Seal All Exits (Tangled Web #3)

by Jade C. Jamison

  I had no idea I was alone

  until you came along.

  I hadn’t known I was in pain

  until you healed me.

  I didn’t know I was in darkness

  until you shined a light on me.

  You give me hope.

  You make me smile.

  You help me see that life really is

  worth living.

  I don’t know that I have room

  for you in these dark little corners.

  I can’t seem to find a space

  for you on my tiny island.

  I want to find a way

  for you to fit in my life

  but I’m not sure that I can.

  She was quiet—holding her breath again—and scared to look up at Katie. She was pretty sure that was how Katie had felt minutes earlier when reading hers. Katie’s poem, though—it was awesome and sharp and interesting, but it hadn’t felt personal. Even if her friend didn’t realize it, though, Heather’s was beyond personal…and she was afraid Katie would see right through her and know it was about her and Kiefer.

  Oh, shit. She’d blown her own cover.

  Maybe not. She had to keep her mouth shut. After a few more seconds, she forced herself to look up and meet Katie’s eyes…and they were twinkling. “Heather Morrow…did someone finally manage to steal your heart?”

  Well, maybe she could tell her the truth without telling her who. She smiled. “Maybe.”

  Katie grinned. “Do tell.”

  “There is this guy…he’s pretty recent. He’s really sweet and I guess, because we were friends for a while, he kind of flew under my radar, but—” She stopped herself and then let her voice trail off, because she wasn’t sure how to say what she had to next.

  “But what?”

  Heather pulled in a deep gulp of air, finding the courage to be honest with her friend. “I have a few demons I’m going to have to let him know about if we’re going to even try anything.”

  “Demons? You?”

  Had she really been that effective at hiding them from her best friend? She shook her head. She knew. She’d purposely only let Katie see the sunshine and rainbows side of herself—the side she wanted to be real and was to a degree, but it wasn’t the entire part of her. It was like she was the moon, and she’d always hidden the dark side from her friend. She shook her head. No better time than the present to come clean. “Yeah. Just some things from my past.” She forced herself to look her friend in the eyes.

  There it was. Some hurt in Katie’s eyes but, more than that, compassion. “Oh, Heather, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

  “I know you didn’t. When we first met at school, I’d vowed to myself to bury my past. It wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t who I wanted to be. So I ignored it, pretended nothing in my past had ever happened. The problem…that shit follows you. Even if you don’t want it, it’s part of you.” In fact, Heather had wondered more than once if she could ever shake some of that baggage. The eating disorder was one thing, but her addictive personality was something that scared her. That was something she had yet to talk to Kiefer about and didn’t know that she would. It was that part of her that had told her she had no business entering a relationship with Kiefer or anyone else. She was too messed up in the head.

  Katie placed her hands on the one Heather had been resting on the table next to the notebook. “Are you gonna tell him?”

  Heather let the air ease out of her lungs. That was a question she didn’t yet have an answer for, because she didn’t know that either she or Kiefer were ready for it.

  Chapter Fifteen

  KATIE AND HEATHER chopped up veggies to go in sandwiches. It was a last-minute thing, because Katie hadn’t thought about lunch. She’d been so preoccupied with wanting to have some girl time, she told everyone, that lunch hadn’t been a priority.

  No matter, though, because she and Johnny had prepared for the week. Katie was going to have to make a run into town for more food by the next day, but—for now—they were set, and she’d bought sandwich fixings for the very reason they were using them—in case she just didn’t feel like putting a lot of effort into a meal. She was going to get a huge pot of chili going after lunch but she wanted to get lunch done first.

  They set out the bread (three different kinds—talk about overkill, Heather thought), chips, condiments, meats, cheeses, and veggies, and Heather felt like she was at a deli. They’d set it all up on the kitchen island so clean up would be relatively simple as well.

  When Kiefer and Johnny walked in, Heather had to force herself to look at him. She’d written something quite special about him, something he had no idea about, and it somehow solidified her feelings, made her realize that maybe he was worth the effort and, if he was, she would definitely have to tell him everything. Now that she felt like she had something at stake, though, she worried, because he probably wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her once he knew all there was to know about her.

  In spite of her fears, she smiled at him and felt the reward of his in return. It was at that moment that she realized her friend might be watching, and Katie was nothing if not observant. If Katie caught those significant glances, it wouldn’t be difficult for her to put two and two together.

  But she wasn’t looking. Heather had nothing to worry about.

  * * *

  Kiefer was glad they hadn’t had a heavy meal, because Johnny was about to put him through the paces. “Guys, we’re gonna help Kiefer find his voice.”

  Sage, deadpan, said, “I didn’t know he was a big enough dumb ass to lose it.”

  Kiefer gave him the obligatory smile, and he was grateful that it was just the band in the room. The rest of Johnny’s other friends from his old band headed out after lunch, but they expected Riley and his girlfriend to return later. They’d be there for another couple of days. “This, though,” Johnny had said, “is why I wanted a studio in my new home, and we might as well break her in, right, boys?”

