Overcoming Depression For Dummies

by Smith, Laura L.

  Understanding gratitude

  Gratitude is a powerful, pleasant emotion that people feel frequently. In 2007 Alex Wood, Stephen Joseph and Alex Linley reviewed the research into this exciting, comparatively new field. Current research suggests gratitude acts as a ‘moral barometer’ It motivates many people, meaning they are then more likely to help one another and it makes the receiver more likely to provide help to others in the future. We don’t yet fully understand how, when and why gratitude leads to helpful behaviour. Part of the confusion is because at times people feel under pressure, socially and psychologically, to express gratitude even if it is not really felt. While philosophers and theologians have written on the role of gratitude for cenbturies, more recent research is being undertaken across several fields: personality, cognition and emotion, clinical, health, coaching, and positive psychology.

  Positive psychologists have been studying a range of people. The research shows that gratitude can be described as a ‘personality trait’ which some people feel much more strongly and often than others. People who feel more gratitude are much more likely to have higher levels of happiness, and lower levels of depression and stress. Many other personality traits besides gratitude also relate to levels of mental health.

  Gratitude plays a key role in how we relate to one another. The example of Beth and Bill illustrates what’s been found from research.

  Research suggests that gratitude can help you deal with social problems, illness and health problems by improving your sense of quality of life and helping you to increase your level of happiness and well-being, and decrease depression. Increasing gratitude, by noticing and recording it, seems a uniquely beneficial approach. In a study by Martin Seligman, people recording gratitude found on average their happiness scores rose by 10 per cent, and their depression scores also fell significantly. The link between gratitude, social relationships, and success is probably an interactive upward spiral, where being grateful leads to greater success, which in turn leads to gratitude, perpetuating the cycle.

  Studying the effects of gratitude, Dr Robert Emmons and Dr Michael McCullough carried out a series of studies suggesting that gratitude leads to an increased sense of wellbeing. In these studies, the groups taking part were asked to list items for which they feel grateful. These items, which could be large or small, included waking up this morning, performing an act of generosity, or even being able to listen to a favourite band or rock group. Other groups were asked to list negative happenings, ways in which they felt others were less fortunate than themselves, and the hassles they experienced during the day.

  Overall, the results of the studies were striking and impressive. Dr Emmons and Dr McCullough found that asking participants to focus on events for which they felt grateful caused a number of interesting changes (when compared with the groups that were asked to track different types of happenings). The groups that focused on gratitude:

  Had more positive feelings

  Helped other people with their problems more frequently

  Had less negative feelings (in one study)

  Slept longer

  Had better quality sleep

  Felt more connected to people

  Were more optimistic

  Exercised more, even though no one had asked them to do so (in one study)

  Reported fewer health problems (in one study)

  These results are particularly amazing because the groups focusing on gratitude weren’t told to expect any particular benefits. Also, these groups ‘counted their blessings’ for a short period of time, ranging from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. As well, people who knew the participants in the gratitude groups reported that they were able to see that the participants felt better about their lives.

  Putting gratitude to work for you

  Think about tracking what makes you feel grateful, as a way of improving your sense of wellbeing. The Gratitude Tracking Inventory works like this: over the next month or two, try carrying out the following tasks daily:

  1. Write down five things that make you feel grateful. Look over your whole day, and think about small and large events.

  2. Reflect a few moments on how appreciative you feel about each item on your list.

  And guess what? That’s it! This exercise only needs about five minutes of your time each day, but really can rev up both your enjoyment and your quality of life. And after you’ve started down the track and you’re counting your blessings as a regular part of your life, the benefits you discover may very well surprise you.

  When you’re feeling down, you may think there’s nothing for you to feel grateful for. However, even during those negative times, just stop and think really hard. You probably can find just a few small things to feel grateful about. But if you’re so depressed that you find this exercise impossible, please do more work on your depression, including considering getting professional help (refer to Chapter 4) before having another go at this exercise.

  Having A Really Nice Day

  When things feel all too much, common advice is to take one day at a time. The only problem with this is it’s all too easy to overlook the good things. Here’s a good way to learn from experience.

  For the next fortnight, keep a daily record writing down the main things you did that day. Pay particular attention to times when you felt gratitude, or others were grateful to you. Each evening, rate give the day an overall rating of ‘Niceness’ from 1 to 10, where 10 represents a brilliant day, 5 is an average day, and 1 is one of the worst ever.

  Do this for 2 weeks, then put some time aside to learn from your experience. From your record, looking at days when you scored 6 or higher, can you spot any particular activities that are related to the good days?

  I get by with a little help from my friends . . .

