Savior of Regrets: A Mafia Romance Standalone (Verona Legacy Book 4)

by L A Cotton

  But did she want me enough?

  “Thank you, Matteo. This is beyond my wildest dreams.”

  “I’m just glad you agreed to come. Despite what you might think about me, about my family, I really do care about you, Cait.”

  She gave me a small nod before popping another strawberry in her mouth. The conversation was over, the second act about to start.

  But there were still so many things left unsaid.

  “I think that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Caitlin said as the lights came up. We hadn’t kissed again, but I’d held her hand right throughout the whole second act. Savoring every second with her that I could.

  I didn’t want the night to be over.

  Because deep down, I knew my grand gesture wasn’t enough to convince her to give me—to give us—a shot.

  We made our way back down to the SUV in thick silence. Caitlin was lost in her own thoughts, and I was too preoccupied with what came next.

  Luis greeted us right at the door, effortlessly guiding Caitlin into the back of the SUV while I followed. “How was it?” he asked, the second he climbed into the driver’s seat.

  “It was wonderful.” Caitlin let out a contented sigh, and I took her hand again, testing the waters.

  To my surprise, she didn’t pull away. But she refused to look at me, and that alone spoke volumes.

  “Tell me about it,” I prompted as the SUV’s engine purred beneath us.

  “About what?” Caitlin finally met my gaze.

  “Dancing.”

  “It was a long time ago.” Sadness bled into her expression.

  “You were a ballerina?”

  “I trained in ballet, along with other disciplines of dancing.”

  “Why did you stop?”

  “Why do we stop doing any of the things we love?” She let out a small sigh.

  “Caitlin, you can talk to me.” I gently squeezed her hand. “You can trust me.”

  It was the wrong thing to say.

  Caitlin snatched her hand from me and laid it in her lap, staring out of the window. Luis caught my eye in the rearview mirror, frowning.

  He’d come to care for Caitlin, anyone could see that. It was him and Arianne all over again.

  We rode in silence for the next ten minutes. I didn’t want to push her to talk about her past, but I had hoped tonight would be an olive branch. My cell vibrated and I dug it out of my pocket.

  So… did she love it?

  I smiled. I couldn’t help it. My sister was one hundred percent team Matteo and Caitlin. She’d even gone as far as to ship our names. Although I wasn’t sure Maitlin or Caitteo had a nice ring to it. But it was nice to know someone was rooting for us.

  She did.

  I texted back.

  That’s it? Seriously, Matt. You need to give me something else. Did you kiss her?

  Bella!

  What? I need to know these things. I like her and she’s good for you.

  “Let me guess,” Caitlin whispered. “Bella?”

  “She’s grilling me about my art of seduction.” I smiled, hoping to thaw some of the ice between us. “Joke,” I quickly added when she didn’t reply. “I’m joking.”

  “What are we doing, Matteo?” Caitlin’s eyes shuttered as she inhaled a shaky breath.

  “Well, I thought we were watching the ballet, but—”

  “Matt, I’m serious. This can’t work. You have to know that.”

  “You’re wrong, Cait.” I grabbed her hand again, refusing to let her go this time. I didn’t care that Luis could hear me, I needed to say this. I needed to make her see.

  “What I know is that I can’t stop thinking about you. I wake up and the first thing that pops into my head is you. I fall asleep with your face in my mind. Whenever we’re near, I want to touch you. It’s like my hands get a mind all of their own, needing to be close to you.”

  “Matt—”

  “No, Cait.” I pulled her hand to my chest, right over my heart. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it?” I stared at her, willing her to admit it. “Tell me you don’t feel it and I’ll walk away. You can stay in the cabin until DiMarco is taken care of and then you can go on your way. You’ll never have to see me again. If that’s what you want, then—”

  “I feel it.”

  Those three little words should have meant everything to me. But the pain in her eyes made my heart sink.

  “Why do I feel like there’s a big ‘but’ in there?”

  “You’re such a good man, Matteo.” Caitlin took my hand in hers. “But I’m…”

  “What, Caitlin? Just say it.” Put me out of my misery.

  She sucked in a ragged breath and forced a smile. “It doesn’t matter. Tonight was amazing. I’ll never forget it.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  And I let her.

  I didn’t argue or try to convince her.

  Because surely wanting someone to take a chance on you wasn’t supposed to be this hard?

  By the time we pulled up outside the cabin, Caitlin had fallen asleep on my arm.

  “Caitlin,” I whispered, gently nudging her. “We’re here.”

  “Huh?” She blinked up at me, confusion glittering in her eyes. “What time is it?”

  “A little after midnight. Wait here, okay?” I dropped a kiss on her head and climbed out of the SUV, going around the other side. Pulling the door open, I helped her out.

  “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

  “Don’t be,” I said, tucking her into the crook of my arm and guiding her inside. Luis made himself useful by lighting the fire while I walked Caitlin to her room.

  “Thank you for tonight,” I said.

  I’d hoped this night would end differently. That maybe she’d invite me to stay, and I’d get to taste her again. To do all the things I wanted to do to her.

