by S. M. Smith
“What’s wrong?” I ask, concerned she might be getting nauseous.
“What I’m about to tell you could ruin a lot of things, including our friendship. But I want you to know that regardless of what happens, I have come to love you so much and hope that whatever happens, you won’t hate me.” She’s on the verge of tears and I can tell whatever is coming is hurting her immensely.
“What is it?” I ask gently.
“Caleb. He thinks you have some unnecessary fear of sex and thinks he can help you overcome it. Tonight.”
My head starts spinning and I’m not sure what she means.
“I’m sorry, what are you saying?”
“Jessie, he got a hotel room for you two for your birthday. He’s planning on getting you to have sex with him tonight.”
As I start to comprehend what she just said, my head spins faster and faster. It suddenly stops and anger floods over me. I feel heat in my cheeks and while my eyes are working just fine, my vision blurs as his intentions start to unfold. When everything comes back into focus I see the very scared and hurt look on Shaina’s face and I’m jerked back to where I’m at and what is going on.
“Shaina,” I reach over and grab her hand, squeezing it tightly. Tears escape down her tan cheeks and so I pull her into a hug. “Thank you,” I whisper into her ear.
“I’m so sorry, Jessie. Lucas and I, we want you to know that we respect you. You’ve been nothing but good to us. We both are very upset with Caleb,” she says very hurriedly.
“Shh.” I tighten our hug before pulling back. “You are a true friend and a wonderful person. You are an answer to my prayers. Truly. This does not impact our relationship at all.” I look her right in the eyes and try my best to give her my best reassuring look. I see Caleb and Lucas start to walk our way, so I reach up and wipe away a stray tear before they reach us.
“Baby, are you alright?” Lucas asks Shaina worriedly, seeing her tears. She laughs it off though.
“Dumb pregnancy hormones.” She smiles up at him, sniffling away any traces of concern in her voice. I’m so proud of her strength.
I feel Caleb’s hand on my back and I instinctively stand up and out of his reach. He sees my unease and raises an eyebrow of confusion.
“Can I talk to you a moment?” I ask, nodding toward the foyer.
“Sure.” He waves me to lead and I do my best to keep my posture. By the time I reach the foyer I’m ready to start screaming at him. Luckily I remember we’re at an event to honor me, of all people, so I keep my voice down.
“This isn’t working.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I appreciate all you did for me tonight, but I think we need to stop seeing each other.”
He’s taken aback for a split second before bouncing back.
“You’re breaking up with me? Right now? Are you serious?!” he says, raising his voice. “After all the crap I’ve put up with, you—YOU are breaking up with me?”
“Crap you’ve put up with?!?” I say incredulously, not really succeeding in keeping my voice down.
“I’ve had to mold you from your hickish little ways into the smoking hot goddess you are. I’ve dealt with your little temper tantrums of meeting your dad and ‘being there’ for you. I’ve kept it in my pants for you, when I’ve had numerous opportunities to sleep with whomever I want. Do you know who I am? I’m not the guy who will sit on the sidelines and be told when I can get some and when I can’t.”
My jaw drops as his true colors grow more and more vivid. I’m too stunned by his audacity to even respond.
“I am this city’s most eligible bachelor. I don’t get broken up with, baby. I do the breaking.” He is nearly in my face at this point and it takes every ounce of self-discipline I have not to throw a punch.
“You’re right. I don’t know who you are. But had I known, I wouldn’t have given you a second thought.” I have several other choice words that I really, really want say, numerous names I want to call him. But the good girl in me keeps reminding me to keep it clean. I start to walk away, but he grabs my arm hard, jerking me back to face him.
“You really don’t understand, do you?” he asks, searching my eyes.
“I understand that you’re hurting me right now,” I say through gritted teeth, trying to get my arm out of his grasp.
“Good,” he says smugly. “I am leaving you. I am leaving you because I’m done waiting for you to get off your holy rolling high horse. I’m leaving you because there are plenty of other women, more beautiful than you, classier than you and much easier than you. You will regret ending this because I am everything your naïve little self could ever want. And when you finally realize that your immature musings of keeping your legs closed are impossible and pointless, you will wish you had me to give you your first ride.” He squeezes and pulls my arm tight one last time, bringing tears to my eyes, before letting go and storming out the front entrance.
I’m so raging mad I start to feel my fingernails dig into my palms. I turn to head back into the party, shaking out the pain in my hands, but find Daphne standing in the doorway with a deer-in-the-headlights look. I’m not sure how much she witnessed, but from the look on her face, it was enough.
“I’m okay,” I tell her firmly. “I will be okay. But I can’t stay here. Not after that.”
“Go.” She nods. “I’ll take care of everything. Call me as soon as you can,” she says, turning back to the party with her “I’m in charge” smile.
I wait a few seconds more, not wanting to run into Caleb, before I head for the front door. I step out into the cool night air, realizing I forgot my coat. I start to turn back around to get it when I see him.
There, standing up against his black Audi, all dressed up, is Stephen.
I walk the few feet toward his car, forgetting all about my coat. He doesn’t see me until he hears the sound of my approaching heels. When he finally looks up, our eyes meet, causing me to stop where I am.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, folding my arms to my chest.
“I wasn’t sure I was really wanted here. I got my invitation, but it said surprise and I wasn’t sure if after a week of us not talking that my showing up would be a good surprise or not.” He shrugs.
It hurt, him thinking I wouldn’t want him here. That pain, along with the confusion of how I feel about him and the fear of losing him as my best friend all broke through the dam that was holding back my tears. I look down at my shoes to hide my eyes, squeezing my arms tighter around me as if it would hold me together. I try to plug the dam back up with every ounce of strength I can muster. I don’t hear him approach me, but when his arms fold around me pulling my head to his chest, that dam explodes.
