by M. Brennan
"I'm going to kick the fucking face off him! What the hell is his problem?" She looks to me and then calms a bit. "Look you don't need him. You have me and the girls. We don't need him, but tell him anyway for your child. You have to after everything with your own dad. It's best just to tell him and leave it to him so at least when he walks away you know you tried. Either way I'm going to kill him, do you understand that?"
I laugh because she will really kill him. She's a hellcat when she gets going.
"I know you're right. I just need to deal with him and me not being together. It's not making much sense at the moment nothing in my life is. Everything's all over the place and I know I need to try to straighten it." She nods and tells me she's going to have a quick shower and then we can have a movie day.
If I hadn't of mentioned kids would we still be together now? What changed in him I don't understand. On the other hand I should have known we had no future. I mean we barely went out, we were mainly at his place or mine.
I really thought I could feel his love. How wrong can one person be? For years I thought I was unloved because they all just left, when I start figuring things out it turns out I'm wrong about everybody and everything.
My life is one big fuckfest and I don't know how to start dealing with all this but one thing is for sure—I will do it for my baby because he or she will always come first.
I pick myself up and head for the shower, it's time to go tell the prick he going to be a Father. It's time to start facing my issues one at a time starting with Taylor.
I shower and dress in my jeans only my damn top button won't close. I look in the mirror and that's when I see the rounded baby bump that has replaced my normally flat stomach. I rub my bump feeling so much love for this little bump and that's when I realise no matter what happens everyone can go to hell. If Taylor can’t accept it, screw him.
When I walk out Stacey is at the table reading one of her trashy gossip magazines and her face is so red it looks like it going to explode.
"What has you so angry?" She jumps and closes the magazine. Now her face has a sadness about it, that's when I get a flash back to what I saw the last time I looked into one of those magazines.
"Why are you dressed? We're having a movie day," she says nervously.
"Show me." She shakes her head no.
"Nessa, don't do it to yourself." She's begging a little so it must be bad.
"Show me." She finally hands over the magazine and I flip through the pages till I come across a picture of Taylor with Miss Leggy Blonde. He has his arm around her and she's smiling up at him, it's dated two weeks. Which was when he told me he had a family thing, the caption reads that it's his birthday party.
I didn't even know it was his birthday. I'm so angry I swear I'm never going near another man again. Family problems my fucking ass. I'm so stupid. I grab my bag and walk to the door.
"Nessa where are you going? You need to calm down." That is where she is wrong. I don't need to calm down, I need this anger. For once it's what's going to get me through this.
"I'll be fine." Or not, but I'm going to do this anyway. I leave and head straight for Taylor's.
When I arrive I use my key card to get in the building and up to his door. Taking a deep long breath I knock. When he answers, the shock on his face is evident.
"Nessa what are you doing here?" He looks over his shoulder and back at me.
"We need to talk." Before he can answer I hear a woman.
"Taylor come on. Can we do this already, I have a busy day."
He doesn't take his eyes off me and right now I am just frozen there looking at him. I swallow back my tears and straighten my shoulders.
"Oh don't worry." I hit him with the magazine "I knew about her. She went with you to your birthday party. You may have been ashamed of me but how fucking dare you treat me like that. Are you that sick in the head that you play with people's feelings? Or are you just a greedy prick who wants a different woman for everyday of the week? Well fuck you Taylor. I didn't want you and you made me fall for you. Why couldn't you have just left me alone!" I was shouting at him and damn my hormones I could feel my tears dripping. He is looking at me in complete shock.
"Nessa fuck… This is… Fuck!" he roars and I just turn and leave but he grabs my arm.
"Nessa." I pull my arm from him and look at him with disgust
"You make me sick. Don't you ever say my name again. I fucking hate you and if I never see you again it will be too soon." With that I run to the elevator and press the button. I just make it out the door before I drop to my knees in front of the building and sob. A few minutes pass when I hear my name.
"Nessa?" I look up and I'm shocked to see my father.
"What's wrong? Come on let me help you." He looks worried. I just shake my head. Jesus it just keeps coming. He helps me up. "Let's get you home sweetheart/." I don't answer but he takes me back to my place.
I sit at the table. I still haven't talked to him and he doesn't question it which I'm grateful for. He puts a tea in front of me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I look at him. He really does look worried.
"I'm pregnant," I blurt out.
"Are you happy about it?" he asks carefully. Well I suppose he did find me in a mess on the street and the first thing I say is I'm pregnant.
"About the baby yes, but the Father no. He's a cheating scumbag who hates kids." I laugh a little. It's not funny but seriously first Brandon then Taylor. I really should just give up men now.
I don't really want to talk about it anymore I can't deal with the pain in my God damn chest nor do I understand why he did this to me. I loved him. I decide to change the subject before he can question further.
"I'm sorry you had to find me like that. I don't know what happened. Were you visiting someone?" He nods.
"I was just visiting someone don't worry about that." Oh I didn't know that.
"Oh cool. Sorry. I didn't mean to disrupt your day." Bet he is just delighted to have a messed up kid. To be fair it's half his fault though.
