Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1)

by Morgan Kearns

  Her mind spun as her feet carried her out of the office, down the hall, down the small flight of stairs, and to the parking garage. She wanted to love Jayson, desperately wanted him to make her feel the way Nikolai did with his simple smile or innocent touch. She wanted to be the happy little wife, with a growing belly, but in her fantasies it was not Jayson’s child in her womb.

  A frustrated scream ripped from her throat as she slid into the driver’s seat of her car. What the hell was she doing? She’d just seduced Jayson in his office for hell’s sake! Resting her head against the back of the seat, Gabby closed her eyes.

  Shit!

  She couldn’t go back to work because then she’d think of Nikolai—whether or not he was gone for the day. She was just sick enough in the head to go and park her butt in that big chair of his and simply sniff the leather in hopes of getting a whiff of him.

  Stupid, insane girl!

  She shook her head and pondered her other options.

  Home was out, for similar reasons.

  The only safe thing to do was to escape, she decided, and that could be done with a good book. It wasn’t far to the nearest book store and it took only a few minutes before she stood in front of aisle after aisle of choices.

  Highlanders or vampires?

  She liked a sexy guy in a kilt, but settled on a vampire novel instead. It was the first novel of a new author, but if Gabby was being honest it was the drop-dead gorgeous, half-naked man with fangs adorning the cover that sold her.

  A good drool-fest was just what the doctor ordered.

  A little park across the street promised lots of green grass and large, mature oak trees. She took a blanket from the trunk of her little blue sports car and stood in silent contemplation of the scene before her. Laughing children played on the jungle gym and a little girl with blond braids squealed with delight as her mother pushed her on the swings.

  Oh, to be so carefree.

  The sun was warm on her skin. Birds chirped happily. Dogs barked. But Gabby was alone; truly alone with only her thoughts—dangerous as they might be—and her newest book. With a contented smile on her face, she began to read the beautiful story of Sebastian, the vampire and his mortal love, Rachel.

  Gabby nearly screamed with the ecstasy that leapt off the pages. She dropped it into her lap and nearly moaned as her fingers caressed the half naked figures on the front. Sebastian was every woman’s dream; a large man, in every aspect, breathtakingly gorgeous, caring, protective, and extremely possessive.

  Damn, Nikolai could take lessons on how to take what he wants, she thought bitterly. That would sure as hell make this a lot easier on me. But the thought was followed by the realization that maybe he didn’t want her at all, and maybe she was making herself miserable while he wined and dined and— Her heart clenched. –bedded other women.

  Stop thinking about him! She leaned back against the tree. Instead of taking her mind off of Nikolai, her thoughts drifted to him. She pictured him with fangs, raking them over her skin. What Gabby wouldn’t give for a vampire of her own, one who would make her his, claim her with the primal instincts of his race.

  She laughed—hard.

  “Vampires aren’t real!”

  The sun moved across the sky and began its daily retreat behind the Oquirrh Mountains. She gathered her things and walked slowly back to her car, back to reality, back to the fiancé who wasn’t Nikolai.

  Chapter Six

  Jayson leaned against the opened door and smiled big enough he could have doubled as a Jack-o-Lantern. Gabby felt sick. She’d hoped he’d forgotten her earlier experiment. Apparently not.

  “Hey babe. Come on in.” He opened the door wider and she stepped inside, setting her purse on the floor by the front door and slipping out of her shoes.

  She held up the movie she’d rented. “You said you wanted to see this one.”

  Disappointment flashed in his eyes, but he covered it quickly. “Hell, yeah. You want something to drink? Popcorn?”

  “Water’s fine and I’d love some popcorn.”

  Jayson’s home was beautiful, a rambler in the Salt Lake suburb of Herriman. The upstairs had two bedrooms; the master suite and a guest room he used as an office. Most of the downstairs was unfinished with the exception of a huge game room, complete with pool table and bar.

