Now, Please

by Willow Summers

  I shook my head as a tear leaked out, thankfully on the opposite side of my face Brenda could see. I couldn’t very well tell her this was all his doing, because that would raise questions. I didn’t want questions. The situation was embarrassing enough.

  Instead, I started looking through job listings, trying to find something out of the city, preferably, where I wouldn’t even have to be reminded of him.

  The day passed in a slow grind of boredom. There were no questions to deal with, and I’d been through all the departments that were hiring. Most jobs sounded terrible, so I started looking at the departments that weren’t hiring. Maybe Hunter would pull some strings.

  The elevator chimed. Brenda murmured, “Brace yourself. Incoming.”

  I glanced up in a fog of misery to see a tall, beautiful blond saunter in wearing an expensive suit and displaying miles of cleavage. Brown eyes and a pretty face decked out in makeup smiled in a condescending way as she laid eyes on Brenda.

  “Hello, I’m Candice, here to see Mr. Carlisle.” She batted her eyelashes as Brenda checked her in before glancing at me. A tiny line developed between shapely eyebrows, probably at my appearance, before refocusing on Brenda.

  “Please have a seat and he’ll call you in,” Brenda said, pointing toward the waiting area.

  The woman turned gracefully on her high-dollar heels. My breathing got shallow and heavy as my heart started to ache, knowing that Hunter might just try her out today. Right now. He’d touch her intimately, only twenty feet away, while I sat, pining over him.

  I bowed my head over my computer, seeing the keyboard turn foggy as my eyes filled with tears.

  “He’ll see you now,” Brenda said.

  The woman sauntered by, walking on those heels like she’d worn them all her life. Quite the contrast from my wobbling and staggering around.

  “He won’t go for her. Too tight-ass.”

  I ignored Brenda as I opened the programming notes from Bruce. I had nothing else to do, so I figured I might as well get lost in codes and programming. It was the only place I could totally shut off.

  Half an hour later, the woman walked back out with stars in her eyes. She took a long look at me before thanking Brenda and strolling toward the elevator.

  I hunched closer to my desk, trying harder to get lost in Bruce’s new game. My heart hurt so bad that concentration was not just difficult, it was nonexistent.

  The next day was the same, but thankfully, there were no interviewees. Four were scheduled for the day after, though.

  I spent the whole day working on Bruce’s stuff, communicating with him freely via email, and sneaking out once for a phone call. That was when Kimberly caught me, having tried to get a hold of me since Sunday night.

  “Livy? Is everything okay? I heard that Hunter Carlisle is looking for another admin.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it, but yeah. He is. I’ll probably go somewhere else in the company.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. It’s just better this way. Anyway, I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

  “Okay, but call me. I’m worried about you!”

  “Okay, bye.” I hung up and faced the breeze, willing the tears to stop running. Willing the hurt to subside so I could focus on something else besides this terrible ache in my chest.

  When Wednesday rolled around, I was a nervous wreck. I knew the real applicants would come in, and I’d glanced at a few résumés. These women weren’t just overqualified, they were spectacular. Experienced and already high-powered, these women were probably taking pay cuts to work for Hunter. He had the pick of the litter, and I was positive they’d all be beauties.

  I slunk in, with my hair down and partially draped over my eyes. Brenda wandered to my desk, a little later than usual, set the cup of coffee down, and stood idle. I didn’t bother looking up—I looked worse than I had for the last two days. I’d even had a stranger stop me on the way in and ask if I needed help.

  When perfect strangers spoke up, things were not going well.

  “You’re in the home stretch, Olivia,” Brenda said softly. “He can’t hold out for much longer. He looks just as bad as you do.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from glancing up then. Her expression was pure pity, her usually snarky visage softened with concern. It sounded strangely like she knew what was going on. What was really going on.

  “What are you talking about?” I said. It was a bad cover, but I didn’t know what else to say.

