A Different Game: A Wrong Game Novel

by Matthews, Charlie M.

  “Yeah, no, everything’s fine. Great. Just… hurry. It’s Taylor.” She barely puffed out my brother’s name before her long legs began a sprint back towards the main house.

  I quickly pulled a T-shirt from the hanger and slipped it over my head before I pushed my feet into my trainers and made my way up to the house.

  When I walked through the back door to the kitchen, Lola and my parents were sitting at the dining table with a nervous look on their faces. It was then I noticed Taylor by the kitchen sink. He was pacing back and forth with his mobile phone pressed to his ear as he listened to the voice on the other end. His eyes darted to mine briefly, but he gave nothing away. Had something happened to his mum? She had been doing so well since she was discharged from the rehabilitation centre. Even my mum had been to check up on her a few times… something I never quite understood.

  I looked between my parents, who I was certain hadn’t noticed my presence, and frowned.

  When Lola glanced my way, her eyes widened and she ran to my side where she curled her hand around my arm and squeezed.

  Gazing down at her, I frowned. “What's going on?”

  “He's got the call,” she whispered beside me.

  “The call?”

  “The call,” she clarified.

  “Oh,” I said, shuffling my feet. He finally got the call. The one that determined where he’d be playing football next season. Taylor had played at The Seahawk Stadium last season. They were a League One side and had recently been promoted. There was talk of them offering Taylor a new contract. He was too good for them to let go. But we knew that Taylor had his sights set higher than that. He’d made it clear that he wanted to play Premier League and we knew he’d get offered a place. We just weren’t sure where.

  Ten minutes later Taylor ended the call, his expression remaining as blank as it had been when I first walked in. When he lowered his gaze and reached behind him to scratch the back of his neck, it was clear that he was struggling to process what he’d just been told.

  We all waited in silent anticipation while he continued to give nothing away.

  “Taylor?” Lola urged, rushing to his side. When she placed her hand against his chest, she gazed up at him in worry. “Say something. You're scaring me,” she said, fisting his shirt.

  Taylor lifted his head, his eyes finding his girlfriend’s before he gave her an amused grin. Then he took the longest breath in and blew it back out. “Southampton have put in an offer.”

  “Oh my God. That's fucking amazing, babe. I’m so happy for you.” She beamed. “Wait. You accepted it, right?”

  “I don't know,” he said, shaking his head. “I still need to speak to Matt and go over the details, but yeah, I guess.” His eyes darted back and forth, acknowledging each person in the room. “Fuck,” he cursed, gripping his head. “Six figures. Can you believe it?”

  “Six figures?” Lola's face paled. She looked as though she was going to throw up.

  “Six figures, babe,” he repeated. Taylor pulled her closer and nuzzled into her neck. “I can't fucking believe it.”

  “I can.” She smiled. “I always knew you were destined for greatness.”

  Once the initial shock was over, my parents rushed to his side to congratulate him. He was going to play for Southampton. That meant he wouldn’t be leaving any time soon.

  “I’m proud of you, son,” Dad said, clasping a hand to his shoulder.

  “It's not Arsenal,” Taylor told him. His lifelong dream was to play for the club he'd supported his whole life. To follow in the footsteps of his hero Dennis Bergkamp. But he was going to play for Southampton, and going from a small team that barely reached the top ten to a top Premier League club was incredible.

  “No, but it's a start,” Dad said encouragingly. You could see it in his eyes just how proud he was of Taylor.

  Taylor eyed me over the top of Lola’s head and nodded. When he mouthed the words “you’re next” I could only stare back with that same blank expression he’d given me when I first walked in. Everyone was still buzzing from hearing Taylor’s news that they missed the silent exchange between Taylor and me. I knew I needed to tell them… sooner rather than later.

  “So, when is it official? I mean, don’t they have to announce it or something? Will you have to move away to be near the training ground? Can you still stay here in Winslow?”