  They started out slowly, with Johnny picking a new tune he’d been working on. He let Mickey and Sage find their way around it and asked Kiefer if it gave him any ideas. Kiefer would never tell the man, but his mind was kind of stuck on one theme now: Heather…and his growing feelings for her. He wanted to prove to her that she could trust him completely, and that was all his mind had been focused on. He’d always been a positive person—in spite of the fact that he had no reason to be—and so he believed that things would work out.

  He just had to convince Heather of that as well.

  Johnny gave him some pointers, and he grabbed onto the melody and just started singing words. Most of them didn’t work, but when he got a line that did, he jotted it down. More than once, he’d set Sage to laughing, and then it would make him laugh, so he quit taking himself so seriously. He was happy with the end result.

  Can you feel me when I’m thinking about you?

  Can you feel me when I’m singing about you?

  Do you feel me when I’m next to you?

  Because you’re in me, all of me.

  I’m drowning,

  Drowning in you.

  Might be a good way to go.

  Drowning.

  Do you think of me in the dark late at night?

  Do you think of me when the sun parts the skies?

  Do you feel me when only you occupy my mind?

  Because you’re in me, all of me.

  I’m drowning,

  Drowning in you.

  Might be a good way to go.

  Drowning.

  Waiting while you hold me under.

  In spite of the intense ribbing Sage threw his way, all of them thought the song was good, probably good enough to be a single. It was a catchy tune and the lyrics were pretty simple. Kiefer knew in his heart that he could write much better lyrics, but it was his first attempt at writing a song with the band. It felt organic and, more than that, it felt good. It felt natural.

  It felt like he was a real, honest-to-God m
ember of his band.

  He felt like a frontman.

  Johnny patted him on the back. “That’s how it’s done, man. We do that another ten, eleven times, and we’ve got ourselves a new album.”

  The guys hooted and hollered, and Mickey said, “That calls for a drink.”

  Johnny pursed his lips. “I didn’t say anything while Riley was around, but I’ve got some beers stashed in the garage. I have a fridge out there. It’s not just for holding extra chow for you food hounds.”

  Mickey said, “Sounds good. I’m ready for a smoke too.”

  They planned to return to writing after a couple of beers, but on their way down the hall, Sage said, “Was it just me, or did it sound like Kiefer was maybe writing something special…about a special someone?”

  Mickey looked over at Kiefer, grinning. “You know, now that you mention it, that did sound a little flowery…a little lovey-dovey.” Mickey wiggled his eyebrows, intentionally not looking at Kiefer. “I think you’re right, Sage. Our man has a crush.”

  “So who’s the girl, huh?”

  “Yeah, who is it?”

  They reached the front door, and—in spite of being harassed by his bandmates—it didn’t escape Kiefer’s notice that Johnny was checking to make sure no one was watching. They walked out onto the deck and made their way around to the side of the house toward the garage. Johnny said, “Shut up, you dipshits. If you’ve never written lyrics, you wouldn’t understand. Some stuff? Hell, yes, it’s real, but other shit, you just grab onto a feeling, a thought, and you run with it. Love? It’s a common fucking theme. Doesn’t mean a damn thing.” Mickey took the opportunity to pull a cigarette out of the pack in his jacket pocket and raised his eyebrows again. “On the other hand, if he’d written something about sex…”

  Johnny didn’t finish the thought as he opened the door to the garage.

  Kiefer noticed that it hadn’t been locked, and he wondered if they always left it unlocked or if Johnny had already been outside once today. He realized they lived in the middle of nowhere, but that didn’t mean that people wouldn’t try to steal your shit. He’d been out there to help Johnny bring watermelons to the barbecue, so he knew there wasn’t much to worry about. A car and a truck, yes, and a fridge, and a few garden tools. Not even a lawn mower. He figured more expensive stuff was in the shed beside the garage, and maybe it was locked.

  Johnny pulled the fridge door open and grabbed four cans of beer. He tossed a can to each guy, not even giving them much of a chance. Kiefer was glad he wasn’t first, because he probably wouldn’t have caught the damn thing. As it was, Sage was first and fumbled his. Of course, the teasing fucker had it coming.

  Mickey leaned back against the car and said, “As I recall, you’ve written a few songs about sex, J. C.”

  Johnny grinned. “Hell, yes, I have, and I had a specific girl in mind for each one.”

  “Yeah? All Katie?”

  “Aw, come on, man. Don’t be naïve. Katie and I weren’t even dating when I was in Spawn.”

  Sage said, “Yeah, you wrote that really nasty one.”

  Johnny cleared his throat. “And it wasn’t about Katie, and that’s why it’s not on any of our set lists.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. Oh.”

  They kidded around longer, talking about sex and love, but Johnny had successfully taken the heat off Kiefer. He’d be forever grateful to him for that. He was also eager to try writing his next song as a band. That had been one of the most fun, most creative times he’d had as an adult, and it made him feel like he was valuable to the band. He wasn’t just a pretty face or a voice or someone to stir up the crowd. He was creating with them. That meant a lot to him.

  After two beers, they were all mellow, and Johnny said they’d better head back to the house before the women got worried and sent out the cops to look for them. He told them that when Riley got back, if they still tasted beer on their breath to go brush their teeth. Riley would probably be okay with it, but he didn’t want to make things hard on his old friend.

