Bereft

by Jennifer Foor

  I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with my decision, not that I gave a shit. My give a damn had been broken since he screwed Kyla.

  “I told Stephanie,” he managed to get out before I could close the bathroom door. “She knows what I did, and who I did it with. She refuses to speak to me.”

  I came back into the room and stared at him, shocked he’d told our daughter about his affair. “What happened? Did she freak out?”

  He began to sob, and in an immediate response I leaned over and touched his shoulder. “She hates me. I’m sure of it. How could I have been so stupid? How could I make such a horrible mistake?”

  “Steph loves you, Grayson. I’m sure she’s upset. It’s not every day your father sleeps with your best friend behind your back. She’s in shock. Can you blame her?”

  He shook his head. “No. I don’t blame her. I just want my family back. Every day it feels like we’re falling apart more. I keep hoping time will heal us, but what if it doesn’t? What if I’ve lost both of you?”

  “I can’t speak for our daughter. What you did destroyed me, but I’m not bitter. Even if we don’t get back together, I won’t hate you. I may be angry, but you will always be important to me.”

  He clung to me for a second while weeping. I felt so bad for him, but at the same time I knew if I stayed I’d cave and never forgive myself. This was no longer about teaching Grayson a lesson. He’d been hurt, and I wasn’t into rubbing it in his face. I needed space for myself. I needed to know I could forgive him ,because if I couldn’t there was no reason to try. “Please don’t leave me, Rachel. I’ll do anything. I’ll go to counseling. I’ll go to meetings for sex addiction. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  “I appreciate that. Let’s try this first.”

  He wouldn’t answer me. I let him hold me for a few more minutes before locking myself in the bathroom. I sank to the shower floor and broke down, silently letting my tears wash away. This was too difficult. All of it. I wanted a mulligan, but would settle for a Xanax.

  I took my time in the bathroom hoping he’d not be in bed when I came out. I wasn’t surprised to find him gone, but could hear he was still downstairs. The sound of the television let me know he was in the living room. I dressed quickly, making sure I had everything I needed for at least a week away from home. I had every intention of looking for a place to rent. For the time being, I’d check into a hotel close to the office. It would save me on transportation costs while I found something suitable.

  Carrying my bags past Grayson was difficult. He sat on the couch watching me, but never offered to help. I guess in his own way it was like a slap in the face. He wouldn’t assist me in leaving him.

  He was still a wreck when I finally said goodbye. I considered hugging him, but knew it would make matters way worse. Once I pulled out of the garage and onto the road a rush of relief hit me. Even though I knew Grayson was suffering, I was happy to be away from it. I couldn’t let his emotions guide me to make quick decisions. For me personally, I needed freedom to be able to come to terms with the direction my life was headed.

  The office was a ghost town when I arrived. I’d driven my car all the way to D.C. since I knew I’d be staying somewhere. The receptionist wouldn’t be in until nine, and I was determined to get some work done before everyone showed up.

  I rounded the corner to my office and found an envelope with my name on it. I looked all around, but saw no one. It wasn’t until I went inside that I opened it. In fancy handwriting and read the words.

  Rach,

  Last night was great. Thanks for keeping my company. I know you’re going through a lot right now, so if you need a shoulder, I’m your man.

  - Chad

  I folded the paper and tucked it in my desk drawer where no one would see. Then I rubbed my temples and thought about the previous night.

  After our office romp, Chad took me to dinner. We shared a bottle of wine while eating French Cuisine. Then we went to the show, where the front row provided us with a spectacular view. Afterwards, we walked around for a bit, talking about life and the company. Chad had plans for Leviathan, and I appreciated him including me in them.

  When he was certain my buzz had worn off, he walked me to the train station, not leaving until he watched me board. I waved goodbye as we took off, all the while wondering how in the world we’d gotten to be friends so quickly.

  Now I sat reading his short note and wondering when I was going to see him next. Then my mind went to Grayson, and my heart broke again.

  I closed my eyes and focused on me instead of them. I was determined to tell Chad I couldn’t see him outside of work. It was the right thing to do. My mind was made up.

  Chapter 20

  Rachel

  By noon I’d sent out over one hundred emails, and made the remainder of calls to the employees I was calling back into the office. Since the majority of people hadn’t returned, it was eerily quiet in the building.

  A knock at my door startled me, sending me out of my chair with my hand on my heart. “Come in.”

  Who I suspected to be Chad, turned out to be none other than my daughter Stephanie. She walked right in, not stopping until she was in my arms. “Oh, Mom. I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “I’m sorry you had to find out, sweetie. It’s been a rough few days.”

  “You should have called me. I could have been there.”

  I did feel bad for not letting Stephanie in on my problems. Since she’d become an adult she was more like a best friend to me. Since I loved her more than anything in the world, I wasn’t prepared to break her heart. If I could spare her the pain I would do it again and again. “There was nothing you could have done. It’s a mess your dad and I have to fix together.”

