A Surrendered Heart

by Tracie Peterson

Blake ignored her and looked at Paul. “It appears your wife is somewhat disturbed by my arrival.”

  “Don’t you take a condescending attitude with me, Doctor. I am disturbed because you’ve ruined Amanda’s life. She is going to marry Ellert Jackson. A man she clearly does not love.”

  “If she doesn’t love Mr. Jackson, why has she agreed to marry him?”

  “She refuses to give me all of the details, but it has something to do with the family. I can’t believe you ran out of town to marry that other woman. You are a disappointment, and had my husband known all of these details, you can be sure he wouldn’t have invited you to join us. Did you not consider Amanda’s feelings? While her father announces her engagement to a man she doesn’t love, you reappear—now a happily married man.”

  “Sophie, do mind your manners,” Paul whispered. “Dr. Carstead is here at my invitation.”

  Sophie didn’t know who appeared more perplexed by her behavior, Paul or Blake. But at the moment she didn’t care if she’d offended the fine doctor. She wanted him to suffer for his abrupt departure with that other woman.

  Blake was the first to regain his composure. “Where is Amanda? I need to speak to her.”

  “I wish you well with that prospect. I’m not certain of her whereabouts, but you can be sure that if you locate her, Ellert Jackson won’t be far from her side.”

  Once Blake was out of earshot, Sophie turned to her husband. “I truly do not understand Amanda’s agreement to marry Mr. Jackson. She seemingly feels a sense of obligation to marry him, but he’s a dreadful man. You should hear the way he speaks to her. He treats her as though she’s a servant who must do his bidding.” Sophie grasped Paul’s arm as the two of them meandered up the path.

  Paul frowned. “If what you say is true, something must be done.”

  Sophie shook her head. “There’s nothing we can do. Fanny and I have exhausted all possibilities. Even when I attempted to develop a plan, Amanda wouldn’t join in. She said she must marry him or the family will suffer—whatever that means. I’m certain Uncle Jonas is behind all of this. Aunt Victoria doesn’t appear overly pleased by the match, but if Uncle Jonas has made the decision, she’ll have no say in the matter.”

  “Then we must hope that Blake will be able to sway her.”

  “Why would his words count for anything? He never told me if he married that woman. Did you inquire?”

  “I did, but he said he didn’t want to discuss it until he’d first talked to Amanda.”

  “You should have insisted.” She yanked him to a stop. “Did you see her?”

  “See who?”

  “Julia!” How could men be so blind to the important things in life? “Was Julia with him?”

  “No, but he did mention he had stopped at home to refresh himself before coming to the Home. Perhaps Julia is at his house.”

  “Or perhaps he isn’t married at all.” Would a recently married man return to his home and immediately depart to see another woman? “Did he stop at home before the two of you departed Rochester?”

  “No. He didn’t mention the need to do so. Even if he’d wanted to, there wouldn’t have been time. As it was, we had to travel at breakneck speed to arrive at the depot before the train pulled out.”

  Sophie weighed the possibilities and then steered Paul toward a secluded grove of trees a short distance off the path. “I think we should pray for Amanda and her future. I don’t believe God would want her to marry a man she doesn’t love.”

  Paul cupped her chin in his palm. “You’re absolutely correct. We must pray about Amanda’s future.”

  Amanda’s cheeks ached from forcing herself to smile for the past hour. If only she could escape this madness. Ellert had maintained a tight hold on her elbow while they worked their way through the crowd. She didn’t fail to note the women staring at her. Nor did Ellert. He was pleased by the attention, for he thought their stares were in admiration of her dress.

  “Look at them. They’re jealous,” Ellert said with obvious delight.

  But Amanda knew the unsightly flounces of yellow taffeta had elicited looks of horror rather than envy. The hideous frock had created fodder that would fuel the gossip mill for weeks to come, but she permitted him to gloat over a dress that made her look like a wilted dandelion.