  Social relationships are an important factor in being well and happy. But did you know that one of the best ways to nurture such relationships is with gratitude?

  Here’s an example for you. Bob is a grateful bloke. He notices when someone helps him, and is happy to express his gratitude. Beth, on the other hand, doesn’t get on with gratitude. She’s pretty ungrateful, and she doesn’t say a thing someone does her a favour. Who do you think is more likely to succumb to depression – Bob or Beth?

  If you said Beth, you’re spot on. Researchers have found that grateful people are more likely to reciprocate when someone helps them out. So when Bob’s neighbour George lends him a lawnmower, Bob is grateful, and he goes on to give George’s wife a hand fixing a puncture on her bike. Gratitude causes an upward spiral of helping and mutual support.

  An ungrateful person is less likely to do the other person a good turn, putting their benefactor off helping them or anyone else. When Beth’s brother Simon helps her move house, Beth orders him about all day and never bothers to thank him. Simon feels hurt and annoyed, and he stomps out saying, ‘Why did I bother?’ Simon feels less inclined to be a helpful chap, and Beth is left lonely and blue.

  Thanks to his gratitude and helpful nature, Bob has better social relationships than Beth. So when he feels down, he has plenty of friends to turn to. Beth, however, is less successful at maintaining friendships, and when she feels depressed, she struggles to find support.

  So working on your gratitude is just one positive way to keep yourself happy, well, and connected to people around you.

  The secret of this exercise is that you then plan more of these into your next fortnight, and from the daily rating, see if they continue to correlate with good days.

  Pleasure and enjoyment can be maximised in this way, and we hope you will agree with the old saying that ‘Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have’.

  You’re likely to be very surprised at how good you’re feeling after carrying out this exercise. Keep on bringing gratitude into your life. We think that feeling grateful just may help buffer you against future episodes of depression.

  Helping others

  We believe that a
connection exists between altruism (unselfish concern for others) and the ability to feel gratitude. Support for this idea can be found in the study we discuss in the ‘Studying the effects of gratitude’ section, earlier in this chapter. An increase in gratitude led study participants to help others more often. We suspect that the opposite may hold as well – that an increase in altruism, or helping others, may lead to an increase in your own feelings of gratitude.

  Look for ways of helping others. You may wonder where to start. Here are a few suggestions:

  Checking out your local Voluntary Service Bureau, or looking up available opportunities on the Internet. For example, searching for ‘voluntary work London’ on www.do-it.org came up with 2,039 opportunities, from a site that promises to search through over 1,000,000 choices! Another useful website is the National Council for Voluntary Organisations (NCVO) (www.ncvo-vol.org.uk). You’re certainly going to be spoiled for choice!

  Offering to help an elderly neighbour with some chores, such as taking their rubbish out.

  Giving support to a friend or relative who’s having a bit of a rough time – doing an activity with them, or just listening and talking.You’re going to find that half the fun of performing this exercise is in coming up with your own ideas, so now it’s over to you!

  If you’re a bit of a cynic, you may scoff and say, ‘How can people really have unselfish concern for others because, ultimately, if they’re acting altruistically, they expect to get benefits?’ Well, where’s the problem? We actually believe that benefits do indeed flow both ways. We’re certainly not suggesting that you perform kind acts in anticipation of actual personal gain, because that’s not in the spirit of this suggestion. But why not give altruism a go? We think that you’re going to get more lasting pleasure from altruistic activities than from passing pleasures such as eating a nice meal or watching your favourite TV show.

  Getting in the groove: Feeling the flow

  Short-term pleasures aren’t going to lead to long-term happiness. But somehow society more and more often suggests you try out any one of a squillion cheap, quick-fix approaches to finding happiness. Although such short-term lifts are unlikely to work out in the long run, we’re not advising that you give up on all small pleasures.

  Instead, search for absorbing challenges. Dr Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced ‘Chick sent me high’) describes an absorbing challenge as something that gives you what he calls flow. When you’re in a state of flow, you typically find yourself totally absorbed in the activity you’re engaged in (so much so that you lose all sense of time). These activities are the ones you never want to stop doing. They engage you so powerfully that your involvement feels utterly effortless, even if the pursuit is physically strenuous.

  You may well have to search to find activities that give you this sense of total engagement and flow, but you’re likely to discover great value both in the search and most certainly in the discovery of such completely absorbing, captivating challenges. Look back on your life and try to think of a time you were in the flow. Remember when time just flew past and how amazed you were. If you can’t recall any moments at all, think through possibilities of any hobbies you currently enjoy.

