“From what you’ve told me, she loved you very much. She would be heartbroken to see you like this,” Faith said as she reached down to comfort him.
He slapped her hand away. “I don’t deserve your kindness. I got her killed; it’s all my fault.” He took another drink from the bottle and then he threw it at the wall where it shattered, whiskey dripping down and pooling along the baseboard.
She dropped to her knees and pulled him into a hug. “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.” Her arms tightened around him when he tried to pull away.
“Why are you doing this? I don’t deserve it.”
“Yes, you do. Everyone deserves to be happy, even you.” Pulling him to his feet, Faith pushed him towards the couch. “Sit down. I’m going to get us a couple of bottles of water, and then you are going to talk to me.”
When he made a move to walk away, she pushed him down onto the couch. “I told you to sit.” Reaching into his pocket, she pulled out his keys and tucked them into her own. “I’ll just hang on to these until you’re sober. The way you parked, it looks like you were already drinking when you drove home. That was terribly stupid, Robbie.”
“Is that how I got here? Shit, that was dumb.”
“Yeah, it was. Do you realize you could have killed somebody?” She handed him a bottle of water. “Drink that. If you keep hydrated, maybe you won’t feel like total shit in the morning.”
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down onto his lap. “Tell me why you’re helping me.”
“That’s an easy one. Because even though you thought I was drunk, you dragged me over here during a snowstorm and made sure I didn’t freeze to death.” She picked at her fingernail. “Thank you for that.” She stood and wiped a stray tear off her cheek. “Do you think you can eat something? Anything to try and soak up some of the alcohol.” She made him a sandwich, setting the plate next to him on the floor. “Eat. I’ve got to run next door and make sure the fire’s banked. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She brushed the hair out of his eyes and motioned to the plate of food.
“Okay, okay. I’ll eat,” he replied, his words slurred.
After tending to the fire and closing the doors on the hearth, Faith shrugged on her coat and grabbed her laptop bag so she could work on her book as she kept an eye on him. Closing the door, she made sure she had a good grip on her laptop bag before walking down the steps. The lightly falling snow was making them treacherous, and she didn’t want to drop her computer.
She was glad to see Robbie sleeping peacefully on the sofa, the empty plate on the end table. She tried to wake him to get him to the bedroom, but he groaned and rolled over.
Brushing his hair off of his forehead, she wondered what it was like to love someone as deeply as he had loved Madison. She knew she must have loved someone; she had been pregnant when she was attacked. Maybe someday, she would be able to experience that feeling again. Tired of living on the edge of society, she decided that she would start letting more people know about her condition. The few people she’d told here in town had seemed to understand, maybe others would too. Opening her laptop, she settled into the chair and lost herself in the world of highland warriors and damsels in distress.
She looked up when she heard his breathing change, worried that he would choke on his own vomit. Shocked, she realized he was crying in his sleep. “Shhh,” she whispered as she leaned over and stroked his face. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re not alone.” He grabbed her hand and yanked it to his chest, almost pulling her off the chair. She set the laptop down and moved over in front of him, trying to remove her hand from his grasp. Shaking his shoulder to rouse him, she gave up when he smiled in his sleep, the sadness gone from his face. Resigned to spending the night, she lay down next to him and let her mind drift.
The next morning, Faith stretched her arms above her head and yawned. Her heart raced when she realized she was alone on the couch, and Robbie was nowhere in sight. The hiss of the coffee maker helped her get her heart rate under control. He was obviously up and coherent enough to make coffee.
Stumbling to the kitchen, she tried to smooth her hair with her hands as she walked. The kitchen was empty. Worried about Robbie, she was relieved to hear the sound of the shower running in the master bath. She fixed her hair with the comb from her purse after washing her face and brushing her teeth with her finger in the guest bath.
The percolating java tickled her nose when she opened the door. Bending over and touching her toes to stretch out her back, she didn’t see Robbie walk out of the kitchen.
“Good morning,” he said as he held out a cup of coffee.
She straightened, the sight of that man clad in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else making her heart skip a beat or two. “How do you feel this morning?”
He stared at her for a moment before answering. “Not too bad considering.
“Do you think you could eat some scrambled eggs and toast?” she asked as she pulled a frying pan out of the cupboard.
“You think you can handle cooking eggs? I don’t think I can stomach looking at them raw.”
“I’ve got it covered. Scrambled eggs are one of the few things I can cook.” She cracked eggs into a bowl, noticing how the sight of raw eggs made Robbie turn a little green. “Go on, go play with the fire or something. I’ve got this.”
He walked out of the kitchen, mumbling something about a bossy woman.
Poking at the fire, he watched the flames licking at the logs as he frowned at the memory of buying the bottle of whiskey the day before. He needed to get past this need to drown his emotions. He looked up when Faith told him breakfast was ready.
Scooping up the last bite of egg, Robbie noticed Faith watching him. “What? You afraid I’m going to go straight for a bottle?”
“No, but I think you need to talk to someone about what happened yesterday.”
“I’ll call my sponsor while you take a shower. I’m sure you’re stiff from hugging the edge of the couch all night.”
