Big Stick: An Aces Hockey Novel

by Kelly Jamieson

  Pacman, as they called Pax, looked ready to puke. “You okay, kid?” Nick asked him, tapping his pads with his stick as they got ready for the second period. Actually, he wasn’t a kid. He was twenty-five, with years of experience in the minor leagues and shitloads of talent. There’d just never been a place for him on the Aces roster because of Stoyko and Boyarov. And playing against a fast, sharp-shooting team like St. Louis was a whole different hockey game.

  “Yeah.” He did a couple of quick neck movements from side to side, then some jerky taps of his hands on his body. “I’m great.”

  Sure he was.

  The first shot the Blues had on net went in.

  Shit.

  Now tied at 1–1, Nick focused on Army taking the face-off. They needed to up their defensive game. They couldn’t hang Pacman out to dry.

  Nick focused on the things they’d been working on to improve their defense—forwards coming back to help get the puck out of their own zone, trying to keep rebound shots to a minimum by getting on them, and stopping shot attempts from actually getting through. Benny blocked a shot that had him grimacing in pain, heading to the bench, and limping down the tunnel supported by Luke. Fuck…but he’d stopped a possible goal.

  And Pacman…wow. The kid came through, practically standing on his head to keep the puck out of the net. Thanks to a slick goal by Duper, they were up 2–1, and then Nick himself hit the empty net with forty-two seconds left to make it a 3–1 win.

  In the dressing room after the game, music pumped. For a while, they’d been playing “Dance This Way” by Jordyn Banks as their win song, but after Chaser and Jordyn broke up, Chaser put a stop to that. Now they listened to “Believe” by Cher, which was kind of weird, but whatever.

  Everyone was congratulating Pacman, and he was floating around, his face red and sweaty but his smile beaming with relief and excitement.

  It was Saturday night and a bunch of guys were going out to some club. Nick debated whether to go with them. The crazy idea of showing up at Jodie’s place popped into his head. But that was nuts. It would be nearly midnight by the time he got there; she was probably long asleep.

  Although the bar scene wasn’t his thing, he went out with them for one. He felt like celebrating.

  It occurred to him that he hadn’t felt this good for a while. It could be the win. It could be that he was getting past the emotions he always felt around the anniversary of Aleks’s death. Or it could be…Jodie.

  Wait. Hadn’t she told him that sex would improve his mood? Was that what this good feeling was? Damn.

  Somehow he had a feeling it was more than just hormones from sex. It was Jodie. And he hadn’t remembered feeling this good for…well, for a helluva long time. It was weird…he felt at peace, yet excited. Relaxed, yet exhilarated.

  They ended up just going to the Sin Bin, which was fine with him. It was quieter, so they could talk. He wasn’t much of a dancer, and dance clubs weren’t exactly his comfort zone.

  Hallsy came too, for one drink. They pulled some tables together and ordered beers. Pacman wouldn’t have to pay for a drink all night, as everyone showed their appreciation for how he’d played after he’d let that first soft one in.

  “So how was the date last night?” Hallsy asked Nick. “Remember you owe me big for babysitting.”

  “I’ll buy your beer.” Nick grinned.

  “Wait, what? Babysitting?” Brick frowned at them. “You don’t have a kid. Also…you went on a date?”

  “Uh…” Nick’s mind whirled. Well, no point in dodging the question. “I went out with Jodie. Hallsy and Kendra babysat Zyana.”

  Brick narrowed his eyes at him. “You went out with her? Fuck! I asked you if there was anything going on with you two, and you said no.”

  Hell. “There wasn’t when you asked me.”

  “But there is now?”

  “Uh…we just went on one date. Who knows?” He tried for a casual shrug.

  “What the fuck, man. I asked her out and she turned me down. Now I know why.”

  Hallsy was looking back and forth between them with a notch between his eyebrows.

  Nick tried not to grin.

  “Fuck,” Brick muttered.

