A Surrendered Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  Fanny signaled toward the door leading to the train platform. “We’ll see to your mother. You will come home directly after the hospital, won’t you?”

  “Yes.” She kissed each of her cousins on the cheek. “Tell Mother I’ll come to the hospital as soon as I make these arrangements.”

  “I doubt we’ll be at the mortuary for more than an hour,” Mr. Craig added as he approached and offered his arm.

  Once they were settled inside the coach, Mr. Craig leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “We will need to meet during the next weeks to discuss your future, Mrs. Jackson.”

  “My future? What do you mean?”

  “You will need to advise me how you wish to proceed regarding your financial assets.”

  “Financial assets?”

  “You are now a very wealthy woman, Mrs. Jackson. I’m not certain you know the full extent of your husband’s vast holdings, but you are his only heir, and many decisions will be required.” He rubbed his hands together. “I represented Ellert for many years and would be willing to act as your legal advisor. I know how difficult it is for women to understand the complexities of business matters.”

  “Many of us are not as obtuse as you may believe, Mr. Craig. I am willing to meet with you and review all of the documents concerning Ellert’s assets. I will then decide how I wish to proceed.” She hoped she had spoken with enough authority to convince Mr. Craig that she’d not be cheated. Her entire family had suffered due to the corruption and greed of lawyers and learned businessmen, her own father among them. She’d not traverse that same path. The money she received would be put to good use helping those truly in need. She would begin by using some of Ellert’s money to finance a multitude of infant summer hospitals.

  Bright sunlight slanted across the crisp white sheet on Jonas’s hospital bed. Ellert would still be alive if there had been weather such as this on Amanda’s wedding day. Or would he? Is it true that we have an appointed time to die? Jonas wondered. Was that why he had survived and Ellert had died? Or was it merely because he’d grown up around the water, knew how to swim, and hadn’t panicked?

  What if he had been the one to die and Ellert had lived? The thought gave him pause. His family’s suffering would have been extreme. Ellert would have produced their contract and taken delight in seeing every Broadmoor possession sold. Victoria would have been left destitute, and Amanda would have lived the remainder of her life in a loveless marriage. He shuddered at the thought of such a legacy.

  His life had been spared. What legacy would he create for his family with this second chance he’d been given? Jonas rested his arm across his forehead, and for the first time in many years, he wept. Sorrow enveloped him more tightly than the sheet the nurse had tucked around his body.

  “Forgive me, Lord,” he whispered. “I know I don’t deserve forgiveness from you or from my family, but I beg you to hear my prayer. Teach me what I must do to make amends and heal the wounds I’ve caused. Amen.”

  He couldn’t recall the last time he’d prayed. The plea hadn’t eased the agonizing pain; the gnawing remorse remained lodged deep in his heart. He’d hoped to experience immediate relief, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. His decisions had cut too deeply, and that would be too easy. God’s forgiveness was immediate, but a simple prayer wouldn’t set things aright with his family. From this point forward, his actions must speak for him. His family would test him and expect to see changes in his life. He massaged his forehead. Could he truly change his ways? Would God help him restore his place as head of his family? Did he even deserve such a chance?

  The family would likely be better off if he had drowned along with Ellert. But death hadn’t come, and he must be man enough to face the consequences of his wrongdoings. “It won’t be easy,” he muttered before sleep once again overtook him.

  Amanda slipped into her father’s hospital room and marveled at how small and unimposing he looked lying there in the bed. His eyes were closed, and for a moment Amanda feared he might have passed on, but stepping closer she could hear his even breathing.

  As if sensing her presence, Jonas opened his eyes and stared at her for a moment. “Amanda.”

  She smiled. “Hello, Father. The doctors tell me you are doing much better. That is good news.”

  He gave a feeble smile. “Your mother says God has given me a second chance.”

  Amanda nodded. “He’s given all of us a second chance.”

  Her father’s eyes filled with tears. “I . . . never meant . . . I know it was . . .”

  “Hush, don’t worry yourself. Everything is resolved.”

  “No. There is a great deal of business to attend to once I recover. I wronged so many that it’s difficult to know where and how to begin making amends.”

  “I’m certain those you’ve mistreated will come to forgive you in time,” Amanda said.

  Jonas extended his hand, and she took hold of it. “I’ve done so much wrong. Money—accruing it—has ruled my life. I have asked for God’s forgiveness and prayed that our family be restored. Do you think that’s possible?”

  Amanda could hear the desperation in his voice. She had never seen her father like this before. She smiled and patted his hand with her gloved fingers. “If there is one thing I have learned in all of this—it’s that God can do anything.”

  “I pray you’re right.”

  “I am. But remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences. People will still have to deal with their wounds, and because of that, you will also have to deal with them.”

  “I will take whatever punishment I must. I deserve to be ostracized by the entire family. I can’t expect everyone to simply understand and accept what I’ve done. I hope I can prove to them that I’ve become a better man. I may be required to face time in jail for what I’ve done.” He pressed the back of his hand across his lips.

  “I don’t think—”

  He shook his head. “I’ve stolen and lied, and that’s merely the beginning. Those I’ve harmed will think it only fair that I pay the penalty for my crimes. And they’re correct. It is the just and fair thing.”