“I’m so sorry.” I sob. I lose the ability to hold myself up, so I lean into Stephen. He holds me tight as we stand there. I let everything pour out of me. I think of every time I made him listen to me talk about Caleb, whether good or bad, and how he must have felt. I think of our kiss and how I practically forced him to pretend it never happened. I think of how after he practically told me he loved me I turned to Caleb. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I don’t know how long he holds me there in the middle of the sidewalk, but he just lets me cry it all out, shushing me every time I try to apologize. I hear the door fly open to the convention center before I hear Shelby’s voice.
“Jessie? Oh,” is all she says before I hear the door close again.
I don’t turn around and I don’t let go of Stephen until I start to feel numb. I pull back, unable to look up at him. I feel like I’ve used and abused him to the point of not being worthy to be called his friend, let alone anything else. He reaches down and places a finger under my chin, pushing my face up to look at him. I just can’t bring my eyes to do so.
“Jessie,” he says quietly, “look at me.”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“Why not?”
“Because I’ve been a horrible person to you, and I don’t deserve you
.” He chuckles at my words.
“You’ve been way worse to me. Don’t you remember the time you threw mud at me and got it in my eye? There was a hard chunk in it and it gave me a black eye. That hurt way worse.”
I give him a very pointed look, catching his eye and my breath.
“There you are.” He breathes. He just stares at me with soft eyes. He doesn’t try to kiss me again, but something deep inside me screams at him to do so.
“I’ve missed you, Jess. If there is one thing I’ve decided this last week, it’s that I need you in my life. Whether it be as my friend or whatever else, I need you. Please don’t shut me out anymore.” His voice starts to crack. This time I pull him in, feeling the security of his arms around me.
“I need you, too.” I lean my head up to whisper to him. He pulls back, brushing his lips across my cheek. My body starts to tremble with the movement of his hands across my back and he mistakes the feeling as me being cold. He takes off his tuxedo jacket and pulls it around my shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down my arms to warm me up.
“Where does this leave us?” I ask, stepping back. I’m not entirely sure of what I want, let alone what I need.
“You tell me,” he says. “But whatever you decide, I still want to be your best friend.” He stops rubbing his hands over my arm, folding them in front of himself, as if to brace him for whatever I say.
“I’m not sure. But let’s definitely start with friends again,” I say, but I see him wince. “I’m sorry, Stephen. I just...” I feel the tears coming on again. I really don’t want to hurt him but, “Caleb and I are definitely over, but I just need some time.”
I feel like the weight of the world has returned to my shoulders as I ask for this, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I don’t take some time to make sure that I’m not just jumping into a relationship with him without me being absolutely sure there are true feelings there for him. He takes a second before nodding his head.
“I’ll wait. As long as you need, I’ll wait,” he says finally.
“I’m sorry, I just need to be fair to both of us,” I plead.
He crosses the distance between us and scoops up my face in his hands. He kisses my lips urgently, but pulls back before it can grow into anything more.
“I can wait,” he says, holding my face in his hands. “You’re worth waiting for, Jessie St. James. So I will wait for you.”
Coming Soon
A Boy Worth Choosing (book 2 of The Worthy Series)
Acknowledgements
First and foremost, let all the honor and glory be to my lord and savior, Jesus Christ. The entire Worthy Series is totally written under His direction and I am so incredibly amazed by where He is taking me, as well as Jessie and Stephen.
Next credit has to be given to the two second-most excited people for this book: my incredible husband, Ian, and my dear friend Erica Cope. Ian, you’ve been a rock over the last seven years and I can’t say thank you enough for all that you do for our family and what you’ve put up with from me. Your creativeness knows no bounds and while many of your suggestions may get passed up, the laughs they bring are very, very appreciated. I still thank God for you each and every day.
Erica, thank you for pushing, encouraging and dealing with my many, many ups and downs through the entire process. If not for you and your contagious energy, your endless knowledge, your openness to this genre and your willingness to comb through this with me, I truly don’t think that I would have had the courage to hit the publish button.
Samantha White….I think we both know how much you helped to influence this story. What you may not know is how thankful I am for your voice of reason, your encouragement and patience with me. You are part of the inspiration behind this story and I truly hope that you get the happily ever after you deserve.
Next to my close friends and family who were and continue to be a solid support system, thank you for your faith in me. It’s your genuine words of encouragement and interest in my work that get me all excited and giddy to actually finish and publish, so thank you.
Lastly, thank you…yes YOU, for reading this story. I pray that Jesus has spoken through me to you in a way that can and will move in your life. Life with Jesus is an incredible journey and I hope that if you don’t know Him that something in Jessie’s story will inspire you to get to know Him a little more now.
About the Author
The Smith family is currently in transition from their home in Missouri to their next adventure in Texas. When Sarah’s not furiously writing, she is typically found in her messy living room playing with her constantly moving and oh-so-inquisitive daughter, or staring at the empty moving boxes contemplating what she is going to pack next. She also enjoys reading just about anything you set in front of her, traveling with her amazingly supportive and ever-so-clever husband, and spending time with her extended family.
Sarah came to know what a relationship with Jesus really is just after she graduated high school. Since then, she’s come to know of His mercy and grace. If you, or someone you know has been moved by Jessie’s story, Sarah would love it if you contacted her. You can do so by emailing her from the contact page on her website, www.authorsmsmith.com or by messaging her on Facebook www.facebook.com/sarahm.smithauthor.
