by Chapple, GL
I reached for my phone to send her a quick message just as Christian yelled from the bedroom, “Have you cleaned the bathrooms? You should make a schedule to help you keep on top of things. If you can’t do it, I’ll have to set my alarm to get up a bit earlier and do it myself before my next shift.”
He’d offered, but there was no way I could expect him to get up early to clean after a long shift and before he went back for another night shift.
It looked as if I’d need to make other arrangements to catch up with Lena.
I yawned as I waited for the lift doors to open. I was exhausted. My head was pounding and my heart was broken. It had been one of the worst shifts I’d had in a long while. The lift door opened and I walked out to go into the apartment.
It was days like this I missed my house – my warm, welcoming, cosy house that was messy and chaotic but somehow filled me with peace and calm, so unlike this sterile, cold apartment that made me feel on edge and oppressed from the moment I walked through the door.
I was close to tears again when the apartment door opened. Christian stood there in his running gear. He looked at me and frowned before opening his arms to me. Relieved, I went to him, grateful to have his arms around me.
“What’s wrong, darling?”
I sniffed, trying to hold back the tears that were dangerously close to escaping again. He rubbed my back.
“Come on, come in and sit with me.”
“You’re on your way”-
“Shh…I’m coming in with you. You can tell me what’s wrong. I’m not going to leave you when you’re upset.”
Already on the verge of breaking down, his kindness opened the floodgates, and tears spilled down my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to have his arms around me holding me tight. I’d been dreading coming back to an empty apartment.
He led me through the hall into the living room and sat me down on the sofa before sitting next to me and looking at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak. “Mrs Beynon died today.”
He looked at me blankly.
I sniffed again and looked down at my hands. “Mrs Beynon - the old lady I’ve told you about - she died today. It was horrendous. Her poor husband…” I dissolved into tears, remembering the utter despair and heartbreak that was on her husband’s face despite the bravery and dignity they had both shown.
He squeezed my hand as I tried to pull myself together. “Darling, she was old. I’m sure she had a good life. It’s sad – but it doesn’t warrant your tears. Come on now, you know you can’t get this emotionally attached to patients.” He held me for a little while, rubbing my back as I calmed down. I rubbed my sleeve over my face, wiping the stray tears away, then climbed up onto his lap, wanting to get closer to him.
“Come-” He stood, sliding me off his body and steering me towards the bedroom. He pushed me down onto the bed. “I know what will make you feel better.” He winked, and I felt like crying again.
This was the last thing that I had on my mind. I wanted attention, intimacy, love…not this.
He began to take his clothes off, folding them carefully and placing them on the dresser.
“Christian, I…”
“You need comfort, I need exercise…two birds, one stone.” He laughed as he crawled up the bed. He covered my body with his; kissing me hard, and I closed my eyes. I pushed the thoughts from my mind, willing myself to focus on the sensations, trying to lose myself in his kiss - and failing.
My mind was still going at a million miles an hour, and not one of those thoughts was on what was happening in this bed.
He hadn’t even removed my clothing, simply bunching it up around my waist. I felt him positioning himself just before he entered me. I wasn’t even remotely turned on. He grunted and moaned, my body slow to react to him. Finally, able to get himself into a rhythm, he moved above me. I couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to sound as if I was enjoying. He thrust a final time before he collapsed on top of me. His chest was heaving, and his body was slick with sweat.
He raised his head to meet my face and kissed me. “My sweet Madilyn. You know, you’re getting older now - maybe you need to get some lubrication gel. As you get older-”
He had to be kidding me!
I shoved him off me, sliding across the bed and away from him. “Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not even remotely turned on! Of course I’m not wet! Ramming your cock into me when I’m upset over the death of a patient isn’t really going to do it for me! I don’t need gel – I need someone who knows how to turn a girl on and when!” I was practically screeching at him.
He looked at me in disgust, “Madilyn! That is no way to speak. What is your problem? You’ve complained about lack of intimacy and on the last two occasions that we’ve had sexual contact you’ve been completely half-hearted about it. You need to make some effort, too! Why do you have to be so hard to love? Why is it so difficult with you? Honestly, loving you is hard work! You’re ungrateful and selfish. I gave up my run to stay and comfort you, and you throw spite back at me. I understand you’re hurting, but being nasty to the one person who cares about you is uncalled-for.”
He stalked from the room, picking up his clothes as he went past, and slammed the door behind him.
I lay back down on the bed, clutching the sheets around me as I wrapped myself up tightly. Tears soaked my pillow and sobs racked my body.
What had happened to us?
How had this become my life?
I’m not sure how long I’d lain tousled up inside the sheets when I heard the front door open and close. My tears had stopped a long time ago, and I’d lain there, quietly staring at the wall, trying to think about everything and nothing at the same time.
I heard Christian’s footsteps as he walked towards the bedroom. I closed my eyes as the door opened and he came into the room. He didn’t break his stride as he went into the bathroom. I heard the shower come on briefly before he walked back out into the bedroom. When I risked a quick glance, I found him standing at the foot of the bed, watching me. I pulled myself upright, leaning against the headboard as he walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed beside me.