  “This isn’t about being fair,” Amanda replied. “It’s about grace. God has extended it to us, and we ought to extend it to one another.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “I must go now. You need to rest.”

  Nothing she could say would ease his guilt. Even with the promise of God’s forgiveness and the reassurance that she’d forgiven him, Amanda knew it would take much longer before her father was free of his own shame. Each time he looked at his family members, he would be reminded of the tragedy he’d caused among those he claimed to love the most. She prayed her father would discover that the love of God and family would eventually heal all of them.

  “The doctors tell me I might return home in another few days,” her father said.

  Amanda smiled. “We shall all anticipate it with joy.”

  She walked down the hospital corridor, the smile still on her face. Amanda knew that God had completely touched her heart where her father was concerned. She held him no ill will or malice for the things he’d done, and to her surprise she found not only comfort but liberty in that knowledge.

  I’m free, she thought. Free of the pain and sorrow. Free from the worry of whom to blame for what. Free to forgive. I’m free, and now I can make my own choices about the future.

  She looked at the sterile hall and glanced into the rooms as she passed. The hospital had always intrigued her, even as a child, but more so now as she considered how she might reenter her training to become a doctor. Maybe even a surgeon. Now, there was a challenge.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting. You seem to be daydreaming about something very pleasant.”

  “Blake.” She whispered his name with great love.

  “When did you return?”

  “Just a short time ago. I escorted Ellert’s body to the funeral home and arranged for his service. It won’t be much. He
has no friends or family. I imagine it will simply be the lawyer and me in attendance.”

  “I can be there if you want me.”

  She shook her head. “Thank you, but no. I want to lay this part of my life to rest and be done with it forever. It seems best to do that on my own.”

  Blake opened the door to a small room. “Come sit with me for a moment. This room will afford us a little privacy.”

  Amanda entered the room, took a chair, and sat rather primly on the edge. “I appreciate all of the help you’ve given us,” she said, feeling awkward as Blake closed the door.

  “It was the least I could do.” He looked at her and seemed tongue-tied.

  “How are things at the Home?” She disliked the silence that hung between them.

  “Good. Quincy has obtained several new investors.” Blake picked at a piece of lint on his trousers. “I think we’ll finally get those ceilings replastered and painted.”

  Amanda smiled and then giggled. She relaxed and leaned toward Blake to whisper, “There are three hundred and twenty-seven places where the paint and plaster has fallen away in my recovery room.”

  Blake grinned. “Counted them, did you?”

  “I had nothing else to do. I had the cruelest of physicians. He wouldn’t let me do anything at all.”

  “Sounds like a very wise man.”

  “He wasn’t acting out of wisdom.”

  Blake raised a brow. “Do tell.”

  “He was lovesick. He was mooning over me like a schoolboy. That’s the only reason he wouldn’t let me out of bed.”

  “Perhaps you were just delusional—hallucinating. Cholera can do that to a person.” Blake gave her a look that suggested she challenge his comment.

  Amanda got to her feet, and Blake quickly did likewise.

  She shrugged. “I had considered that. I’m still not completely certain that I didn’t just imagine it all.”

  He grabbed her unexpectedly. It was nothing like the harsh, painful manner in which Ellert had taken hold of her.

  “Maybe you’re just imagining this, as well.” He kissed her passionately, pulling her tightly against him.

  Amanda couldn’t help but sigh.

  “I didn’t mean to lose control,” he whispered against her ear. “I honestly didn’t come here to impose myself upon you. I know it’s the worst possible time.”

  “We both know I didn’t love Ellert Jackson. He meant nothing but pain and sorrow to me. It sounds callous, but his death only served to remind me of how sin can corrupt a man to death.”

  Blake shook his head. “I was so afraid for you—for us. I couldn’t bear to think of him touching you, holding you.” He shuddered.

  “Then don’t think of that,” Amanda countered. She touched his cheek with her hand. “Think only of us.”

  He put his hand over hers. “I know I should probably wait, but I can’t permit you to slip away from me again. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.” He inhaled a deep breath and stared into her eyes.

  “Exactly what are you saying, Blake?” She pulled away slightly, but Blake refused to let her go far.

  “I’m saying that I need you beside me for the rest of my life. I’m saying that I love you and want you to be my wife.”

  She arched her brows and grinned. “Are you certain you’re not merely looking for someone to help with your medical practice? Uncle Quincy said you have been rather grumpy of late.”

  “My grumpiness was due to losing the woman I love,” he said. “That’s not to say I don’t miss your help with my patients, too. And I’m more than willing for you to complete your medical training if that’s your wish.”

  She gazed into his eyes, and when he lowered his head, she willingly accepted his kiss.

  “There are many things I want to teach you,” he said before pulling her close again. He covered her lips with a lingering kiss that caused her to tremble.

  “I’d be pleased to learn whatever you’d like to teach me, Dr. Carstead,” she whispered.

  He tucked a wayward strand of her hair behind her ear while he continued to hold her close. “I know we’ll have to wait until your mourning period has ended, but I don’t want any misunderstanding between us. I love you and want you to be my wife. Say you’ll marry me.”

