The Vile (6) (The Underground Kingdom)

by Steve Elliott

  “But they’ll put you in the machine!” Trix cried in terror.

  “And that’s part of the plan,” I reassured her. “What I’m hoping is that it was built specifically for fairies, goblins and elves. They don’t know that I’m a human, and a human mind offset has more subterranean twists and turns than the makers of this machine have ever come across in their wildest dreams. I’m betting that my mentality will be outside of their built-in parameters. Let’s face it. Humans have a long tradition of being a devious, convoluted and back-stabbing species. By contrast, all of you are as innocent and uncomplicated as newborn lambs.”

  “You’re taking an awful risk,” Thorn said softly in a beseeching tone. “Stephen, are you sure about this? I’d die if I lose you.”

  “As I said, it’s a gamble,” I shrugged, “but I can’t risk having any of you being put in there. At least this way, there’s a chance. Just don’t be surprised at anything I say or do. If this monstrosity is supposed to leach out my thoughts and leave me as a babbling idiot, then I’d better play that role.”

  “But how will we be able to tell the difference?” Nix remarked sardonically, with a flash of his old twisted humor. “After all, that’s your normal behaviour, isn’t it?”

  Nix’s characteristic sarcastic comment made us all smile, catapulting the Vile Leader into an even greater frenzy. “Stop laughing!” he shrieked. “Do you think this is funny? Do you think it’s hilarious to become a raving lunatic?”

  “Huh! He should talk!” Nix whispered in my ear and I had to suppress an untimely giggle at his remark.

  “Well, let me assure you,” the Leader continued, “the process isn’t funny at all. Most of the victims are screaming at the end and begging to die. We took the secret of the dream pipes from the cogdommina and refined it into this marvellous machine. Bah, I’ve had enough! Why should I explain anything to the likes of you! You’re all beneath contempt. You!” he yelled, pointing at me. “You go first! We’ll see how funny you think it is when your mind is being sucked dry. Strap him in!”

  With an encouraging wink at Thorn, I allowed myself to be dragged to the machine. Electrodes were attached to my head and I had a fleeting thought of how similar this was to Phil’s clone transfer thingamajig. I wondered what was going to happen and what it would feel like. I hoped I hadn’t miscalculated and relied too much on the diversity of my human foibles.

  “Start the process!” the Leader commanded, commencing to laugh like the madman he was.

  As the machine began to chug away, I heard Thorn’s despairing “I love you, Stephen!” in the distance and I hoped it wasn’t the last time I’d hear and be able to comprehend that poignant statement.

  Chapter 13

  I have to admit that the sensations being forced upon me were rather peculiar. Some pain was involved, but it felt more mental than physical, if such a thing was possible. I could definitely feel some deft cerebral ‘tugging’, where the machine endeavored to extract information. I couldn’t imagine how this worked, or by what process the extorted memories were stored. And how, for heaven’s sake, were the stolen memories going to be viewed later on by others. Baffling, but intriguing. And downright nasty too. I thought I’d better throw in a scream at this stage to satisfy the audience, therefore I did so and, by the look of satisfaction on The Vile Leader’s face, I felt pleased I did. Overall, I didn’t suffer much at all. Thankfully, I had guessed correctly, and my genetic mental makeup proved to be too foreign for the machine to comprehend. However, it didn’t seem to mind, because it huffed and gurgled along quite merrily while I tried to formulate my next series of actions. Going on what I’d been told so far, I’d have to act like a politician – brain-dead and vacuous. No, sorry about that, I shouldn’t be so mean. Politicians aren’t really as bad as all that. I shouldn’t let my prejudices run away with me.

  Because The Vile had been so isolated, presumably they knew nothing about humans, so I began to recite a nursery rhyme in a high, scrambled voice, trying to sound as crazy as possible …..

  Mary had a little lamb,

  With fleas as white as snow.

  And everywhere that Mary went

  The fleas were sure to go.

