The Price of His Redemption

by Carol Marinelli

  In the tiny loo she flicked on the light and read the instructions. In three minutes she’d find out, if her shaking hand could just hold the stick steady. She kicked off her panties and did the deed and then stepped out.

  She couldn’t watch.

  Instead, she headed to the dark studio and paced but, really, it wasn’t the result that had her heart in her mouth and her nerves in shreds, it was being in love with a consummate bastard. It was the next forty or fifty years, or however long she had left on this planet, to get through without him.

  Oh, but she would, she vowed.

  And she’d listen to Rachel and have acting lessons if she had to just so she could address him airily if the need arose.

  ‘Yes, it’s your baby but not your problem...’ She would practise those words till she could look him in the eye and say them, she would...

  And then she had the most horrible vision of arriving in Reception with his screaming baby and being pointed in the direction of a creche...a creche filled to the brim with dark-haired, dark-eyed babies and all the other harried mothers who’d succumbed to that devilish charm.

  And yet, despite visions and fears, there was want there, too, for that little pink cross and a baby that was his, for a piece of him she could keep, because he had her heart. From the moment she’d walked into his office she might as well have tied up her heart in a pink satin bow and placed it on his desk.

  A baby was the only gift he’d ever give, Libby thought.

  She’d had to practically beg for flowers.

  And then she heard him.

  Or rather she heard the purr of his car and the pull of the handbrake, and just as Daniil had been disconcerted to recognise her legs on a business card, that she knew the sound of his car and the way he slammed the door just about brought her to her knees.

  Her heart recognised his footsteps and so did her body because it wanted to run to the door and fling it open and leap to him.

  Instead, she sat on the floor, curled into the wall, and hugged her knees not just so that he would not see her—more so that she would not succumb, so she would not give in and hit the snooze button on warning thoughts just for ten more minutes with him.

  He was the diet that started tomorrow.

  The hope that refused to die.

  ‘Libby.’

  His voice was low and rich and annoyingly calm.

  Bored even?

  ‘I know you’re in there.’

  He opened the letterbox and started to speak and she put her fingers in her ears so as not to hear that chocolaty voice that lowered her guard and could make her believe she was mad not to give them a try.

  ‘I know that you’re there,’ he said through the opening. ‘I can see you in the mirror.’

  ‘We’re closed!’ Libby shouted. ‘Go away.’

  ‘If you don’t want to talk, fine, you can listen. I’m sorry for what happened back there. It was never my intention to ignore you—’

  ‘It just comes naturally to you, does it? Did it give you a kick?’ she shouted, forgetting that she was supposed to be ignoring him now. ‘Were you hoping for a threesome?’

  ‘For God’s sake—’ Daniil didn’t sound so calm now ‘—open this door.’

  ‘No,’ she shouted. ‘I just want you gone. Tonight was a huge mistake—I didn’t even want to go to the ballet. I knew how much seeing Firebird was going to hurt but that you’d do that to me, that you’d take me backstage and introduce me to one of your ex-lovers. Have you any idea how much it hurt, how badly I wanted...?’ She could barely get the words out. ‘Everything that happened to her tonight I dreamed of for myself and you can call me childish and selfish, I don’t care. Tonight hurt, but what you just put me through doesn’t even compare...’

  Daniil closed his eyes. It had never entered his head that she might not be ready to go to the ballet.

  Not for a moment.

  Now, though, he could see how hard tonight would have been.

  ‘We’re not lovers,’ he said. ‘We never have been.’

  ‘Liar!’

  ‘I mean it,’ he said. ‘I knew Anya from the orphanage where I was raised. You know I left there when I was twelve.’

  She was so about to be glib, about to ask if that was how they’d all kept warm or passed the time, but decided against it.

  ‘Open the door, Libby.’

  ‘No,’ she said, though she did move over to the letterbox. ‘I know what I saw, Daniil. She ran to you like...’

  Just like I would, she thought.

  She ran to you with hope in her heart, just as I would if you dropped into my life ten years from now. And Libby loathed herself for being so weak.

  So weak because she was at the closed door and trying hard not to open it.

  Instead, she peered through the letterbox and saw that delicious mouth.

  ‘Go,’ she said. ‘You hurt too much.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’re the one who always wants to talk,’ Daniil pointed out.

  ‘Well, I don’t now.’

  ‘You should have said you weren’t ready to go the ballet. That was all you had to do.’

  Yes, Libby knew that, but it wasn’t just the ballet that had had her emotions in turmoil all week.

  ‘If you had just told me...’

  ‘That’s fine, coming from you,’ she snapped. ‘King of boundaries.’

  All that was visible of him was that lovely sulky mouth and she watched as it stretched into a smile. ‘I’m here to talk, Libby.’

  ‘You might not want to hear what I have to say, though.’

  Oh, they had a whole lot of talking to do but there was something she had to get off her chest first.

  ‘You remember that you said my technique was all wrong, that I should just lay it all out on the table up-front?’