“A shower sounds great. I could just head back over to the Romero’s, I’m sure you’re probably sick of seeing me by now.”
“I want you to stay. I’m sure I can find you something to wear.” He looked down at his hands. “I really don’t want to be alone today.”
“Okay, I’ll stay.”
Robbie watched as Faith bit her lip in concentration while she typed away on her laptop. Yesterday, he had been inconsolable about Madison, but today he couldn’t keep his mind off of Faith. Seeing her clothed in his sweats and one of his favorite t-shirts affected him in ways he didn’t want to think about. It didn’t matter that the too-big clothes hid her curves, just the thought of the material touching her skin made his heart pound.
His sponsor had been disappointed to hear about his slip. He had suggested that Robbie make sure he was around people on his trigger days, such as Madison’s birthday or the date she died.
Robbie rubbed the sandpaper across the box, letting the familiar activity take his mind away from his problems. Faith’s voice drew his attention back to her. He could hear her talking as if she were having a conversation with someone sitting next to her. Maybe she was trying out some dialogue for her book.
“Sounds like an intense conversation. Is it going in your book?” he asked.
“What? Oh, no. I was just talking to myself…well, to my muse. Sometimes she wants the story to go in a different direction than I do. I’m embarrassed that you saw me; usually, I don’t do that in front of people. I’ve never even slipped in front of Nikki. I guess I feel really comfortable with you.
“I’m honored. Tell me about your muse? Is that your name for your alter ego?”
“No. My muse is an older, grandmotherly-looking woman.”
“You actually see her? Aren’t you worried about that?”
“No. Something about her makes me feel at home. I guess that’s why I can write so well. She brings me a feeling of contentment. I sometimes wonder if she’s someone from my pas
t that my mind doesn’t want me to forget.”
Chapter 14
The day dawned bright with just a hint of chill in the air, unseasonably warm for early spring in northeast Indiana. Robbie knew he needed to explain to Faith why he seemed to run hot and then cold towards her. He was finally ready to admit to her, and to himself, that he was seriously attracted to her. Once you got past her nervousness, she was smart, funny, and her kisses set him on fire so fast he was afraid he would spontaneously combust.
Knocking on her door, he rehearsed what he was going to say in his head. When she answered, all his thoughts disappeared, leaving him standing there stuttering his explanation as to why he was at her door at eight a.m. on a Saturday morning. “Uh, hi, Faith. Can we talk?”
“Okay. So you’re going to be cordial to me today?”
Drawing in a breath, he finally remembered what he wanted to say. “Yes, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. How do you feel about fishing?”
“Fishing? Why?”
“It’s a great way to spend some time, and it will give us a chance to discuss a few things. What do you say?”
She motioned for him to come in. “I’m game. What do I need?”
“Just you. I’ll take care of everything else. Meet me out on the dock in twenty minutes. And don’t forget to bring a jacket.”
Fifteen minutes later, Faith walked onto the dock and stared out across the lake. The sun glinted on the waves, making the water look like it was sparkling.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Robbie asked, his arms full of fishing gear and a cooler. “That view is the main reason I’m living out here instead of in town. Something about it speaks to my soul.”
“It must be wonderful to spend summers here. I can imagine what it looks like with leaves on the trees and boats out on the water. I hope I’ll be around when it warms up enough that I can sit out here and write. What a view.”
Robbie placed the cooler and the fishing gear in the boat. Turning and looking at Faith, he held out his hand. “You ready?”
Carefully stepping in, she stood still and let her body get used to the feeling of being on the water. “Can we go around the lake before we stop to fish?”
“Sure, we have the whole day and a full gas can so we could go around the lake twenty times if you want.” Untying the ropes mooring the boat to the dock, Robbie pushed off and started the motor. “You ready?” At her nod, he thrust the speed control forward, and they moved away from the shore.
Facing forward, Faith closed her eyes and let her hair blow out behind her in a blonde stream.
Robbie steered the boat with the grace of long practice—his wrist on the wheel, and his legs stretched out before him. Relaxing in the sunshine, he enjoyed being out on the water with no other boats in sight. He slowed down, coming to a stop at his favorite spot to fish. Silence settled over the lake, the soft slapping of waves against the pontoons the only sound. Soaking in the quiet, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift.
“So, are you going to teach me to fish or what?” Faith asked as she poked at the jumble of hooks and lures in the tackle box.
Robbie opened one eye and watched as she examined a brightly colored worm-shaped lure.
“Why would a fish want to eat a bright purple worm?” she mused aloud, her brow wrinkled in confusion.
“I don’t know. I just know they do,” he replied with a laugh. “Let me show you how to get your rod and lure ready to go.” He patiently instructed her on how to tie the jiggly piece of plastic to the fishing line, smiling when she got it tangled in her hair.
“Owww. How in the world did I do that?” she grumbled as she tried to unknot the line.
“Here, let me,” Robbie said as he gently extricated it from her hair. “I’ve got something to fix that,” he said as he pulled a ponytail holder out of a bag in the tackle box. “Ragan always forgets to pull her hair back, so I bought a package of these. They’ve come in handy more than once.”