  But I wouldn’t be that guy. I couldn’t.

  If she didn’t want all of me, then I had to accept that.

  “Are you okay getting inside?” I asked, jamming my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching for her.

  “Matt, I—”

  “It’s okay, Cait. I get it. You don’t want me.” At least not the way I wanted her to want me.

  “It isn’t… I’m sorry. I can’t—”

  “Shh, Tink.” Cupping the back of her neck, I drew her into me. “It’s okay.” I breathed against her temple. “I’m glad I could give you tonight.”

  “Matt.” Her fingers twisted into my shirt as we stood there, silently saying everything we couldn’t say aloud.

  “I think Bella wants to come and see you again tomorrow. But if you’d prefer, she doesn’t—”

  “No, I’d like that.” She gazed up at me and I wanted to believe the hunger in her eyes was for me.

  “Go. I’ll speak to Luis before I leave and let him know to expect Bella tomorrow.” I forced myself to take a step backward. “Good night, Caitlin.”

  “Good night.” She watched me back up down the hall before slipping into her room and closing the door.

  I let out a strained breath, running a hand over my jaw. I’d really thought tonight would change things for her.

  Feeling utterly defeated, I made my way into the living room.

  “You’re leaving?” Luis asked me.

  “Yeah, I think it’s best I go.” I moved for the door, pausing when I reached it. “Has she told you anything about her past?”

  “Not much, why?”

  “No reason,” I said. “Bella is going to drop by tomorrow. Keep your eye on her.”

  He nodded. “You have my word.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You know, Matteo, I’ve been around a while, and well, maybe I’ve learned a thing or two about women.”

  My hand paused on the door handle. “Really, old man?” I smiled but it was only a polite one.

  “Some women are so damaged by their pasts that they can’t see when a good thing is standing right in front of them. Th
ey’ll push you away, make you think they don’t want you… when deep down, all they really want is someone to fight for them. To chase them down until they have no choice but to face the truth.”

  “That’s… enlightening, Dr. Phil,” I teased.

  “It’s not your job to fix her, Matteo. It’s your job to care enough to help her fix herself.”

  I gave him a small nod before slipping into the inky night.

  Help her fix herself.

  I wanted nothing more. But in order to help her, she had to trust me enough to open up first.

  Not repeatedly shut me out.

  Chapter 23

  Caitlin

  “What is all that?” I gawked at the bags in Arabella’s hands.

  “I thought we could have a pamper day.”

  “A pamper day.” I blinked as she breezed past me as if we’d been doing this forever.

  Part of me wondered if it was weird that Matteo’s sister wanted to hang out with me, but the truth was, Bella was a ray of sunshine, and I enjoyed her company.

  So much so, I’d jumped at the chance to see her again.

  Strangely, being around her also made me feel close to Matteo. It was the sweetest kind of torture, being close to the most important person in his life, knowing that I’d always be on the outside looking in.

  But who could tell a bubbly, sweet sixteen-year-old no?

  Not me apparently.

  “Yeah, you know. Like face packs and manicures, and I got some of those truffles from the Chocolate Boutique in the city. I figured you could sneak me a glass or two of wine.” She waggled her brows.

  “One. One glass. I’m the responsible adult here. I take it Luis won’t be joining us?” I peered over her shoulder.

  “He’s walking the perimeter or polishing his Glock or whatever it is he does.”

  “Polishing his Glock,” I muttered under my breath, stifling the laughter bubbling up my throat.

  “You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes, dumping the bags on the chair. “So… how was last night?”

  “It was lovely.”

  “Lovely?” Bella balked. “Matteo bought you the best seats in the theater and you thought it was… lovely?”

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Okay, it was amazing. I loved every second.”

  How I’d felt watching the dancers flit across the stage was like no other feeling, and it touched something deep inside that Matteo had done that for me. But it was complicated.

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “What do you—”

  “I saw my brother today. He looked… sad.”

  “Oh.” My heart cinched.

  “I don’t get it. You’re perfect for each other.” She began unpacking all her pamper supplies while I fetched a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. Luis kept it well stocked thankfully.

  “One glass.” I slid it across the table to her.

  “I can keep a secret, you know.”

  “I’m sure you can.”

  “So what’s holding you back? I mean, anyone in the same vicinity as the two of you can feel it.” I frowned and she added, “The sexual tension.”

  “I’m not sure you’re supposed to be talking about sexual tension at your age.”

  “Please. I know what sex is, Cait.”

  “Are you… having sex?”

  “Oh my God, no! I’m saving myself.”

  “You are?”

  She shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I mean, I like guys. I have crushes and I even kissed a few guys at my school. But I’ve never felt it before.”

  “It?”

  “Yeah, that magical moment where the stars align and everything else fades into nothing and you’re the only two people left in the world.”

  “That’s beautiful.”

  I wish I had that. But my childhood had been filled with nothing but dark, desperate days. There had been no room for magic or stars aligning.