  The entire place needed a feminine touch, and Jayson assured her she’d have free reign of the home décor. That was the kind of guy he was, one of the reasons she loved him. His kitchen, however, was one room she had no plans of changing. It was spacious with granite countertops and travertine floors.

  She helped herself to a glass from the cupboard and filled it with ice and water from the fridge.

  “I can help with the popcorn.”

  “I got it.” He fished the air-popper from the cabinet and filled it with kernels before plugging it in. The popper whirred to life and the little orange balls leapt to life—right out the top. “Holy shit! Where’s the lid?”

  He jumped around like the popcorn, hopping from one foot to the other, his arms waving like a pinwheel. Gabby burst out laughing. Not able to decide whether to use his hands to keep the hot projectiles in the popper or search for the lid, Jayson looked like he was having convulsions.

  She wiped a tear from her cheek and yanked the cord from the wall. “Viola.”

  He glowered then laughed and plucked a kernel from her hair. It was moments like this that verified marrying Jayson would be a good thing. He could make her laugh and life with him would be comfortable.

  Snuggling together on the couch, popcorn in the bowl where it belonged, they started the movie. When she started drifting, Jayson lay down on the couch and eased her down in front of him. She complied, snuggling into his warm body. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

  He sniffed into her hair and she stiffened. “You smell like—” He sniffed again. “Gabby, you smell like a guy. Why do you smell like a guy?”

  She turned onto her back to be able to look him in the eye. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He lifted her hair to her nose. “Don’t tell me you don’t smell it. It’s men’s cologne. Really expensive stuff.”

  When she breathed in, she tried not to register the scent. The last thing she needed was to sigh and go all gooey inside. She attempted an awkward shrug. “It’s my new shampoo.”

  “Oh.”

  She wasn’t sure he actually bought the excuse, but he didn’t interrogate her further. She took advantage and closed her eyes. Her mind was still racing—still wrestling—with just how insane she’d become.

  She loved Jayson, she did. The way his hazel eyes twinkled just before he teased her. She was proud when other women looked at him and he only had eyes for her. He worked hard, but wasn’t a workaholic. He cherished her without making her feel like she had to conform to his will.

  The bottom line was: Jayson’s only flaw was that— She sighed –he wasn’t Nikolai.

  All of this inner reflection wasn’t doing anything except making her feel worse and worse about her betrayal. She’d dreamed and fantasized about Nikolai for so long now she’d resorted to using the man she did have in her life as a pseudo-Niko.

  Did that make her a completely heartless bitch? Yeah, pretty much.

  This had to stop, which meant quitting her job and walking away. Her stomach clenched again and her eyes burned beneath her closed lids. She became physically ill and could almost feel her heart breaking at the mere thought of never seeing Nikolai again. What was going to happen when she made that thought a reality?

  A chuckle erupted from behind her and a gentle shaking motion emphasized Jayson’s enjoyment of the movie. She smiled, despite the anguish eating at every cell of her body. She wanted to go home and crawl into bed and relive her delusions one more night. The thoughts rolled over and over in her mind, pummeling her like waves in a tempest ocean.

  “Hey, baby.” More rolling motion.

  No, not rolling. Shak
ing, she realized.

  Through groggy, half-lidded eyes, she noticed the end credits on the screen. Jayson kissed her cheek.

  “Come on, you can just sleep over tonight.”

  “No.” Her voice was strong despite the sleepy state of the rest of her.

  His brows shot up and he looked at her with a hurt in his eyes that worsened the self-loathing she’d been inflicting on herself.

  “I just thought—”

  “I’m sorry.” She sat and moved down the couch so she could see him better. “I just really need … to get home.”

  “Okay, I’ll follow you home.”

  “No,” she nearly shouted.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” The muscle in his jaw jumped.

  “Nothing’s wrong with me.” She attempted a smile she didn’t feel then tried to weave a lie that would sound enough like the truth to make him stay home.

  “You’ve had a long day, Jay, you should get some rest.”

