Renegade Love (Rancheros)

by Fletcher, Donna

  “Esteban and his father had such a wonderful relationship before... ” Dona Valerianna turned her head, though not before Rosa caught the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I was hoping they could once again... ” She shook her head as if she knew it was not possible.

  “Esteban is not a young, defenseless boy anymore,” Rosa said. And I am not a young, defenseless girl any longer. The thought startled her, for she had felt defenseless when living with the Curros. And while there was a degree of obedience expected from her now, no one treated her badly... no one raised a hand to her.

  “No he’s not,” Dona Valerianna agreed with a gentle shake of her head.

  “It must be extremely difficult for Don Alejandro to deal with a full grown son when last he saw him, he was only a young boy. And to not have been part of guiding him into manhood must be heartbreaking for him as it is for you.”

  A tear poised at the corner of Dona Valerianna’s eye and she smiled. “My son is fortunate to have you as his wife and I hope one day he realizes it.”

  “Perhaps with time Esteban and I will come to realize how fortunate we both are to have found each other.”

  The single tear spilled from Dona Valerianna’s eye and rolled slowly down her cheek. “I pray that that be so, for I believe you are good for each other.”

  ~~~

  Rosa sat in the garden alone, twilight having settled hours ago and supper long passed, Esteban having been absent from the meal. She hugged herself, the night bringing with it a slight wind that chilled. She thought about the day and possibilities. Dona Valerianna felt they were good for each other and Esteban wanted more than friendship from her. And though she still had to get to know her husband, she was—to her growing surprise—attracted to him.

  She sighed and cast a glance to the heavens and recited a long remembered prayer her mother had taught her.

  “Do not waste your breath on prayers.”

  Rosa startled almost jumping off the bench, but caught herself and turned only to find no one standing there. Suddenly the night shadows seemed ominous and she grew anxious. Esteban was somewhere in the shadows. How long had he been there watching her?

  This time it wasn’t the chilled wind that caused her to hug herself as she peered into the surrounding darkness.

  “You should have a shawl,” he scolded as he stepped out of the shadows and slipped off his jacket. He went to her and draped it over her shoulders, his strong hands giving her shoulders a firm squeeze, though he would much rather take her in his arms and let his heated body warm her. The thought aroused him and he wisely took a step away.

  She was struck speechless by his appearance. His dark shoulder length hair was in slight disarray and only added to his sinfully handsome features. But it was his body that more caught her eye. He stood poised, his muscles taut as if he was always ready to defend. Or perhaps attack? She was sure whatever the case, it would be an instinctive reaction.

  “Prayers are never wasted,” Rosa said, the scent of him drifting off his jacket to torment her senses. He always smelled of the earth after a rainstorm when its scent was most potent. And tonight there was a hint of grapes added to it, which meant he had been in the vineyards.

  “I would argue that point most vigorously.”

  “I can understand you feeling that way with what you have been through.”

  “Your situation wasn’t ideal, and yet, you still pray?” he asked wondering how she held on to her faith when the Curros had treated her so badly.

  “If I had surrendered my faith, then the Curros would have robbed me of everything, and there was no way I would let them rob me of my soul.”

  His hand snapped out, grabbed her arm, and yanked her up so fast that her gasp caught in her throat for a moment before it rushed out of her.

  “Pacquito whipped my soul out of me. It would be wise of you to remember that.”

  Anger, hate, and hurt filled his dark eyes and Rosa’s heart went out to him. She had suffered many a beating but nothing that could compare to what he must have endured.

  She placed a gentle hand to his cheek and her cool palm sizzled from the heat of his skin. “No, Pacquito did not take your soul.” She moved her hand to rest against his chest, the heat radiating through his shirt. “It’s inside you locked away waiting.”

  “For what?”

  “For you to free it.”

  A smile more sly than pleasant worked at the corners of his mouth as he leaned down to whisper, “No, it remains locked out of fear, for if it ever surfaces it will be consumed by evil.”

  “You are not evil,” she whispered, as if it was a secret.

  “Let me prove how foolish it would be for you to believe that. Let me tell you what I’m thinking at this very moment,” —his whisper grew harsh— “I want to strip you bare, bend you over the bench and jam myself into you over and over and over. And if that isn’t enough to satisfy me, then I’ll see you down on your knees in front of me so that you can bring me to pleasure with your mouth.”

  If Esteban hadn’t been holding her so firmly by the arm, she would have collapsed, her legs having turned weak from the shock of his blunt words and the vivid images they had produced. But if he had thought to repulse her, he was quite wrong. It actually had the opposite effect on her. She found her passion aroused. Was she as sinful as him? Or did she find her husband far more appealing than she ever thought possible? And if so could she possibly completely surrender to him and do those things that sounded so wicked but had aroused her?

  She hadn’t realized that her head had drooped as her mind had grown heavy with thought and when she slowly raised it... his mouth was a breath away from hers. In the next instant, his lips laid claim to hers like a man staking his territory.

