A whimper came from the bassinet. Adam reached in and picked up AJ. “Hey, big boy,” he said as he rubbed his hand across his back. “Let’s get you changed, and then get you a bottle. How’s that?” he crooned as he walked toward the bathroom. “Let me take care of this, and I’ll be back.”
Watching Adam with AJ, Robbie wondered if he would ever get the chance at a family again. Kids with amber eyes and blonde hair. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts of the family he almost had with Madison. The image stayed, but with a difference. Faith was in his mind instead of Madison. He wondered if he was only attracted to her because of her eyes.
Wandering over to the two-way mirror, Robbie watched as Mike made sure Skylar was eating his lunch. He bowed his head and said a prayer for their souls, both Madison’s and the baby’s.
Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “You okay, man?”
“Yeah, just thinking what if. What if I hadn’t sent Madison on by herself, or what if I had gone with her and left the problem for someone else to solve?”
“Things happen the way they’re supposed to. I brought you an iced tea. You ready to get down to business?” Adam asked as he tried to hide his worry for Robbie.
“Sure. I figured you might know someone who would be interested in bankrolling my idea or that is already doing something similar.”
Adam leaned against the front of his desk. “Actually, I know someone who might be interested in your idea. Let me talk to him, and I’ll get back to you.”
“That would be great,” Robbie replied, wondering who it was.
“You okay, Robbie?”
“Yeah. I’ve just been feeling alone lately. Maybe I need to get a dog or something.”
“That’s a good idea. It would give you something to worry about besides yourself. We’re going over to the shelter this afternoon if you want to tag along. We picked out a dog a couple of days ago, and he’s been checked out by the vet and is ready to come home to us.”
“Sure. Won’t hurt to take a look.” He hoped a dog would help get his mind off the amber-colored eyes that haunted his dreams.
Later that afternoon, Robbie walked along the corridor of the animal shelter, checking out the dogs in each kennel. The Jack Russell was cute, but he wanted something a little bigger. And there she was, a lab mix with huge upright ears. There was just something about that face that called to him. “You’re a beautiful girl, aren’t you?” He motioned to the volunteer that he would like to meet this dog one-on-one.
“This is Yoyo. She’s a Black Lab/German Shepard mix and has a lot of energy but is a really sweet girl.”
Robbie knelt down on one knee as she bounced over to him, her excitement bringing a smile to his face as her tongue swiped along his cheek. “Can I take her outside and see how we do on a walk?”
“Sure,” the volunteer replied. “We have a large fenced area so you can even toss a b-a-l-l. I can’t say the word. It’s her favorite thing, and she gets really excited.”
After the volunteer had closed the gate, he brought a ball out of his pocket and handed it to Robbie. He grinned at the look in Yoyo’s eyes when she spied it. Her butt lifted in the air, and she stared at him with a look that clearly said, “Are you going to throw that or what?”
He tossed the ball across the enclosure and watched as she brought it back every time, dropping it at his feet. “Well, it would be easy to keep you entertained. Just a ball and room to run.” He ruffled her fur and laughed when she immediately rolled over and showed her belly. “Look at you, a belly rub slut. We’ll get along just fine.” He turned to the volunteer. “Can I take her home with me today?”
“Let me check, but I don’t think it will be a problem. She has already been to our vet and has had all her shots.” He clipped the leash to her collar and handed it to Robbie. “Let’s head to the office and get some paperwork done.”
After an expensive trip to the pet store, Robbie pulled into the drive. “Well, Yoyo, this is it. Home sweet home.
She barked once as if agreeing with him, her eyes bright as she waited for Robbie to open the door. As soon as he did, she jumped down and sniffed every bush and tree in the front yard before picking a spot to relieve herself.
“Good girl,” Robbie exclaimed as he walked her toward the door. “I hope they were right that you are housebroken.” He put her in the laundry room where she couldn’t cause too much trouble while he unloaded everything from the car. He didn’t remember having all this stuff when they had a dog when he was a kid.