  “Oh.” His face fell and he shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

  He stood and offered his hand to help her to her feet. His hug was quick and she could sense that she’d hurt his feelings. His kiss was sweet, but lacked any heat. With a gentle hand, Gabby cupped Jayson’s cheek. His beard had grown and the stubble was prickly. He leaned into her touch.

  “Goodnight.”

  His hazel eyes darkened to brown. “You sure you don’t wanna stay?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. Her eyes fluttered closed and she sighed. He slowly pulled her into his body and held her tight. Wrapped in his loving embrace, she knew she should be over-the-moon in love with this man. But knowing it didn’t make her feel it. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe.

  “I really should go.”

  He released his hold. “Call me when you get home so I don’t worry.”

  She nodded.

  “I love you, Gabs.”

  “Love you, too.”

  THUMP-THUMP.

  Thump-thump.

  The beautiful woman shifted beneath his touch, rolling from her stomach to her side. More of her skin became exposed as the sheet clung to the luscious lines and curves of her delectable body. She sighed and whispered his name again.

  Niko’s breath caught in his throat and his entire body tensed at the sight. Oh, the things he wanted to do to that body. He began to quake, head to toe. Shaking fingers lifted the sheet to cover her exposed breasts.

  “Someday,” he whispered to himself, raking his fingers through his hair and forcing his feet to move away from her. He took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of the room and watched her sleep. “I love you, Gabrielle.”

  She moved and said his name, calling to him like ice cold water to a thirsty man. With every part of him aching for her touch, he grasped the last thread of his self control and forced himself to stay where he was. If he held her tonight, like he had in the past, he would undoubtedly lose control and take the sleeping woman; which would wake her, freak her out, and ruin everything.

  A low groan rumbled in his chest and he rubbed at his beating heart to stifle it. Six weeks. He had forty-two short days left to get her to see the light, to understand just how much he loved her, how much he needed her. If she went through with her wedding…

  He shook his head. No, he couldn’t bear to think of that possibility. Against his better judgment, he slid from the chair to kneel by the side of her bed and stroked a finger down her cheekbone.

  “Gabrielle,” his accent ran thick.

  “Hmm?” She shifted again. The sheet fell away, exposing the most delicious pieces of her body.

  His eyes slammed shut and there she was on the back of his eyelids. He cursed and stumbled back, falling into the small, white wicker chair in the corner. His hands gripped tightly around the arms, the wood creaked under his hold.

  Heaven help him.

  Every cell in his body screamed for him to take her. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t do so while she was unconscious. He would never take her without her permission, he had honor.

  He wasn’t a selfish bastard.

  He wasn’t his father.

  Leaning forward, resting his forearms on the bed, he whispered, “I love you, Gabrielle.”

  Saying those words to her, even though she was unconscious, lightened his heart as nothing else could. If only she would say them back. A declaration from her now would give him the courage to voice his feelings when she was actually coherent enough to understand them.

  Thoughts of what to say and how to get his message across to her ran rampant in his mind. He paused, inhaled deeply then released the breath slowly through his teeth, making a soft half hiss, half whistle noise.

  “You can’t marry him … because I love you.”

  “Nikolai,” she muttered sleepily then she stirred, moved her legs, and, to his horror, sat straight up in the bed. “Ni—!”

  Whether she’d seen him or not, he couldn’t be sure. He’d vaporized so quickly, he wasn’t sure exactly where he was going to end up until he landed with a thud in his bedroom.

  “Shit!”

  He rammed his fingers through his hair and dropped onto his bed. He let his head fall into his hands and held it, rubbing at his temples.

  Six weeks, he told himself, you only have six weeks.

  Chapter Seven

  Gabby leaned back in her chair, popped her feet up on her desk, and crossed her ankles. She lifted her book and sighed. She wasn’t the kind to waste time, but…

  A deep bark of laughter scared the bejeezus out of her. She jumped. The momentum made the chair roll backward. It tipped back and she wobbled, flapping her arms in an attempt to keep herself off the floor. The chair slammed into the bookcase behind her with a thud and sent her forward like a pinball.