He reached out, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t want to upset you, Madilyn. I love you…I really do. I.love.you.”
He punctuated each word with a soft kiss to my lips, and I felt my annoyance and upset with him fading away. Maybe I had been oversensitive. I was tired and upset and I hadn’t meant to take it out on Christian.
“Let’s go and cuddle up on the sofa. Have a quick shower and sort yourself out and come and join me. I’ll go and choose a film for us.” He kissed me again before getting up from the bed and going through to the living room.
I unravelled myself from the covers and began to remove my clothing. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and cringed; my hair was a wild, tangled mess of dark, unruly curls, and my eyes were red against my pale, blotchy face. I reached over to the bedside table, picking up a hair tie so that I could fix it up on top of my head to save me from washing it.
I noticed that my phone was flashing to indicate a message. I swiped it, and immediately my face broke into a smile.
Dragon or Dinosaur…we’re talking T-Rex, not some shitty little herbivore…
I sat on the edge of the bed, as I fired off a quick response:
Have you seen the tiny arms on a T-Rex??? Gotta be the Dragon. He’d toast the T-Rex and eat it for breakfast.
I was putting the phone down when it flashed again.
I’m inclined to agree ;)
I couldn’t even explain to myself why I suddenly felt so much happier. It was just a silly, random message. There was nothing in it. I’m not sure why Marcus had messaged me, but it had cheered me up. His happiness made me feel better. I remembered how the sound of his laughter had made me forget my own heartache for a while. I might not be able to cheer myself up, but I could make him happy, and, now, that
was my intention.
I might not be able to fix the mess I was making of my own life, but my new plan was to get Marcus smiling again.
I smirked as I pushed my phone back into the pocket of my jeans. Maddie had been playing on my mind since the night she stayed over. I felt bad that she’d clearly been upset, and, the jackass that I was, that I’d not done anything to help. I’d subtly asked Nate if Lena had mentioned anything, but he’d had no news for me.
I’d left it a few days before dropping her a quick text. I felt the need to reach out to her without making her feel awkward. Since then, we’d exchanged messages most days - nothing personal - nothing that made much sense, in all honesty – but her messages always brought a smile to my face.
“Am I about to be abandoned, Bond?”
I glanced at Nate with a frown. “Huh?”
“Just wondering if I’m about to be left sitting here whilst you go in search of Pussy Galore…” he muttered sarcastically.
I sniggered at him. “Nice, Nate.”
He shrugged, looking unapologetic. “Something’s put a smile on your face. You were training this morning, and you have a beer on the table. You’re a pretty simple guy - it’s usually one of the three.” He looked at me questioningly.
I shook my head, pretending to be insulted. “I can smile, y’know. Besides,” I added slyly, even though it was untrue, “the text came from your wife-to-be, so you better hope I’m not planning on hitting that tonight.”
I laughed as his face darkened. “Oh, you go near her, and there’ll be hitting alright.”
I saw my sister weaving through the crowd with her boyfriend, Carl, in tow behind her. I threw my hand up in greeting, and they walked over to the table.
Nate smiled in acknowledgement before muttering, “Arsehole.” Just low enough for me to hear.
Kelly sent Carl up to the bar before she took her seat between us. “How are my boys?”
Nate caught up with her news whilst I leaned back in my chair, drinking my beer and idly scanning the room. I’d been reluctant to come, but it was nice for us all to catch up. It didn’t happen all that often due to everyone having different shift patterns.
Carl came back to the table with a round of drinks just as Lena and Maddie arrived. He jumped up, heading back to the bar to get more as Maddie tried to call him back.
“Leave it, Mads! He’s good. Come sit here.” Kelly called her over, indicating the now empty seat next to her. They sat close together. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Maddie looked to be reassuring her. Kelly finally smiled, and Maddie turned to face the table.
I tilted my bottle to her as she caught my eye. “Hey there, Quizmaster!” I caught Nate’s shared look with Lena out of the corner of my eye and smirked.
The next hour or two sped by. I was content to let them keep me entertained: it felt surprisingly good just to switch off, lean back in my chair, drink my beer and listen to the sound of my friends laughing and joking together.
“Shots!” Maddie screeched as she leapt up from her chair, pointing at me to get my attention. “Marcus, what was that drink?”
“You don’t want that.”
“We’re all having it – gimme the name again.”
“You won’t like it,”
“How’d you know what I like?”
“It’s rough-”
“I like it rough.” She flashed me a wicked smile, and I laughed, shaking my head, knowing that everyone around the table was watching the exchange with fascination.
“I’ll get them.” I made my way over to the bar. Carl appeared beside me a few moments later, declining for him and Kelly. I glanced over towards her as he told me that they were going to go home because she felt unwell. “Why? What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing. I think she’s just exhausted, Marcus. She’s been working a lot and just feels under the weather. I’ll go back with her.”
“Damn right you will. I’m trusting that you’re going to be looking after her until I get in, then?”
