Short Spurts

by Rob Rosen

  On the bright side, I always did oh-so-love German men, and Germany chose my home state of California to resettle in. Too bad, by that point in time, the rest of the world oh-so-hated any and all Americans. In other words, though we now had to live with one another, we didn’t have to like it. Or even pretend to.

  As for the aliens, once they demonstrated their military might and then informed us of their plans, we only ever had verbal contact with them. Naturally, rumors immediately began to spread as to what they looked like. I, personally, was hoping for the little-green-men scenario to pan out, as it was high time to add to our rather boring pallet of white, black, brown, red, and yellow.

  What I wasn’t counting on, however, was a firsthand encounter.

  Or a first-cock encounter, as was the case.

  I’d been standing naked in my bedroom, casually stroking a fat boner while I spied on my new German neighbor through a gap in my blinds. Hans didn’t believe in rolling up his shades or wearing clothes when he was home. With a small set of binoculars, I could easily watch him walk around his house, his hefty schlong swaying back and forth as he absentmindedly tugged on his foreskin.

  And that’s when I spotted it.

  Out of the corner of my eye—well, a corner of the lens, actually—I noticed a pinprick of bright light. I set the binoculars down and looked to my left, out to my backyard. My heart began a fast kerthump as I watched in stunned amazement while a small silver craft floated down and then silently landed. One minute it was a blip in the autumn blue sky, the next a parking violation.

  It seemed that E.T., apparently, didn’t feel the need to phone ahead. Still, I slipped on my robe, waited a few seconds for my prick to go semi, and then nervously walked outside. Sure, I was scared as hell, but equally just as curious. So much speculation had been swirling about as to their appearance, and I was about to find out the truth, even if it killed me.

  “Oh, please don’t kill me,” I mumbled to myself as the door to the ship slid up.

  Out of the inner light he appeared, dressed all in white and, much to my surprise, very unalien looking. In fact, he looked human.

  “Trick or treat, earthling?” he said, a broad smile plastered across his handsome face as he emerged from his ship and walked over, his hand held out in greeting.

  “Oh, um, yeah,” I replied, my own hand trembling as I shook his. “Welcome to, uh, New Jersey.”

  He looked around my leaf-littered yard, his head at a tilt. “What was the old Jersey like?”

  I laughed, despite the circumstances, which, if not dire, were at least pretty odd, at best. “A lot less polluted and not as much traffic, I suppose,” I answered, releasing his hand as I stood back to get a good look at him. And, my, he did indeed look good. “So, what brings you to my humble home? If you were looking for Manhattan, you missed it by a couple of exits.”

  Again, he smiled with those dazzling pearly whites. “I was scanning this area when my sensors picked up a certain heat level I was seeking to study.”

  I glanced at my outdoor Jacuzzi, and said, “Well, it is heated, but I bet your technology goes way beyond blowing bubbles.”

  He laughed, emitting a deep rumble that ran up and down my spine and sent my balls swaying. “No, earthling. The heat my ship sensed came from there.” He pointed to the center of my robe, which he quickly unknotted and parted. I could feel the blush spread rapidly up my neck and across my cheeks as he waved his slender finger at my flaccid penis. “Before I arrived, I believe this area was in a state of arousal. I seek to study this.”

  I closed my robe up tight. “You want to study my dick?”

  He nodded his head. “In general, yes. Human sexual behavior, in particular. You see, our world was exceedingly far away from yours, so that while we know about your planet, we know little about the creatures that roam it.” He eyed me as he smiled. “Seems we were mistaken as to your appearance.” He touched my boltless neck and fangless mouth. My cock went boing.

  “You look remarkably like us,” I replied.

  “Yes, this does seem to be the case. The building blocks of life are similar from planet to planet. Our two worlds must have evolved much in the same way, hence our physical similarities. Our evolution, however, started many millennia before your own.”

  “Which is why you were so easily able to take over our world, and all we could do was allow it.”

  His smile wavered. “Trust me, earthling, it was the only way.”