  A jocular rendition of the old classic, to be sure. Not that The Vile would appreciate it. In all my born days I’d never seen a group less likely to smile. But that’s what happens with militaristic societies. A sense of humor is one of the first things to disappear, along with basic human rights. I decided to try another rhyme. The Leader appeared to enjoy my gibbering.

  Hickory dickory dock,

  Three mice ran up the clock,

  The clock struck one,

  But the other two suffered only minor injuries ……

  That rearrangement appeared to go down even better. The leader chortled and rubbed his hands in glee. What a maroon! as Bugs Bunny would have said. I still hadn’t felt any severe effects from the machine, but a nagging sensation persisted in my mind and it was quite uncomfortable. It really did feel as if my thoughts were being hauled out of my mental cupboards and thrown on the floor in an untidy heap. Yes, not very pleasant, but bearable.

  After a little while, and much jabbering of nonsense on my part, the machine switched off and I was released. Okay now, Part Two of my act. I staggered around the place like a drunken monkey, interspersed with rushing up to various nearby Vile, grasping them by the arms and staring wildly into their eyes. I did this to several of them and they seem to accept it as the end result of the torture, because they didn’t flinch in the slightest. However, I wasn’t doing it just merely for show. I had a stealthy purpose in mind. Occasionally, I’d also suddenly run over to one of my companions and initiate the same procedure with them – the sole difference being that I’d give them a clandestine wink when we were face to face. After a few minutes of this crazy behaviour, The Vile Leader roughly grabbed me.

  “Give me answers,” he grated.

  “What’s the questions?” I replied, looking vaguely over his shoulder with an exaggerated startled expression.

  “Who else knows about us?” he demanded, shaking me forcefully.

  “Wombats are furry,” I divulged in a surreptitious whisper.

  “I don’t care!” he screamed. “Answer my question!”

  “Question?” I asked, moronically, rolling my eyes and giving a little giggle for the overall appearance of it.

  “Who–else–knows–about–us?” he snarled, emphasising each word and grinding his teeth in frustration.

  “Everybody,” I answered, dancing a little jig on the spot just to confuse him. “There’s a whole army on its way right now ……”, I danced little more to reinforce my pseudo madness, “…… to destroy you once and for all.”

  “What!” he roared in disbelief, letting me go. “No one can defeat us! We’ll smash your pitiful army and eat the survivors!” He swept his hand around his equally stunned forces and screamed, “To battle! Victory awaits!”

  Chapter 14

  I had hoped, in the confusion I’d created, that Tall-Dark-and-Ugly would forget about us, but no such luck. A group of his followers were directed to throw us back into our prison, which they did, in no uncertain terms. As we picked ourselves up from the ground, my companions stared at me anxiously.

  “Stephen, are you all right?” Thorn asked, hesitantly.

  I smiled reassuringly at her. “I’m fine, honest,” I replied.

  “The performance of yours was quite something,” Nix congratulated. “You almost had me believing your floor show. The Vile certainly seemed taken in by it.”

  I bowed. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you,” I facetiously announced. “Your kind words have touched my heart. My next performance will be at the same time tomorrow.”

  “Stop being so silly,” Thorn scolded, “and tell us the rest of your plan. What we do from here?”

  For some reason, the whole mad scenario almost made me giggle, but I didn’t know why. Maybe the aftershock reaction
from nearly being killed caused it, or maybe I could have been going crazy for real but, for whatever the reason, I suddenly became saturated with high spirits. I gently took Thorn’s hand, kissed her fingers, and murmured, “Ah, mademoiselle, your beauty astounds me. Come with me to the Casbah, my little chickadee, and together we’ll put the stars to shame.”

  Thorn hastily snatched her hand away. “Stephen!” she exclaimed. “What’s gotten into you? Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “He is crazy,” Nix solemnly pronounced. “That machine must have had some effect after all.”

  “I really am fine,” I insisted, shaking my head in an attempt to dampen down my exuberance. “I’m sorry everyone. It was just an attack of the absurd. You have to admit this is a craze-filled situation.”

  “That’s for sure,” Trix supplied, watching me warily. “And what was all that about an army coming here?”