“She’s coming back to mine. I’ll look after her.”
I stared him down, until he shifted uncomfortably. “Make sure you do.” I thrust the notes into his hand. “You get these. I’m gonna speak to her.”
Without waiting for his confirmation, I walked back over to the table and sat down next to Kelly.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“Don’t fret, Marcus. I’m fine. I’m tired. I’ve worked long hours and I’m exhausted. We’ve had a great time, but I’m ready to put my pyjamas on and chill out for an hour with Carl before crawling into bed.”
I scrutinised her for a moment; she did look tired: her face was pale and her eyes looked dark.
She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “I’m sleeping at Carl’s tonight. I’ll text you in the morning. Enjoy your evening! Don’t do anything stupid!”
Carl appeared, placed the tray of drinks down on the table and handed me my change. I watched him put his arm around her as they said their goodbyes and left.
I fought the urge to go after them, to take Kelly home myself and keep an eye on her. I was being irrational, I knew it, but it didn’t stop the uneasiness from spreading through my body. She was an adult now; she didn’t need me fussing and looking after her, but it was hard to watch her walk away. At least I knew Carl was a good guy. I’d kept a close eye over the years, and I knew that he adored my sister and treated her well. He wouldn’t still be on the scene if I’d thought any differently.
Maddie punched me playfully in the arm, indicating the drinks with glee - an expression that would soon be wiped off her face! I had no idea how we’d got onto the subject of absinthe one night, but she was about to have a shock. Lena looked apprehensive, which amused me. I pushed two across the table to Nate and Lena, then handed one to Maddie. Keeping eye contact, I raised the shot glass to my mouth.
“Knock it back and swallow…fast”- I flicked my wrist, emptying the shot into my mouth and swallowing sharply. The alcohol burned, heating up my mouth and throat as it slid down. I exhaled as I slammed the empty shot glass onto the table, -“and hard.”
“Just the way I like it!” Maddie gave a wink before throwing the shot down. Her expression changed instantaneously. She scrunched her face up, squeezing her eyes shut as she gasped. Laughing, I handed her my bottle of beer which she snatched gratefully. She gulped it down, handed it back and wiped her eyes.
Her voice was raspy as she muttered, “Fuck me.”
“Hard and fast?” I questioned, as she burst into raucous laughter.
“That was definitely a touch rougher than I’m used to! My mouth is on fire…” She turned expectantly at Lena, who laughed and pushed her own glass towards her.
“No thanks. Y’know I’m happy to do shots, but that stuff smells like paint stripper.”
“Tastes like it too.”Nate muttered, as he pushed his shot glass towards me. “You guys knock yourselves out.” I could see the questions in his eyes as he met my gaze.
Chill bro, I’m just having fun. This is exactly what you said you wanted.
“You ready?” Maddie had her shot in her hand and was holding the other out to me.
I shook my head as I took it from her, and we both raised them to our mouths, knocking them back and banging the glass against the table at the same time. Her eyes were watering, but she held it together better this time.
I blew out slowly, feeling the burn all the way to my chest. It wasn’t smooth like a good whiskey; this was harsh, almost painful – kind of how I imagined drinking bleach or acid would be.
Maddie grinned at me, her eyes sparkling and bright, probably from the alcohol, but she looked radiant. “Holy hell, Marcus! My whole body is on fire!”
She shook her head, laughing loudly as she turned to face Lena again. “I can’t believe Kelly bailed! Come dance with me, baby girl!” She leapt up from the table and grabbed Lena’s hand, dragging her up onto the dance floor.
As soon as they were
out of sight, Nate frowned at me. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.”
He raised his brow in disbelief, “Quizmaster?”
“We’ve messaged back and forth a few times; you know how random and crazy she is.”
“Well, just remember that she’s”- he paused as his eyes drifted to the side, -“and there he is, Christian is here,” he muttered.
“So?” I shrugged.
I didn’t know what the big deal was. Granted, if a guy was texting my girl I’d probably want to break his fingers, but Christian wasn’t me. I couldn’t imagine that there would be anything for him to get worked up about. I sniggered to myself as he walked over to the table.
“Gentlemen! Good evening.” He smiled politely at both of us, his gaze sweeping the bar area, obviously looking for Maddie.
“Mads is on the floor,” Nate answered him, gesturing to the dance floor behind him.
I took another gulp of my beer to hide my amusement at Christian’s reaction to “Mads.” Nate was just as much of an arsehole as me; he knew how much that pissed Christian off. He liked to refer to her as Madilyn - I hadn’t even known that was her name! It didn’t suit her.
Nate met my eyes, and I knew he’d done it on purpose. Christian sat down and proceeded to make polite conversation, and I let Nate respond to him. It wasn’t that I had anything against the guy - I just couldn’t take to him.
A while later the girls came staggering back, laughing and joking to themselves. Maddie was pleased to see Christian and threw herself onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and squealing about how pleased she was that he’d made it. From his pinched expression, I’d say that he was less than impressed with the intoxicated Maddie who had greeted him. Uptight arsehole!