  ‘I do.’ Daniil frowned. He had no idea where this was leading. He had raced through the night to tell her his truth and was instead being asked to listen to what she had to say.

  ‘I haven’t been feeling well,’ Libby said.

  ‘Okay?’

  ‘My period...’

  ‘Is that why you’re teary and irrational?’

  ‘No,’ she whispered. She’d deal with his presumption another time. ‘It’s late.’

  She watched as his tongue ran over his lips and then closed her eyes, too scared to look.

  ‘How late?’

  His voice sounded very normal, much the way it had when he’d asked her if she’d be using her own savings for the ballet studio, only the stakes were far higher now.

  ‘A week,’ Libby said, and when she got no response elaborated, ‘That’s a lot for me.’

  ‘And how do you feel?’

  ‘Sick,’ Libby said.

  ‘Sick with nerves, or sick?’

  ‘Both,’ Libby admitted. ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘Never, ever be scared when you’re near me.’

  ‘You’re not cross?’

  ‘Why would I be cross? We were both there when it happened, we both took the chance. I’ve told you—I never take risks unless I’m prepared to weather the consequences.’

  ‘You thought about it.’

  ‘Not really,’ Daniil said, and now she had the courage to look at his beautiful mouth and see his slight smile. ‘But I’ve never taken such a risk with another woman. Libby, whether you are pregnant or not, you don’t need to be scared.’

  ‘But I do. I’ve just started my own business...’ Tears were taking over again and Daniil listened to them. He could step in, tell her she had nothing to worry about, that even if she didn’t want him, the money would be taken care of, yet he knew that right now it was about her.

 
That Libby needed to know that she would be okay.

  Herself.

  ‘I’d have to employ someone or close and I was just getting started, it’s too soon...’

  ‘Libby!’ He broke into her mounting panic. ‘Do you know why my business plans work so well, why the banks always say yes to me?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Because I’m a pessimist. The bank knows that I don’t put a positive spin on things. I factor in things like illness and pregnancy and women who leap to the worst possible conclusion and shut up shop because their soon-to-be ex might have slept with a ballerina a decade or so ago...’

  She started to smile because she had been thinking exactly that—wondering how she could work while her heart was breaking, how she could dance and smile if she found she had a baby on board and no longer had him.

  ‘You really think I can do it?’

  ‘Of course. I wouldn’t have put my name to it otherwise.’

  She was calm, not as calm as she had been in that sugary haze in his hotel suite, but the panic was fading.

  ‘You’re very good in a crisis.’

  ‘I am,’ Daniil said. ‘It’s the normal stuff that I don’t do so well with—like flowers and calling and letting you know the day-to-day stuff in my life. Will you let me in?’

  She stood there.

  ‘You’re asking the same of me, Libby,’ Daniil pointed out. ‘You’re asking me to let you in, and I can’t do that from the other side of a door.’

  She turned the lock and stepped back, and though she wanted to go into his embrace she remembered how Tatania had and she folded her arms in defence, confused and raw and hurting yet wanting him all the same. ‘I don’t believe for a moment that you and she weren’t lovers.’

  ‘We never were.’

  ‘Daniil, can we move past the lies? I saw the way she ran to you.’

  ‘Did you notice the way her shoulders sagged?’ he demanded. ‘Did you see her recoil, or her expression when I stepped out of the shadows and she saw my scar?’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘She thought that I was Roman.’

  ‘Roman?’ Libby blinked. ‘Why would she...?’ Even as she asked, she knew the answer.

  ‘Roman is my twin.’

  She felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room as he spoke on.

  ‘My identical twin,’ Daniil said. ‘For a moment, Anya, I mean Tatania, thought that I was him. I think you’re right. I think something must have gone on between them after I left the orphanage.’

  ‘They separated you?’ Libby could hear the horror in her voice as she struggled to comprehend what had happened. ‘They didn’t let you keep in touch?’

  ‘My parents never sent him the letters I wrote.’

  Libby stood there, her head spinning, and Daniil mistook her silence.

  ‘I messed up tonight,’ he said. ‘When I saw—’

  ‘No, no,’ she said, for she understood now. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t storm the stage and demand answers.’

  ‘I had other things on my mind, too,’ Daniil said.

  ‘Like?’

  ‘A very unhappy date. I thought I was making you miserable.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You could have told me it was too soon for the ballet.’

  ‘I’m glad I’ve been now,’ she said. ‘And Tatania was amazing. Why would you think you made me miserable? You know I’m crazy about you, I’ve never attempted to hide it.’

  ‘I listened to my cousin. He reminded me how miserable I made the family.’

  ‘Rubbish!’ Libby said. ‘They were miserable and messed up long before you arrived.’

  ‘You don’t know that.’

  ‘Oh, but I do,’ she said. ‘Marcus has been with them for thirty years...’ And she told him that Marcus had been ready to leave until a twelve-year-old orphan had arrived in a very unhappy home. ‘He felt he couldn’t leave you to deal with them.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I can’t believe they didn’t send your letters, that they took you from him.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Daniil said to her obvious upset. He’d had many years to get used to the facts that Libby was only now trying to understand.

