The Case of the Petrified Man

by Caroline Lawrence

  I took another deep breath.

  “P.K.?” said the Reverend C.V. Anthony, who stood beside me still.

  “Yes, sir?” I replied.

  He said, “My wife and I have had a talk. We do not think it right that a twelve-year-old child such as yourself should live alone in a former tobacco store and frequent saloons and pursue such a dangerous occupation as being a Detective. We think you should be fed, clothed, educated in school and also protected.”

  I did not know what to say, so I kept my eyes fixed on the tombstone & said nothing.

  “We intend to start a family soon but we would like you to live with us.”

  I looked up at him in surprise.

  He smiled down at me. “And if it happens that you do not want to live with another Methodist preacher, Doc Pinkerton and his wife said they would be pleased to take you in, too. Tom says you have the makings of a fine doctor. He told me that you are adept, inquisitive and not at all squeamish. So, you see, you have two families vying for you. Which will it be?”

  I looked back at the epitaph on my foster parents’ tombstone.

  Nobody could ever replace Pa Emmet or Ma Evangeline in my affections.

  Also, I must confess I like being Boss of Myself. I can frequent as many Saloons & Music Halls as I like. I can take my meals at the Colombo Restaurant & eat layer cake for breakfast every day, if I so desire. If I want new clothes or shoes, I can just mosey on down to Wells, Fargo & Co., withdraw a few $20 gold coins & buy myself a new outfit at Wasserman’s Emporium.

  There was also the matter of a certain Secret I did not want anyone to discover.

  I said, “I reckon I am fine where I am.”

  I could see he was downcast by this reply, because he gave a quick nod & looked down & pressed his lips together.

  I tried to explain myself in a way that might lift his spirits. “Your offer is very kind. Doc Pinkerton’s, too. But I have a Course to Run, just like Ma and Pa Jones. I guess being a Detective is my calling. God gave me a Thorn, but also Sufficient Grace. And He gave me some strange abilities that suit the profession. Where else could I have used my skill at identifying over one hundred types of smoking, chewing and leaf tobacco to bring a criminal to Justice and save the life of a frightened Eye Witness?”

  “I admit you did well,” said the Rev. C.V. Anthony. “You were inventive in your reasoning and brave in the execution of your plan. But your exploit almost got you killed.”

  “This earth-life is temporary,” I said. “It is only a preparation for the next life, which is Eternal.”

  “Amen,” said he. “But, P.K., are you not lonesome in that little room without anybody to tuck you up at night?”

  I said, “No. I like living by myself and being my own boss. Besides, whenever I want people I can just go out my front door and there is the whole World. Even if it is Satan’s Playground.”

  “Bless my soul,” he said with a laugh, “you have almost convinced me. I believe you would make a mighty fine preacher. Or Lawyer.”

  “No,” I said. “But one day I just might make a Good Detective.”

  GLOSSARY

  ambrotype—an early form of photograph made directly on glass.

  Antietam—The bloodiest single day of the Civil War was a battle that took place near Antietam Creek and Sharpsburg, Maryland, on September 17 1862. More than 23,000 were killed, wounded or missing.

  bail—a sum of money deposited to allow a prisoner to go free until they can be tried in court or released. If the prisoner runs away, the money is forfeit.

  caliber—the diameter of balls and bullets measured in hundredths of an inch.

  Celestial—slang for Chinese, because the imperial court in China was known as the “celestial court.”

  Comstock—The ledge of silver below Virginia City was known as the Comstock Lode, after one of the original stakeholders. The whole region was sometimes called the Comstock.

  Confederate—a supporter of the Southern slave-owning states that were fighting against the Union in the Civil War of 1861–1865.

  crib—a square structure like a manger, the framework of a mine or a one-room dwelling.

  Daily Territorial Enterprise—the first daily newspaper published in Virginia City, starting in 1860.

  Dan De Quille—the pen name of Virginia City journalist William Wright.

  Deringer or Derringer—a small one- or two-shot pistol, usually with big caliber bullets.

  draw a bead on/draw down on—expressions that meant to point a gun at someone.

  hoopskirt—a skirt worn over petticoats with hoops sewn in.

  hurdy girls—women who worked in saloons and often played a hand-cranked stringed soundbox called a “hurdy-gurdy.”

  Lakota (a.k.a. Sioux)—the language and name of a Native American people from South Dakota.

  medicine bag—a pouch carried by some Native Americans, usually for magical purposes.

  moccasin—a soft slipper or shoe with no heel but a single piece of leather for the sole.

  Mount Davidson—The Comstock Lode was in it and Virginia City upon it.

  mustang—a type of American wild horse, small but full of stamina.

  ore—earth or rock containing valuable metal or mineral.

  passel—a large group of people or things.

  Pinkerton Detective Agency—founded by Allan Pinkerton in Chicago in 1850.

  Paiute—The Northern Paiute were a tribe of Native Americans who lived in Nevada, Oregon and parts of California.

  placer mining—a technique in which surface deposits of earth are rinsed with water to reveal gold.

  plug—a bowler hat, a piece of chewing tobacco, or an old horse.

  privy—a toilet located in a small shed or “outhouse” near another building. The toilet was usually just a wooden seat over a pit.

  quartz stamp mill—a machine with pistons that pulverized rock in order to remove the precious metal.

  Reb—short for Rebel; a Confederate. Their enemies, the North, or Union, supporters, called Southern soldiers “Johnny Reb.”

  rolltop desk—a writing desk with a flexible slatted cover, which rolled down from the top.

  Sam Clemens (who would soon call himself “Mark Twain”)—was a reporter for the Daily Territorial Enterprise from 1862 to 1864.

  sarsaparilla—syrup made from a root of the same name; nowadays called root beer.

  scatter gun—a shotgun that fires small bits of metal or stone.

  slouch hat—a soft felt hat with a wide flexible brim, usually in brown or black.

  soiled dove—a term used to describe a woman who worked in a saloon or brothel.

  spittoon—a metal, glass or ceramic container to catch tobacco chewers’ spit.

  Stonewall Jackson—a brave and pious Confederate general, who liked to suck lemons.

  stovepipe hat—a tall cylindrical hat, famously worn by President Abraham Lincoln.

  tableau vivant—a silent group of people posed to represent a famous scene from history, as if frozen in time. (It is French for “living picture.”)

  teamster—the driver of a team of animals, usually oxen or mules.

  telegraph—a method of sending messages almost instantly over great distances by means of making and breaking electrical connections along a wire.

  tintype—a form of photograph taken directly on a thin sheet of tin.

  Virginia City—a mining town in Nevada that sprang up in 1859, soon after silver was discovered.

  Washoe Zephyr—an ironic slang term for the violent wind in Virginia City.

  Wells Fargo—Wells, Fargo & Co. was founded in 1848 to transport and bank money, payrolls and gold.

  Yank—a supporter of the Union, or Northern states, in the Civil War. Their enemies, the Confederates, called them “Billy Yank.”

 

 

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