  Taylor cupped his girlfriend’s face in his hands and shot her a lopsided grin. “Breathe, Lo…” He chuckled.

  Lola took a panicked breath and blew out. “I’m sorry. This is just… I’m just so damn proud of you,” she confessed. Her eyes shone with adoration as she continued to squeeze him against her.

  “I know you are. And to answer your questions… I don’t know. Like I said, I need to sit down with Matt before I officially agree to anything. He’s already going over the contract as we speak. Providing it all checks out, I’ll sign on the dotted line, and yeah, I guess they’ll announce it.”

  “If it checks out, you’ll sign it? I mean, are you sure it’s what you want?”

  I wanted to laugh at how flustered she was getting. I knew how she felt. It was a lot to take in, and Lola didn’t know the slightest thing about football—something we all continued to tease her about whenever the topic shifted to sports.

  Taylor shook his head. “Honestly? I don’t care where I play. I just want to play.”

  “Oh my God. I can’t believe this is actually happening. My boyfriend... in the Premier League. Oh, shit! You’ll be on the television and everything.”

  “I did have one stipulation, though.”

  “You’d be silly if you didn’t,” Dad said.

  I looked to Taylor, wondering what was coming next.

  “I told them I’d only sign if I get my number ten.”

  “Can they do that?” My Dad frowned. Could they? Hell, I had no idea.

  “What if it’s already taken? Surely they can’t strip someone of their kit?” Lola questioned. She looked sick again.

  Taylor shrugged. “Then I don’t sign.”

  Just like that? It all came down to a damn shirt number.

  “It’s just a number, son. This is your chance to show them what you’ve got. You can’t turn your nose up at the chance of a lifetime all for a number.” Dad was trying to persuade him that arguing over a number was silly. But I knew Taylor, and he was being deadly serious. He wasn’t going to play without his number. It didn’t matter what anyone had to say.

  “It isn’t just a number, Dad. It’s my number.”

  Mum went up to Taylor and patted his back. “I’m so very proud of you, Taylor. Wherever you end up, they’ll be lucky to have you.” Her gaze shifted to mine. Her green eyes were soft and reassuring as she came up to me and slipped her arms through mine.

  Taylor thanked Mum before his attention went to his girlfriend.

  I glanced down at Mum and was met with a warm smile that she reserved just for me. She was trying, in unspoken words, to tell me she was proud of me, also. I knew she was trying to make me feel better. Although she really didn’t need to. I was happy for Taylor. Despite our history, he deserved this break.

  “Oh my God! Imagine if you two end up on the same team?” Lola blurted out, her eyes wide again. “That can happen, right?” Lola waited for one of us to answer, her eyes shifting back and forth between Taylor and me.

  I lifted my eyes to Taylor just as his eyes found mine. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it’s happened before, right?” Taylor said, his eyes searching mine.

  No. It couldn’t.

  I shook my head. “It’s over.” The words left me before I could even think about it and I instantly felt lighter. I knew I had done the right thing. It’s what I should have said a long time ago.

  Mum stiffened in my arms and gazed up at me in confusion.

  “Jake?” Dad’s voice came next.

  Taylor’s laughter filled the silence. When I met his eyes, I knew it hadn’t registered properly. He thought I was mess
ing with them. I wished I was. But it was the truth. It was over.

  “I’m sorry, Mum… Dad… But it’s over.”

  Taylor’s laughter eventually stopped and his eyes switched from humour to horror in seconds. “What do you mean it’s over?”

  “I’m out. I can’t play.”

  “Don’t fuck around. Matt would’ve told us.”

  “I told him not to.”

  “Son?”

  I glanced at Dad. I could see the concern around the corners of his eyes. He wanted answers. More than the it’s over I’d given them. And they deserved that. At the very least, they deserved some answers.

  “I didn’t come back because it was the end of the season. My season was over long before that.”