  ‘No, it’s not okay!’ she said, furious and hurting on his behalf, and then she told him not what perhaps she should say, just exactly what she felt. ‘We’ll find him.’

  They were the best three words he had ever heard for they were delivered with the same urgency and passion that he felt. Whether finding Roman was possible or not, it was the priority she afforded it that sealed his love. For the first time since the orphanage there was we rather than I, and it meant she would reside in his heart forever.

  ‘We’ll find him,’ Libby said again, and she didn’t try to fight her feelings anymore—she simply flew to arms that lifted her, accepted her. And she had been right that first morning. She could live on his hips because her legs coiled around him and his face was near hers and it was better than being home. ‘We’re going to find him,’ she said, with the hope he’d been starting to lose.

  ‘I’ve tried.’

  ‘We’ll keep trying.’ And it hit Libby then, the we word, because she knew they were the future, as easily as breathing; somehow her mind accepted they were in each other’s lives forever. ‘Who’s the eldest?’

  ‘We don’t know,’ Daniil said.

  And with that answer Libby glimpsed a world without a foundation.

  ‘We were going to be boxers—that was going to be our ticket out of poverty—but then the Thomases made enquiries about me. I didn’t want to be adopted but Roman insisted that I go. We had a fight... He said he would do better in the ring without me. I know now he was just trying to ensure I took my chance...’

  ‘That’s how you got the scar?’ she asked, and Daniil gave no shake of his head to warn that that question was out of bounds. Instead, he nodded.

  She put her fingers up to the jagged flesh and understood now why he had kept it as it was—it was the mark of his brother’s love for him and he wore it with pride.

  ‘We’ll find your family,’ she said.

  ‘I have a family now,’ Daniil said. ‘You.’

  Then Libby forgot; she forgot they had problems, she forgot all that was wrong with the world because all was right in hers as he held her in his arms and they kissed. It was a different kiss from any of their others. This kiss was theirs, nothing held back and no leader—they were in this race together. She kissed him back and he kissed her forward, deep, hungry kisses that had waited too long.

  ‘You turn me on...’ Libby breathed into his mouth, wrapping herself around him even tighter.

  ‘I thought I couldn’t ignore you all night and expect...’ He stopped because as his hand slipped up her dress he felt naked buttocks. ‘No underwear...’ He was at her neck, marking it; she could feel it and she wanted his mark.

  ‘I was...’

  Oh, she’d forgotten everything—even the most important thing had flitted away.

  ‘I was doing a test...’

  Between hungry kisses she pointed and he carried her through to the tiny area and the light went on but Libby didn’t see it. Her face was buried in his neck as her hands worked his zipper and the only thing that really mattered was the two of them.

  ‘You are.’

  He told her she was pregnant and then kissed her hard enough to chase away any thoughts of too soon, too much. It was good news and they sure as hell deserved it.

  Oh, didn’t becoming a parent make you suddenly responsible? Instead, she was back in a dance studio with her shoulders against a mirror and her hands holding the barre in a way she never had before.

  There was nothing other than the sound of desperate sex and Libby could no longer hold on. He pulled he
r flush to his torso and she wrapped her arms round his head and sobbed as he started to come.

  Yes, naughty toes, because hers curled as every muscle squeezed to his tune yet he was no puppeteer—there were no strings, and she danced free in his arms.

  ‘You’re pregnant.’ He said it while still inside her. When they should have been coming down from a high, they just stepped from one cloud to the next. ‘Are you happy?’

  ‘So happy,’ she said. ‘You?’

  ‘More,’ Daniil said, because his family had just got bigger.

  They shared the sweetest kiss and then he tried to put her down but she refused. ‘I don’t want to let you go.’

  She was over-the-top, way too affectionate, yet everything he hadn’t known he needed.

  ‘I’m going to love you so much,’ Libby said.

  ‘Then, I’d better take you home.’

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘WHEN DID YOU first know you loved me?’ Libby asked as they stepped into his home.

  ‘I haven’t told you I love you.’

  ‘Oh, please...’ she dismissed. ‘So come on, when?’

  She was nothing like he was used to but then again he wasn’t used to smiling, either, but he was doing that now as she prowled around his home.

  Yes, he smiled at the slight sag in her shoulders as she looked at his bookshelf and he knew she was annoyed that the thing she had brought him wasn’t there.

  And neither was it in the bedroom when she peered in.

  ‘Did the cleaner move it?’

  ‘Move what?’ he teased.

  ‘I can’t believe you got rid of my first present to you.’ She pouted. ‘I’ve the napkin from our first dinner.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes...and I’ve pressed three of the flowers you gave me and...’

  She went into her handbag and produced a little bar of very exclusive soap.

  ‘That’s from my bathroom.’

  ‘I know. I went through your cupboards and took one. I wanted a memento of our one night.’ She almost stamped her foot. ‘You really are the most unsentimental man.’