A Daughter's Choice

by Cathy Sharp

‘I can’t remember that, just that someone was hitting me and it hurt. It hurt such a lot, Tom. Then I went away somewhere …’ I was still feeling weak and a little dazed, my mind hazy as if I had just awoken from a long, deep sleep.

  ‘It was the pain,’ he said. ‘Sometimes the body does that to protect itself. You had a fever and you were wandering in your mind. For a while we thought you might die, but the doctors were very good. You were lucky, Kathy, but it’s going to take a long time to get you well again.’

  ‘How long have I been ill?’

  ‘Three weeks.’ He saw my look of bewilderment and smiled. ‘I know. It seems impossible, but you were hardly conscious at all. Your mind was wandering for a lot of the time.’

  ‘I thought you were here sometimes but it seemed like a dream.’

  ‘I’ve been with you as often as I could, and Bridget was here when I had to sleep. We’ve kept a watch over you, Kathy.’

  ‘The children? What happened to the children?’

  ‘Maggie and Bridget have been taking turns to look after them. I’ve been teaching Mickey to play cricket on the grass by the river. He says he’s not sure it’s as good a game as football, but he likes it when it’s his turn to bat.’

  ‘Mickey always wants to be the best,’ I said. ‘He’s a bright, intelligent boy, Tom, but he does like his own way. And he is very strong-willed – like his parents!’

  ‘Yes, I’ve discovered that,’ Tom said and laughed softly. ‘I think we are going to have to teach our son to be a little more thoughtful of others, Kathy.’

  ‘Perhaps I’ve spoiled him, but he was all I had of you.’ I caught back a sob. ‘I do love you, Tom.’

  ‘And I love you, my darling. When you are well again I shall ask you to marry me – and this time I am hoping you will say yes.’

  ‘But?’ I stared up at him. ‘What if …?’

  ‘It’s all right, Kathy. Jamie told us – it was a lie. Ernie made it up just to stop you marrying me, to have a hold over you. He knew that if you married me you would go away, and he wanted you to cook and clean for him – and he hated the O’Rourke’s because of something that happened between him and Bridget years ago.

  ‘Jamie has told us that he never went with Grace, not even once. He said she was after him even before he went away to work for Joe, but he didn’t make love with her. And after he met Mary Robinson he never looked at another girl for years. He isn’t married now. He says that he will never love anyone the way he did Mary, and he has remained true to her memory.’

  ‘Oh, poor Jamie,’ I said. ‘It’s so sad that he should be alone.’

  ‘He isn’t exactly alone,’ Tom said and smiled as he stroked my hair back from my forehead. ‘I believe he has lots of friends, ladies included. He is rather popular at dinner parties apparently – valued for his single status – and could marry if he wished. Jamie has made quite a name for himself in America, Kathy. He owns a ranch and a string of racehorses, and I think he has a wonderful life out there. He wants us to go and live near him when we are married, and I’ve said I’ll ask you.’

  ‘Can we talk about it – when I’m better?’ I asked. ‘I’m not sure …’

  ‘Of course we shall talk,’ Tom said. ‘You know I wouldn’t force a decision like that on you, Kathy. I’m not Billy. I don’t take things for granted.’ He made a wry face. ‘I know I may have pushed a bit for marriage and kids when we were going together before, but I was in love and impatient – and I’ve learned the hard way. I’ve seen what Billy did to you, and I shan’t make the same mistake. I promise you that. In America it might be possible for you to work as a nurse – even if it’s only in my own clinic’

  ‘Oh, Tom,’ I said reading the love behind that simple statement. ‘Perhaps one day when our children are grown up, I may want to do some kind of work outside the home – but for now all I want is to be your wife and be happy.’

  ‘I think we’ve both learned a lot, Kathy.’

  ‘It’s been a hard lesson,’ I said and held his hand to my cheek. ‘I can’t think now, Tom. I’m so tired …’

  I closed my eyes, drifting away to sleep.

  When I woke again I was alone in my room. For the first time I really thought about where I was and realized that I must be in hospital, but not in the Infirmary. This was a private room in a proper hospital, and as I looked around at the flowers and the bowl of fruit on the bedside cabinet I knew that Tom and his family had paid for all this luxury.