  “Just a bit of poetic licence,” I glibly explained, waving a hand abstractly in the air. “I wanted to unsettle him.”

  “You certainly did that,” Nix grinned malevolently. “But what purpose did it serve?”

  “I hoped he’d become confused enough to forget about us in the rush to get ready for the invasion,” I clarified, “but I’m afraid my gamble didn’t pay off.”

  “Nice try though,” Nix complemented me. “But what we do now? And what will happen when His Royal Madness finds there is no army?”

  “We should be well away by then,” I optimistically announced.

  “And exactly how, pray tell?” Thorn asked. “The last time I looked we were quite securely locked away.”

  “So it would appear,” I calmly replied, “but things might not be as bad as they seem. Did you think I was running around out there embracing The Vile because I thought they were my long lost brothers or something? One of those who escorted us to the machine and who strapped me in must have had the key to our cell and so, while I was pretending to be loony, I frisked each one of them until I found the key.” I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the said key for all to see.

  “You cunning ratbag!” Nix gleefully applauded.

  “Stephen!” Thorn exclaimed, throwing herself into my arms. “You’re so clever!”

  “I’m so criminal, you mean,” I grimaced, hugging Thorn contentedly. Then I turned to Trix. “Don’t follow my example,” I warned. “I don’t want you to join the Thieves Guild or anything. The last thing I want to do is to teach you how to become a pickpocket.”

  “Don’t worry,” Trix grinned, joining in the hug. “Traculimna would disown me for sure if I ever did.”

  “Yes,” I smiled knowingly. “She’d tear strips off you, and having to sit there and listen to her lecture would be the worst punishment I could imagine. She can be so emphatically emotional and persuasive when she wants to be.”

  “That’s so my sister,” Thorn murmured.

  Chapter 15

  Keeping a watch out for stray Vile, I used the key to good effect and opened the cell door, locking it behind me to accentuate the confusion when our absence would be finally discovered.

  “Which way?” Nix asked, as we surveyed the possibilities. To go right would expose us to the throne room once again, so we opted to go left, hoping it would lead to somewhere favorable. We stumbled along in semi-darkness until, after rounding a bend in the tunnel we’d been following, we came upon a ruined city. Through some miracle or other, it was quite substantial and mainly intact.

  “A Vile city!” Thorn breathed in awe and revulsion. “Who would have imagined such a thing still existed after all this time?”

  “We’re not going down there, are we?” Trix asked, anxiously.

  “We have to, sweetie,” I told her, shrugging my shoulders. “It’s directly in our path and there’s no way around it. Anyway, just look at it. It has to be deserted.”

  “All the same,” Thorn grumbled, “I wish I had my sword with me. I’d feel a lot safer.”

  “So would I,” I commiserated, giving her arm a companionable squeeze. “You and that sword of yours have been our main protection in all of our adventures. Nevertheless, we’ll just have to make do with what we have. In other words: your beauty, my brains, Trix’s bravery and Nix’s ……. um, Nix’s ……. ah, someone help me out here, will you?”

  “Oh, hilarious,” Nix growled. “What a comedy act! So predictable. Please tell me you’re going to come up with some new material one day.”

  “Speaking for myself,” Thorn chimed in, “I prefer the tried and true classics. The well-rehearsed and polished routines are more satisfying to the soul, don’t you think? For example, there’s that old unanswerable Zen question: ‘What does Nix contribute to society?’ Even after thousands of hours of research, nobody has managed to find an answer to that philosophical puzzle.”

  For the first time I could ever recall, Nix appeared stumped for a sarcastic reply. “Okay,” he finally admitted grudgingly, “nine out of ten for that. I can’t think of an appropriate answer right now. However, be prepared for massive retaliation later on.”

  “Oh, I’m totally terrified,” Thorn replied, archly. “I won’t be able to sleep with the dread of anticipation.”

  “Okay, you’ve made your point,” Nix offered, in surrender. “I bow before the Master.” To emphasise his point, he actually did bow, but then peeked up at Thorn and added lewdly, “Or should that be ‘before the Mistress’?”