  “Some of my school friends think it’s silly. But I want what my mom and dad have, and Nicco and Ari, and Enzo and Nora. That once in a lifetime kinda love, you know?”

  “Then you should hold out.”

  Arabella beamed at me. I hadn’t really noticed before how much she sought validation. I guess it was a side effect of growing up in a family like theirs.

  “Okay, let’s do face packs first and then I’ll give you a manicure.”

  “Sounds good.” I accepted the packet from her and slid out the cool, refreshing face pack. “Hmm, it smells good enough to eat.”

  “Wait until you try a truffle. I make Matteo buy me some whenever he’s in the city.”

  Every time she mentioned his name my heart faltered. I’d been unfair to him last night, brushed off his affection after an amazing night together.

  It couldn’t have been more perfect. Yet, it still wasn’t enough for me to shake my fears. It was better this way, it was.

  Once the mess with DiMarco was rectified, they would send me on my way and Matteo would move on and find a girl who could meet him halfway. A girl who didn’t have copious amounts of baggage and a tragic backstory like me.

  Not one that could upend everything he and his family had worked for.

  “Caitlin, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  I didn’t realize she could see my expression with the face pack plastered to my skin, but Bella looked concerned.

  “I’m fine.” I forced my emotions back into their locked box, right where they needed to stay.

  She nodded, taking hold of my hand and slathering it in lotion. “I know I’m younger than you and that I’m Matteo’s sister, but you can talk to me, Cait. I would never betray your confidence.”

  “That’s very kind of you, but I’m okay. I promise.”

  For a second, she looked a little hurt at my unwillingness to open up to her. But it quickly melted away as she moved onto color options for my nails.

  “My friend Gisele would love you,” I mused.

  “Your friend from…”

  “How very sleuthy of you.” Laughter crinkled my eyes. “I worked with Gisele.”

  “Have you spoken to her? Maybe she can visit and we can—”

  My expression fell. “I don’t think that’ll be possible, Bella.”

  “I’m sure Matteo would arrange it if you asked. He cares about you, Cait. I know he does.”

  “It isn’t that simple.”

  Bella hesitated for a second and then she asked me four little words that made my stomach drop. “Are you in danger?”

  “I… I’m safe now, that’s all that matters.”

  Bella finished painting the nails on my first hand and placed the bottle of varnish down, sinking back against the chair. “Sometimes I hate this life. I hate that I’ll never be normal. I’ll never get to be just a normal sixteen-year-old girl. There’s always security, or my brother, or my cousins. It’s suffocating sometimes.

  “But then I feel guilty, because I know that some people have none of that. And I know that although they drive me crazy sometimes, my family would do anything for me.”

  Emotion balled in my throat as I swallowed down the tears burning the backs of my eyes. “You’re very lucky to have so many people who love you, Bella. Don’t ever take that for granted.”

  “I won’t.” She smiled, grabbed the varnish and started on my other hand.

  While I sat there wondering if she knew just how lucky she was.

  “Something smells good,” I said, joining Bella in the kitchen sometime later. I’d offered to make us something to eat, but she’d said she wanted to cook for us, so I indulged her.

  She made everything so easy.

  Too easy.

  Just like her brother, I could feel myself falling a little bit more in love with her every minute we spent together.

  “It’s one of my mama’s favorite recipes. Simple but delicious.” She put on her best Italian accent, laughing at herself.

  “Well, it smells good.”

  “I enjoy cooking. I
find it calming.”

  “And here I would have thought sixteen-year-old girls were into boys and makeup.”

  She glanced over at me and quirked a brow. “Weren’t you listening to anything I said earlier about my brother and cousins.”

  “It won’t be like that forever. Believe me, one day you’ll be a force they can’t control.”

  “Damn right I will.”

  “Although I’m surprised he hasn’t been blowing up your cell phone.”

  “Actually, I told him to give us some space.”

  “You did, huh?”

  “Yeah.” She grinned. “I’d like nothing more than to see you and my brother get together, Cait. You’re good for him. And I think he could be good for you too. But I also happen to think you’re really cool. I meant what I said before… I’d like for us to be friends.”

  I gave her a tight-lipped smile. “Can I help you do anything?”

  “Refill our wine glasses?” A smirk touched her lips.

  “Nice try, young lady. But I already let you have two glasses and I’m sure your brother will have something to say if I send you home drunk.”

  “Fine, I’ll have soda. And I think I saw some parmigiana in there. Grate some of that please.”

  “I can do that.” I got to work, topping up our glasses and locating a cheese grater.

  “You know, for all my family’s faults, I’ll always treasure memories of big family meals.” She smiled wistfully. “Before she died, my nonna loved to cook for everyone. It was always chaos, too many people and not enough seats. But we made it work.”

  “You’re very lucky, Bella.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “You didn’t. You can’t be sad over something you never had, right?” I gave her a strained smile.

  “You must have some nice memories of growing up?”

  “Nothing worth mentioning.” My chest grew tight, and I hoped she would change the subject.

  To my relief, she did.

  “Okay, I think we’re done here.” Bella tossed the pasta one more time before serving it onto two plates.