Overcoming Depression For Dummies

by Smith, Laura L.

  If you’ve already seen a professional, don’t decide that this relapse means all professional help is useless.

  If therapy helped before, then more therapy is likely to prove beneficial. If you previously tried therapy and it didn’t help, you need further treatment – perhaps with a different therapist (refer to Chapter 4 for info on finding the right therapist or type of therapy, and Chapter 16 for complementary therapy).

  If you haven’t tried medication, do consider it. If medication worked for you before and you stopped, you may want to restart medication or add psychological therapy to your storehouse of therapies. Recurrent depressions are an indication that long-term medication may be necessary. (We review medication in Chapter 15.)

  The most unhelpful thing you can do if you experience a relapse is to see it as a catastrophe, and assume that it means you’ve failed or that no one can do anything to help you. You have to understand that depression is a formidable foe with a variety of causes, including genetics, trauma, and no doubt many still unknown reasons. Professionals don’t believe that depression recurs because of personal weakness, a lack of moral fibre, or any such ‘fault’ of yours. Remind yourself that facing your enemy again may not be fun exactly,, but we believe, and research shows, that you can defeat depression if you try.

  The majority of depression relapses can be treated successfully. You have at your disposal a host of treatments and avenues to explore in your quest.

  Chapter 18

  Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness

  In This Chapter

  Knowing that you aren’t your mind

  Clearing out your chattering mind

  Living life to the full

  Being aware of the present moment is the goal of mindfulness. In a mindful state, you’re aware, engaged, connected, and non-judgemental. Mindfulness is a central aspect of Buddhist teachings, but you don’t need to be a practising Buddhist to benefit from mindfulness.

  ‘But where’s the link between mindfulness and depression?’ we hear you asking. Well, cross-cultural research is being carried out on the use of mindfulness for preventing relapse in depression. Researchers have discovered that a adding mindfulness to cognitive therapy (see Part II for information about cognitive therapy) cuts the relapse rate by almost half among those people who’ve had three or more episodes of depression. That’s a pretty impressive finding! If you’ve been suffering from depression and are keen to increase your chances of living life to the full and minimising the chance of a relapse, mindfulness may be just what you’re looking for.

  In this chapter, we’re going to help you become mindful. The first step on your path towards mindfulness is by showing you the difference between you and your mind. Then we spotlight clutter clogging up your mind and show you how to tidy up the disorderliness. Finally, you discover how to apply mindfulness to your day-to-day life. So, keep reading this chapter if you’re still having some depressive symptoms, or if you want to keep depression at bay. Live well, even with depression. Understanding the Difference Between You and Your Mind

  The human mind is a thinking machine. Your mind is continuously weighing up the evidence and using language topass judgements on your thinking. The power of language has been recognised for centuries: the Greek poet Euripides, who died in about 406 BC, said, ‘The tongue is mightier than the blade.’

  But there is a danger that your mind can take over your thinking completely by making too many judgements and evaluations and presenting what you’re thinking as reality. And when the mind is depressed, these judgements can be overwhelmingly negative. Believing that you are the same thing as those negative opinions and thoughts becomes all too easy. Yes, your mind is very important but we want you to realise that you are something more than your mind.

  Think back to when you were a child. What was your life like? What were you feeling? Doing? Liking and disliking? Where were you living?

  Do you have a picture of yourself as a child? Can you see yourself? If so, you probably can’t remember a lot about your thoughts back then. When a person recalls their childhood, they usually can only remember facts. The you in your memory is made up of what you were doing and how you were feeling – rather than the thoughts that were running through your mind.

  Another way of seeing the difference between you and your mind is to try the following experiment: sit quietly for a few moments waiting, watching, and listening for a thought to come into your mind. Perhaps the thought comes instantly, or it may take a little while. When your mind brings the thought to life, pay attention to it. Become aware that you are the one who’s listening to and paying attention to the thought – you aren’t the same thing as your mind and your thoughts.

  The you that isn’t your mind is the part of you that observes, experiences, breathes, and lives without judgement and analysis. The term mindfulness describes this state of awareness of thoughts, judgements and experienceWe think that the term mindlessness is far more descriptive. But alas, we succumb to convention in this chapter and stick with the term mindfulness. This awareness allows you to choose how you want respond to any situation. You no longer have to just keep reacting in your usual way.

  If You Don’t Mind Your Mind, It Doesn’t Matter

  Do you sometimes feel as if your thoughts are torturing you ? The mind is seldom quiet. All day long it’s busy weighing up and passing judgement on what you’re thinking. Depending on what your mood is at the time, your thoughts can change from negative, through neutral, to positive. This mind chatter even steals into your dreams, giving you nightmares and causing you to feel defenceless, exposed, or humiliated.