  “Nix!” Thorn exclaimed, blushing with the implication of his remark.

  “And he’s baaack!” Trix announced, gleefully. “I knew he wouldn’t stay away for long.”

  “Yes, you can’t keep a good pervert down,” I announced. “They seem to have a remarkable resilience to bounce back.”

  “Like cockroaches,” Thorn sourly noted.

  “Are you comparing me to a filthy, disease breeding insect?” Nix bellowed.

  “Maybe,” Thorn said in trepidation, taking a step backwards.

  “That’s all right, then,” Nix grinned. “For a second there I thought you were being insulting.”

  “That’s two in as many seconds,” Trix gaily proclaimed. “The King is definitely back.”

  After that tension reducing episode, we made our way into the Vile town. I have to admit to feeling rather uneasy. Despite what I’d maintained about the place being deserted, I remained edgy. A certain atmosphere hovered over the buildings – a brooding, sinister mental force that made you feel as if hidden, antagonistic eyes were watching your every step. I tried to shake off this feeling by using scientific logic, but I wasn’t very successful. There are some happenings that appeal to the primitive section of the brain in all of us, and that section refuses to kowtow to intellectual and rational analysis.

  The others must have felt it also, because Thorn’s hand suddenly slipped into mine for reassurance. I turned my head and gave her a quick smile.

  “Didn’t the old records say that The Vile used to practice demon worship?” she asked, her voice trembling a little.

  “Stuff and nonsense!” I replied, as convincingly as I could. “There are no demons, apart from the imagined ones in people’s minds. They don’t exist and never have.”

  “I wish I had your surety,” she whispered, clinging to my hand even more tightly.

  “I have enough for both of us,” I bluffed, giving her a peck on the cheek.

  “I guess that’ll have to do,” she commented, smiling bravely. “Of course, we can also count on Nix’s ugliness to scare them away.”

  “Oho, the Queen is in residence also!” Trix crowed. “They’re both back.”

  Chapter 16

  We proceeded through the town, peering carefully down the darkened alleyways and into the gloomy door entrances. The persistent, menacing ambience still persisted, making us all a little jittery. When we were about two thirds of the way through, something happened. It was subtle, almost non-existent, but it materialised as soft music. Everyone heard it, and we stood frozen as we tried to isolate its sou
rce.

  “It’s the sleeping music again!” Thorn shrilled.

  “No, it isn’t,” Nix contradicted. “It’s different. Can’t you tell?”

  I listened, preparing to jam my hands over my ears at the slightest feelings of drowsiness, but Nix was right. It wasn’t the same as before.

  “What’s it supposed to do?” Trix enquired curiously. “I don’t feel the least bit sleepy.”

  “I’m not sure,” I commented. “Has anybody any strange feelings to report?”

  “Now that you come to mention it,” Nix commented slowly, “I do feel rather odd.”

  “Me too, “Thorn related. She turned to a nearby building and pointed at it. “For some reason, I want to go in there.”

  “So do I,” Nix told me in some astonishment. “I don’t know why, but the urge is becoming stronger.”

  “Fight it!” I commanded, with rising anxiety. “It’s a variation of the sleep music. I’m sure whatever is in that building isn’t inviting you in for morning tea.”

  “It’s so compelling!” Nix postulated, moisture beginning to blossom on his forehead. “Why aren’t you feeling it, Stephen?”

  “I think it’s because, like the Vile machine, it’s not designed for humans,” I explained, holding onto Thorn who began making urgent, jerking movements towards the building. “I do feel a slight tugging, but nothing obviously as drastic as what you seem to be experiencing. But come on,” I urged, “we have to get out of range!” Taking a firm grip around Thorn’s waist, I began to tow her along the street, away from those insidious notes. Nix followed behind, desperately holding his hands over his ears, and staggering around like an inebriated sailor who had recently come off a boat.

  I managed to drag Thorn to safety, despite her fighting me every step of the way. Finally, when the music could no longer be heard, we collapsed on the ground, physically and mentally exhausted.