  I sat up in bed as a nurse came in. She smiled at me and after a moment I realized that I knew her.

  ‘Is it Sally?’ I asked. ‘Sally Baker? We were at the hospital together during the war?’

  ‘I thought it was you,’ she said and grinned as she came to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘Yes, I went on with my nursing after the war. I felt I had to do something.’

  ‘I didn’t know. You went home just before I left?’

  ‘My brother was ill for a long time, but he recovered in the end.’

  ‘I’m so glad, Sally.’

  ‘Yes. Unfortunately, my fiancé wasn’t so lucky. He was killed just after I went home that time. I couldn’t face coming back for a while, but once my brother was over the worst I asked for a posting to another hospital and then I took up nursing as a profession at the end of the war.’

  ‘I got married and had two children,’ I said. ‘Ally is married too and expecting her third baby soon.’

  ‘I should love to see her,’ Sally Baker said. ‘Would you give me her address?’

  ‘Yes,’ of course. I shall write to her soon, and I’ll tell her you are a nurse here. I am sure she will be thrilled to hear from you.’

  ‘I heard about Eleanor,’ she said. ‘It was in the paper the other day – they are going to give her a posthumous medal.’

  ‘I didn’t know that, but she deserves it.’

  ‘Yes, I think so too,’ Sally said. ‘Well, I’ve been sent to see if you would like any help – washing or eating? There’s a bathroom just through that door. I could help you if you wanted? Run the water for you and give you a hand in or out?’

  ‘I should love a bath,’ I said. ‘I think I can manage if you help me get there and back. I’m still feeling a bit weak.’

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  ‘Yes, starving.’

  ‘Right – I’ll bring you something to eat first, and then we’ll see about that bath.’

  I was sitting in a chair by the bed when Bridget came in. She was carrying a bag of large luscious black grapes and a magazine, which she placed on the table at the side of my bed.

  ‘You look much better, Kathy. Are you feeling better?’

  ‘I had a bath and the nurse washed my hair for me. It felt so awful because of all the blood, but she took the bandages off and said the wound had healed enough for me to wash it very gently.’ I put a hand to touch the bald spot at the side, where the hair had been cut back to stitch the wound Ernie had inflicted. ‘Does it look awful?’

  ‘It shows a bit at the moment,’ Bridget said being truthful as always. ‘But it will soon grow round again, Kathy. I could bring you a pretty scarf to wear round your head until it does.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I laughed. ‘I know it’s only vanity, but I would rather Tom didn’t see me like this.’

  ‘Silly girl! He won’t mind – he’s just glad you’re alive. We all are, Kathy. We were very frightened for a while.’

  ‘What has happened to Ernie? Have the police arrested him?’

  ‘Not yet.’ Bridget frowned. ‘He must be hiding somewhere – but don’t worry, Kathy. They will catch him eventually.’

  ‘I’m not frightened of him. I suppose it was our fault for talking about Jamie and not watching what he was up to.’

  ‘You’ve remembered it all now, then?’

  I shivered and closed my eyes for a moment. ‘Yes, I’ve remembered – most of it, anyway.’

  ‘Well, don’t dwell on it,’ she said. ‘Ernie is a hunted man and not a danger to yo
u any more.’

  ‘I think it was you he wanted to kill most, Bridget.’

  ‘I’m well protected. Joe hired someone to keep watch over me wherever I go – we’ve had to deal with this sort of thing before.’

  ‘What do you mean? Has someone threatened you before, Bridget?’

  ‘It was a long, long time ago,’ she said. ‘There was a man … a very dangerous man, but that’s an old story and best forgotten.’

  ‘Where are the children today? I wish they would let you bring them to see me.’

  ‘You’ve been too ill, Kathy – but I’ll ask and see if they can come next time. Mickey misses you, but Joe and Mick and Tom have kept him busy between them.’

  ‘And Maggie? How does Maggie behave with them now?’

  ‘The same as she always did.’ Bridget smiled at me. ‘She wants to come and see you, Kathy, but she’s afraid you might not want to see her – after the way she behaved.’

