“Because you’re the Beta,” Kurt suggested. “The need must be stronger for you.”
“Then I don’t want to be Beta anymore,” Cash said. His voice was low.
“You don’t have a choice,” Kurt reminded him. Cash stared at Kurt, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, Cash turned toward the main road. He had only thing on his mind.
“I’ll be back,” he said to Kurt.
“Where are you going?” Kurt demanded.
“To get myself under control,” Cash answered.
Chapter 3
Cash
After running through the woods for an hour, Cash finally was able to push his bear down and shift back into his human form. He started to head back to the compound, and with each step he felt his heart rate start to pick up, sending a slight shiver throughout his body. Fuck, he thought. He knew that just being near Kurt and Scarlett was now affecting him, causing his bear to lose control, but he had to head back at least and grab some clothes. Whenever Cash shifted, he usually ended up losing whatever clothing he was wearing. At first, it caused a lot of problems. Over the years though, Cash learned to shift near the compound, so he was able to get back inside.
Cash ducked out quickly from the tree line and quietly snuck back into the compound hoping that he would not see anyone. His mind was still fractured from the shift, and he didn’t trust his temper would allow him to keep his bear at bay. Just being at the compound was starting to be a struggle. Cash rushed and grabbed the first thing he saw from his room to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Once Cash was back in clothes, he slipped back out into the night and stopped into the closest bar near the compound. It was a small, run-down pub on the outskirts of town. Cash had been there countless times before, and even more so in the last several months. Alcohol was quickly becoming the only way to numb his senses. He opened the door almost pulling it from its frame causing the whole wall to rattle. Several eyes shot up to him, but he just ignored them and went straight to the bar. The bartender, a harmless old man, nodded and immediately poured him a double shot of whiskey. A hint of a smile formed on Cash’s lips. Cash grabbed the shot and nodded at the bartender and downed it in one gulp. Cash reveled in the warm liquid as it slid down his throat. He loved the burn of whiskey. Cash placed the shot glass on the bar top and silently tapped it for another. The bartender poured it without a word. Over the last few months, they had a developed and unspoken understanding of one another.
Cash drank for a few hours. With each shot his heart beat slowed, causing a sense a calm to wash over his tense muscles. Within no time, he managed to drink his way through an entire bottle. As a bear shifter, Cash’s body could burn off alcohol quicker than regular humans. He could drink for days without getting drunk, but that never stopped him from trying. While most people lost control when they drank, Cash did the opposite.
The longer he drank, the more he could hold off his animalistic impulses. His anger never left, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. He focused on the burning liquid sliding down his throat and on his ever-growing desire.
As the night drug on, Cash began to look around the bar. It was almost the last call, and he needed to find someone soon. With his need to mate pulsing through his body earlier, he needed to let out some sexual steam to finally feel normal again. The first woman he saw was a tall, leggy blonde standing by the door. She was talking to her friends, her face hidden in the shadows. Cash’s eyes trailed hungrily up her legs until they reached her perfectly shaped ass. He grinned to himself and climbed off his barstool. He crossed the room quickly.
“Hey,” he said. The woman turned around, and Cash immediately recognized her. Shit, he thought. Her name was Tracy. He slept with her two weeks earlier. Things did not end well between them when she woke up as he was trying to sneak out of her room.
“Hello again,” Tracy said. Her voice was cold. “Can I help you?”
“Um no,” Cash said quickly. He shook his head awkwardly and went back to the bar. The bartender poured him another shot and smiled sympathetically. Cash clenched his fists as he felt his body shiver as his bear bristled beneath the surface.
As he sat at the bar, Cash looked around slowly. He cursed under his breath as his eyes fell on one woman after another. Sitting at a table behind Tracy were Melissa and Heather. Cash slept with them both last week. Two tables away sat Trish and Justin. Cash had a one night stand with Trish after Justin cheated on her. From the way, they were leaning toward each other, they were clearly back together.
Cash realized too late that this bar was only known to locals. There wasn’t a single woman there he hadn’t already hooked up with. Cash rolled his shoulders back in a failed attempt to relieve some tension in them and closed out his tab. With it being close to the last call he wouldn’t find time to go to another bar nearby. He harshly pushed open the door and stepped out into the cold night air.
***
Back at the compound Cash bypassed his cabin and went straight to the common area. There was no way that he would be able to sleep right now. Not with how much his skin tingled with trying to contain his anger. The entire walk back, Cash shook with repressed rage and desire. He could feel blood pumping faster and faster through his veins. If he weren't careful, he would shift, and there was no way he’d be able to control himself. An angry bear was hard to contain, and even though Kurt was the Alpha, Cash feared his animal instincts were getting stronger. More and more, Cash was beginning to give himself over to the bear inside of him.
In the past, when Cash changed he could maintain control. His body was beast, but his mind was still human. Even when he lost control and shifted, he still thought like himself. He could run into the woods and hide out until he changed back into his human form. He had control over his bear, and there was no way for anyone ever to get hurt.
