Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game
Page 8
"That's the one," Felice laughed. "Dad sure had that dork pegged. You know what he had the nerve to tell me? He said that I read too many books and that I should start wearing make-up to make myself look lighter!"
"Oh my God! One of ‘those.’ I didn't think they still existed. Why was he dating someone as dark as you are anyway?"
"I think he wanted to prove that he was ‘down.'" She raised her fist in a mock Black Power salute and they both laughed.
"Eventually, he gave up," Felice continued. "I still see him around. He's got a white girlfriend now."
"Well, at least he's being true to what he wants." Vetra paused. "You haven't had many phone calls from boys since then," she ventured.
"No. I've talked to a few, but none of them have seemed to like me," she said cagily.
"Oh come now, honey. You're a beautiful, smart young lady. Surely some of those little knot-heads at that school have recognized that."
"I just don't seem...to be what they want; most of them, anyway."
"You mean the black ones."
Felice looked up at her mother. "Yes."
"Felice, I know exactly how you feel. When I was your age, I went through exactly what you're going through now."
"You did?"
"Yes. Your father doesn't know this, but I had a white boyfriend before I met him."
Felice's mouth dropped open. "You're not serious. You never told Dad?"
"Think about how your father feels about white men. Do you think it's a good idea?"
"No!"
Vetra laughed. "A lot of the black men then thought that black women should walk two steps behind them, literally and figuratively--especially the ones who were caught up in ‘Black Power.’ It was so crazy! Supposedly they were trying to throw off the white man's shackles, but at the same time, they were trying to put shackles on black women. You know I wasn't having any of that!"
"Did you and your boyfriend ever...?
"What? Girl, no! You know your father was the first."
"Actually, no I didn't."
"Felice!"
"Well..." Felice began complacently.
"Wait a minute. I guess I shouldn't get so upset about your question. Your father was my first. But that's only because, right or wrong, that's the way a young lady behaved back then. Whenever you young ones hear about the sixties and the seventies, all you hear about is this ‘free love' or ‘changing mores' nonsense. Well it's a lot of hogwash, at least in my experience. Had I done any type of ‘experimenting,’ I would have been branded as ‘loose' or ‘easy' and no decent guy would have had anything to do with me; not like now."
Felice said nothing.
"Honey, you know, unlike your father, I try to stay out of your personal business, but right now, I'd like to ask you something personal."
"Okay."
"Are you...a virgin?" Vetra tensed a bit. In spite of her earlier thoughts, she wasn't sure if she wanted the answer to be ‘yes' or ‘no.'
"No."
"That's...fine. That's okay with me and that's as personal as I'm going to get. Wait, except for one thing: you were careful, weren't you?"
"Yes...he..." they “wore a condom. Can we talk about something else?"
Vetra ignored her request and pressed on. "Earlier I was thinking about myself at your age. If I had been born twenty-four years later, I might have...experimented a bit before I settled on your father. It sure would have made things easier on our wedding night."
"Mom!" exclaimed Felice. Like most people, her parents having sex was not a picture she liked having in her head. "Too much information!"
"Sorry, but you brought it up. It's just that, while I'm happy with your father and would never dream of anyone else..."
Felice's eyes widened. "Mom?"
"Felice, stop it! You're eighteen years old. Well past old enough for me to speak with you plainly about sex."
"So, how come you never did this before now?"
"Fear...plain and simple, kiddo. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. Your grandma sure didn't have any kind of talk like this with me, except to inform me that a young lady kept her dress down and her legs closed."
Felice giggled. "Not exactly the advice we got in my sex ed class in high school."
"I would guess not. However, I should never have left sex education strictly up to that wonderful public school system in L.A. I guess I'm trying to make amends for it now. Is Kevin the one that you..."
Felice rolled her eyes. "No, Mom! I thought you said you weren't going to get any more personal."
"Oops! I forgot. Well I just want to say this: you already know more than I knew at your age and I'm happy, too, that you know to be physically careful. But what I'm worried about is your heart. Don't let anyone into it unless you know, or are pretty sure how they're going to treat it.
“Some people take kindness as weakness and will walk over you just as easily as they take in air. Some men can be that way when it comes to sex. Not all of them, but some of
them. I may not know too much about sex--or rather I only know about it with your father--but I have eyes. People like to say that things have changed for women; that they're free to do and be what they want. However, from where I sit, things haven't changed all that much."
Mom, you have no idea how right you are.
"So, Mom. What about your white boyfriend? Why did you guys break up?"
"Neither one of us could handle the pressure. I guess I should actually say, that neither one of us loved each other enough to handle the pressure. Your grandma and grandpa were cordial to him but they didn't want us together, and his parents were...well, you can guess. And the black men were ready to kill both of us. It would be different now. Every time I turn around, I see an interracial couple and it's great. And your grandma has since admitted that she was wrong."
"I sort of wonder if you're right about that, I mean about things being different."