  She tilted her head and gave a small pout before moving away to her desk. “I know what love looks like. And I know much more than you think. You’ve put that man on his toes. You’ve made him uncomfortable, you’ve made him bend, and now you’re breaking him. His first reaction to things he can’t control is to force them away. And now here you are, coming in every day when most women wouldn’t, taunting him with your presence. And you look like hell, girl. He is a caring man underneath—he won’t like to see his handiwork on the face of someone he cares about. Home stretch.”

  Tears leaked down my face as I cried softly toward my desk.

  “You must think I’m daft not to know what a weird setup he has with all these hoity-toity idiots. Useless, the lot of them.” Brenda sniffed. “Finally he gets someone who won’t fall into that ridiculousness, and he tries to chase her away? Well, I gave him a piece of my mind. Bert did, too.” Brenda tsked. “I don’t even care if he follows through and does fire me. Let’s see him fill this spot, the spoiled little brat.”

  I took a deep breath and wiped my face, trying to tune out Brenda’s muttering. It was naive to think she didn’t know about Hunter’s setup. I didn’t even know if I had thought she had been oblivious to it. But discovering that she did know, and was on my side, made me feel better, if a little embarrassed. At least I wasn’t alone.

  I slouched the whole way into his office, staring at the ground. I put his coffee in the usual spot and turned. Before I’d made it to the door, though, he stopped me. “You don’t need to come in for the rest of the week. I’ll pay you for it, but it might be best if you stayed at home…”

  Each word was a dagger into my heart. He’d probably be giving the second interviews, bringing in fresh girls, and sending them back out with a flush and a satisfied smile. Claws of pain raked down my middle as more tears dripped out. I nodded mutely, unable to utter a word.

  Back at my desk, I opened my program again and just went to work, numbing my mind. Trying to block out the pain.

  Ding.

  I looked up with wary eyes as another blond bombshell walked into the room. Her hair was shorter and her eyes were hazel, but she could’ve been cut from the same cloth. The knockout cloth.

  I looked back down at my computer, blocking out her sexy hum. I ignored her hippy saunter to the waiting area. And finally, I ignored the tear dripping down my face as she walked by my desk after being called into Hunter’s office.

  “When are the others coming?” I asked Brenda, not looking up.

  “Why don’t you take a long lunch?” Brenda said softly. “Come back at two. Everything should be over by then. He won’t see these women for long.”

  I grabbed my handbag and walked out of the office, my mind on that beautiful, experienced, high-powered woman in there with Hunter, flirting and seducing him with her eyes. She probably hoped he would take her right there. And maybe he would.

  I sat at a cafe with a coffee and an untouched sandwich for two and a half hours. Just sat there, staring at nothing. Images of Hunter kept flashing through my mind. Sweet things, like him holding the door open for me, or guiding me around, or our dance. Then the kissing. I felt the burn of his passion, so fresh in my memory. His shaking hands after we lay in a tangle of limbs. His soft words.

  I sighed and shifted my unfocused gaze. Another tear dripped down my cheek.

  I flinched as my phone vibrated on the table. I stared down in confusion, forgetting I’d brought it out at all. Hunter’s name sh
owed up above a text. “Come back to the office. Please.”

  I smiled a little at the please before throwing my coffee in the trash. The sandwich I gave to a homeless man asking for change outside. He glanced up with thanks, looking weary and downtrodden.

  He looked exactly how I felt.

  Back at the office, I passed by Brenda’s empty desk and stopped at Hunter’s door. I peeked through the vast and sunlit space, seeing him sitting at his desk, turned in his chair toward the window.

  I walked in slowly, pain still eating away at my insides. “You wanted to see me?”

  He turned around, showing that handsome face and those deep brown, turbulent eyes. “Yes. Have you found a new position?”

  I took a seat in his visitor chair, not because I thought I’d stick around for long, but because I just didn’t have any strength anymore. He’d defeated me. This whole situation had beaten me. I felt it in every nerve in my body.