  They started walking out of the garage and Johnny wrapped his arm around Kiefer’s shoulders to hold him back. They stayed just behind the door while Sage and Mickey headed toward the house, engrossed in conversation. “I think they bought it. Maybe they’ll always buy it or maybe they were just suggestible today, man. You go ahead and write whatever shit you want and feel free to tell them to fuck off. You’re a great frontman and will be an incredible writer because you allow yourself to feel. Our other guys? They’re awesome because they play like motherfuckers and party like rock stars. So don’t let it get to you, but you keep writing what you feel, man. Chicks dig sensitive guys, even when our brothers don’t appreciate that about us.”

  Kiefer smiled. Johnny never ceased to amaze him, and it was moments like these that reminded him of the first time he and Johnny had met, when the older man had taken him under his wing. He wasn’t just a friend or a boss. He was a mentor, a coach, a guide, and Kiefer wanted to be the willing student with open eyes and mind, ready to drink in all Johnny’s wisdom. “Duly noted.”

  “Let’s go make some more kick ass music.”

  * * *

  They wrote another song, but by the time they were done, all four guys were fried and tired. Johnny told them to call it a day. “Let’s see what movies are on tonight and stake our claim before the women rope us into another party game.”

  “I’ll join you guys later. I need a little down time.” Kiefer had poured his entire heart and soul into the words he wrote for the songs, and he felt drained and a little raw. He was glad Sage and Mickey had let up after a while, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t ready for a little alone time.

  No, that wasn’t entirely true. He would have been perfectly happy for some time alone with Heather. He knew she and Katie had been doing some things together in the library, and—for all he knew—they were still doing things together, but he planned to knock on Heather’s bedroom door on the off chance that she wasn’t doing girl things anymore.

  Just like the first night, he heard music from under the door. This time, though, he felt a grin spread across his face when he realized he heard his own damn band. Heather was playing Shock Treatment on her laptop. He wanted to be sure, so he listened for a little longer before knocking on the door, but sure enough. It was off their second CD, a song called “Wounded.” He’d always had fun singing that song, because it was in lower chords than he usually sang. It was different and showed his range more than most of their songs.

  But what did that mean, her playing their music? Should it give him hope?

  Whether it should or not, he felt something swelling in his heart as he rapped on her door.

  * * *

  Heather perked up her head. She had had the music cranked a little loudly on her laptop, because it helped her focus when she was grading papers. She was able to tune everything else out—most particularly, her own thoughts—and concentrate on the task at hand.

  But if there was a knock on the door, it was probably Kiefer…and he would be a welcome distraction. After spending awesome girl-bonding time with Katie, Heather had bowed out and told her she had work she really needed to get done. Yeah, she really did, but she’d also shared enough of her emotional and secret self for one day. Katie had gotten closer to the real her inside than anyone else—until Kiefer anyway, but that didn’t mean it was a comfortable place for Heather. No. It made her damned uneasy and she needed a break. The past half hour grading papers had helped immensely, helping her feel more like her normal self.

  She’d finished grading five creative nonfiction essays—a personal best. She was usually lucky to finish seven or eight (or even six, sometimes) in an hour, so she had no problems taking time off from the task when she heard knocking. She stood up and, avoiding the mirror, walked to the door to see who was there.

  She smiled, happy to discover it was Kiefer. “What’s up?”

  He shrugged. “Not much. Been working my ass off
today, though, and wondered if you wanted to take a walk.”

  “A walk?”

  “Yeah. Johnny was telling us they own acres and acres of land, untouched and unspoiled, and he said there’s nothing like taking a walk in the hills behind his house. I’m gonna do it anyway, but I thought I’d like some company and thought you might enjoy it too.”

  She really could care less. Yes, she thought the scenery was beautiful, but she could enjoy it from their deck just as much as she could hiking through the woods. The look on Kiefer’s face was hopeful and boyish, though, and she couldn’t bring herself to ruin it. “All right. Just let me get more appropriate shoes on.” The ones on her feet—sandals—wouldn’t do well with pine needles and rocks and who knew what else she’d encounter clambering up the mountain. She had no idea what Kiefer had in mind when he said he wanted to take a walk, so she wanted to be prepared. She slipped on some sneakers—which looked just fine with the Capris she was wearing—and said, “Ready.” Then she took a long gulp of the water on her night stand. “Should we grab some bottles of water for the walk?”

  “Nah. We’re not gonna be gone that long.”

  She nodded and walked toward the door, which he held open for her. She looked both ways before exiting. Kiefer might have been getting a little lax about their agreement but she wasn’t in any big hurry for anyone to know.

  Fortunately, Kiefer was walking toward an alternate outside door, not the two near the front of the house. There was one off the back wing that Heather hadn’t known existed and he held it open for her while she stepped into the warm clean air. He said, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did I hear you playin’ a little Shock Treatment before you answered the door?”

  Aw. That was one of the cute things about Kiefer. He couldn’t hide his enthusiasm. It was contagious. She glanced over at him. “Why? Would that be a huge surprise?”