  She managed to free herself from Ellert for a moment and glanced over the crowd, hoping to spot Fanny or Sophie. “Blake,” she whispered, her gaze settling on him as he made his way through the crowd and headed in her direction. She glanced over her shoulder. Although Ellert wasn’t far off, Mr. Oosterman had engaged him in conversation. Perhaps he wouldn’t notice if she slipped away. Fear and panic mixed to form a knot in her stomach. Her temples throbbed like beating drums. She must speak to Blake but not where Ellert might overhear.

  Taking several determined strides, she reached Ellert’s side and touched his arm. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going inside to powder my nose.”

  “Don’t be long or I’ll be forced to come looking for you.” He glanced at Mr. Oosterman. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”

  His remark annoyed her, and Amanda didn’t wait to hear Mr. Oosterman’s response. Turning, she hurried toward the house. She could feel Ellert’s burning stare until she rounded the corner and was out of sight. Moments later, a strong hand clamped her arm in a tight hold and she let out a gasp. “Ell—Blake!” She swallowed hard in an attempt to remain calm. Instead of Ellert’s cold stare, she was now looking into Blake’s questioning eyes.

  “Exactly what is going on, Amanda?”

  The sharpness in his voice surprised her, and she took a backward step. “Good afternoon, Blake. I don’t recall having seen your name on the guest list. Aunt Victoria must have added it after I perused it.” She fought to maintain her composure. “I must say that I’m surprised to see you here. I heard that you’d left town with Julia and the two of you wed.”

  “I don’t know how you could have heard such a thing because there’s not an ounce of truth in anything you’ve said.”

  She arched her brows. “So you didn’t leave town?”

  “Yes. I left town, but—”

  “Amanda!” Ellert’s voice boomed from alongside the house. Before he could observe Blake at her side, she hurried off. Better to have her questions go unanswered than have Ellert discover she’d been engaged in a private conversation with Dr. Carstead. No matter what explanation she gave, he’d believe the worst. She didn’t want Ellert creating havoc in Blake’s life. Her betrothed had already wreaked enough devastation for a lifetime.

  Paul cradled Elizabeth in his arms and carried her upstairs to the bedroom. She’d been awake for most of the afternoon’s festivities, and he’d marveled at her sweet disposition as she’d been cuddled and fawned over by so many strangers. He nuzzled her neck and silently thanked God for bringing Sophie and Elizabeth into his life. Although he’d felt complete in his service to God before he met Sophie, she and Elizabeth had added a whole new dimension that continued to amaze him.

  Elizabeth wiggled in his arms. He sat on the edge of the bed, holding her until she once again settled into a peaceful sleep. Carefully he stood and then laid her down in the cradle. Her tiny lips formed a moue. Her whisper-soft snoring caused him to smile. With a gentle touch, he placed the delicate white cover across her tiny form. So young and innocent she was, and he’d been charged with the privilege of helping to shape her into a fine young woman. He touched a finger to her soft cap of hair. “I’ll do my best for you, sweet Elizabeth.”

  He straightened, walked to the window, and peered down at the milling guests. The party consisted of the usual food, beverages, and boring conversation. Given a choice, he’d remain up here with Elizabeth. He looked longingly at the bed. A nap would be wonderful, but propriety wouldn’t permit such a luxury. As he turned back toward the window, a newspaper clipping lying atop the nearby table captured his attention.

  At first glance the clipping appeared to be no more than the report of social
gatherings in New York City, but as he continued to read, his lungs deflated, and a whoosh of air escaped his lips. Wesley Hedrick was the sole beneficiary of Lord and Lady Illiff, who had been lost at sea when a ship went down off the coast of France. There were words of praise for the magnificent parties he’d recently hosted at his home in New York City.

  Could Sophie still be in love with Wesley? Paul dropped to the chair. Certainly Wesley could now provide a better life for Sophie and Elizabeth. Yet Sophie had greeted Paul with great warmth and affection only a few hours ago. Had her loving kiss been merely the expected behavior of a dutiful wife? Surely not. But during her months on the island without him, Sophie had certainly proved she missed the parties as well as the expensive clothing that he could never afford to purchase for her. Had her earlier behavior been no more than an attempt to ease her guilt? Without warning, his joy and contentment evaporated like the morning mist.