  He kissed her with such resolve that a tingle rushed through her and settled between her legs, leaving her throbbing. He pulled his mouth away, his teeth nibbling along her bottom lip, tugging and nipping with an eagerness that tantalized. Then he traveled down the side of her neck savoring every bit of her warm skin, a nip here, a faint lick there, and then a sharp nip that sent a passionate shiver through her. He retraced his path returning to her lips. His kiss turned hungry as did her need to feed on him. It was as if she couldn’t get enough of him. The more the kiss lingered, the more she wanted. And it was easy to see that he felt the same.

  Esteban felt his need grow harder and harder. If he didn’t stop soon, he would do exactly as he had told her... he’d stripe her, bend her over the bench, and...

  He yanked his mouth away from hers and stepped back, his hand shooting out to steady her swaying body.

  Rosa stared at him confused.

  “You don’t want to step into my hell,” he warned and disappeared into the darkness before she could stop him.

  She had to sit, her legs weak, and his support gone. She pulled his jacket tighter around her and peered into the shadows. Was Esteban there somewhere watching her? She didn’t care for the fact that he could approach undetectable until he was practically on top of her. She would never know when he was near or if he watched her. The thought unnerved her and she got up and hurried off seeking the solitude of her room. There she had a degree of privacy, though how private was anyplace on the hacienda when Esteban seemed to appear out of thin air.

  Rosa sat on the end of the bed, Esteban’s jacket still around her. How could passion for him strike her one moment and fear the next? She shook her head annoyed. She had been devastated when her parents died and even more distressed when she had been placed with the Curros and discovered the type of people they were. But she had been taught to survive and always remain strong. Her mother had told her that her prayers would not fail her and in a way they hadn’t. She had prayed daily to be removed from the Curros and into a loving home.

  And her prayers had been answered. Don Alejandro and Dona Valerianna were good and loving people and treated her well. Her life had improved tremendously being wed to Esteban. What more could she ask for?

 
; I want more.

  Esteban’s words resonated in her head and she nodded, agreeing with him. She wanted more herself. She wanted a good and loving marriage and she wondered if they could have one. Passion certainly sparked easily between them but what good was passion without love. The young ninas had always paid the price for letting passion rule. And then they were left with nothing, not an ounce of respect.

  She sighed and reluctantly removed Esteban’s jacket and draped it over a chair. She wasn’t sure what to do. She did want to learn more about him, for she felt it would help her to better understand her husband. The passion, however, was a different matter. She wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it and that left her feeling vulnerable.

  But no matter what, there was one thing she was certain about... she would survive. No matter what happened, she would survive.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rosa sat in the garden, her drawing tools lying untouched next to her on the bench annoyed that her husband had kept his distance from her these last couple of days. How could they have any kind of marriage if they barely spent time together? And the more she had thought about it the more she realized that she wanted a chance at a good marriage. After all, she was stuck with him for the rest of their lives.

  Stuck.

  She had been stuck with the Curros. She didn’t want to be stuck with a husband. She had to smile. She wanted more just as he did, but how to have more was the question.

  The sound of laughter caught Rosa’s attention. She stood and turned quickly, thinking she recognized the voice. But it couldn’t be, though she hoped it was. A smile spread across Rosa’s face as soon as she saw her friend Marinda talking and laughing with Dolores. When her friend caught sight of her, she hurried to Rosa and they threw their arms around each other and hugged tightly.

  Rosa took hold of Marinda’s hand and walked her to the roughhewn table and two chairs that were shaded by a large oak tree. As they sat, Rosa said, “I’m so glad you’ve come to visit.”

  “I’ve been wanting to, but Paco said that I must wait for an invitation. It is what the nobles do and now that you are one of them...” Marinda shook her head. “I told him that he was crazy. You are who you are and no one would ever change you. Then this morning the Cesare carriage arrived at my humble abode and I was told that my presence was requested at the hacienda.” Marinda’s smile grew alarmingly wide. “I tell you, I hopped in that carriage so fast that I had heads spinning. And the looks I got riding through town.” She clapped her hands. “It was wonderful. I felt like a noble. I even waved to our friends just as you had done.” She laughed. “They were too shocked to wave back. And oh how I’m looking forward to the ride home. Then I arrived here and Dolores was waiting and brought me to you.”

  Rosa wondered who had sent for her friend, perhaps Don Alejandro or his wife had taken pity on her. Or could it have been her husband? Whoever it had been, she was grateful. Marinda was the distraction she needed from her worries. Her friend always had funny gossip to share or stories of her and Paco that never failed to warm Rosa’s heart.

  They were soon deep in conversation, Marinda telling her all the latest news from town. The only time Marinda turned speechless was when two servants arrived and placed a bountiful meal on the table.

  Rosa knew what her friend was thinking. This would feed her and Paco for a week or more, though knowing Marinda, she would share with others.

  “You will take some home with you,” Rosa offered and waited for Marinda to protest.

  She looked ready to, and then stopped. “I would refuse your kind offer, but I know of some who could use this food.”

  “Then if not for yourself, take it for others, though I would recommend that you keep some of the fruit tarts for you and Paco, they are delicious.”