  Now guilt settled in Nick’s gut like a rock. But what the hell? It wasn’t as if he’d stolen Brick’s girlfriend or something.

  “Chill, man,” Hallsy said to Brick. “It’s not like you were already dating her. Besides, Nicky was drunk when he asked her out.”

  Brick frowned. “Drunk?”

  “I wasn’t that drunk. Okay, I’d had some tequila.”

  “Are you seeing her again?” Brick asked.

  There was the big question. He wanted to. Did he ever. But was it the right thing to do? He was never going to be a family man. He liked being alone, working on his house or his furniture, free to come and go as he pleased. Jodie had a kid. Responsibilities. The last thing he wanted was to be responsible for someone else. He’d failed epically at that.

  “Probably not,” he finally said.

  Hallsy frowned. “Kendra said you two…uh…she said Jodie had a great time.”

  Nick rubbed his forehead and avoided looking at Hallsy. However, he felt the change in the air as anger radiated off his teammates. He glanced at Brick, scowling at him, then at Hallsy wearing a similar expression. “What?”

  “You screwed around with her and that’s it?” Hallsy demanded. “What the fuck, man?”

  “I’m out.” Brick held up his hands. “She’s hot, but this is too much drama.”

  Jesus. “Drama? There’s no drama.” Probably. Maybe. He frowned at Hallsy. “Look, I’ve been honest with her. I’m not a family kind of guy. She doesn’t care about finding a guy who’d want a family with her. That’s why she had Zyana by herself. It was one date. So we’re all good here.”

  Hallsy gave him a long look. “Okay. If you say so.”

  Nick finished his beer, ordered another one for Pacman, and left with a slap on his back. “See you guys tomorrow.”

  “I’m out too.” Hallsy left cash on the table and followed Nick through the Sin Bin and out onto West Erie Street. In the fresh night air, he said, “You slept with her.”

  “Yeah.” They started walking to the lot where they’d parked their vehicles. Nick decided to go on the offensive. “What the hell was that in there? Why’d you ask me about her right in front of Brick? I told you he wanted to ask her out.”

  To his surprise, Hallsy said, “You’re right. Sorry.” He paused. “Just FYI…Jodie said it was amazing.”

  “Not a secret, man. She told me that too.” He tried not to smirk. “And for your info…she was amazing too.”

  “Shit.” Hallsy shook his head. “Never should have suggested she move in with you.”

  “She doesn’t live with me. Look, I don’t know what you’ve got your jock in a twist about. She’s an adult woman who makes her own choices. We had a great night.” And he wanted more great nights with her. But you couldn’t always get what you wanted. “Besides, she knows I’m a jerk.”

  Hallsy snorted. “Okay. It’s your life, and hers I guess. But she’s a friend of Kendra’s and if Jodie gets messed up about this, Kendra’s not going to be happy, which means I’m not going to be happy.”

  Great.

  Chapter 19

  Which was why Nick was avoiding Jodie by spending most of Sunday exploring the flea markets in Wicker Park and the one on the South Side. He found two more chairs for the dining table. His “set” was mismatched, but they were all solid oak and finished with a golden oak stain. Once he’d refinished these two the same, they’d fit right in.

  He found himself pausing in front of a display on a dresser, his gaze landing on an elephant. Actually, there were several. He picked up one to study it.

  “Are you interested in elephants?” the
shop attendant asked.

  “Maybe. I, uh, know somebody who collects them.”

  “Trunk up or down?”

  “Huh?”

  The guy smiled. “Most people in the West believe a trunk up is lucky. But in Asia, they believe an elephant with the trunk down is lucky.”

  Nick blinked. “Okay. How much is this one?” He picked up the one with the trunk up.

  They negotiated a deal, and he left with chairs and an elephant.

  He shook his head. He was trying not to see her, not find excuses to see her.

  A dick move, really. Which made sense, since he was a dick.

  He could be better than that though. Jodie deserved better than that.