"Don't you ever say sorry for that. If you ever need me I'll be there. I know you probably will never need me but if you ever decide one day to give your old man a chance, I won't let you down again."
Do I need him? Maybe not, but it would be nice for my baby to have some family. I realize in that moment life is too short and I can forgive him, in time of course.
"Well my baby is gonna need a Granddad to spoil him or her." He smiles a megawatt smile, one that goes right to his eyes.
"I can do that. You have no idea what that would mean to me." I smile because the look on his face tells me he will make a great Granddad.
"Look I'm not ready to call you Dad and I can forgive you in time when I deal with it all. I'd like us to move on from this. I have lived in the past way too long and my life is a bit of a mess at the moment but I'd like it if you were in it," I tell him truthfully.
"Nessa that makes me the happiest man in the world right now. I don't deserve you, never did, but I'm glad you can give me a chance to be a Granddad and maybe one day a Dad. Just make sure if you ever need anything you will call me."
I probably won't call him but he seems really happy now and I don't want to be a buzz kill so I just nod. We chat a little while longer.
Later I tell him he can go and that I'm fine. He seems reluctant but goes anyway. I'm feeling tired from the events of today, but just as I'm about to head to my room Stacey bursts through the door.
"Where the hell did you go? I have looked everywhere." She's grinding her teeth a little when she speaks and that's when I spot her holding her swollen hand.
"What did you do?" I say grabbing ice from the freezer
"Eh… I did nothing," she says a little too quickly. I raise an eyebrow.
"Ok. I may have went to Taylor's to see if you were there and when I saw blondie I just snapped and punched him in straight in the jaw. I may have hurt myself more than him. Like seriously his jaw is made
of steel. Ouch go easy."
Jesus she hit him, that's my girl! Her hand looks pretty swollen though.
"Oh my God you actually hit him! I think you may need an x-ray."
"Nah, I'm ok are you? I assume you saw her there."
"Yeah I did. I'm ok," I tell her rubbing my stomach. "I have to be strong for this little one growing in me."
She smiles at me. "Yeah. Keep your head up babe, you can get through this. It's been a shity few months but you are so strong."
"Thanks. I'm feeling kinda strong." Yeah right. I literally had a break down outside his building but I'm not going to worry her with that.
"Where did you go?"
"I went there saw them and left. I bumped into my dad he could see I was a little upset and he brought me here." It's kinda true.
"Your dad? That's good. Everything ok with you two?"
"Yeah, I think we will be fine in time. I told him he was going to be a Granddad."
"Really? That's great babe. I'm happy this is working out for you. I'm sorry about Taylor, I know you liked him."
"I fell in love with him Stacey."
"Oh shit Nessa. I'm sorry." Yeah me too. Sorry I seem to attract pricks. I don't want to sit around thinking about this all the time.
"Stacey I want to work. Please don't say no, because I don't think I can take that." She looks like she wants to say no.
"But you're pregnant and going through shit. Are you sure you can handle work on top of it all?"
"You're right but I have to be strong for this baby. I still have a hell of a fight ahead of me but I want to work so please let me." I know I'm begging a little but I want my mind off my shit. I'm going to have to face my shit one day soon and I'm not ready for it to be now—working is just the distraction I need.
"Fine there's a corporate event tomorrow. You can host. I need a night off anyway."
Yes I feel like fist pumping the air. "Thank you and you do need a night off." I hug her.
"Nessa you're so strong. Everything you have been through and you just get on with it. I am so proud to call you my friend, my sister, and my family but please stop with holding the shit in. I don't think I can handle it if you break on me so please talk to someone."
Well shit. I feel the tears dripping out of my eyes. "I won't break. I'm not fragile but I'm going to have to open that letter and I'm going to have to deal with Taylor. I can't promise I will be strong all the time but I will get through it."
"I know and I'll be right here with you."
I'm so tired and everything is swimming around my mind. I to go to bed as I'm working tomorrow I could use the rest. I know I should be in a ball curled up crying about Taylor but I'm not gonna be my mam, I can't give up.
THIRTEEN
Everything's running smoothly and I have checked in with Stacey to let her know everything grand. She worries way too much. She may not have rang me but she is probably pacing the apartment.
The guests are starting to arrive as I head out back to check everything. On the way back in I grab a tray of drinks to give to the waiting staff to start handing out.
I'm just about to hand the girl the tray of drinks when I spot Taylor arguing with my dad. What the hell? Then a girl comes up and they both smile. I know her face but from where? She turns and I notice two things at once, she the girl in the picture Taylor had in is apartment and she looks like me.
I feel suddenly feel very dizzy. The tray of drinks fall from my hands. I start backing out but the noise got everyone's attention and when Taylor notices me he pales, my dad spots me and makes his way over.
"Nessa are you ok? What are you doing here?" I can't answer. I just stare at Taylor who is now also beside me.
"Nessa it's not what you think." This comes from Taylor. I don't know what to think right now. The picture from his house he called her his sister, which make my dad his stepdad. Is this some sick joke? Did he know all along who I was to these people? It's all so confusing but Taylor was adopted by his aunt, who is my dad's wife. They're his family too. I need to leave to figure this out.