  Marinda laughed. “That’s if I don’t eat them all now.”

  The two friends talked in between enjoying the meal. It was when they finished and were enjoying the last of the pitcher of lemonade that the conversation turned to Esteban.

  “There are whispers in town about your husband,” Marinda said.

  “That is nothing new, there are always whispers about Esteban,” Rosa said. “He is a far better man than most think of him.”

  “The people are afraid that he will rejoin Pacquito’s band of renegades?”

  Rosa could not hide her shock. Her eyes turned wide and her hands began to tremble. “He would never return to that life,” Rosa said, not doubting her words for a minute. “You don’t know what he suffered at their hands.”

  “Then why did he stay with them? It is the question on everyone’s minds. The renegades trained him to fight, so why not leave when he was strong enough to? Paco spoke with someone here at the hacienda that has seen Esteban practice with his knife and pistol. Paco got chills when the person told him how Esteban hit his target dead center at every try. And the speed in which he drew his knife was beyond anything he had ever seen. So with such skills why did he remain with the renegades?”

  Rosa didn’t have an answer for her friend and she wasn’t sure how to defend him against such an accusation. She could understand everyone’s concern and curiosity, for she wondered herself. What could have kept him hostage to Pacquito when he had been skilled enough to break free?

  “I wish I had an answer for you, Marinda,” she said. “I can only tell you that I believe my husband is a good and honest man.”

  “You barely know him, though,”—Marinda hesitated—“much can be learned about a man by the way he treats a woman in bed.”

  Rosa stared at her friend not knowing what to say. She did not want anyone to know that her vows had yet to be consummated. People would wonder why and when she attended mass there would be whispers and stares and evil looks from the Curros.

  Marinda took her silence as fear and demanded, “Has he hurt you?”

  “No. No, Esteban did not hurt me.”

  “Then what is wrong,”—her hand flew to her chest—“oh Lord, don’t tell me you have yet to seal your vows.”

  Rosa clamped her mouth shut refusing to say a word, though she didn’t have to, her actions sealed it for her friend.

  “Oh my, has he not sealed his vows because he wants no part of this marriage?”

  That thought had never entered Rosa’s head. Could it be possible? Or had it been her fault?

  Rosa felt the need to offer some type of explanation. “I drank too much at our wedding and he left me to recover and sleep.”

  “This is good,” her friend encouraged. “It speaks well of his character that he considered you were in no shape to make love. But since then?”

  The memory of waking to him holding her in his arms brought a smile to her face. “He comforted me from a bad dream.” She refused to think on what had followed or her cheeks would burn red.

  “He does sound considerate,” Marinda said, as if it was difficult to believe. “You have to stop falling asleep, unless... don’t you want to make love with him?”

  I’m a savage and will take you like one.

  Not his exact words, but what had been implied. Making love had never been mentioned and she couldn’t help but wonder if love would ever be a part of their marriage.

  “You hesitate in answering,” Marinda said. “Perhaps I ask too many questions. Paco warns me it will be different now between you and me.”

  “Never,” Rosa said, reaching out and taking firm hold of her friend’s hand. “Never will it be different between us. We have been friends too long, really more like sisters and I could not bear to lose you.”

  Tears came to Marinda’s eyes. “I feel the same way, but you live this grand life now and—”

  Rosa squeezed her hand. “That changes nothing. I will visit you and you will visit me and our children will be friends just as we are.”

  “That would be nice,” Marinda said. “I would love for my children to be able to play here in such a lovely garden while we talk.”

  “And so they shall,” Rosa a
ssured her.

  Marinda grinned. “Not if you keep falling asleep.”

  They both laughed and talk turned to babies.

  “I’m hoping to have news to share with you soon,” Marinda said, smiling. “And who knows we may find ourselves pregnant at the same time.”

  Rosa smiled, though made no comment. She had to first make the prospect a possibility and the thought did intimidate her.

  They talked for another hour, and then Dolores interrupted to let them know that the carriage was there to take her home.

  Rosa gave her a hug. “I’ll visit you soon.”

  Marinda grinned. “I don’t mind visiting you.”

  Rosa laughed. “I’ll send the carriage for you, Dona Marinda.”

  “How lovely of you, Dona Rosa.”

  The two women laughed, hugged again, and as Rosa waved to a fading Marinda a sense of loneliness washed over her. She missed her best friend and wished that she could see her more often as she once had.

  With a sigh of resignation, Rosa turned and returned to the garden to gather her drawing tools. Drawing lost all its appeal as did approaching suppertime. At first she thought it would be nice to finally share a meal with others, having eaten alone for so many years. She had thought there would be talk, laughter, and smiles. It was nothing like that. A lingering tension existed, making the meals uncomfortable. How could anyone eat under such unpleasant conditions? She wondered if she could feign a headache or something, then she could have a meal brought to her. She could even take it out to the garden and enjoy the lovely scent of flowers.

  Fate seemed to be on her side when she entered the kitchen planning to feign a headache and ask for her meal to be served in her quarters.

  Dolores smiled when she saw her. “No one will be present for the evening meal tonight.”

  “Why?” she asked curious over everyone’s absence.

  “I do not know why Dona Alejandro and Esteban will not be here, but as for Dona Valerianna... her head aches and she requested her meal to be brought to her quarters. So you are free to eat wherever you choose tonight.”