  “And now you’re here to anal probe me and dissect my bloody carcass,” I said, mustering as much indignation as possible. Which, not too surprisingly, was very little, given that he was a superior being and I was nearly naked in my backyard, my only gun of the water variety.

  In any case, his smile returned. “No, just to study your sexual behavior. I wish to learn if our similarities run merely skin deep.”

  I echoed his smile with one of my own. “I don’t know,” I said, before seductively adding, “You’re not really showing all that much skin, deep or otherwise.” He responded by reaching for the zipper at the top of his suit. I quickly stopped him. “Wait!” I shouted. “Please, it’s bad enough that your ship is in my backyard; adding a naked alien to the mix is sure to bring out a team of unruly Enquirer reporters.”

  He pressed a button on his lapel. The ship shimmered and promptly went invisible. He then strode into my house as I followed close behind. “Better?” he asked.

  “Almost,” I replied, reaching for the zipper and gliding it down. I parted the suit and slid it around his shoulders, revealing a finely-toned chest and rock-solid abs, all covered in a thick, brown down. Again, he reached for my robe, this time dropping it to the floor. My hands instinctively roamed his torso. His did the same to mine. “Well, top part’s identical,” I made note.

  “Yes, earthling, but I’m afraid the bottom is quite different.”

  I gulped. “Different? Oh, please tell me you have a penis tucked away in there.”

  His eyes, blue as the sky he emerged from, twinkled. He looked down at my rod, which was already engorged and throbbing, and held it in his hand, sending a warm flush through my crotch and down my now shaking legs. “Yes,” he said. “Like you, my sexual organs are of the male variation.” He confirmed this by slipping his hands into his suit and yanking it down to the ground. “But we, you see, have two to your one.”

  I sucked in my breath as my eyes landed on both of his cocks, each of which was already growing, thickening, widening, inch by steady inch, until they were jutting out from his magnificent hirsute body a good eight fat ones, one pointing eastward, the other west. “There’s an old Earth saying,” I quipped, once I regained my senses. “It goes: two heads are better than one.”

  He took both of his hands and stroked both of his dicks, and then explained, “Our scientists believe we evolved with two sexual organs in order to allow for multiple partners, which in turn allows for multiple pregnancies. More pregnancies mean more offspring. Survival of the species. Except that we no longer have offspring. Instead, we clone ourselves as need be, always keeping the population at a steady level. And now we only have sex for the enjoyment of it.”

  I reached down and began a slow stroke on my measly single peter. “Ironically, on this planet, my kind pretty much only has sex for the enjoyment of it, too.”

  “Your kind?” he asked, again tilting his head like a confused puppy.

  “Homo Homo Sapiens. In other words, a human male that only makes it with other males.”

  “Ah, I see. We do not practice this on my planet. May I watch you do this and learn from you?”

  I looked down at both of his massive schlongs and thought of my one tight hole. Then I glanced up and caught sight of my hunky, naked German neighbor across the way. “Two cocks, two holes,” I whispered, not even sure that Hans would be interested in either, but figured it was worth a shot to find out—for interplanetary peace and all. And in the interest of science. Not to mention that both guys were super-hot and I
was super-horny.

  So I put my robe back on and handed my alien friend one from the bathroom closet. Then I grabbed his hand in mine and headed him over to my neighbor’s house, where I proceeded to knock on his door and wait. Hans answered by poking his handsome head out. “Yes, may I help you?” he asked in a sexy, thick accent that dripped of Oktoberfest and schnitzel.

  I was clearly in uncharted territory and decided that honesty would probably be best. “Um, yeah. Um, hi, Hans. I’m Luke, your next-door neighbor. And this is, this is…”

  “Spandex,” the alien informed.

  I giggled but pressed on. “Yes, Spandex. He’s one of the aliens, and he wants to watch us have sex.” To which I quickly added, “For the sake of alien science, of course.”

  Hans’s jaw dropped only slightly. “This is American joke, yes? Perhaps that show Punk’D I watch on reruns.”

  I opened my robe for him, my cock already beginning its gradual lift. “No joke,” I said.