  “I’m embarrassed to call him that. And Kyla, oh my god don’t even get me started. How could she? I mean, how long was she trying to get with him? It makes me sick. She was always trying to spend the night. Do you think it’s been going on longer than they say? Could this have been happening since we were minors?” She shivered and shook her body around. “I can’t even think about it without feeling sick to my stomach.”

  I was trying to put myself in her shoes. Sometimes, her inability to understand was because of her age. However, in this situation I felt like she was in the same boat as I was. We were both losing people we loved. “I believe your father when he says it’s only been going on for six months. Last night we talked some more. Nothing is resolved, but we agreed to take some time apart.”

  “Are you getting a divorce?” Her question was abrupt and to the point.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know, Steph. I can handle a lot of things, but this, I’m just not sure I can ever get over it.”

  She frowned and turned her head to look away. I could tell it was because she was getting upset. I reached for her wrist, catching her attention. “You’re not going to lose me. No matter what, I’m always going to be your mother.”

  She hugged me again, this time while sniffling. I needed this kind of embrace, especially after the night I’d had.

  A quick knock followed by someone speaking sent our eyes toward the door. “Hey, are we doing…” Chad met my daughter’s gaze and smiled, quickly stopping his sentence before there were questions to be asked. He scratched his head. “Sorry to interrupt. I didn’t know you had company.”

  “It’s fine,” I managed to say with a smile.

  “Are we still doing that conference call at three?”

  I knew there was no conference call. Chad was giving me a way out of the curious look my daughter was giving us. “Yes, it’s all set up.”

  He tapped on the door frame. “Cool. Ring my office when you’re finished so we can go over details.”

  Once he disappeared Stephanie turned around and gave me a once over. “Who was that? Holy crap he’s hotter than hell. Why have you been hiding him from me?”

  Of course she’d want to know more about Chad. Every woman did. If it wasn’t his fit phy
sique, it was his sugar-bowl dimples, or his bright white smile. It didn’t hurt when he opened his mouth and spoke with his gruff voice. “That’s the new owner of the company. His name is Chad Rollins.”

  “Mom, don’t hold out on me. Is he married? Single? Is he gay?”

  I started to nod, but knew I couldn’t lie to her in that way. If she ever saw him again she could open up a can of worms I didn’t want to come out. “He’s a womanizer. Steer clear of that one.”

  It was the best I could do without giving away the rush of jealousy I was feeling imagining him having more in common with my daughter than myself. In the past week my views of Chad had changed. I didn’t want to have to share his attention with someone else, especially Stephanie.

  “That’s a shame. He looks like he’d be a real good time,” she snickered when she said it.

  I slapped her lightly on the shoulder. “Stephanie, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

  “What? I’m a grown woman. I’m not naïve to what goes on between men and women. I have a little experience myself.”

  I put my hands up to my ears to muffle the sound. “Stop it. I can’t hear this right now.”

  She giggled and removed my hands. “Let’s get lunch.”

  “Wait. Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

  “I had an eight o’clock class this morning. I’m off for the rest of the day. Come on, Mom, don’t you miss me?”

  “Of course I do. We can go to lunch. I’d love to spend time with you.”

  Then I stopped dead in my tracks. I’d emailed an agent about seeing two apartments close to the office. I wasn’t sure Stephanie would be prepared for that type of move from me. “Wait. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  “What?”

  “I made an appointment to look at a couple places to rent.” I waited for her to respond.

  It was obvious she was hurt by me making such a move so soon, but I wasn’t changing my mind. I needed to clear my head. I required time to let it sink in. It was important to be able to forgive Grayson, no matter how long it took.

  “Wow.” Her demeanor changed. “I guess I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.”

  “Sweetie, for now it’s temporary. We need time apart, and instead of spending a ton of money on hotels, I’d rather have a place closer to work to call home. It’s not forever.” In all honesty, I didn’t know if I’d ever live with Grayson again. Only time would tell if we could patch things up.

  “I get it. I know it’s impossible to face him. I feel the same way. Looking at places seems so real though. I don’t know what else I expected. You deserve to be happy, I just always assumed it would be with my father. This makes me sad.”

  “I know. Me too. Let’s hope we all find resolution soon.”

  “I do.” She clapped her hands together. “Well, since I’m here, do you mind if I tag along? I mean, I’d like to be able to come spend the night, so of course I need to have a say in which place you choose.”

  “It’s only two or three properties. It’s hard to find something on the spot, especially in the city. People have waiting lists. It’s crazy.”

  After agreeing she should be a part of my decision, Steph and I headed out to look for the new apartment I’d be living in.

  The first two places were one bedroom units. The kitchens were small, but manageable. The second one had an additional bedroom. It was one-hundred more dollars a month, but worth it to know Steph would have a place to stay when she visited. It also gave me room to have a home office without making the living room area cluttered. Sometimes my paperwork could get out of hand, and I knew with the new position I’d be bombarded with take-home work.

  I wrote a check for the down-payment, and waited as she called a company they used for a credit check. When I left, three hours later, I had the keys to my new place. It wasn’t furnished, but at least I had something to call my own.

