Exhale and Move On

by K. L. Shandwick

  “Yeah, maybe I should just kick your ass, you don’t need that to make music,” he said and chuckled.

  Lily came toward us with two takeout cups of coffee and I took one from her. “Don’t give this kid any caffeine, he’s too hyper as it is,” I said and saw Lily smirk then twist her lips to hide it from Alfie.

  “Screw you, Rick,” Alfie said, smiling then he shook his head.

  “You wouldn’t know where to start,” I said in a flirty tone.

  “You’re right, although an open razor may come in handy to hack my way through that hairy ass.”

  “Come on boys, play nice,” Lily told us and laughed as Lennon and Cody came into view.

  “Boys, over here, these two here need restraining.”

  “First dibs on Rick,” Lennon replied, and Cody roared with laughter. My smile was a mile wide from Lennon’s comment and the thought of him restraining me sent a thrill through my body and made my dick twitch.

  “Where’s Coral?” I asked Len when the laughing died down.

  “Back in the green room with Shawn and Digs,” Len replied.

  “She’s lovely, Lennon. You need to put a ring on that girl,” Lily said, moving away from Alfie and slipping her arm through Lennie’s. I could see exactly what she thought, and I knew she was warning me off.

  “I’m gonna go say hi. You coming? I asked Lennon, and Lily’s face looked so pissed I almost laughed.

  “Yeah, maybe we can grab a bite or something before all this gets going,” he suggested. With what was running through my mind the 'or something' sounded perfect to me.

  Alfie pulled Lily away from Lennon and slipped an arm around her waist, “They’re right. Let’s go grab something to eat before the alcohol starts flowing, otherwise we’ll be wrecked by the time we get up on stage tonight.” Alfie nodded to us and led his woman away.

  When we came into sight, Coral jumped up off the sofa and headed over toward us. Wrapping a hand around both my and Len’s waist she kissed first Len’s cheek then mine. “Hey, boys, I missed you both,” she said and gave the two of us the same salacious smile. I glanced to Aaron, one of my bandmates and he raised an eyebrow.

  “Are you into fucking other peoples’ birds now, are you, Rick?”

  “At least women let me do that voluntarily, Aaron. I don’t need to get them unconscious like you do,” I replied and Lennie and Simon another band member laughed.

  “Want something to eat, sweetheart?” I asked Coral. She nodded, and I picked up a platter of small triangular sandwiches from one of the hospitality tables, tugged a bottle of champagne under my arm and wandered in the direction of my dressing room for some privacy. Fortunately, they had given me a room of my own in the event there were any ad hoc interviews during the concert.

  On reaching the door, Lennon pulled down the handle, and the door swung wide. Coral stepped in first without waiting to be invited, followed by me and then Lennon, who closed it quietly behind him. “Fuck. I’ve missed you,” he said taking the champagne from me and setting it onto a small table and taking the tray away.

  Placing it on the side he cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. My cock was stiff in seconds and a small shiver of delight ran through my body as his tongue fiercely sought out mine.

  My hands gripped the sides of his body and I backed him roughly against the wall before I pinned him in place with my hips. I felt his hard shaft rub deliciously against mine and Lennon groaned into my throat with a desire for more.

  Breaking the kiss, I watched his chest heave in excitement and when he looked at me I had to glance away from the hungry look in his eyes. “Nice welcome,” I said through a chuckle and glanced over to Coral. “Do you have one of those for me?” I asked because it was all important to include her, and I really wanted to kiss her anyway.

  “I do,” she said with a sweet smile as she stood, straightening her top nervously then walked slowly toward me. Reaching out, my hands caught her slender wrists then stroked up her arms until one swept into her hair and my palm rested on the back of her head. My other hand caressed the soft skin on her neck as I applied gentle pressure on her scalp bringing her face closer to mine.

  I stopped and smiled because she was so beautiful to look at and her lips curved upward in return before I pressed my mouth to hers.