  Spandex followed suit and opened his robe. “No joke,” he added.

  The jaw dropped entirely as Hans’s eyes went from my hard-on to the alien’s, both of them. Then he opened the door to reveal his magnificent naked glory. “For science then,” he announced, a mischievous smirk spreading across his handsome stubbled face. “Please, come in.” Though, of course, all I heard was that “come” part.

  Spandex and I stepped inside, and Hans closed the door behind us. Then we dropped our robes, the three of us standing there, naked and, a mere few seconds later, hard.

  “Commence,” the alien commanded.

  We, of course, obeyed. Gladly. I wrapped my hands around Hans’s thin waist and pulled him toward me. His soft lips were on mine in a flash as his deft tongue found my own. Our cocks pressed up against our bellies and our hands roamed each other’s backs and rumps as we made out in front of the ogling alien.

  “Interesting,” we heard him say. “On my planet, we do not do this thing you are doing with your mouths.”

  I separated my lips from Hans’s, still pressing my body tight up against him. “It’s called kissing. Here, try it,” I offered.

  Spandex walked over and slowly inched his head toward mine. Tentatively, he placed his lips on my lips. I frenched him while the German stroked the head of my cock. The alien moaned in delight and then moved on to my neighbor’s eager mouth. And then I joined the both of them, three mouths sucking and slurping as four cocks got stroked and tugged.

  “That is quite enjoyable,” Spandex soon said with a heavy sigh. “We only use this orifice for eating.”

  I grinned at Hans. “Then stand back and watch what else it can do,” I told him, dropping to my knees to take a deep draw on the head of my neighbor’s slick willy. He smelled of sweat and musk, a wonderful aroma that drew me in and around and down. I tugged on his hefty, hairy balls as I worked his tool down my throat. The German bucked his ass, sending his fat rod in and back. I gagged but managed to engulf almost all of him as a tear streamed down my cheek.

  Hans groaned and winked at the alien. “You’d like to try this, too?”

  Spandex nodded in rapt wonder as Hans grabbed my head and shoved it onto one of the alien’s massive cocks. Then my neighbor joined me on the floor and began a slow, steady suck on its twin, until we were both in sync, deep-throating the matching set while Spandex pumped our faces, the German and I fiddling with each other’s assholes from behind our backs.

  “Oh yes,” the alien moaned. “I guess my kind is not as advanced as I once thought.” He petted the tops of our heads and asked, “What else can your mouths do?”

  I prodded further into my neighbor’s hole. He quickly took the hint, popping the cock out of his mouth and getting on all fours. I released cock number two and turned to Hans’s upturned, perfect ass. I slapped each cheek in turn, the sound pinging in the small entryway, before spreading him apart to reveal a hair-rimmed, crinkled ring, which winked out at me, all come-hither like. “Nice,” I whispered, delving around and then deeper inside with my tongue, lapping eagerly at his silky man-hole.

  “Nice,” Hans echoed, pushing his ass into my face before inviting the alien to join us.

  Spandex crouched down and got on all fours as well, as did I, so Hans could eat out the alien’s ass while he in turn ate out mine, until the three of us formed an ass-munching triangle. “Nice,” Spandex groaned into my hole, thereby making it unanimous. “I did not know that an anus could be used for sexual gratification.”

  Hans laughed, and I watched as he slipped a wet finger up the alien’s hairy rump. “No?” he asked. “How is this for sexual gratification then?” One finger quickly became two, both of which reached in and back and began a slow fuck up Spandex’s stunningly beautiful rear end.

  “Oh,” the alien moaned, deep and low and rumbling. “Oh, yes. Yes, that feels very nice.” And he apparently felt like sharing the wealth because a second later, I felt two slender fingers entering my own ass, both of them quickly finding just the right depth and speed to send my cock into pulsing overdrive. Naturally, I returned the favor, fingering Hans’s tight hole with not two but three spit-slick digits, until all three of us were bucking and groaning on the floor, our asses being mercilessly worked as our cocks flopped between our parted legs.