  Oh hell. She probably didn’t even want to see him again anyway.

  On the way home, he stopped at Whole Foods and picked up dinner for himself. After unloading the chairs and the elephant, he got to work stripping one of the chairs of its old finish. Then he went in, cleaned up and heated up his dinner. After dinner, he went upstairs and scrolled through Netflix looking for a movie or something to watch. He found an action flick that had come out last year that he’d never seen. When it was over, he turned the TV off. Nearly nine o’clock.

  With a sigh of resignation, he got up, jogged downstairs and picked up the elephant he’d bought that afternoon, grabbed a jacket, and let himself out the back door.

  Lights were still on in the coach house.

  He knocked softly, although apparently Zyana didn’t wake easily. The door opened a moment later, and his heart bumped in his chest at seeing Jodie.

  She gave him a slightly quizzical look as she stepped back for him to enter. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  Ah hell. This was awkward. He’d made it awkward. Everything had felt so easy and natural with them, and his messed-up head had made it all uncomfortable. “Here.” He held out the elephant. “I bought you this.”

  Her gaze dropped to it, and she reached out slowly to take it from him. She passed her fingertips over the carved wood. “It’s lovely.” She lifted her eyes. “Thank you?”

  One corner of his mouth lifted. “I was at a flea market and I saw it. I wasn’t sure if it’s what you like, but it seemed nice, so I picked it up.”

  “I do like it. Thank you.”

  He lifted one shoulder. “Is it okay with the trunk up?”

  She smiled slowly, and his heart gave a kick against his ribs. “Yes. I like the trunk up.” She touched the elephant’s trunk. “Do you want to come in?”

  “Sure.” He said it casually.

  She nudged the door closed and moved to set the elephant on the island. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Nah, I’m good, thanks. Zyana in bed?”

  “Yeah. I was watching TV.” She walked over and picked up the remote to turn off the TV. “I was just thinking about going up to have a bath with a good book.”

  A bath with him would be better. Damn.

  He followed her and sat on the couch.

  “I was hoping you’d come over.” She sat beside him.

  Her honesty took him aback. Not only was he a dick, he was a cowardly dick. “I wasn’t sure if I should.”

  “Why not?” She watched him steadily.

  “Because I’m an idiot.” He rubbed his forehead. “Last night a bunch of us went out after the game and Hallsy opened his big mouth about our date and Brick was pissed.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. And Hallsy didn’t seem to think that it was a good idea for you and me to…you know…”

  Her lips quirked. “Uh-huh.”

  “And I convinced myself it probably wasn’t a good idea, because I’m a dick, and so I was avoiding you today.” Wow, being honest felt good…also terrifying.

  “I wondered if you were having regrets.”

  “No!” The word burst from his lips. He shook his head vigorously. “Not regrets, no.”

  “Okay.” Her eyes warmed. “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t even know, to be honest.” He bent his head. His palms dampened and his heart thudded heavily. “I guess I was…scared.” Christ. He felt so vulnerable admitting that.

  “Oh.”

  As before, he found himself telling her things he hadn’t planned to. “I don’t want to be responsible for other people. I’m no good at that.”

  “Nick. We went on one date.”

  He lifted his head at her soft tone and met her eyes. Okay. He’d said the same thing. She got it.

  She set her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “One date, one night. We had a good time. At least…I did. I thought you did too.”

  “I did.”

  “I’m not looking for someone to be responsible for me. Or to take care of me. Or me and Zyana. But I like having people in my life. And I like you.”

  Christ. “I’m an asshole.”

  “Mmm. Debatable. My point is, neither of us is looking for forever. But I want to be with you. And if you want to be with me…why not?”

  He lifted his head and met her eyes. The moment stretched out. “That makes sense, I guess.”

  “But I have a couple of requests.”

  “What?”

  “No other women while we’re seeing each other.”

  “Jesus. Of course not.”

  “And you have to tell me if you want to end things. No ghosting. Just tell me. And I’ll do the same.”

