his arms out, as he embraced me. I left my arms by my side, my hands still in fists. His hug was tight and uncomfortable. I felt so stifled, as memories of my mother’s dead body on the floor flooded back, Dylan’s hug had been so tender and safe, in my dad’s arms I didn’t feel the same, and I felt that I was in danger with this man.
“I’m sorry love, I’m sorry; I really didn’t know that it was a bad batch”
I snorted in disgust.
“You’re sorry that it was a bad batch, but you’re not sorry that you ever even gave her the stuff, you disgust me” I screamed, breaking out of his arms.
I turned and ran towards the door, where Tilly stood, I pushed past her, and ran out the front door, and I ran as fast as I could. I needed to be away, I needed to be gone.
I heard the grumble of the panel van from behind me, but I didn’t turn to look, I didn’t slow down. The last thing I wanted was Tilly or my dad in the car with Dylan. I didn’t want to speak to any of them; I wanted nothing to do with any of them. The car sidled up next to me.
“Mon, stop, please, just stop” Dylan’s voice said.
I glanced over and could see that he was on his own. I slowed down to a walk, but didn’t stop. I heard the car shut down, and the door open. I kept walking, but soon felt Dylan grab my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, as they began to flow in waves. Dylan never said a word, he just held me tight in his arms, and let my sobs come. Tears not only for the loss of my mum, but for everything that had happened, my life, everything that I had missed out on, every situation I had been put in because of who my parents were, tears just flowed and finally I was able to feel some release.
When the tears gave way to nothing more than sniffles, I looked up at Dylan.
“I love you Mon”
My heart skipped a beat, and the now recognisable flutter down between my legs grew more intense. His scent was overwhelming, the strength of his arms around me felt so protective.
“I love you too” I said, unable to control the words that came out of my mouth.
He smiled and kissed the top of my head, I looked down at his shirt and could see my tears had caused a big wet patch on his chest, I patted it and laughed. He shrugged, and led me back to the car. We drove around for a bit, before going home. But I knew that with Dylan by my side, I could face the world and what it threw at me.
Tilly had turned the outside light on and I could see the shadows of the two of them in the lounge room through the window. Dylan squeezed my hand.
“You ready?” he said a frown had covered his face.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was coming back Dylan?” I asked, a fresh batch of tears building up.
“I didn’t know how to, I hate this, this man is bad news, he won’t bring anything good” he said as he stared up into the window.
I could see Tilly’s silhouette as she peered through the window and looked out at us. I nodded, and squeezed his hand tight, as I opened the car door I sucked in a deep breath, while I built the courage to go back in and face what I’d grown to hate.
Tilly met us at the front door, she leant forward to kiss Dylan, who brushed her off, and shoved past her. She frowned and grunted, then returned back to the lounge and flopped onto the couch next to dad. Dylan moved into the kitchen and I could hear him banging cupboards.
“Are you hungry Mon?” Tilly asked, her voice sounded nice, but her face was back to that look of hatred.
I shook my head.
“You’ve got to eat something, look how skinny you are” she laughed.
“Leave her alone Tilly, she’ll eat when she wants to eat” Dylan spat.
Tilly spun to the kitchen door, and gave Dylan a death stare.
“Well what the fuck is wrong with you?” Tilly snapped.
“I think you’re well aware of what is wrong with me”
Dylan moved off the door way, and brushed past Tilly with a grunt of anger. I turned to watch him go into his room, and without looking back he kicked the door shut. I looked over at where my dad sat on the couch, he stared at the carpet, his hands fidgeted and he was obviously uncomfortable. With a frustrated sigh, Tilly flopped down on the couch next to dad. I shook my head, lost for words.
“Are you going to storm off too?” Tilly snapped as she stared at me.
I rolled my eyes. Tilly sounded just like mum, nothing was good enough.
“Tilly, please, let her be, it’s not been easy on her” dad said sadly, Tilly grunted a half snort.
I eased my way into the chair, and suddenly realised the pain that was in my legs from my running. I had become so tired, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, and not wake up for a week.
“I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed, night Tilly; night dad” I said, as I stood up and headed towards my room.
That night, sleep came easily, it was a dreamless night, and when I woke the next morning, I felt more refreshed than I had in many weeks.
Chapter Seven.