  Spandex was panting faster. I wondered if he was close. If he was, I didn’t want him to come just yet. “Switch,” I said.

  “Switch?” the alien asked. “Into what? This is my only form.”

  I laughed. “No, I mean, switch positions.”

  I popped my fingers out of Hans’s ass. Hans did the same to Spandex. Spandex did the same to me. We all hopped up and moved in toward each other, our bodies meshed into a stroking, caressing, grabbing entanglement, until it was impossible to tell where one of us ended and the other of us began.

  Spandex sunk to his knees. We gazed down at him as he stared longingly at our cocks. “One has more skin on the end than the other one,” he said, a note of curiosity to his voice.

  I didn’t want to go into the drawn-out details of how sometimes we humans practice odd ancient rituals, and so instead, I said, “It’s colder in Germany, so my friend here needs a sort of sweater.”

  “Turtleneck sweater,” amended my neighbor with an endearing giggle.

  Spandex grinned and nodded. “Makes sense.”

  It did? I shrugged. Fine by me. Finer when he began to suck my cock while stroking Hans’s, his mouth surprisingly adept, considering he was a blowing neophyte. Up and down he went on my pole. In and out my cock appeared and disappeared, as a spark shot up my spine and a bead of sweat meandered its way down my chest.

  Out popped my prick, in went Hans’s. Spandex’s mouth was replaced by a hand. My balls bounced as the alien jacked me. I turned to Hans and grinned. “You know, I watch you walk around your house naked,” I told him.

  The smile rose northward on his face. “I know. It’s why I walk around the house naked.”

  My own smile joined his as we repositioned ourselves, both our cocks miraculously finding their way down Spandex’s throat at the exact same time. Chalk one up to evolutionary supremacy.

  “Switch,” Spandex eventually said, his breath now ragged and raspy.

  “What position would you like now?” I asked, eager to please our earthly visitor.

  Spandex’s mouth shrugged, but then his eyes again sparkled as he held up his finger. It must’ve been a universal sign for: I’ve got a great idea! “Would you earthlings like to go for a ride on my sexual organs?”

  Just what I’d been thinking. And Hans, too, apparently. He rushed out and back with two rubbers and a jar of Wet. The alien lay down on the ground, staring in confused amusement as my neighbor worked the condoms down both of his pricks before lubing them up. Were the rubbers necessary? I wondered. Then again, lord only knew what microbes the alien brought with him from deep space, and I for one was none too eager to wake up with a new kind of STD, like one that caused meteor-sized protrusions on my rather fe
tching nether regions. In any case, I quickly straddled Spandex’s right leg and Hans the left, the two of us facing the alien before us. Like magnets, three pairs of lips again found one another as we slowly squatted down, our assholes pressed snugly above the alien’s cock heads. We pushed our rumps and allowed yet another invasion, causing a flush of warmth to spread from my ass to my belly, making my already fat cock swell and throb and bounce. I opened my eyes to see a look of pure ecstasy spread across my neighbor’s face. “One small step for man…,” he whispered into my ear, taking my lobe between his teeth for a nibble.

  “Two giant cocks for our kind,” I finished the thought, reaching out to stroke Hans’s hooded cock, which was already leaking copious amounts of precome. I licked my sticky fingers as I raised and lowered my ass on Spandex’s massive second prick. Soon enough, the German and I were riding in tandem, filling the area around us with the sound of our rather loud grunts and groans.

  “I am close,” the alien eventually proclaimed, shoving his dicks to the hilts and causing both Hans and I to stroke our cocks faster, until we both tossed our heads back in unison. With deep, long sighs, we shot mammoth loads of hot, white, sticky come that landed on our new friend below, all while Spandex filled the rubbers and our asses with his own hefty loads.

  Panting, we both looked down at the alien, who we noticed was grinning as he wiped the sweat from his creaseless brow with one hand while sliding his other through the dripping remains of our interplanetary three-way. “So,” he finally said, “have you earthlings ever been to Africa? It really is beautiful this time of year. And wait until you see the giraffes!”

  I looked at the two of them and laughed. “UFO,” I quipped.