Lately, though, Cash could tell something was different. When he gave into his bear side, he could still hear his human thoughts, but they were faint. It was as if he was speaking to himself from across a raging river. He could still hear his voice, but it was starting to become muffled, and he could barely make out the words. With each transition, Cash’s human self seemed to drift further away, and it was starting to scare the hell out of him.
Kurt had told Cash stories of other clans going through similar problems. In rare circumstances, some of the bears would never find their true mates, after their mating instinct kicked in, and their bear would eventually take over full control of their body and mind. As much as Cash loved and cared for his clan, he would never allow himself to become a burden like that to them. He would leave them before that happened. He just hoped he would know before it was too late.
As Cash rummaged in a cabinet for another bottle of whiskey, hoping to numb his senses, he heard the common room door slam shut. His muscles tightened, and he whirled around defensively. The room was dark, almost pitch black. Cash’s shifter senses kicked in and his eyes quickly adjusted to make out a shadow moving toward him.
“Who’s there?” he demanded. His voice was low and full of authority.
“It’s just me,” a voice said. A young man stepped out of the shadows with his hands raised defensively.
“Reid,” Cash said and tried to relax his muscles. Reid was one of the newest members of the clan. “What are you doing out here this late?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Reid shrugged, as he ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair. “Then I saw you come in here. Thought I’d see what’s up.”
“Nothing,” Cash said too quickly. “You should go back to bed.”
“Or we could share that,” Reid said with a smirk. He pointed to the bottle in Cash’s hand. Cash looked down at the bottle and then back up at Reid. Reid smiled at him brightly. There was no harm in having a drink with him was there? As long as he kept his bear under control, everything would be okay.
“Whatever,” Cash said. He walked over to the nearest table and pulled out a chair. Reid sat across fro
m him.
Cash opened the bottle and took a long swig. He savored the feeling as it fell into his stomach. He drank another gulp. Then another, before he slid the bottle over to Reid. Reid grabbed the bottle quickly and mimicked Cash. He took a huge swig and immediately choked. He pushed the bottle away and coughed.
“Slow down,” Cash said, letting out a small laugh. “It’s not going anywhere.”
“Yeah,” Reid said. His face was red with embarrassment. “Let me try again.”
Cash handed Reid the bottle and watched as he took a tiny sip. Reid winced as it went down his throat, but he didn’t cough. Cash chuckled again to himself. At barely eighteen, Reid was the youngest member of the clan. Cash could easily tell that he never drank whiskey before.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” Cash assured him. “Technically, you aren’t even legally old enough to drink.”
“I don’t think laws apply to us anymore,” Reid said with a harshness to his tone. Being so new to the clan, Reid was just getting used to all of the changes. Cash had actually been surprised and how quickly he seemed to adapt to everything. But now it appeared that reality might be hitting him that his whole life was now drastically different.
“Or maybe they apply more now,” Cash argued. “Who knows.”
“After what the government did to us, the least they could do is let us drink,” Reid said.
“I agree with you there, kid,” Cash said. “I’d kill them all with my bare hands if I could.” As soon as the words left his lips, he knew that they were true. Silence permeated around them. Cash reached for the bottle and took another long swig. He placed it back on the table and pushed it over to Reid.
“Why haven’t we?” Reid asked quietly.
“What?” Cash looked at Reid with narrowed eyes.
“We could, couldn’t we?” Reid asked with more power in his voice. “There are enough of us.”
“No,” Cash said sternly. “There aren’t. Remember that.”
“But…” Reid began.
“But nothing,” Cash snapped. Cash’s temper was wearing thin. “Look at what they already did to us, Reid. They made us monsters and then sent us to live in these compounds with our own kind. The humans know about us, and they just think we’re cuddly little cubs. If we tried to get revenge, they would kill us. All of us.” Cash gritted his teeth.
“Okay, okay,” Reid said as he held his arms up in surrender. “It was just a thought.”
“It’s okay,” Cash sighed. He shook his head slowly and took another drink. “We’ve all gone there before.” Cash looked over at Reid, and for a moment he felt bad for him. He was so young, and those fuckers had somehow convinced him to take part in the experiments. The rest of the bears in the clan were at least in their mid 20’s.
Since Cash’s transition and becoming part of the clan, he couldn’t argue with Reid questioning if they should fight back. Hell, he thought about fighting back several times. But he knew that if those doctors had enough science to turn them into what they were, then they would have the ability to end them just as easily. No matter how strong they were. It wasn’t worth the risk.
“Has this mating thing happened before, too?” Reid asked, pulling Cash from his thoughts. He held his hand out for a drink. Cash gave him the bottle.
“What do you mean?” Cash asked. His body tensed slightly.
“Everyone being on edge,” Reid explained. “Kurt told us it was because of our biological need to mate. Most of the guys seem okay now. Things are calm again, but I know some of them still feel it.”
“Yeah,” Cash said. “Some of us do.” Cash tightened his fists and started to take slow steady breaths.
“Has it happened before?” Reid asked again.
“Not here,” Cash said. “Not in our clan.”
“Is it bad?” Reid’s question was low. Cash barely heard him.
“Is what bad?” Cash asked.
“Needing a mate,” Reid said. “I don’t feel like it everyone else. Not as strongly, anyway.”