  “Of course I’ll marry you. You are the desire of my heart, and I long only for us to be together always.”

  30

  Wednesday, July 4, 1900

  Broadmoor Island

  “I now pronounce you man and wife,” the pastor declared. “You may kiss your bride.”

  Blake looked at Amanda and leaned forward. “We’re well practiced at this, eh, Mrs. Carstead?” He covered her mouth with his before she could answer.

  A cheer went up from the crowd of observers. Amanda cherished the moment. It drove out all memories of her wedding the previous year. Ellert Jackson was nothing more than a bad dream pushed aside in the light of a hopeful new day. As Blake let go his hold on her, Amanda caught sight of her mother and father. They offered her a broad smile before a swarm of well-wishers surrounded them.

  “Congratulations!” Michael and Fanny were the first to reach them. Fanny pulled Amanda away from Blake’s embrace and hugged her close.

  “I’m so happy for you, Amanda. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this day to come.”

  “You’re telling me,” Blake said, laughing. He received Michael’s embrace and then Fanny’s as other members of the family began to gather around them on the lawn of the Broad-moor Island estate.

  “You treat my cousin right,” Fanny admonished, “or you’ll have to answer to me.”

  “And me,” Sophie said, tapping Blake’s shoulder.

  Amanda laughed at their stern expressions. “We Broad-moor ladies know how to take care of our own,” she reminded him.

  “I can vouch for that,” Paul admitted. He reached down to pick up their year-and-a-half-old daughter. Elizabeth held out several flowers she’d picked.

  Amanda took the flowers and pretended to sniff their scent. “Oh, how pretty.”

  “Preey,” Elizabeth mimicked, and everyone laughed.

  “I’m sorry for the interruption, Mrs. Atwell,” Veda announced, bringing Fanny a bundle. “But I believe Miss Carrie is hungry.”

  Fanny blushed and took her whimpering daughter. “Carrie Winifred Atwell, do you not realize this is your cousin Amanda’s day?”

  “Oh, she is so beautiful, Fanny,” Amanda declared, gently touching the baby’s cheek. This only served to cause the infant to begin rooting. Carrie quickly latched on to Amanda’s finger.

  “Oh my!” Amanda gasped in surprise. Everyone laughed while Fanny carefully pried her daughter’s mouth away.

  “Come, little one. We’ll give you something a bit more substantial.”

  “You realize, Amanda,” Sophie began, “that you’ll have to have a baby girl next year in order to continue the line of stair-step cousins. We’re counting on you.”

  Amanda hadn’t expected this announcement and felt her cheeks grow hot. Blake leaned down and furthered her embarrassment. “I know I shall do my part to see that legacy continued.”

  The wedding party lasted well into the evening, with fireworks crowning the events of the day. Amanda and Blake slipped away from the crowd, anxious to escape the noise and festivities.

  “I feared at times this day would never come.”

  Amanda nodded. She looked at her husband in the soft glow of lanterns and fireworks. She trembled at his touch, but not for the same reasons Ellert had caused her to tremble. “I’m so happy. I never thought to marry. Not really. I never felt the pressure to wed, as many women do. At least not until that disaster last year.”

  He put his finger to her lips. “I never want to speak of that time again.”

  She kissed his finger. “I feel the same. I just want you to know that you completely changed my mind about love and marriage. I truly thought I’d seek my fulfillment in being a doctor.”

&
nbsp; “And you’ve changed your mind now?”

  She looked up at him and shook her head. “Not at all. I intend to seek it there, as well. I plan to be the best doctor in all of Rochester.”

  “Second best,” he countered.

  She pulled back and put her hands on her hips. “I beg your pardon. Are you suggesting that I can’t surpass your knowledge and become an even better doctor than you?”

  He laughed. “You are so competitive. Everything you know about medicine, I’ve taught you. Now you want to throw it back at me and suggest that you can best me?”

  “How arrogant and prideful you are, Dr. Carstead. I’m not at all certain this arrangement is going to work out,” she said, feigning concern. She started to walk away, but he easily caught her and lifted her in his arms.

  “I can see I will have to work hard to teach you to appreciate me,” he said, nuzzling her neck with a kiss.

  Amanda didn’t feel like challenging him any longer. “I doubt you’ll have to work that hard, Dr. Carstead.”

  Blake laughed and headed for Broadmoor Castle. “I’m not ever going to take any chances where you’re concerned. I’ve learned my lesson. One has to act fast when a Broadmoor is involved.”

  Amanda giggled and clasped her hands around Blake’s neck. “I’m a Carstead now. That means I get to act obstinate, ill-tempered, and smugly superior.”

  He stopped mid-step and looked toward the river. “It wouldn’t be hard to toss you into the water to cool off that opinionated little mouth of yours.”

  She tightened her grasp on him and laughed. “Where I go, you go.”

  He pulled her close and sighed. “That’s the first reasonable thing you’ve said all evening. And it’s a promise I give you. If I have anything to say about it, we’ll be together always. Now and forever.”

  More Adventure and Romance from

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