  Stephanie didn’t come back to the office with me. We said our goodbyes on the street outside before I headed in to get caught up. I’d no sooner walked in my office when Chad whisked in the room, closing the door behind him. “Who was that?”

  “My daughter, why?”

  “Your step-daughter?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “She’s cute.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. “Did you come in here to try and make me jealous?”

  He leaned his palms down on my desk and came forward so our faces were closer, but not nearly enough to touch. “No. Why? Are you jealous?”

  “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “Maybe that’s my goal. When you’re uncomfortable you put up your imaginary guard. I like breaking it down.”

  I folded my hands together on the desk. “About that. We need to stop messing around, Chad. It’s making me feel terrible. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and this is confusing me. I need to be able to focus on everything else.”

  “I get it. It’s cool. We can be professional acquaintances again. Just because I’ve seen you naked doesn’t mean I can’t act normal around you. Sure, I’ll never forget the way you smell, or how you taste when my tongue is soaked in your pussy juices, but hey, nothing lasts forever.”

  The mere mention of him doing that to me got me flustered. Immediately, I wanted to retract my statement and let him bend me over so he was able to fuck me into Sunday. When I was with Chad everything disappeared. I didn’t have struggles in my life, because I was temporarily overwhelmed in ecstasy.

  “What did you want earlier?”

  “I wanted to eat.” He corrected. “Food. I was hungry for lunch and wanted a companion to join me. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “I had to go look at apartments.”

  He raised his brow. “Really? Did you find anything close?”

  “Actually, I found a two bedroom off the bypass. It’s over by that pizza place your grandfather likes to order from.”

  “No shit? I live a couple blocks from there.”

  “You don’t live with your grandfather?”

  “Hell no. I just stay there a lot. They have more amenities, like the pool, hot tub, sauna, gym.”

  “I get it. I’ve been there before.” His grandfather lived in a beautiful mansion. I expected Chad to stay there until he inherited the property.

  “Yeah, it’s nothing huge. It’s enough for me, and it’s close to work. Plus, I have a garage to keep my car in.”

  “A garage. Impressive. I don’t even have a couch.”

  Chad paced around the room and finally turned to face me. “How’s the tax situation coming along?”

  He was turning our conversation into a professional matter, instead of personal. “It’s good. I think by next week we’ll have some permanent papers to sign. Are we still good with the same plan?”

  “Why wouldn’t we be?”

  “Well, I’ve told you I can’t be with you again. I didn’t want you to get bitter about it.”

  “Jesus, Rach, I’m not an asshole. You’re going through hell. I get it.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t want to have to worry about something else.”

  “We’re good. So, how about some dinner and a bit of couch shopping?”

  “I need to save up some money before I buy furniture.”

  Chad reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, chucking a plastic card in my direction. “Get whatever you want. It’s the business account. You can pay it back in payments out of your checks. If you don’t, we’ll use it as a business expense and write it off.”

  “What? I can’t do that.”

  “I own the company. Don’t make me force your hand.”

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed the card. “Fine.”

  “Good. Now, what would you like to eat? I’m fucking starving.”

  “I don’t care. Let’s do something close to our places. I might not have furniture, but I’ll pick up some blankets and sleep on the floor until it’s delivered.”

  “No you won�
��t. You can stay with me.”

  I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”

  “Why? Are you afraid you can’t resist me?”

  I nodded. “Yes, actually that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

  He chuckled and sat half his ass on my desk. “I’ll keep my hands to myself, Rach. You can have the bedroom. I’m cool with the couch. I usually fall asleep there anyway. Seriously. It’s not a big deal.”

  “What about the girls you bring home? Don’t you need the bedroom?” I was fishing for him to admit he was a manwhore. He seemed to find me hilarious.

  “The girls I bring home? Didn’t you just say we couldn’t be physical?”

  I nodded.

  “Yeah, well I’m pretty sure I can hold out for the time it takes for your furniture to be delivered.”

  He wouldn’t admit there were other women, and a part of me didn’t even want to know the truth. It might make me feel terrible about my decision to sleep with him. “Fine, but only because it’s close to work and you have furniture and dishes.”

  “How about we go shopping, then pick something up to take back? You can change into something comfortable and relax for a change.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “It’s settled. Close up your computer and let’s get going.”

  Chapter 21

  Grayson

  Work wasn’t keeping my mind off of Rachel. I kept contemplating calling her and begging her to come home, but I knew she was getting annoyed. I couldn’t continue to push her. She needed time, and I had to give it to her. This wasn’t something I was able to rush. I had to give her ample space if I ever wanted her back in my life. Time would be the only factor when it came to our marriage. I was going to have to pray I didn’t lose her forever, but if I had, I’d need to learn how to survive without her constant love and support.

  Around lunchtime my receptionist told me my daughter had dropped by. Without a second’s thought I told her to send the girl straight back to my office. When the door opened I didn’t even look up, since I assumed it was Stephanie.