She secured her hair back and smoothed it into a ponytail. “Thanks.” She grinned shyly. “Let’s get this show on the road. I want to catch some fish.”
Teaching her to cast her line out into the water went faster than he thought it would. She seemed to pick it up naturally. They sat side by side. She watching her bobber as he watched her. “You know, I didn’t come to catch fish. It was just an excuse to get you out here so we could talk. There’s something about being out on the water that is peaceful and relaxing.”
“Okay, you talk, I’ll fish,” Faith said with a smirk.”
Casting his line, he settled back into his seat. “I’ve been at war with myself ever since I met you. From that first day, I’ve felt this connection to you, and it scares me.”
“Why does it scare you?”
“The last time I felt a bond like this, it slipped through my fingers and tore my world apart. I don’t know that I could survive that happening a second time, so I push you away.” He stared out across the lake. “Your eyes haunt my dreams. They are so like Madison’s that I’m afraid I’m just trying to recapture something that’s gone forever. I don’t know if I’m attracted to you because of that reason or in spite of it.”
“Tell me about her,” Faith said as she whipped her line back out into the water. “How did the two of you meet?”
“I knocked into her with my surfboard. When she looked up at me, I was a goner.” He reeled in his hook and set the fishing rod to the side. “She was so beautiful…and those eyes.” He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face, trying to keep his emotions in check.
She looked away as if she wanted to give him some space. “I’m sorry that I remind you of her. No wonder you were so grouchy that first day.”
“That’s no excuse for the way I treated you,” he remarked as he pulled the tackle box closer to him and proceeded to dig through the lures. “Anyway, after I picked my tongue up off the pavement, I asked her if she wanted to walk along the boardwalk with me. After dropping my surfboard at my condo, we strolled up and down that span of the beach for hours, talking about anything and everything. Hours went by in what felt like minutes.”
“Sounds like a great day.”
Robbie stared out over the water, lost in the memory of the first day. “She had a quirky sense of humor, and she always made me laugh, especially when she tried to cook for me. No matter what she did, it was awful. She usually forgot to set the timer and incinerated whatever she made.”
“No wonder you’re attracted to me, I can’t cook either.”
“There is that,” he said with a laugh. “But seriously, there is something between us, and I am tired of fighting it.” Wishing he could see her eyes behind her sunglasses, he went on. “I think we should explore these feelings and see where they take us.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” Faith quickly reeled in her hook and gently laid the fishing rod on the deck. She carefully walked to the back of the boat and stared out across the lake.
His shoulders slumped. Robbie had sighed before he stowed the fishing gear in preparation for taking Faith back to the cottage. “I’m sorry, I thought you felt the same way. I must have been mistaken.”
“I feel it, too,” she replied before turning to look at him. “But I’m scared.”
“Scared? Of me?”
“Scared of what I’m feeling. What if it’s just lust, and I don’t understand that? I have nothing to compare these feelings to, and it terrifies me that I’ll make a wrong decision.” She angrily wiped a tear off her cheek.
“We can take it as slow as you want.”
“God, this must be what it feels like to be a sixteen-year-old virgin.” She hugged herself and shivered.
“Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
“I need to get past this. You realize you will have to go really slow.”
“Yeah,” he replied before slamming his lips onto hers. The feel of her mouth against his had his blood rushing downwards a
s his tongue claimed hers.
When he pulled away, her eyes were glazed and her breathing unsteady. “Not quite what I meant by really slow, Robbie.”
“There’s just something about you that makes me lose control when I have you in my arms. Can you deal with that as long as I don’t take it any farther than some intense kissing?”
“I guess. I just wish I had something to compare these feelings to. No wonder teenagers act the way they do.”
He chuckled and gently lifted her chin, so she was looking into his eyes. “Whenever it gets too overwhelming, I want you to tell me. I’ll back off and give you as much space as you need.”
She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. “Maybe I’ll be able to explain how all this makes me feel someday. This is much better than not knowing from day to day how you are going to react to me.”
He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “If I start acting like an asshat, you have my permission to set me straight. Never be afraid to call me on it.” He drew away from her to look her in the face. “Promise me you’ll let me know if I start acting like an ass or if I push you too fast.”
“But what if you’re going too slow?” she asked with a wicked smirk.
Tugging her back into his arms, he tried to slow the thoughts racing through his brain at her suggestive question. “Please don’t tease me like that when we’re nowhere near a cold shower.”
Chapter 15
Robbie opened the door to the pub and relished the smell of burgers and fries as his stomach rumbled. Adam waved him over to a table at the back away from the crowd.
“Robbie, you remember Brent Halston? I told him about your idea for a restaurant run by at-risk kids, and he may be interested in investing.” Adam looked down at his buzzing phone. “I’ve got to take this. There’s a snag with Ground Zero’s release next week. Mike will get you whatever you need.”
“Thanks, Adam,” Robbie replied. “We still on for that guitar lesson later?”
Where There's Faith Page 8