“You’re young,” Cash said. His voice was short. Clipped. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “That’s probably why. It’ll get stronger as you age.”
“Is it strong for you?” Reid asked.
“It’s manageable.” Cash was growing more impatient by the second. He knew Reid didn’t mean anything, but all his questions were causing him to lose his control.
After months of being on edge, Cash knew that any small thing could push him over the edge. He had to be on guard constantly, or he would risk slipping up. As Beta, he couldn’t afford to make that mistake.
“Doesn’t seem like such a big deal, you know?” Reid laughed. “It’s just a girl. Not the end of the world.” Cash’s pulse quickened and he a contained a growl threatening to escape his throat.
“It’s not just a girl,” Cash said through clenched teeth. “It’s the girl. Our bodies are trying to force us to find our true mate. Just like Kurt and Scarlett.”
“But why would you want just one girl when you can have them all,” Reid said with a sly grin. Cash rolled his shoulders back. All of his thoughts of sympathy for Reid dissipated. Reid was just a cocky 18-year-old without a care in the world. Meanwhile, Cash had to deal with fighting with his bear every single day.
“It’s not like that,” Cash said. “All the girls in the world won’t satisfy our desire. Trust me; I’ve tried.
“Maybe you guys just aren’t trying hard enough,” Reid laughed. Cash looked up at him with a glare. His heart raced uncontrollably, and his forehead was sweating with exertion. It took every ounce of Cash’s strength not to change.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he hissed. “This isn’t some game.”
“I’m just saying,” Reid said. “That maybe if we got some more girls to come to the compound, then…”
Cash’s fists unclenched, and he leaped to his feet. His body was shaking. His control was gone, and all he saw was red. He tried to growl a warning at Reid to run, but it was too late. In an instant, he shifted into his bear form and flung the table out of the way. Without thinking, Cash threw himself at Reid who barely had time to shift before Cash was on top him. Cash’s bear towered over Reid’s smaller form.
Reid whimpered and clawed at Cash’s back, but Cash was too strong. He pinned Reid down and swiped at his face. Blood seeped through Reid’s light brown coat. He roared in pain and thrashed at Cash even harder. Reid’s claws connected with Cash over and over again, but Cash didn’t feel a thing. In the back of his mind, Cash heard his muffled voice yelling at him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen.
It wasn’t until another; louder roar echoed through the room that Cash stopped tearing at Reid. A pulse of power shot through Cash’s body, causing Cash to pull himself back. Cash paused just long enough for Reid to lunge forward and push his way out from underneath him. Finally, free, Reid stumbled to the side. He didn’t make it far before he collapsed on the ground whimpering in pain. He shifted back to his human form, and his face was still bleeding heavily.
A huge bear with an almost black coat charged toward Cash. Cash braced himself for another fight, but before he could the bear switched directions and hit him from the side. He knocked him to the ground and stood over him. The bear snarled down at him causing waves of power to crash into his body. The growls continued until Cash’s human form reemerged. Once Cash was back to himself, the bear slowly shrank down. Kurt stood above Cash with a murderous expression.
Cash hadn’t realized that other members of their clan were in the common room, but he looked around slightly and watched each of them shift back. Once everyone was back to their human forms, a group of guys ran forward and helped Reid to his feet.
“Get him out of here,” Kurt ordered. “Patch him up. I’ll be there soon.”
They flew from the room with Reid supported between them. As they passed, Cash got a look at the damage he caused to Reid, and he felt his heart plummet to his stomach. Cash never meant
to hurt the kid.
“Kurt…” Cash began. He was still shaking and sweating. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done.
“This has gone too far,” Kurt said. His face was full of anger, but his voice was weaker than ever. “You hurt a clan member, Cash. You could have killed him!”
“I didn’t mean…” Cash began. He couldn’t think of anything to say.
“You need to leave,” Kurt said.
“Leave?” Cash asked as panic gripped his chest. “You’re banishing me?”
“No!” Kurt yelled. “I can’t banish you! You are the Beta of this clan, but you can’t keep living like this. Getting drunk every night. Sleeping around. Losing control of your form. And now, you almost killed the youngest member of the clan! Cash, you’re losing your damn mind!”
“I know!” Cash growled. “I know! I can’t stop it. I don’t know what to do anymore!”
“You need to find your mate,” Kurt said with a sigh. “That’s the only thing that will stop this.”
“How do I do that?” Cash asked. “I can’t just walk off the compound and stumble across…”
“Bear Ridge Resort,” Kurt said. “It’s where I met Scarlett.”
“I know, but…”
“There’s no buts,” Kurt interrupted. His voice was no longer weak. He spoke firmly. “We aren’t the first clan this has happened to. That’s why I went to the resort. To find a mate. There are islands designed to match men like us with their true mates. Other clans have lost control the same way you are now. Go. Find her.”
“Who created these islands?” Cash demanded. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, even though he already knew the answer.
“The government put them together once they realized what was happening…”
“No,” Cash shook his head firmly. “I won’t let them control another part of my life. I won’t.” They already took so much from him. He would not allow them to dictate this too. He would find his mate his own way or lose himself trying.
Furever Always (Furever Series) Page 9