  “I don’t understand, Jake?” My mum’s small voice trailed off in the distance. I wanted to take the words back just so she wouldn’t be hurt.

  “Remember that injury?” I told them.

  “Yes, but that was six months ago.”

  I nodded. “I know, Mum. I thought it would heal. We all thought it would. No one knew how serious it was until I went back for training.”

  “But, surely if it was as bad as you say it is then you shouldn’t have been out there training at all.”

  “I lied, okay. I pushed through the pain, determined not to let it affect me. I tried. I really fuckin’ tried.”

  “All those cramps? Those dead legs? They weren’t cramps at all, were they?”

  I shook my head.

  “This is bullshit, man. You should’ve told us,” Taylor forced out. He was angry and he had every reason to be.

  “I couldn’t even admit it to myself. Saying it aloud would mean it’s real, right? That my life was over. Do you have any idea what that feels like, knowing you’ll never step foot on a football pitch again? Never feel the grass beneath your feet? Your studs sinking into the wet grass as the rain beats down on you. Or knowing you’ll never get to score another winning goal again. You have no idea what it feels like, Taylor.”

  “Yeah, actually, I do. Remember when I quit the team? Moved back home to look after my sick mum? Pushing football to the back of my mind because I knew that the second I let it in, it would break me. I would crumble. So yeah, I do know what it feels like, Jake, because I’ve been there.”

  “But you got it back, Tay. When your mum was on her way to recovery and you came back to college, you got it all back. Don’t you get it? I can’t get it back. I can’t play again. It’s over for me.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, alright? If I could switch places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  “Don’t,” I warned. “Don’t you dare do that. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.”

  “Jake, I…”

  “Tay?” I breathed out. “I’m happy for you. I really am. I know you’re going to do great out there. I believe in you. I always have. Since we were little kids running around the garden with shitty nappies. I believed in you then, and I believe in you now. But don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I don’t need your pity,” I forced out, my eyes darting across the room. I shook my head. “I don’t need anyone’s pity.”

  Taylor nodded his head, knowing there was nothing else he could say.

  I blew out another breath and looked between my parents. It was easy to say sorry. I’d apologised enough in my time to realise how easy the word was. Sometimes I hadn’t even meant it and simply said it out of habit. You did something wrong, no matter how big or small that something was, and your initial thought was to say sorry. I knew I owed them an apology. Only this time this apology seemed a lot fuckin’ harder than any other apology I’d ever had to make.

  With a final glance around the room, I turned my back and stepped outside. I pushed my hands into the pockets of my trousers, angled my head towards the sky and breathed in the early morning air. The cool breeze tickled my face as I continued to take deep breaths, in and out. I knew I would have to face them soon. I couldn’t just leave it like that. But I’d told them the truth, and that would be enough for now.

  43

  Jake had been right. I needed to speak to someone. Opening up about my feelings wasn’t something I usually felt comfortable doing, and I would be lying if I said the thought of letting it all out to a complete stranger didn’t terrify me. It did. But I knew in my heart that it was something I needed to do. Not that I needed someone to confirm that my life was a mess. I already knew that. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that it would all be okay in the end, and that I wasn’t going to go completely insane. Before I had my whole life story laid out on a piece of paper, there was someone else I needed to see, and the very thought of seeing that someone again terrified me more than any therapy session ever would.

  My fingers shook as I fumbled with the key in the ignition. I eventually managed to breathe through the anxiousness that clouded my mind and switched off the engine. When I climbed out of the car, I blew out a long, exaggerated breath and stared up at the too familiar house in front of me. A house that was the keeper of so many fond memories I had of my childhood, as well as a few bad ones. A house I hadn’t seen in the two years since the last time I’d decided to stop outside of with the full intention of going inside. I’d chickened out at the last minute and sped out of the large cul-de-sac. I wasn’t going to get back in the car and drive away this time. At least not until I had said my piece.