  He swallowed. “Okay.” That was a reasonable, mature request.

  She slid closer, climbed onto his lap, and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you for the elephant.”

  “You’re welcome.” He just got the words out when her lips met his in a soft kiss.

  His blood sizzled and his hands automatically reached for her, settling on her hips.

  * * *

  —

  “Hockey!”

  Jodie smiled at Zyana’s delight, her heart expanding with warmth.

  Nick had showed up at the coach house that evening with a Chicago Aces toy hockey set, including two little goal nets, two small sticks, and a soft ball.

  “You ready to play, kiddo?” He reached for the bigger stick he’d also brought in.

  “Yes!” Zyana picked up a little stick and swung at the ball.

  Jodie glanced around the small space. “There’s not as much room here as at your place.”

  “True. Well, we’ll have a short game. Then Sunday you can come over to my place.”

  Jodie grabbed the other small stick, although playing hockey was far down on her list of favorite activities. But if Zyana wanted to play hockey, she’d play hockey.

  She was so touched that Nick had done this, it distracted her from her goaltending duties and she let in the ball.

  “I scowed!” Zyana lifted her arms in the air and did a little dance.

  “Nice celly.” Nick held out a fist for her to bump.

  Jodie laughed.

  After some spirited hockey and a lot of laughter, Zyana had a snack and a glass of milk. “Okay, bedtime,” Jodie said. “Let’s go, sweetie.”

  “Don’t want to go to bed.” Zyana’s little mouth set.

  “It’s bedtime,” Jodie said again.

  “I want Nick to wead me a stowy.”

  Jodie’s head jerked to look at Nick, not sure how he’d feel about that.

  “What?” He met her eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that? I can read.”

  She huffed a laugh. “I’m sure you can. You don’t have to read her a story though.”

  “I’ll do it. Call me when Zyana Gretzky is in bed. You pick the book,” he told Zyana, his joke going over her little head.

  She nodded and skipped over to the stairs. Jodie followed, and once Zyana was in pajamas and tucked into bed w
ith a couple of her favorite books, she headed back downstairs. “Okay, she’s waiting for you.”

  He passed her, pausing to kiss her and grope her ass. She laughed and took his place on the couch.

  He might say he hated kids, but he didn’t hate Zyana. She’d seen how he was growing more comfortable with her, and the more at ease he was, the more Zyana seemed to like him too.

  That thought made her stomach clench.

  This was the first time since Zyana had been born that Jodie’d actually had a relationship with a man. She wasn’t sure exactly what this relationship was, but it was a fact that Nick was in their life more than any other man had ever been. She’d dated guys, some of them more than once, but she’d never introduced them to Zyana because it didn’t feel right to do that unless it was going to be long term.

  She had no idea if things with Nick were going to be long term, but he was in their life. Which led to the thought that when things ended with Nick…Zyana was going to lose him too. And she was clearly getting attached to him.

  Shit.

  Jodie leaned her elbow on the armrest and rested her forehead on her hand. She was a terrible mother. She’d been all caught up in her own feelings for Nick, and she hadn’t even thought about Zyana. Other than happiness that Zyana and Nick were getting along so well.

  She rose from the couch and headed to the fridge to pour herself a big glass of Chardonnay. It was half gone when Nick came downstairs.

  “She fell asleep while I was reading the second story,” he said, smiling.

  “Ah.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  For a guy, he was often perceptive about her moods. Maybe from dealing with his brother’s illness, he’d become more attuned to things like that. “We’ve made a huge mistake.”

  “What?” He frowned, sitting beside her.

  “Us.” She waved a hand and gulped more wine. “You’re so nice to her, so patient and kind, and you brought her that hockey set and she loves it, and she loves you, and…and…” Her throat constricted and her nose stung. “And when you’re gone…she’s going to be so sad.” And so will I.

  He said nothing for a moment. “You have a point.” He stood and walked away.