After setting up the crate in the spare bedroom, he released Yoyo from the laundry room so she could explore her new home. He showed her the water and food dishes he had filled and set out in the kitchen and then the crate. “This is your bed.”
She strolled in and laid down.
“Good girl, Yoyo. Want to go for a walk?” Robbie asked.
The dog bounded out of the crate and ran for the door. She waited patiently for him to follow, looking at him as if to say, “It took you long enough. Let’s go.”
That was the start of his new routine, walk Yoyo morning and night. She had enough energy that he took her on his run, letting her jog beside him off-leash when he trusted her not to take off. After lunch, it was time to chase the ball for a while. It helped wear her out and kept her from driving him crazy with her boundless energy.
The snow on the ground only seemed to add to the animal’s enjoyment of chasing the ball. Bounding through snowdrifts, she always found the thing and brought it back to him.
As the dog chased the ball, Robbie looked over to the cottage next door, waving when he spotted Faith watching them through the window. He wondered how she was doing. She seemed to be avoiding him. After the way he acted the last time they kissed, it didn’t surprise him.
As if sensing that Robbie wanted to talk to Faith, Yoyo took off when she heard her door open.
“Yoyo, come back here,” Robbie yelled. “Crazy dog, where do you think you’re going?” he grumbled as he trudged through the snowy yard towards Faith’s door.
“Holy crap!” he heard Faith exclaim. “Where did you come from?”
When he reached the door, he looked into the house and smiled. Faith was sitting on the floor petting and scratching Yoyo, much to the dog’s enjoyment.
“Yoyo,” he said, trying to keep the smile off his face as he reprimanded her. “What are you doing? You know better than to run off like that.”
“She’s okay. We were just getting acquainted. Is she yours?”
“Yeah, I adopted her from the animal shelter.”
“I’m glad. You needed something to keep your mind occupied. What made you decide to adopt a dog?”
“I went to the shelter with Adam when he picked up their dog. I spotted Yoyo, and it was love at first sight.” He rubbed the animal’s head as he plowed on. “Hey, I’m sorry for the way I acted that last day. I shouldn’t have forced the kiss on you, and then I acted like a complete asshat about it.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t handle it very well myself.”
Robbie grinned. “Let’s try being friends. I’ve actually missed talking to you the last couple of weeks.”
“As long as you can keep your lips to yourself,” Faith said with a laugh. “I’m glad we had this chance to talk. Ragan invited me to Christmas, and it would have been totally awkward if we still were trying to ignore each other.”
“Friends it is,” Robbie agreed as he held out his hand to Faith to help her up off the floor. “We’re adults. We can do this.”
Chapter 12
The lights strung on the house and the trees in the yard gave the night a magical quality, the snow muting the colors. Faith stared in wonder; this was her first experience seeing Christmas lights in a snowy climate. “It’s so beautiful,” she exclaimed.
Robbie smiled at her reaction. “Wait until you see the inside of the house,” he said with a chuckle.
The door opened as they meandered up the front walk. “I’m glad you c
ame,” Ragan said to Faith, smiling at the picture she made walking up with Robbie.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Faith replied as she handed Ragan the gift bag containing the bottle of wine she knew was her favorite. Faith stopped and stared when she walked into the living room. There were so many gifts they took up an entire corner of the living room.
She turned to Robbie and whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me? One bottle of wine is not enough. Maybe if I promised a signed book for everyone…”
Robbie grinned. “Do you really think Ragan cares that you brought a bottle of wine or six or ten? My sister loves Christmas, and she always goes overboard. I’ve learned to just go with it.” He squeezed her hand, “Just so you know, most of the gifts are photographs that Ragan has taken over the last year—nothing that she has spent a lot of money on.”
Faith looked up when Ragan grabbed her hand. “Come on, Faith, let’s open this wine, and then I want you to meet everyone.”
“Give her a chance to catch her breath before you whisk her off,” Robbie commented as he helped Faith with her coat. “Wow, you look really nice.”