  “I found one that could work. It’s in Windsor.”

  “Windsor?” Hunter’s brow furrowed. “Way up north?”

  “Yes. It’s cheaper up there, and I could get a car. Seems like a good place. More bang for my buck.”

  Hunter braced his elbows on his desk. “It’s a long way. What about your family?”

  “It’s only an hour north with a car. And it’s not much further from my mom than San Francisco is. Not that it would really matter She has her own thing going.”

  Hunter stared at me for a moment then bent down to the desk. “If that’s what you want.”

  I clasped my hands in my lap. It wasn’t. None of this was what I wanted. Getting away from him, though, would be the only way to heal. It would be the only way I could forget that a piece of him was still lodged deeply inside my heart from that intense, emotional night we’d spent together. From all our time together.

  “Okay. I’ll arrange everything. Brenda will contact you with the details.” Hunter looked at his computer, but I could tell his eyes weren’t reading what was on the screen.

  “What about my computer? And should I give the credit card to you or Brenda?”

  He shook his head in small jerks. “The computer will be needed in your next position. Keep that with you. And keep the credit card, in case you need something.”

  “I won’t need anything, Hunter. You gave me a job. I’m all set.”

  His arms flexed. His gaze hit mine, powerful and intense. “Keep it. You’ll need a new place to live, maybe new furniture—”

  “I’ll just leave it with Brenda.” I stood and turned for the door.

  “Olivia.”

  I paused, glancing back. Fire lit his eyes and his jaw clenched. He stared, not saying anything.

  “Is that it for today?” I asked. “This is the exit interview, I take it…”

  To his continued silence, I turned and walked from the room. I tidied up my desk, took the last of my personal items, left the credit card on Brenda’s desk, and cried as I made my way home.

  Chapter Eleven

  I jumped when my phone rang. I’d been sitting in my room, staring at the wall. Normal people would probably have been staring out the window, but really, what was the difference? I wasn’t seeing anything anyway.

  I held my phone up so I could see the screen, expecting it to be Kimberly. I’d filled her in on what had happened with Hunter shortly after my last day, needing to purge, and now she called daily, sometimes more, to check up on me. I got the impression she was worried that I would haul myself to the Golden Gate Bridge and do a swan dive off it.

  A shock ran through me at seeing Bruce’s name on my phone, having a hard time replacing the misery of love gone wrong. I knew he had my number, but he’d never called it before. He always emailed me with questions. For him to call me at all, let alone on a Saturday, was definitely odd. Or an emergency.

  I swiped the phone before holding it to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Livy, hi. It’s Bruce.”

  “Oh hey—”

  “Listen, I hear you’re changing jobs. What’s up?”

  A laugh died in the back of my throat. The man was nothing if not bold and a little pushy. Pain rushed in to cover the delight, as I remembered how alike he and Hunter were when it came to focus and work ethic. They’d probably be an excellent team. Better than Hunter and I were.

  Hand shaking, I swallowed down a sob. After a deep breath, I said, “I’m going to do something a little more up my alley, I think.”

  “He said you’d be in the IT department. That right?”

  “Yeah. Yes. Yup.” What was this, a lesson on how many ways to give an affirmation?

  “That’s not totally in your wheelhouse. Sure you’d be any happier there than as an admin?”

  “I—”

  “Because listen, I’ve been thinking. We’re on to something. I really think we’ve created some magic. If we pull this app off how I think we will, it’s going to lead to dollars. If we put that money back into our product, like Hunter suggested, and use that momentum, I’d bet we have the makings of a great business here, Livy.”

  I resumed my stare at the wall. I didn’t want to think of business, because that made me think about Hunter. And that lead to thoughts on who he got to replace me. He might’ve had someone right at that moment, bent over his desk, giving herself to his pleasure. She’d have a contract, and new clothes, and Hunter’s time.