"Why?"
"Last year, I remember a girl at school, who's since graduated. She was a black girl and was real pretty, and all the black guys were like, ‘Carrie' this and ‘Carrie' that. They all were chasing her. Then she started to date this white guy
and you should have heard the things they said about her."
"Don't tell me. Let me guess. White-boy lover; Race-traitor..."
"...and much worse. Never mind that nearly every black male athlete there has a girlfriend who is white or Latina."
"I guess things haven't changed as much as I had hoped."
"You know how it seems to me, Mom. It seems as though black men have gone and turned the tables on white men. I remember reading about the days when a white man could take any black woman he wanted, but woe to the black man who did the same. Now, it seems as though it's in the reverse."
"Not quite, honey. I have yet to hear of any white man who has been lynched for whistling at a black woman," said Vetra gently.
"Well yeah, you're right." Felice paused. "So, does that make what happened to you or Carrie right?"
"Of course it doesn't, dear. However, not being right doesn't stop a whole lot of people from doing the things they do."
"That's for sure." Felice thought of Vonetta.
"If you and...Kevin start going out regularly, there's bound to be a lot of pressure on the both of you. Not just from black people, but from the white ones as well. If he's a football star, he's bound to be real popular with the white girls."
Felice then told her mother what had happened both times in the Quad with Mandy.
"That’s exactly what I'm talking about. Make no mistake about it, there’s nothing more vicious than a woman who's been tossed aside for someone else, especially if she deems that someone else to be ‘beneath’ her in some respect. And believe me, underneath, almost every white woman believes that she is more beautiful than the most beautiful black woman that ever lived. That one will not take losing to you lying down."
"So, you met Daddy right after you broke up with this guy?"
"Well, Dad does have three older sisters; all strong and all smart." One of Joseph's sisters was a doctor and the other two were college professors.
"And not about to hide the fact that they know everything."
Felice rolled her eyes. Her mother didn't always get along with her aunts.
"I think you should go out with this Kevin Hart," Vetra continued. “If he likes you as much as you say, it's worth taking a little heat."
"Even from Dad?"
"You let me deal with your dad. Tomorrow's Friday, so he and I will have all day to discuss it before you talk to him."
"Going to soften him up for me first?"
"Of course, dear. What else is new?"
They both then heard the front door opening.
"Okay, Mom. I guess it's time for me to get out of here," she grinned.
"You better believe it!" She reached over to hug and kiss her daughter. "Do you know how much I love you and how proud of you I am?"
Warmed by her mother's embrace, she hugged her back.
"I love you, too, Mom."
The next day, Vetra and Joseph had the house to themselves, with both of their children at school. Felice, as every morning, left the house at around six-thirty, and Joey rode with Marta Garcia, mother of Pete. She and Vetra alternated carpool duties each day, and she had picked up the boy at seven. Vetra had gotten up to make sure that her children had a decent breakfast, but after they were gone, she climbed back in bed with her husband.
Every other day was filled with work, children, family, or church, but Vetra and Joseph had designated Fridays as their “us” day. Sometimes they would go for a walk in the near-by park, holding hands, giggling and whispering in the other's ear like teenagers. Other times, they would hash out arguments that they had let lie during the previous week.
On this particular Friday, Vetra and Joseph were lying snuggled up in their bed, lightly dozing. Friday was also love making day for them. Vetra had originally thought that setting aside a special day for making love would take all the fun and spontaneity out their sex life, but it had been
necessary. Both of them were nearly always too tired for it on any other day. As it turned out, her fears were unfounded. The word "Friday" now had become a special, personal code between them. Whenever anyone else mentioned the day for whatever reason, both of them found themselves looking at each other knowingly and suppressing grins.
Vetra re-awakened easily. A tiny ray of sunshine, peaking between the drawn curtains, shone directly on her face. Not wanting to wake Joseph, whose arms and legs were wrapped around her, she was still. If only they could lie there contentedly in their bedroom basking in each others' warmth and love forever. She thought of the early days of their marriage, the years before Felice had been born. Joseph had recently graduated from college and Vetra was still in school. They had lived in a tiny apartment in L.A., barely bigger than the living room of their present house. Joseph had found a job as a manager in a grocery store and she had had a part time job. They had barely made enough money to pay their bills and keep food on the table, but those had been some of the happiest times of their lives. She and Joseph would lie in bed late into the night, sometimes making love and sometimes not. Always they would talk about their dreams and making plans for their future. They would wait a few years before having children so they could have a little time to get to know each other and to make a little money. Joseph had wanted a lot of children, but Vetra, an only child, wasn't sure that she wanted any at all and had told him so.
Vetra now laughed lightly at herself. How could she have been so stupid? Felice and Joey were the joys of both of their lives. Neither of them had given their parents much trouble, not like the children of so many of her friends in L.A.--no drugs or alcohol and no gangs or pregnancies.