  19

  Amanda maintained a watchful eye the remainder of the afternoon. She had hoped for an opportunity to steal away and speak privately with Blake, but Ellert had not given her a moment of solitude. At every turn he was at her side, clasping her elbow or placing a proprietary hold along the small of her back. She edged away every time she had a chance, but he wouldn’t be deterred. He appeared to find her attempts to withdraw amusing, and that further annoyed her. When she noticed Blake stop and speak to Paul and then head off toward the dock with a group of departing guests, her spirits plummeted.

  A short time ago the guests had congregated to hear the formal announcement of her engagement to Ellert and had offered congratulations, but Blake had remained at a distance. Though she’d hoped at least to discern his reaction to the announcement, there had been little opportunity. The crowd had gathered around and blocked her view. How she longed for a few minutes alone with him to ask why he had appeared at her engagement party. Even more, she had hoped to discover why he’d left Rochester without a word.

  “Ellert!” Her father strode toward them with a satisfied look on his face. “Some of the men wondered if you’d like to join us in the library.” He managed to make himself understood while holding his cigar clamped between his teeth, a practice Amanda thought disgusting.

  For the first time since she’d come downstairs, Ellert appeared to weigh the idea of leaving her alone for a time. She momentarily considered encouraging him to join the men but then thought better of the idea. It would be wiser to remain silent and let him think his decision was of little interest to her.

  “Do you think you can survive without me for a short time, my dear?” His eyes shone with perverse delight.

  “I’ll do my best,” she said, forcing herself to maintain an even tone lest he think her overly anxious to be rid of him.

  The moment Ellert entered the house with the other men, Amanda waved to Paul as he returned from the docks. At the very least, Paul should be able to provide some insight into Blake’s reappearance. She hastened down the sloping lawn. “Finally I have a few minutes to myself.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Ellert has joined my father and some of the men inside. I was wondering if you could tell me when Blake returned to Rochester and who invited him to the party.”

  Paul gave her a sheepish grin as he described Blake’s surprise return to the Home for the Friendless. “I do hope you’re not angry. He asked to come along, and I thought—”

  “It’s quite all right, Paul. I did want to talk to him, but except for a very few minutes, we had little opportunity. And now he’s departed without answering the questions I had for him.”

  Paul gazed toward the river. “Unless he changed his plans, he’s not far away. He told me he was going to stay at the Frontenac Hotel tonight, since he’d missed the last train to Rochester.”

  “I see.” Amanda considered this news for a moment, but Paul interrupted her thoughts.

  “Might I ask you something?”

  Amanda nodded, hoping it wasn’t a question about her feelings for Blake. “What would you like to know?”

  “It’s . . . well . . . Sophie. Do you think she’s happy? I mean I know she didn’t want to come here, but do you think she’s otherwise happy?”

  Amanda looked at Paul and considered his sad countenance. “I believe she is content. She loves being a mother and wife. I think this is probably the happiest I’ve seen her in years. Why do you ask?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I suppose I just worry that she . . . well . . . perhaps regrets marrying a poor preacher.”

  Amanda smiled. “You two might have married under strained circumstances, but I honestly think Sophie is happy. I don’t think she’d change anything even if she could.”

  “Amanda! Oh, Paul!” Sophie called as she made her way down the path. “Good, you’re both here. I didn’t know where you’d gotten off to.”

  “I was just asking Paul about Blake. I wanted to talk to him.”

  “Where is he?” Sophie asked, looking around.

  “He’s gone to the Frontenac Hotel,” Paul replied.

  Before Amanda could say a word, Sophie eagerly spouted, “You must go and talk with him before you go through with these wedding plans, Amanda. Paul and I would be happy to accompany you, wouldn’t we, Paul?” Sophie tugged on Paul’s sleeve, her eyes dancing with excitement.

  “I wouldn’t want you to enter into a marriage to Mr. Jackson if you harbor feelings for another man, Amanda.” Paul’s voice held a hint of melancholy. “Such a marriage would eventually prove painful for both of you.”