  ‘Tell her to come,’ I said. ‘I should like to see her. All I want is for her to forgive me.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Kathy. I know I was a bitch to you – and I’ve wished the words unsaid a thousand times since that terrible man hurt you. If you had died I should never have forgiven myself.’

  Maggie looked thoroughly chastened as she sat by my bed, and I realized that it had shocked her when she heard how ill I’d been.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault, Maggie. My going to Ernie’s house had nothing to do with you. I wanted to sort it out, to stop him telling his lies.’

  ‘But I shouldn’t have let you go there alone,’ she said. ‘I knew he was a bitter, revengeful man and I should have stopped you.’

  ‘You couldn’t,’ I replied. ‘My mind was made up and nothing you could have said would have changed it. So don’t feel guilty for what happened – because it wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘And it wasn’t your fault that Billy was killed in that fight with a policeman,’ Maggie said. ‘I shouldn’t have blamed you, Kathy. The sergeant came to tell me they think it was a put-up job – the constable that killed Billy has disappeared.’

  ‘What do you mean, disappeared?’ A trickle of coldness ran down my spine, spreading through my body like ice. ‘Has something happened to him? I don’t understand, Maggie.’

  ‘They reckon it was gangland stuff,’ Maggie said. ‘Billy had upset one of the big bosses and the raid was set up so that he would be killed resisting arrest. But whoever was behind it didn’t reckon on him killing a copper himself, and they must have had a fright when he was taken to hospital. If he’d lived he might have spilled the beans. The copper that hit Billy was new to this area – and now he’s gone. Disappeared without trace. Maybe he wasn’t even a policeman? No one seems to know who he was.’

  ‘Oh, Maggie …’ I stared at her in horror. ‘I knew that man was dangerous but I never thought …’

  ‘Did Billy tell you anything about the man he was working for – the one that set him on that job?’ Maggie looked at me intently. ‘Anything at all? The police said they suspect who is behind all this, but he’s too clever – they can’t touch him.’

  ‘Billy told me he worked at a club for someone – a very rich, powerful man – and he used to drive him around sometimes, but I don’t know any more.’

  ‘What was his name – did Billy tell you that?’

  ‘Yes – yes, he did, but he told me not to repeat it. He warned me several times.’

  ‘Would you tell the police, Kathy? Would you help them to catch my Billy’s killers?’ She looked at me with such appeal in her eyes that I understood how much it meant to her. ‘Please?’

  ‘Billy said it was dangerous …’ I took a deep breath, knowing that I owed her this at least. ‘But if you want me to, I will, Maggie. I’ll tell them what little I know, but it isn’t much.’

  ‘Even a little might help,’ she said. ‘I want that man caught and punished, Kathy. I’ll never rest easy in me bed until I know he’s finished.’

  ‘Tell that police sergeant to come and see me,’ I said. ‘I don’t know much, but I will tell him what Billy told me.’

  ‘Bless you,’ she said and bent to kiss my cheek. ‘You did your best to be a good wife to Billy, and I’m sorry I said them dreadful things to you, Kathy love. I want us to be friends again, if you’ll forgive me?’

  ‘We’ll forgive each other,’ I said. ‘What’s past is past, Maggie. Let’s put it behind us and look to the future.’

  ‘I came as soon as I heard,’ Ally said when she came to visit me later that same day. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you. You always did say your father could be violent. It was a daft thing to do – going there to confront him alone. You might have known he would attack you.’

  ‘I thought I could handle him and it was only when Bridget arrived that he went mad,’ I said. ‘I think he really hates her now. He loved her once and everything went wrong for him after she finished with him. I suppose in his own mind he blames her for all his troubles, but it wasn’t her fault that he had an accident and lost his job. He had been drinking when it happened, and when they gave him a menial job sweeping floors and the yard it took his pride away, making him bitter.’

  Ally nodded, her eyes thoughtful as she looked at me.

  ‘I was sorry about Billy. I couldn’t get to the funeral. There’s always so much to do, and my lazy husband never turns a hand unless he’s forced.’ She pulled a wry face. ‘Men! I sometimes think we would be much better off without them.’