Red shading crept up her neck at Robbie’s words. “Thank you.” She wondered how she was going to keep her promise that they could be friends. If he kept complimenting her in that tone of voice, she was going to be in trouble.
“Oh good, you wore the sweater,” Ragan said as she grabbed Faith’s hand and pulled her toward the kitchen, “and the jeans. No wonder my brother’s tongue was practically dragging on the floor.”
“We’re just friends. Neither one of us wants anything more than that,” she protested. Taking the glass of wine she was offered, she gulped at the contents, hoping to cool herself down.
“That isn’t what his eyes were saying.”
Faith slumped onto one of the barstools. “I don’t know how to handle that. I’m not ready.”
“I’ve noticed the way you watch him from across a room. I call bullshit.” Ragan topped off Faith’s glass. “Just take it slow. You two are good for each other. Now, I’ve got to play hostess. Go mingle.” After a quick hug, she picked up a tray of cookies and disappeared through the door.
Mingle? Faith gulped more of her wine, the thought of interacting with strangers making her feel sick. With a deep breath, she stood and swayed, realizing that drinking alcohol that fast on an empty stomach wasn’t a good idea.
Picking her way through the buffet, she let her mind whirl with all the names and faces. From the members of Ground Zero to Ragan and Robbie’s parents, the wide range of people celebrating with the Bricklins was staggering.
“Hey beautiful, have we met yet?” she heard from behind her. A hand touched her back as a tattooed arm reached around her for a cookie from the plate in front of her on the buffet. She tensed, trying to breathe normally as waves of terror washed through her. She stepped forward, unconsciously trying to get out of his reach as she dropped her plate onto the buffet with a clang.
“Faith? You okay?” Robbie’s voice came from her right, her heartbeat thumping in her ears as the panic started taking over. He moved Fletch’s hand away from her back. “Sorry, Fletch. She’s here with me.”
“Sorry, man. Can’t fault me for appreciating a beautiful lady.”
Turning her so she was facing him, he lifted her chin so she was looking at his face. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
She grabbed onto his arm as if to anchor herself to him as she tried to calm her frantic brain. Robbie’s stare burned through the waves of panic, bringing her back to the present. She blinked slowly as her breathing returned to normal.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Carmichael, I didn’t realize it was you.” Faith placed her hand on his arm. “Nikki mentioned that you were going to be here for Christmas.”
He smiled. “Please, call me Fletch. Are you okay?” He held her hand in his before bringing it up to place a kiss on the back of it. “I didn’t get a chance to meet you at Thanksgiving, but Nikki had pointed you out to me before you disappeared.”
“I’m fine, just a memory sneaking up on me. So, our Nikki seems to be smitten with you Fletch,” she said to deflect his attention off of her panic attack. Putting her arm through his, she steered him away from the table. “Nikki is a close friend of mine. I hope you are treating her right.”
Robbie stared at Faith’s back as she walked with Fletch toward the bar set up in the far corner of the room. The look of panic in her eyes made him want to track down whoever it was that hurt her and cause them some serious pain.
“Hey, you okay, Robbie?” Ragan asked, putting her hand on his arm.
“Yeah, just thinking.” He turned and looked at her. “Let me have AJ.” He reached over and plucked him from her shoulder. “Hey, little man, what do you think of all this hoopla?”
AJ looked at Robbie sleepily and yawned. “I just finished feeding him, so he’s in a milk coma. You okay to hold him for a while?”
“Of course. We can do some manly uncle and nephew things like troll for girls and break some hearts.”
Ragan smiled. “Good. Let me know if he gets fussy.”
“You think I’m going to let you have him back? Nope, not going to happen. He’s coming to live with me.” Robbie kissed AJ’s head. “Seriously, I’ll let you know if I ever get tired of holding him.”
“Someday you’ll have one of your own. You will be an awesome father.”
“Nah. I’ll just be the bachelor uncle who spoils your kids rotten.”
Ragan shook her head as she walked away.