  I heaved a sigh as tears filled my eyes. “I thought you wanted to get out of business.”

  “I’ll need something to do. My wife can’t possibly want me hanging around the whole time. If we just keep it small, I think it would be a fine day job.”

  “That’s probably what you said about the last startup. And look how that turned out…”

  I heard a bark of laughter. “Yes, but I know what I’m doing this time. Mostly. Still, I’ll have you. You’re a rock of sense.”

  I huffed.

  “I really think we can do this, Olivia.”

  I wiped a tear off my cheek. “I’m just the helper. I don’t know much about business.”

  The line was silent for a moment. When Bruce spoke again, his tone was softened. “Look, Livy…I don’t know what went wrong, but I do know that removing yourself totally from the situation might be best. I’ll beat whatever Hunter is paying you. I have faith that we’ll make money once this gets going. You’d be great on my team. We work well together, our ideas are tight, and our programming is top-notch. Together we can make magic. I really believe that.”

  I shook my head miserably, but I couldn’t help believing in his conviction. Not only that, but his words rang true. We were a great team. We did create some great stuff when we put our heads together. And I’d finally be able to do what I loved. Just not with the man I was growing to love.

  “I don’t know, Bruce. I need some time to think about it.” I leaned back against my headboard. “For now, I’ll still work on the notes and help out. I just don’t know that I’m ready to be a partner.”

  “I’m having a contract drawn up—you already are a partner, Livy. You need to get paid for what you’re helping with. I’ll have my secretary send it over. This would just be formalized.”

  I groaned. “Not more contracts!”

  “Listen, I have to go. I’m supposed to be in a meeting. But think about it, okay? You love this work—don’t try to tell me you don’t. And with the buyout, your salary will be secure. There’s no reason to say no.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Think hard. Okay, see ya.”

  The line went dead. I pulled the phone away from my head, making sure the call had ended, before dropping my hand to the bed.

  There was a reason to say no. I’d be officially separating myself from Hunter. Right now I was moving away, yes, but I would still be in the same company. I’d still get emails from the CEO’s office. I could still easily chat with Brenda in a work capacity. And yes, I would still have the opportunity to see Hunter, however remote. In his company, I was s
till within his circle of influence, no matter how removed. If I left, I’d be tearing myself away for real. For good. That would be the end.

  I shuddered in a sob. It felt like my heart was clawing out through my chest.

  I should leave Hunter’s company. I should leave Hunter.

  My phone rang again. This time it was Kimberly. I silenced it and heaved myself off the bed. In a fog, I left my phone behind and made my way out of my apartment and down to the street. I walked to the bus stop and boarded the next bus, out of spite.

  I couldn’t deny that I wanted to work for Bruce. His project was as fun as it was rewarding. Writing the code, and then watching what it created, sparked my happy sensors. I felt at home with it in a way that I never felt I belonged in the admin role.

  I belonged in that job the same way I belonged with Hunter.

  I wiped another tear from my face as I stared out of the bus window. The woman next to me hawked a loogie and spat it into a paper bag. That action wasn’t as revolting to me as leaving Hunter for good.

  “I’m in a fix,” I muttered at the window.

  I was surrounded by people, but none of them even turned my way. They ignored me chatting to myself, just like they ignored the woman spitting into a bag. Welcome to public transportation in San Francisco.

  If I took Bruce’s job, I could stay in the city. Near Hunter.

  I ran my hand over my eyes. “I’m just not getting the picture. He doesn’t want me!” I mumbled furiously.

  In a way, it kind of felt good to blend in with the crazy people that frequented the bus system. I felt crazy. I felt like I was losing a piece of myself. A very important, central piece.

  I thought of my dad. I wanted to tell him my woes, cry in his arms, and listen to his words of wisdom. He’d know what to do. He’d know how to help me.

  As the bus made its slow way through the city, I knew where I needed to go to make a decision.

  Chapter Twelve

  “What are you doing here?”