Throughout the week, I tried my hardest to avoid my dad and Tilly. Dylan would take me and pick me up from school. After school we would sneak out somewhere and be all over each other’s bodies in the back of his van. When we got home on the Friday night, we could see other cars parked in the driveway. I recognised Michael and Shelly’s Volkswagen. I looked over at Dylan who frowned. My stomach sunk. I reached over and took Dylan’s hand. He looked at me, and touched my face.
“We’ll do it together ok?” he said, as he kissed me on the cheek.
“Hey you too, you gonna come in and join this party or what?” I heard the familiar shriek of Shelly.
I sighed as I got out of the car, and walked solemnly up to the front step, I didn’t want to go inside, and wished I had somewhere else to go. I wished I could run away with Dylan and not come back. As we got to the front step, Shelly wrapped her arm around me and hung off my shoulders, Michael came out, beer in hand.
“Hey you two, yer missin’ all the fun” he said, as he took Dylan’s hand in his gnarled dirty hand and shook it firmly.
“Glad to have yer dad back squirt?” he asked as he tussled my hair.
I just smiled in response, because they just weren’t ready to hear the truth. Shelly dropped her arm off my shoulders, as Michael took hold of my hand, holding me back from entering the front door.
“We need to talk Mon” he said. He looked down at me, his eyes unreadable.
“What about?” I asked, as I tried to read the look on his face.
“Your mum” he ran his hand over his face, and I felt my stomach drop. I didn’t want to talk about my mum. She was gone, and I didn’t want to hear anything more about her.
“What about her” I said.
Before he had a chance to answer, I saw my dad come to the front door; his face was twisted into a frown. Michael shook his head, and left me standing on the step as he went into the lounge room.
“What was that about?” Dad asked as he reached me.
“Nothing” I said.
As I went inside, I could see on the table the array of drugs, and that familiar smell of dope hit my nostrils as I rounded the hallway. Sitting on the floor, legs sprawled out in front of her, bong bubbling away, was Chantelle; she gazed up at me and waved unsteadily. I forced a tight lipped smile. I could feel that familiar feeling of disgust build up.
On the couch sat Tilly. Dad moved past me and sat with a beer between his knees, next to Tilly, he gave Michael a hard stare, but Michael seemed to refuse to meet his eyes. Tilly looked over at me and smiled, I could see by the redness of her eyes that she had, had her fair share of marijuana.
“Well here she is, her royal highness” she spat with contempt.
I raised my eyebrow. As everyone in the room laughed, I shrugged and began to leave.
“You see, too fucking good for us, royal fucking highness” Tilly yelled.
I forced the tears down, as I opened my bedroom door. I looked down the hall to see Dylan, he
watched me with his face full of concern. I stayed in my room, and listened to the laughter that roared from the lounge room. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I imagined it was stories of my mum. I wasn’t interested in hearing it. I heard the knock on my door as the door opened a crack. Dylan’s head peeked around the corner, he smiled when he saw that I was still awake a book wedged under my chin.
“You ok?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Dylan, what made you fall in love with Tilly, you’ve never done drugs, she screams at you, you seem to have nothing in common?” I asked.
Dylan shrugged as he sat down on my bed next to me, he began to rub my leg, and his touch was soft and felt delicious on my bare skin.
“I don’t know, maybe it was all just to be able to meet you”
I laughed, his smile lit up his face, and his eyes began to dance.
“We should sneak out, run away” he said.
“How, they will hear us?”
Dylan shrugged again. It would have been nice though to run away and never come back. He leaned over and kissed my lips, as he searched out my tongue with his. I fell into his arms, and kissed him back hungrily. I heard a movement at the door, and opened my eyes, to see my dad’s face, his brows pulled into a tight frown. I pulled away from Dylan, as my dad moved off. A mixture of fear and excitement pulsed its way through my veins. I had no idea what my dad thought, I didn’t know if he would tell Tilly, I just knew I had to get out of there, away from the stink of bong smoke, away from Tilly and Shelly’s high pitched giggles, away from the memories of my dad, just away to be alone with the man I had fallen so deeply in love with.
“Let’s go” I said, as I grabbed Dylan’s hand and lead him out the back door.
When the car fired to life, I saw Michael look through the window. We backed out the driveway fast and sped up the road, and away into freedom. We drove aimlessly, with no particular place to go and soon found ourselves at the beach. When I wound down the window, I could smell the oceans salty air mixed with fast food shops and seaweed. We sat in the car, looking out at the blue waves as they caressed the sands edge, Dylan’s hand entwined with mine. As we watched the world go by, and the freedom, the freedom that you get only by being with the one you love.