  Passion and longing grew out of the kiss and without breaking it, I turned her around, pushing her back to pin Lennon against the wall and sandwiching her between us. Lennon’s hands slid up between us to cup her breasts, his thumb strumming across my nipple at the same time.

  Coral’s hands slid around my hips and she grabbed my ass, pulling me tighter against her as she rubbed her ass back against Lennie and my heartbeat raced like it hadn’t in a very long time. Our breathing and soft moans filled the air.

  A knock at the door interrupted us, and my initial response was to ignore it, but we all separated as I went over to answer.

  “There’s a woman who insists you’ll want to see her,” Jed mumbled in a low tone as he spoke through the half-closed door.

  I racked my brain and came up blank. “Name?”

  “Jasmin Grisham?” My heart almost stopped, and I was in shock when I heard a name from my past I never expected to hear in my lifetime again.

  “Are you okay, Rick?”

  With my mind numb, I was unable to think for a few seconds. I stood wondering what cruel person had it in them to do something like this to me on today of all days.

  “What does she look like?”

  “Five eight, dark brown hair, blue eyes, mature—around your age. She’s a beauty for sure.”

  “It’s a joke, right? What sick fuck’s done this to me? How did they even know about her?”

  “No idea what you’re talking about but she’s out front. I know the deal, no one gets backstage before a gig. Not even your mom, you said.”

  “Show me,” I blurted out and moved around the door to follow him. My heart pounded and blood pulsed in my ears as Jed led me to the security barrier. As soon as I saw her my stomach almost fell to the floor. Standing over by one of the large metal girders supporting the stage was a beautiful, immaculate woman around my age.

  For a second I didn’t think it was her then she looked up and our eyes connected. My heart sunk to my stomach as memories good and bad crowded my brain and rooted me to the spot. Every bone in my body felt heavy as her familiar golden smile stretched her beautiful mouth and the memory of a time when those smiles were only for me flitted through my mind. The pleasure I felt from seeing it was swiftly dissolved as hurt rose from my center and radiated through me.

  “Hello, Rick,” she said in a voice I instantly recognized. At one point I thought I’d have given my life to hear it again, but time and experiences had hardened my stance about her, and women in general.

  “That’s it?” I asked. My body felt shaky from the shock of seeing her again after all the years that had passed. “Of all the years between us you’ve chosen today of all days and you think I’d be happy to see you?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Damned right I’m not. I’d forgotten all about you, Jasmin, so you can go and crawl back under the rock you came out from under all those years ago.

  “From the way you’re reacting, I don’t think for one moment that’s true. It’s been around fifteen years, Rick, and if you react that strongly there’s still something going on with you. Won’t you at least talk to me?”

  “You mean like I begged for the chance to do all that time ago, to be told there was no point, you wouldn’t change your mind?”

  Jasmin lowered her eyes to the floor then glanced up through her hair, “I was really young. Not much more than a kid at nineteen. Didn’t you ever make a mistake?”

  “Yeah, plenty, but none as bad as the day I was stupid enough to trust you.” She looked hurt, but I didn’t care—anything good I had thought about her had long since been buried. “Listen, I don’t have time for this, or you. I hope you enjoy t
he gig, Jasmin,” I snapped as I turned on my heel and headed back to the dressing room.

  With every step I took away from her, the wider the hole in my heart felt, and when I opened my dressing room door again, I knew I wasn’t ready to act like nothing was wrong.

  “Sorry guys, I just had some unfinished business from the past show up and need a bit of time to myself.”

  Both Len and Coral looked concerned and stood at the same time, but it was Len who stepped forward and scooped me into his chest. Hugging me tightly, he sighed heavily and asked quietly, “What’s the matter, Rick? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Maybe I did. I’m fine… or I will be. Let me get some space to get my head around it,” I replied as I tried to keep the irritation from my voice. I wanted them out of there because I needed to be on my own to process how she’d shown up like I’d be fine about seeing her. Old wounds from my past seemingly burst right open and all my memories of Jasmin: some great, some emotional, along with half a lifetime of hurt began to flood my mind.