  “Well, the only feeling she has for Mr. Jackson is a deep loathing, so I believe a visit to Dr. Carstead is in order,” Sophie said without missing a beat. “This will be such an exciting adventure. Do you think we should ask Fanny and Michael to come along, too?”

  Apparently Sophie hadn’t perceived her husband’s dejected tone. Or perhaps Amanda had misinterpreted. Sophie surely would be aware of a change in Paul’s demeanor, wouldn’t she?

  “I think it may be wise to keep the number of people to a minimum. I wouldn’t want to attract unwanted attention.”

  “Oh, of course,” Sophie giggled. “I do enjoy plotting clandestine meetings.”

  Paul looked at his wife. “And how many have you planned recently?”

  Sophie batted her lashes. “I’ll never tell.”

  “Truly?” Without waiting for a response, he motioned toward the house. “I believe I’ll go and see if there’s any of that punch left from the party.”

  “Wait a minute, Paul. We need to decide the details of—”

  He glanced over his shoulder and appeared even sadder to Amanda. “I’ll leave the plans to you, Sophie.”

  “But you will come with us?” she called after him.

  He nodded and waved. “You can furnish me the details later.”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with Paul. We were having such a wonderful time earlier in the day, but he suddenly seems despondent.” Sophie glanced at Amanda. “Did you notice?”

  Amanda nodded, thinking about Paul’s question as to whether or not Sophie was happy. Perhaps that question had come about because Paul wasn’t happy. Amanda prayed that wasn’t the reason. “He didn’t seem quite himself. Do you suppose he’s tired?”

  Sophie bobbed her head. “That’s likely all it is. Now, let’s decide on the arrangements. When do you think we should go to Round Island? This evening or tomorrow?”

  “I can’t possibly escape Ellert this evening. I think early tomorrow morning would be my best opportunity. If no one sees us depart, Ellert will think I’ve decided to sleep late.”

  “And if he sees us return, I’ll tell him we awakened early and decided to try our hand at fishing. We can toss in our fishing lines along the way so we won’t be telling him a lie.” Sophie clasped her hand over her mouth. “This is such fun. Just like when we were young. Remember those detailed schemes we used to make in order to annoy Jefferson and George?”

  “I remember. But tomorrow will be different. I
won’t be laughing if Ellert discovers I’ve gone to talk to another man. We need to be very careful,” Amanda said.

  Sophie nodded and looped arms with her. “No need to worry. Ellert will never know.”

  Sunday, July 16, 1899

  As the sun peeked over the horizon the following morning, Sophie tiptoed to Amanda’s bedroom and lightly tapped on the door before entering. She grinned when she saw the mound of pillows tucked beneath the coverlet. “Hoping the servants will report you are still sleeping, I see.”

  “Hoping to keep Ellert fooled for as long as possible,” Amanda whispered.

  Carrying their shoes in their hands, they silently padded across the carpeted hall and down the back stairs. After slipping outdoors, they sat down and put on their shoes. Neither spoke a word until they were secluded in the trees alongside the house.

  “Where is Paul?” Amanda hissed.

  Sophie pointed at the river. “Follow me,” she whispered.

  The sun hadn’t yet forced its way through the heavy pines, and once they’d taken to the woods, they clasped hands to keep from becoming separated in the dim light. Pinecones and tree branches spiked with pine needles crunched beneath their feet. Sophie waved Amanda to a halt several times in order to stop and listen for footsteps. They didn’t want to arrive at the river and discover they’d been followed. When they reached the clearing, Sophie could see Paul waiting in one of the skiffs from the boathouse.

  “How did he manage to get the skiff without alerting Mr. Atwell?”

  “He went down to the boathouse last evening and told Mr. Atwell he wanted to take a boat out early this morning. When Mr. Atwell told Paul that he would get up early and meet him, Paul refused. He suggested they tie the boat to the lower dock last evening. Mr. Atwell assumed Paul was going fishing this morning. He even put fishing poles and bait in the boat before they took it to the dock.”

  A blanket of dew glistened across the sloping grass leading down to the dock. “Careful you don’t slip,” Sophie warned.