Grabbing a cookie from the buffet, Robbie walked over to the window and stared out at the starlit sky as he rubbed AJ’s back, thinking about the child he would have had with Madison. Would he or she have had her gorgeous eyes? His nose? He would never know.
Chapter 13
The day dawned clear and cold, the wind polishing the ice-covered lake to a high gloss. Just knowing what day it was put him on edge. His hands, at once, sweaty and ice cold as his craving for a bottle of whiskey welled up in waves, each one stronger than the last.
The grief rose up in him as he battled to remain in control. The pictures he had put away in drawers and closets weeks ago called to him. He pulled out each and every one and placed them out where he could see her face from everywhere in the house. Her eyes watched his every move, accusing him of moving on too soon.
Taking a photo down from the mantle, he hugged it as he let the tears flow freely down his face. His heart ached as he stared into the cold fireplace, his eyes seeing her as she looked that last day—so happy and carefree.
“I’m sorry, Maddy,” he cried before flinging the photo, frame and all, into the fireplace. Grabbing his coat and keys, he slammed the door on his way out of the house. Grief turned into anger as he drove toward town. Anger that she was dead, anger that he had to live without her. Anger that she was no longer with him but still had such a strong hold on him.
Faith snuggled into the afghan as she sat on the couch sipping a mug of green tea. She had given herself the afternoon off from writing as soon as she finished the chapter she had started that morning. Beaming at the flame crackling merrily in the fireplace, Robbie would be proud of her fire-starting skills today. One match was all it took.
She wondered where he had taken off to this morning. The squeal of his tires on the pavement had attested to his hurry as he drove off. That had been hours ago, so she had gone next door and let Yoyo out and brought her back. The dog had made herself at home and was snoozing in front of the fire as Faith watched an old movie on cable.
The ringing of her phone pulled her from her dream of a family that loved her. The faint glow from the embers of the fire just enough for her to see to grab her phone off the end table. With a yawn, she answered, “Hello?”
When no one answered, she tried again. “Hello?” She heard what sounded like someone stumbling around, tripping over furniture.
“I don’t want to live without her…” someone whispered, their voice low and grav
elly.
“Robbie? Where are you?” She walked over to the front window and saw his car parked crookedly in his driveway. “Hold on, I’m on my way over.” Slipping her phone in her pocket, she pulled on her snow boots and grabbed her coat. With a whistle to call Yoyo, she marched across the yard to Robbie’s house.
The worn hinges squealed in protest when the wind blew the door open, slamming it against the wall with a bang. Closing the door behind her, she surveyed the living room, shivering from the cold. “Robbie? Where are you?”
A cold breeze took her attention to the open windows and sliding glass door on the other side of the room. She hurried over and closed everything up, spying Robbie sitting on the floor in front of the sofa drinking directly from a bottle of whiskey. Picking up the newspaper and some kindling, she lit a fire before turning to look at him.
Yanking the blanket off the back of the sofa, she wrapped it around him before kneeling down. “What is it, Robbie? Did something happen to Ragan or the kids?”
Lost in his memories, he stared right through her, the bottle tipping up and pouring more whiskey into his mouth at regular intervals.
“Robbie,” she said as she grabbed the bottle out of his hand, “tell me what’s wrong. You know this isn’t the answer.”
He tried to grab the bottle back, but the alcohol had slowed his reflexes enough that she pulled it out of his reach easily. “No. I won’t let you do this to yourself.”
“She would have been twenty-seven today,” he mumbled before dropping his head into his hands.
“I should call Ragan.”
“No!” he yelled as he stood up. “Don’t call her. I don’t want to look at her and remember that she has the perfect family, and I’m all alone.” Striding past her, Robbie grabbed the bottle and took a long drink. Picking up a picture of Madison, he traced her cheek with the lip of the bottle before he threw it at the wall. The crash of the frame seemed to wake him from his drunken stupor for a moment, his face crumpling as he dropped to his knees and wailed, “She’s gone because of me.”
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