  Once I’d convinced him, Len took Coral to XrAid’s room. I slumped heavily onto the sofa and covered my face with my hands. “Fuck,” I shouted into the room. Jed immediately opened the door, saw I was upset, put his hand up by way of an apology, and closed it again.

  A feeling of restlessness consumed me, and I knew I couldn’t let Jasmin’s appearance get the better of me. I sat forward on the edge of the sofa with my legs open wide, hanging my head low as I rested my elbows on my knees.

  My mind became swamped with dredged up feelings of the deepest hurt I’d ever known. They swirled around in my head until my emotions settled as a heavy, dull ache in my gut.

  For eighteen years the woman who stood somewhere in the crowd that day had been my benchmark… no one had ever measured up to her for me to move on—not even Jody, although I had loved him.

  After him came Lennon and Coral, and as complex as our situation was, I’d experienced many pleasant, happy, feelings I thought I’d never feel again due to their attention. It felt like my heart had thawed perhaps because of the trust I had in Lennon and even though it was very early days since we’d been together I had a good feeling about Lennon and Coral. They gave me hope, but maybe it was because I had those feelings for them that my heart had ached again to hold Jasmin one more time.

  I shook that thought away and took a deep, deep breath because I knew no matter how much she’d thrown me off track I couldn’t allow Jasmin’s sudden reappearance to mar the day. I figured I had one of the most important jobs of my career to pull off and I couldn’t let anything get in the way.

  Once I’d convinced myself I’d done the right thing in sending her away, I did what I always did when the going got tough—exhaled, and moved on.

  Shoving myself to my feet I opened the door and saw Jed. He flashed me a concerned look that I ignored as I strode past him. “Come on, let’s get this fuckin’ party started.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  What we do best

  By the time the gig began, the throng of the crowd, the beer that flowed, the company I kept, and the music of the best bands in the business, all helped lift my mood. The atmosphere on and off stage was electric, and the money for the charity rolled in at an incredible rate. Every time I did one of my little one-minute appeal slots over $100k was added to the coffers in the following fifteen minutes, so it became part of the deal as the day went on.

  Gibson and his band were dope, and the big man knew exactly how to work a crowd. Instead of fighting for a headlining spot he’d decided M3rCy should go first. I'd been dubious, but I had to admit it was a great call and with his incredible talent it started the gig off with an amazing bang.

  It wasn’t until I saw how the spectators responded; I realized how truly beguiling Gibson could be. I had thought my female fans were insane, but they weren’t a patch on M3rCy’s.

  A few times the crews were nervous about the safety of the acts and the security force had their work cut out for them especially during Gibson’s band’s set as young pretty girls screamed fanatically, threw thongs on the stage, and others fainted.

  I was fortunate enough to watch Gibson’s wife, Chloe, who stood near me at the side of the stage and laughed when Gibson exaggerated his sexy stance. I loved the way she took it all in her stride; then again even if the big guy lapped the attention up on stage, it was a different story once the gig was done because he only had eyes for one woman.

  Hedon1sm and CraVed both gave their all, then Flynn and the guys took things up a notch with the performance of a lifetime and all the while the massive crowd of avid onlookers never waned in their enthusiasm from one band to another.

  When Alfie and Lily took to the stage together, the swell of noise from the crowd was awe inspiring. Their set was awesome. Alfie sang a song he wrote for Lily, and for once we could have heard a pin drop during that number; then she joined Crakt Soundzz to sing the first hit, “Listen”, which Lily had contributed to. That was the song he was writing the day they met, then he sang “Insatiable”, another number Alfie wrote for her.

  As soon as Crakt Soundzz left the stage, Lily stayed up there and XrAid rocked the house. Lennon flexed his toned, topless body as he played his guitar and the rest of the band didn’t exist as far as I was concerned.