This is why I couldn't be at his birthday party or why we never went out much! Oh it's all making sense now. I bet he had a great laugh at me.
"Taylor do you know Nessa? What's going on here?" my dad asks Taylor as it seems I can't answer.
"Yes, I do." Shit my dad will know it's him. Shit I need to leave so I turn and walk away but Taylor grabs my arm.
"Nessa just let me explain."
"Let go," I ask but he doesn't. I look to my dad who is looking at us and I can see all the dots connecting for him.
"You're the one who got her pregnant, cheated, and tossed her aside?" my dad says in a deadly tone, even I'm a little afraid.
"Pregnant! What the hell is he talking about Nessa?"
"What's going on Dad? Who is she?" When Colleen talks I realise I need to move but Taylor still has me so I take a deep breath.
"Yes I am. I tried to tell you but we don't have a future remember." I turn to my dad and then I turn to Colleen my apparent sister. "I'd be your sister, his daughter, and his whore so really I'm just no one important." With that I pull my arm from Taylor's grip.
"Nessa stop. That's not true. Let’s go sit down, you don't look the best." This comes from my dad. I can see his worry but I can't stay here.
"I can't do this right now. Please don't ask me to." He looks at me and nods.
"Nessa we need to talk. Just stay, I can explain."
"There is nothing to explain. I just don't even want to talk to you. I hate you, can you understand that? I. Hate. You!" With that I turn and run.
I make it out the door and down the street before I stop at a wall to breathe. When a sharp pain hits the back of my head I realise my day is just going to shit.
FOURTEEN
My head is throbbing. When I open my eyes I freak a little because I'm tied to my old bed. I pull at the ropes but I get nowhere. The door to the room opens and Brandon walks in.
"Welcome home Nessa," he sneers. Brandon has done this, why?
"What's going on? Let me go!" I pull at the ropes again and get nowhere.
"No point in fighting. You're not going anywhere."
"What do you want from me?" My freaking head is pounding.
"I took everything from you but you just land right back on your feet, didn't you? Every girl I ever did this to could never get over the hurt. I know because that's the best part for me watching you all break. But no, not you. I thought I picked a big softy looking for a bit of love but no you actually got up and fought. Looking at you in that hospital bed I thought I finally broke you. You looked so weak but again you got up so I'm going to kill you slowly and take some pleasure from it. I'm going to enjoy every moment," he sneers at me. This is a sick joke. He's not really going to kill me. He's kidding, right?
"Brandon this is not funny anymore. Please let me go." The look he throws my way scares the shit out of me.
"Oh this is no joke. I know you thought you were funny leaving and landing yourself a billionaire. Well guess what, jokes on you now."
Leaving him? Oh God, he's messed up. Lucy was right. Seriously no more men for me.
"I didn't leave you. You cheated on me. Just let me go please. I won't tell anyone," I plead.
He jumps on to the bed and that's when I notice the knife. In his hand. I scream. Oh God, my baby. He's going to kill me and my baby!
"Scream all you want Nessa, no one will hear you and no one will care. You're nothing."
I hear a noise downstairs the same time I feel the pain in my side as he stabs me. All I can think of as everything goes black is I hope my baby will be ok.
Taylor
I just stand there and watch her leave. I knew this moment was going to come. I just had it played out so different in my head. I suppose that's what happens when a plan back fires. I definitely didn't see falling in love as part of it but I did I fall hard and fast.
I bought a fucking company to get payback on Patrick
and his daughter. For years he would slip off to his other family and leave us. Sure he said he was working but we all knew he was really going to see his other daughter.
Sally was always sad and Colleen would cry herself to sleep wanting her daddy and not knowing where the hell he was. My aunt Sally adopted me from my alcoholic Father when I was four. I didn't have a Mother as she tragically died in child birth. I'll always be grateful to Sally for taking me in.
I didn't hate my father he just couldn't cope with losing the love of his life. I was the reminder that she was dead or that I killed her. Who knows, all I know is he didn't want me and Sally did.
Seeing her so broken over Patrick fuelled a need in me to protect her and Colleen. I never understood why she would never get rid of him and when I questioned her she told me I didn't understand. I always thought she was weak but I guess love does that to people.
It's not that I didn't liked Patrick, he gave us everything and helps with my companies but he never saw what he did to them. He was never there and I want him to know what it was like trying to pick up the pieces of two broken women, by going after what he seemed to care about most. Nessa.
When she walked into my office and threw that water in my face I was in shock. She wasn't afraid of me and that fed my need to hurt her more than ever.
The first night I slept with her I felt shit I have never felt before. I never let myself get close to women. I didn't want to marry and I certainly didn't want to end up like my dad—broke from losing the one person he loved and left with a child. I never wanted that for myself so I thought this was going to be easy turns out not so much.
When I heard she was in hospital something inside me broke. I went to see her and knew there would be no staying away so I stopped trying. I just had to make sure my family didn't know I was seeing her. Simple enough, right? Well not so much because that meant I couldn't be seen with her.