  When the chair stopped rolling and she was able to breathe again, she glared at Vincent. Normally she really liked the guy. In this moment, though, she considered putting a laxative in his coffee.

  “That wasn’t very nice.”

  “It’s not very nice of you to sit and read on company time.” He bit his lip to keep from smiling, but amusement shone like a beacon in his gray eyes.

  She pointedly glanced at the wall. “It is 5:32, Mr. Kottke.”

  “Ah, I guess it is. And since it is 5:32 in the evening, may I ask why you are sitting at your desk, reading?”

  “Niko asked me to stay until 6:00. I’m just doin’ my job.” She shrugged and popped her feet back on top of her desk. She maintained eye contact with him as she opened up her book again.

  He groaned. “Come now, Gabby girl, surely you can find better things to read than that trash.”

  “Trash?” She gaped at him. “I’ll have you know, I have read this trash three times and—”

  “Three times?” The mortified disbelief on his face was comical, but she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. “Has the bookstore got nothing else you’d rather read? Maybe you should try shopping online.”

  “Actually—” She couldn’t help but sigh as she thought of the sexy man with the sinful canines. “—I’ve discovered that I am completely in I love with this one.”

  “Are you now?” He sounded blasé, bored, patronizing.

  “Yes, the guy’s dreamy.” She fanned herself with the book, deliberately pushing the buttons of the straight-laced vice president. She dropped her feet to the floor. They met the mat in a clunk. She leaned forward and stage whispered, “And haven’t you heard; vampires exist?”

  He choked and coughed, spit and sputtered. His eyes watered. He bent at the waist, hands on knees, breathing deep. Not willing to let him die, she jumped to her feet, grabbed a water bottle from the table next to her desk, and handed it to him. He broke the seal on the bottle and guzzled half of it, swallowed hard. Twice.

  “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

  When he nodded, she took a step toward him. She loved to push Vincent’s buttons, to tease him whenever the occasion
presented itself. For whatever reason her reading a stupid vampire romance novel made him manic. She grinned up at him.

  “They exist, Vincent. Deny it, I dare you.”

  He suddenly looked very much like an animal stuck in a trap. His Adam’s apple bobbed with another swallow. His dark eyes darted a glance at Niko’s closed office door. When she took hold of his forearm the look in his eye said he considered gnawing it off to get away from her.

  Laughter bubbled in her gut. She tried to contain it by pressing her lips together. It didn’t do any good. Her amusement came out as a raspberry and continued until she was nearly hysterical. Her lungs burned for breath. She gasped.

  “I’m not mental, Vincent.” Another round of giggles cut off her explanation. After a few moments to get it out of her system, she continued, “I know vampires are figments of insane people’s imaginations.”

  Vincent’s laugh sounded like his balls were in a vise, all high-pitched, tight and strangled. He handed her a twenty. “Listen, Gabby, do me a favor and get another vampire to love.”

  “Wow! I can have more than one? I’ll be a vampire whore.” She snatched the money from him and shoved it down her cleavage before plopping down in her chair and returning her feet to the desk top.

  His reaction was exactly what she’d hoped for; he laughed. A deep, dark belly laugh that made her smile. He winked at her before opening the door to Niko’s office and disappearing inside.

  Laughter rang out on the other side of the door and Nikolai stopped pacing. He listened to Gabby’s giggles accompanied by a male’s low rumbling chuckles and fought the drive to put his fist into the male’s jaw.

  He would drive himself insane if his surprise didn’t arrive soon. He walked over to the window and looked down at the darkening landscape. Damn. Where were they?

  The door to his office opened and Vincent’s scent wafted in. He was still chuckling. “That female is one in a million.”

  Nikolai attempted a smile, but it was more tight lips pulled back to expose clenched teeth. Vincent frowned.