She smiled as she remembered Joseph's face upon seeing his daughter for the first time. Her husband had always been a happy, exuberant man, but on that day eighteen years ago, as she watched him lift that small, brown, wriggling human for the first time, she had seen a joy never even considered alight in her husband’s face. From that point on, she knew that Felice would forever be ‘Daddy’s Little Girl.’
When Felice was a little girl, Joseph had done everything with her. He had taken her to every museum, fair and amusement park in L.A. countless times. He had read to her each night and not just the standard fairy tales.
Occasionally, he would read a science fiction or mystery novel to her, the ones which had been written with teenagers in mind. Consequently, Felice had already known how to read by the time she entered kindergarten.
The three of them would go camping and fishing at Lake Isabella each summer. Joseph would always bait Vetra's hook, since she refused to touch a worm. However, Felice would fearlessly bait the hook on her own small rod, while her mother watched with loathing and admiration, as the bait curled around her little girl's fingers.
Joseph had also bought Felice a small telescope. Though they hadn't been able to see much in the skies over L.A., Felice had been fascinated by the stars and had later poured over the encyclopedia in their home and memorized each planet in the solar system. She had been seven years old.
Joseph, who had been to several places in the world while in the army, also made sure that his daughter had a decent knowledge of geography. He had bought her a globe and a jigsaw puzzle of the United States. She had loved the puzzle and would take it apart and piece it together over and over again. The two of them had made a game of knowing what the capital of each state was and after a few months,
they had changed the game to capitals of countries. Years later, in the year of the German reunification, Felice had wondered aloud why so many people she knew had no clue where Germany was; much less that it had been two countries.
"It's not that other people are stupid, Felice," her mother had replied. "It's just that most kids don't have a father like yours who took time out to teach you these things."
Yes, Joseph had been a wonderful father--and husband--but now, he was probably about to face his biggest challenge.
Remembering the conversation she had with her daughter the previous night, Vetra sighed lightly. “Daddy's Little Girl” was not so little any more, and she knew that Joseph was having a hard time with this. Once, she had to restrain him as they both had watched a man eyeing their daughter up and down with interest.
Men, thought Vetra now with amusement. The worse they are as young men, the harder they are on their daughters.
Joseph had told her about his single days; his early college years at NMU and his life in the army. He had been a
typical jock at NMU, he had told her, catching any piece of “trim” that had been thrown his way and not concentrating hard enough on the important things.
"You were fortunate not to have caught anything else," she had grinned at him. Sure enough, his grades dropped even below the already low standard of eligibility to play collegiate sports. He decided he’d had enough of school and had enlisted in the army. There, he had been a Morse Code Operator and had been fortunate enough to stay out of Vietnam during his one hitch, and he had continued to practice his tom-catting ways.
At the end of his enlistment, he decided to move to
L.A. and to go back to school. He had enrolled in a community college, graduated, and transferred to Cal State Los Angeles, where he had met and immediately fallen in love with a slender, brown-skinned coed named Vetra Delaney.
And the rest is history, she thought as she felt her husband snuggle against her neck.
"Good morning," he said groggily. "Again."
"Good morning, yourself." She turned to give him a
hug.
"What time is it?"
"Time for us to get out this bed and go do something fun."
Josep
h stretched his back. "I think this old man has had his fun quotient for the week," he grinned at her.
"Come on, Old Man." She climbed out of the bed and put on her robe. "Let’s get out into the real world."
The park was nearly empty, with it being mid-morning on a weekday. The slight frost that had developed over night was now nearly gone. The couple, hand-in-hand as usual, wore heavy coats and gloves, but where Vetra wore a purple knit cap over her thick hair, Joseph was hatless.
"I'm going to get you a hat in about a month for next winter. They should be on sale by then."
"Oh, so you’re not going to get me one for my birthday, eh?"
"What I'm going to get you for your birthday is none of your business," she smiled at him.
"I'll really need it by next season to cover up some of this gray."
"I like the gray," she said as she reached up to touch his sideburns.
"Yeah, sure."
"Well, I do. It's kind of sexy."
"Kind of like this little pouch I'm developing." He patted his incipient pot belly.
"Oh come on now honey! It's not nearly that bad. Besides, it gives me a little something to hold on to," she laughed as she grabbed a section of his middle.
"What's the matter, baby?" she asked. "Are you feeling a little old with your birthday coming up?"
"Maybe. Forty-five! How did that happen?"
"You know that I know how you feel. I can't believe that I'm forty.
“We're two old fogies for sure," he grinned. "I look in the mirror sometimes and get a shock when I see my father looking back at me."
"The same thing happens to me sometimes. I look at it and say, ‘hi Mom.’”
"That's okay, though. Anna's still pretty fine looking. I almost threw you over for her when I first met her," he teased.
She pinched him as he laughingly tried to get away.
"Most of the time I feel pretty good," he went on. "But sometimes when I look at Felice, I can almost feel another
gray popping out of my head."