  For some people, sports like running or tennis do the trick. For others, a particular hobby like painting, gourmet cooking, dancing, or reading a book presents new and stimulating ideas. Even work, including writing, can put you in a state of flow. If, like us, you’re fortunate enough to work in an area that’s totally fascinating then you really are on to a winner. (What? Going home time already? Can’t be! Where’s the day gone?)

  Activities stimulating flow require a great deal of effort – much more than needed for idle pleasures such as watching TV, going to the cinema, or snacking on junk food. Unlike transient delights and amusements, activities that put you in a state of flow often mean you have to postpone gratification for a while, until you get the hang of the activity. But hang on in there and you’re very likely to reap immeasurably rich rewards from making the effort.

  Most fully engaging challenges can also result in experiencing failure, both before and after the challenge becomes deeply rewarding. In most cases, we believe you’re going to take these passing failures in your stride. However, if you’re experiencing a major depression, we don’t recommend that you start trying to find flow experiences. Make sure you’ve overcome your depression, and then turn your attention to finding activities that get you into the groove, and producing flow.

  Focusing on your strengths

  We want you to feel better than ‘just okay’. But to do that, you need to focus on your personal strengths, rather than beat yourself up over your weaker points. If you’re feeling depressed, you’re probably going to need to work through other parts of this book (especially Part II) to allow yourself to let go of your negative thoughts and outlook. But if you’ve come out of your depression, then here goes . . .

  Knowing what strength is – and isn’t

  By strengths, we don’t mean attributes that are largely inherited like appearance, athletic skill, physique, a beautiful singing voice – these are all features about yourself to appreciate and feel grateful for, but they’re not what we want you to focus on.

  Think about it. You may enjoy hearing a friend sing, but that lovely voice is probably not why you value that person as a friend. Similarly, you may enjoy watching your children develop as athletes, but we suspect that their athletic skill has little to do with why you love them. When you think about what you really value in another person, don’t you think more about their fundamental human qualities?

  Strengths are the virtues, attributes, and characteristics that you value in others. Strengths involve a person’s core character. The following list gives examples of important strengths, some of which we’re sure you already have.

  Appreciation of beauty/aesthetics Joy in learning

  Compassion Kindness

  Curiosity Loyalty

  Dependability Listening skills

  Empathy Loving nature

  Generosity Perseverance

  Helpfulness Sense of humour

  Honesty Trustworthiness

  Exercising your strengths

  Look through the list of 16 sample strengths and think about which of these strengths are yours. Realistically not all people are lucky enough to have all these positive attributes, but we do believe that practically no one has none at all.

  By identifying, appreciating, and building on your strengths, you can find value in yourself and increase your sense of wellbeing. Start by observing your strengths. Identify three personal strengths that you value the most in the previous list. Perhaps you’ve thought of a few strengths we’ve missed out. Over the next few weeks, do the following Appreciating Your Strengths exercise. Get out a notebook and make notes on your strengths.

  1. Notice each time you use one of your personal strengths.

  2. Notice the type of occasion that allows you to express your strength.

  3. Become aware of how you feel when you employ that strength.

  4. Appreciate how that strength enhances your life.

  5. Mentally pat yourself on the back for having that strength.

  We hope that, as you try out Appreciating Your Strengths, you’re going to start feeling a sense of gratitude for your strengths. Next, begin building on your strengths. Exercise them. Look for opportunities to use your strengths at work, home, and play.

  Anna cleans houses for a living. She struggles to get through each day and views her work just as something she has do to survive, full stop. Though she’s not depressed, her life feels dull and lacking in purpose.

  By contrast, Carol also cleans houses, but she creates meaning from her work by focusing on ways to express her personal strengths of appreciating beauty, kindness, and helpfulness. Carol approaches her work from the standpoint of how she can ‘beautify’ the homes she works in, not just merely clean them. As well as dusting she carefully arranges items in aesthetically pleas
ing ways. She looks for any opportunity to make her clients’ lives easier. Thus, she readily reorganises cupboards and occasionally runs errands without being asked. Her elderly clients view her as an absolute treasure – in fact, her visits are the highlight of the week for many of them. They even get dressed up, knowing she’s going to notice what they’re wearing, and how the colours are coordinated. They make sure there’s always a special pastry in the house, and time to stop and have tea together as friends, something that’s enjoyable for both Carol, and for them. Although cynics may think that Carol’s taking her job too far, the truth is that she really does get pleasure from expressing her personal strengths through her work. At work, Carol frequently goes into a state of flow (see the section ‘Focusing on your strengths’), and this experience, achieved through her work, enhances her sense of wellbeing.