  Before I could talk myself out of going through with it, I made my way up the driveway to the front porch and knocked on the door.

  And then I waited.

  And waited.

  I’d almost given up, and decided no one was home when Brie’s voice filled the deafening silence around me.

  “Mel? What are you doing here?”

  I hadn’t realised my eyes were closed until I opened them again. Brie looked like shit. Her eyes were bloodshot, as if she’d been crying. The tissue clutched tightly in her hand confirmed my suspicions. I hated that a small part of me still cared whether or not she was okay. Brie had always been the strong one in our friendship. Tough, never afraid to tell it how it was. She was strong, with her head firmly on her shoulders, and I knew, even as kids, that she would be the one that would make something of herself. Growing up, I wanted to be just like her, only I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance. Not with two exceptionally firm and successful parents around to remind me I was a disappointment. Brie and Shawn had been the only ones to truly believe in me. Brie had hated how hard my parents were on me because she had been brought up by parents who loved and adored her. Parents who wouldn’t have cared whether she’d failed her driving test or not, and would love her regardless.

  I shook my head in frustration. I wouldn’t let any of that deter me from what I came here to do. “You said you’d be waiting for me... until I was ready to hear you out,” I eventually said.

  “Yeah…” Her eyes were wide.

  “I don’t want you to speak. In fact, I don’t want you to do anything.”

  “Okay.” Brie sniffed. “Do you at least want to come in?”

  “No.” I shook my head.

  “What is this about?”

  “You left…” I started. “I needed you and you weren’t there.”

  “Mel.”

  “Let me finish.”

  “Okay.” She frowned.

  “You left. My brother had just died, my parents couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me, and you left. You left when I needed you the most. You were all I had, Aubrie. The only person besides Shawn who I wanted to see, and you left. I came to see you and you had already gone. And you didn’t come back.” I could feel the unshed tears pricking my eyes, but I held them back, attempting to stand taller than I really was.

  “Mel, please. Let me explain.”

  “No!” I yelled. “I don’t want you to explain anything. I want you to know how I felt back then. I was alone, Aubrie. I had no one. I always thought that if something bad happened to me or my family, at least I would always ha
ve you. Turns out I was wrong because you were the one who left. You didn’t die. But you may as well had.”

  “Mel, I…”

  “Shut up. Just shut up, okay?” I forced out, gripping my head. “When I saw you that day at school, a part of me was relieved. I thought, brilliant, I don’t have to miss her anymore because she’s back. Only you weren’t. Not really. You looked straight past me. It was as if I’d never existed. Do you have any idea what that felt like?” I glared upwards, feeling the cold stare I was shooting her. Brie held back a sob as tears coated her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. “I loved you, Aubrie. You were my best friend. But you hurt me and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.”

  Brie took a step forward, but when my eyes flicked to hers and I took a step back, she paused. “Mel, I’m sorry, I—”

  “Save it,” I said, lifting my hand. “I don’t want to hear it. I just wanted you to know how I felt back then. And now… now you know, I can move on with my life and go back to pretending you don’t exist. You know, like you did to me all those years ago.”

  Brie opened her mouth to speak but I didn’t give her the chance. I walked away, much like she did four years ago, feeling lighter with every step it took to get back to the car.

  I was already feeling emotionally and physically drained by the time I pulled up to the address Jake had given me. I thought about putting it off until tomorrow but I knew if I’d allowed myself extra time then I would likely change my mind. The tight jeans I had on clung to my skin—the joy of having leather seats when the weather decided to brighten up.

  I climbed out of the car, adjusted the white vest top I wore and locked the car. From the outside, it was clear that I was walking into a community centre. I frowned as I examined the card again to make sure I had the right address. Sure enough, I did.

  Within minutes of entering the building, I’d already been checked in and handed a plastic cup of cold water that the receptionist had poured from the water butt. Apparently, I wouldn’t have to wait too long as the lady I was seeing was just finishing up a call.