  ‘It didn’t matter about you coming to the funeral; it wouldn’t have helped anything. I’m sorry for what happened to Billy too – but we hadn’t been happy for a while. If I’d been sensible I would never have married him.’

  She nodded, a faint echo of the old jealousy in her eyes. ‘I suppose you’ll marry Tom O’Rourke now?’

  ‘He has asked me and …’ I smiled at her. ‘Of course I shall marry him, Ally. I love him. I always have.’

  ‘Then I wish you luck,’ she said and bent to kiss my cheek. ‘I used to be so jealous of you, Kathy. I thought if you married a doctor you wouldn’t want to know me any more.’

  ‘That’s daft, Ally. I’ll always want to know you – you’re my friend.’

  ‘I don’t suppose I’ll see much of you if you go off to America – but write to me sometimes, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course I will – and maybe you’ll come on a visit one day?’

  ‘Pigs might fly!’

  ‘They probably will one day – in an aeroplane,’ I said. ‘Don’t look like that, Ally. We’re friends and we’ll keep in touch somehow.’

  ‘As long as you don’t get too posh to know me?’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ I said and laughed. ‘Wherever I go I shall still be Kathy Cole from the lanes.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Sergeant Green, but that’s all I can tell you. I know it isn’t much – but Billy wouldn’t say any more about that man. He was very frightened of him and he owed him money. I warned him to be careful, but he didn’t listen. He was told he had another chance to make up for whatever he’d done to upset Mr Maitland – and, well, you know the rest of it.’

  It was two days since Maggie’s visit and I was beginning to feel very much better. I was dressed now in clothes Bridget had brought to the hospital for me and the doctors had told me that I would be going home soon.

  ‘I only wish we did know the rest of it, Mrs Ryan,’ the sergeant said. ‘We suspect a great deal, but unfortunately we can’t prove anything. Now that we know Billy was working for him it will give us a chance to question Maitland, but I’m not sure that will get us anywhere. We need some real proof – proof that he was behind a lot of the robberies and other rackets we suspect he has a hand in over a long period. We’ve known about Maitland for years, of course – but there has never been proof. Men who might have testified have disappeared without trace or been murdered.’

  ‘Yes, I know. Maggie Ryan told me the policeman who hit Billy has disappeared.’

  ‘
If he can’t be found, he can’t testify. If we’d proved it was deliberate and not just in the line of duty, it would have been murder, Mrs Ryan. Billy was known to us as a petty criminal, but he’d never been involved in anything violent before. We suspected that something dodgy was going on from the start – and then we had a tip-off, but still nothing that lays the blame at Maitland’s door.’

  ‘Billy warned me not to say anything. He was afraid of what might happen to the children and me.’

  ‘We shall keep an eye out for you, Mrs Ryan – but I don’t think you need to worry too much. Your name won’t be mentioned. I give you my word.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I smiled at him. ‘I’m sorry if you thought I wasn’t helpful the night Billy died.’

  ‘I didn’t expect anything else. Most people haven’t the courage to tell us what they know, even if they wanted to – and the majority of them aren’t interested in helping the police. They despise us – until they need us. It’s only when they’re in trouble themselves … but I shouldn’t grumble at you. You’ve come forward and that may be of help one day.’ He reached into his pocket and then handed me a small box. ‘I checked this out myself, Mrs Ryan – and the ring belongs to you just as you said.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘No, thank you for your help.’

  ‘I did it for Maggie Ryan,’ I said. ‘I did it for my friend.’

  ‘Maggie had no right to ask it of you,’ Bridget said. ‘If only you’d spoken to me first, Kathy. You should never have told the police what you know … not about him. You don’t realize what you’ve done.’

  The four of us were sitting in Bridget’s parlour. It was my first day back from the hospital, and I had just related to them what Sergeant Green had told me about his intention to question Mr Maitland.

  ‘I haven’t done anything much,’ I said. ‘I only know that Billy worked for him sometimes – and that he said he was being given another chance. That doesn’t prove anything.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to,’ Bridget said and shivered. I realized she was really alarmed, frightened for me. ‘You don’t know that man … you don’t know what he’s capable of doing.’