  Mindfulness is about seeing the difference between you and your mind. In this section, we show you how to stop viewing thoughts as facts and start seeing them merely as mind chatter. We give you tools to help you challenge the belief that your negative thoughts about yourself are true. And we also show you how the mind’s chatter stops you from living in the present because of continually focusing on the past or worrying about the future.

  Seeing that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts

  Have you ever just had a brilliant idea and then just when you come to act on it – Oh no! It’s gone! That’s what happened to two of us one morning, when we sat down to write this chapter. We realised to our dismay that we’d both completely forgotten what the idea was all about. ‘No problem – we’ll just look through our notes and find it.’ No such luck. Then hard on the heels of our brilliant idea came a whole host of negative thoughts (refer to Chapters 5 and 6 for more on negative thoughts):

  How could we forget such a brilliant idea as this?

  Are we getting early dementia?

  How could we be so stupid as to not make a note and file the idea?

  We’re completely stuck and can’t come up with another idea.

  Did we sink into despondency? Guess what? We didn’t! Instead, we took our dogs for a walk noticing what a wonderful day it was. We witnessed the unrestrained delight of our dogs as they sniffed every bush, barked at the birds, and watered a few choice bushes.

  How did we stay in a good mood and enjoy the walk? Well, although it’s taken us a while, we view our thoughts less seriously than we used to – we know that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. By letting go and not dwelling on our negative thinking, we simply came up with another way of presenting our idea.

  All too often, the human mind responds to thoughts as though they truly reflect reality. Think of your favourite food. Visualise the colour, feel the texture, breathe in the delicious smell, and bring it closer and closer to your mouth. Are you salivating yet? Very often the body reacts as if the image is the reality.

  The same applies to your negative thoughts. If you see them as real and solid, then get ready to experience pain and anguish.

  In Part II of this book, we discuss in detail how, when you’re depressed, your thoughts often contain distortions. In this chapter, we ask you to take these ideas further and to view thoughts merely
as thoughts. Psychologists call your mind’s incessant stream of thoughts mind chatter. Your mind is good at producing negative chatter. But when you’re depressed, you can easily fall into the trap of buying into it, telling yourself that’s how you are and how you appear to the world.

  You can decide to take this kind of jabbering seriously, or you can hear it as mindless drivel and dismiss it as being just that. You have the power to choose.

  In the following sections, we give you lots of ideas to help you separate thoughts from facts. Just remember that mastering this new skill takes time, so be patient with yourself.

  Succeeding through sarcasm

  When you notice negative, self-critical thoughts running through your mind, it can help if you distance yourself from them by thanking your mind for developing such an interesting idea! Be sure to inject a healthy dose of sarcasm into your response to your mind. Remember, you are not your mind. Here’s an example of the sarcastic approach:

  Your mind’s thought: I’m such a twit!

  You: Gee! Thank you, mind, for that lovely thought!

  Your mind’s thought: I’ll never find someone to love.

  You: Excellent job, mind! Thanks a bunch!

  Your mind’s thought: I’m hopeless.

  You: Well done! Great! How in the world do you come up with these ideas, mind?

  Your mind’s thought: I can’t stand this feeling!

  You: Thank you, mind. You sure know how to make my day that much more enjoyable!

  If this exercise feels too harsh and abrasive, think about experimenting with irony. For example, Elaine, one of the authors of this book, was driving to the airport to take a group of people who were scared of flying on a return flight to Europe. Her mind conjured up an ironic image: a newspaper headline reading ‘Fear of Flying Expert Dies in Plane Crash!’. Elaine, though rather taken aback, agreed with her mind that this would be a truly ironic ending. Having identified that this was an exceptionally ironic thought, she then went on to challenge the probability of it actually happening (Chapter 6 explains how to do this by ‘Taking Your Thought to Task’).

  Getting playful

  Another useful strategy for dealing with negative, self-critical c thinking is to treat it playfully. Yes, really. Play with it. Surprisingly, you can change the meaning of your thoughts and your response to them if you start getting playful.

  Write down the negative thoughts that are running through your head. Sing those thoughts to yourself over and over again. Then use the negative thoughts as lyrics to a popular tune, or make up your own melody. You find your negative thoughts becoming trivial, even amusing when you give them a tune. Alternatively, experiment with saying them out loud, but in a highly distorted voice. Try a Donald Duck, or Inspector Clouseau voice, or any other exaggerated stereotype. Buying into negative chatter is a lot harder when you hear it coming from Donald Duck!

  Arguing for, not against, your negative thoughts (yes really!)