  Usually, my eyes would have been trained on Lily and I’d watch her closely all the time they performed but that night I only had eyes for Lennon and realized how phenomenal he was, both as a musician and a performer. It was dark by the time they had taken to the stage and the vibe was electric as I watched tens of thousands of small screens videoing the gig on their phones.

  The heat generated from the audience, the earlier sun and the lights almost made us all melt and it added to the incredible swell of feelings that washed over me to see him up there like that. It was different watching my lover performing compared to how I had felt when he’d performed as a friend.

  Band after band gave everything they had, encouraging their fans to donate as they gave back with their time and it was Coral who surprised me when she told me it was the first time she’d ever been at one of Lennon’s gigs. I stared at her in shock, not believing her at first, but then I remembered what she’d said about worrying every night when he was on tour.

  It had appeared theirs had been a weird and complex relationship above my understanding until I became involved; then with Lennon’s confession about his sexuality the complexities made more sense.

  I watched her watch our guy and saw how proud she was seeing him perform. Her ass wiggled in time with the music like she couldn’t help how it made her feel. She turned, giving me a warm smile then slid her arm around my waist.

  It was the first time she’d ever moved in on me without Lennon being beside her, and it pleased me. I glanced over at Lennon who noticed, giving us a wide smile of approval.

  When I glanced down again at Coral, the glance turned to a heated stare and I felt a shift of pleasure inside. I knew I’d been preoccupied for most of the day after Jasmin had turned up, but I hadn’t thought about her at all since I’d seen Coral at the side of the stage.

  The minute I’d had that thought I began to compare them both, which was wrong because there was no comparison. Jasmin was a mature woman I’d known a long time ago and Coral was younger and current. From memory, every inch of Coral was perfection and despite her initial shock with the revelation about Lennon and me, she wasn’t closed minded like Jasmin and her family had been.

  Loving a society girl like Jasmin was foolish of me to begin with. I came from a much poorer part of town. Not that me and my brother were street urchins or anything, just my family weren’t in same league as Jasmin’s rich and cultured one.

  When I thought about it, I should have felt sorry for her because although her family nurtured, groomed, and polished her from private select schools to a fine Swiss finishing school, she never got to make many decisions for herself. In between her bouts of absence from the US
she’d spent most of her time with me since the age of fifteen until it was no longer cool for her to do that.

  Looking back, I was nothing but a time filler to her. There was never any real interest in me being more. Sometimes I even voiced the thought that she only hung out with me to piss her father off. She denied it of course and gradually I began to believe it, to the point where she became everything to me.

  As Cobham Street’s success grew, and I saw less of her due to the punishing schedule, a new band must follow, it meant we had a few months apart. A little space between us was all it had taken, and my brother had sent me an email informing me she’d gone and gotten engaged to someone who was in line for a large inheritance.

  From that day I had never set eyes on her again until today's Winds of Change event. As I considered the frustration I felt when I admitted to myself it had only taken two minutes in her presence to screw with my mojo, the more I thought I needed to see what she had come to say.

  “Penny for them,” Coral shouted into my ear as she slipped her hand under my t-shirt. Her touch sent tiny shivers down my spine and an instant flow of blood to my cock. It certainly pulled me out of my reverie and when my eyes met hers I noticed the same look of adoration toward me that was usually reserved for Lennon. As I reached down and adjusted myself, she rewarded me with a light-hearted laugh as the number XrAid played finished and the music died.

  “Are you coming back to Lennon’s tonight?” she asked with a hopeful tone in her voice.

  “Do you want me to?” I asked, knowing the answer was yes.

  “I want that… I think Lennon does too, but I need you to be patient with me because I’m fighting the doubts in my head.”

  “I’d think you were crazy if you weren’t, darlin’. It’s a lot to get your head around. You had no inkling why Lennie behaved the way he did.”

  “No, and that gives me a little comfort in a sick way.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, there were times when I thought he simply didn’t love me enough to stay with me, but now I’ve had time to think about it, and see how he is with you, I know it was because he loved me. He tried to give me a way out if I needed it.”