  If you have a partner you trust and feel comfortable with, you can try an exercise that two of us often use. One person says their negative thoughts out loud. The other, rather than arguing against the negativity, actually goes along with, and expands further on the negative chatter. The whole scenario is carried out in an extremely silly tone, and the content is super sarcastic. Here’s a taster:

  Dr Elliott: What I wrote today felt like junk. Who on earth is ever going to want to read this stuff?

  Dr Smith: That’s right! You never write anything interesting at all. You may as well quit right now!

  Dr Elliott: You’re right. I think I’ll quit! Maybe I’ll do something different.

  Dr Smith: Now, that’s a really good idea. But who’s ever going to employ you?

  Obviously, this dialogue is meant to be a good natured, lighthearted exercise. If you try it, and it doesn’t feel that way, just leave it alone. This technique only works if you and your partner fully trust each other, and also completely understand the nature of mind chatter, as well as the value of approaching it as a bit of fun!

  Talking rubbish

  Here’s an exercise for reminding yourself that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts attempting to control and influence your actions. This exercise is similar to an exercise we present in Chapter 10, but it’s worth repeating in this section. (If someone’s reading this book to you on your behalf think up an alternative scenario that likewise reaffirms your power to defeat your mind’s chatter.)

  1. Say these words out loud: ‘I can’t read.’

  2. Say it louder: ‘I can’t read!’

  3. Now, shout:‘I really can’t read!’

  4. One more time, ‘Honestly, there’s absolutely no way that I can read.’ Now, realise that you’ve actually read each of these statements in order to say them.

  Thoughts, like statements, have no power over you, other than the power you give to them. Are you getting the idea of how just saying something, or equally just thinking it, doesn’t make it true?

  Recognising automatic negativity

  Are you struggling to view your mind’s stream of incessant negative thoughts as mere chatter? Well, try looking around you. If you’re outside, look at the sky and take in the whole landscape. Or, if you’re indoors, take a close look at all that you see in the room. Now, look for things to criticise and dislike. Surprisingly easy isn’t it?

  The human mind is trained to weigh up whatever you’re thinking. And it can pass negative judgements at the snap of a finger. But does that make the judgement correct? Of course not! Too often when passing judgement on your thoughts, your mind can easily slip into automatic negativity.

  Letting negative thoughts go

  And here’s another suggestion for dealing with your negative thoughts. When you notice yourself having negative thoughts, try picturing them balancing on a giant leaf and see yourself watching the leaf gently float down stream. Practise playing with your negative thoughts as being something outside yourself. Observe them. Watch them float away into the distance. See how they swirl and dance as they go by. Visualising your negative thoughts being washed away is a form of meditation. Try it out for 10 to 20 minutes each day. Simply sit and relax. Watching each thought float away.

  You may prefer to visualise your negative thoughts as a swirling mass of clouds. Watch the clouds drift past you in front of your eyes, seeing them gradually dissolving into nothingness. Or, if visualisation doesn’t work for you, write your negative thoughts down on a piece of paper. Take the paper outside, put it in an incinerator, and set your negative thoughts alight. Watch them going up in smoke right in front of you. Try backing away and putting some distance between you and your negative thoughts. From a distance quietly observe your negative thoughts (although of course if your negative thought is signalling danger, you need to act there and then). At most, consider your thoughts as possibilities, rather than statements of fact.

  Knowing that resistance is futile

  Everyone wants to enjoy a sense of wellbeing, that’s perfectly natural. You find quite a number of self-help books promising that by just grabbing happiness and never letting go, you’re never going to feel bad again!

  So what does the mind do when it confronts a negative experience or thought? It tells you that you absolutely must not feel bad. Avoid, deny, and suppress all negativity! Refuse to accept what is.

  Unfortunately, denying negativity causes a problem: The harder you try not think or feel something, the more certain it is that you’re going to (see the sidebar ‘Polar bears and negative thoughts’ in Chapter 5):

  If you’re afraid of feeling anxious, inevitably you’re going to start feeling anxious.

  If you can’t cope with sad events, you may well try to suppress your feelings. They can then appear in the form of depression.

  If you keep on telling yourself you absolutely must not make a hash of that presentation, and it’s vital that you succeed. This, in turn, disrupts your performance and means that you’re more likely to mess it up.


  There’s nothing wrong with experiencing a few negative thoughts and predicting potentially worrying outcomes. It’s often the struggle to suppress the thoughts that intensifies and magnifies them so that they become overwhelming. Psychologists have studied what happens when people with depression attempt to suppress all negative thoughts. You guessed it; they actually experience more negative thoughts.