Stealing Grace

by Shelby Fallon

  “No, it’s ok. I’ve got no problems with it, I just-” he stopped, wide eyed staring at her. “Wait...”

  “What?” Then she got his meaning. “Uh, no, no. We’ve been very careful, Alex, haven’t we? I would know if I was...that,” Elena said with assurance but her breathing started to pick up as she thought about it.

  Pregnant? No.

  “Babe,” he reached across the table for her hand, “the crying, the going to bed at 8:00, the can’t keep your hands off me, the...starving?” Alex didn’t look as bemused as he had just a minute ago. He was almost beaming. “We are careful, El, but...no one can be one hundred percent on these things all the time. I think you need to take a pregnancy test.”

  She stiffened and felt her eyes widen at his request.

  “I will not take a test. That would mean that I actually believe that this could be possible.” She was trying not to yell, it was impossible after all.

  Nothing to worry about. She shook her head as if to shake the thought from it. Her thoughts were interrupted by the waitress and the delicious smell of hot pie.

  “Alex, it’s fine,” she said and smiled at the waitress before she left their table. “Let’s just finish our desert. Could we go by and see Roger and Amy tonight for a minute? See how their first day went?”

  “Yeah, we can. That’s sounds like a really good idea actually...if you promise to take a test when we get home.” Alex was serious.

  The last thing Elena wanted to do was fight with him. It wasn’t natural to fight him, it made her feel wretched inside.

  “Why wait until then? Let’s go right now, get one and take it before we go and get it over with. Ok?”

  “Ok,” he said reluctantly, feeling he had won that one a little to easily.

  Once the pie was gone, and the crumbs licked cleaned from Elena’s fork, they headed home after a quick stop at the drug store. Alex waited outside the bathroom door pacing while Elena waited inside, looking at that horrid little stick that held her fate.

  One line. Is it supposed to be two or one? Ok. The box says one line is...negative. And it’s been three minutes so...must be negative...

  Alex rapped on the door.

  “El, you ok in there?” he said as he gently eased open the door.

  What he saw brought him to his knees beside her on the floor where she was sitting on her legs, crying with the one line test still latched tightly in her fingers.

  “It’s negative...negative,” she said through her tears.

  She had no idea why she was having this kind of reaction. Shouldn’t she be happy? Isn’t this what she wanted? No. No if she was honest with herself, she was scared more than anything but wanted to be a mother desperately. To have a child with Alex and see him be a daddy, to give him everything he wanted, give him happiness. She wanted that.

  “I thought you’d be happy about that,” he said somberly.

  “No...I was lying to myself, Alex, and you. I was just scared of messing up, of not being good at it. But...I guess, I really do want a baby. Or else why would I react this way?”

  Alex hugged her and pulled her up from the floor to sit in his lap as she sniffled.

  “I’m sorry, El. We can always try again. Later though. You were right, it’s a little crazy to try for a baby while we’re in this mess.” He squeezed her tighter. “It’s ok. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one that wants one though. I want more than anything to see you be a mom. That gorgeous baby will have your eyes and your dark blonde hair. I can see it now.” He smoothed her hair back and then lifted her chin. “Are you ok? Do you still wanna go to Roger’s?”

  “Yeah. And yeah, we’ll try later, I promise. No more drama. I’m sorry, I know you really wanted this and I’ve been driving you crazy with my back and forth. I feel like I’m having a...breakdown or something,” she croaked out. “If I’m not pregnant, maybe I should go to the doctor. I definitely don’t feel right.”

  “You should. It’s probably just too much stuff going on. Too much stress, everything at once. Alright, let’s go, if you’re ready and still want to. You know Amy, she’ll be passed out soon if we don’t make it before 7:00 so...”

  “Yeah, lets go.” She looked up to see his hesitant expression. “Really, I’m ok. I’m just weird right now. I’m fine, I’m sorry.”

  He helped her up and they made their way to the front door but stopped in the doorway.

  “Don’t apologize for that.” He reached down to coax her face back up with his finger on her chin. “Don’t be sorry at all. There’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. Elena, I just want you to be happy, whatever that is. We have time, lots of it. And I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not going anywhere.” He chuckled a little pushing his forehead to hers. “I love you. Don’t ever do anything just because you think that’s what I want. I’m sorry if I pushed you. Whenever and if ever you’re ready. Not til then, ok?”

  “Thanks. I love you.”

  He kissed her in the door frame, engulfed her in an embrace meant to make her feel loved, shielded and safe, which is exactly what it did. They could feel the cool night air on their arms from the porch, giving Elena goose bumps for more than one reason.

  Elena wanted to cry more at Alex’s sweet words, but fought them back. He really meant what he said. But how could she ever deny someone the right to a child, especially someone so equipped for such a task? She knew it now, knew that she wanted to have a baby with him. And she was upset that the test in her hand said negative. That fact couldn’t be denied.

  The sweet moment was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the porch.

  “Uhum. I see nothing’s changed around here,” Roger’s amused voice said and they turned.

  Roger and Amy were standing on the porch and smiling, smirking.

  “Hey! We were just about to come see you guys,” Alex said as Elena quickly turned to wipe her eyes and throw the worthless pregnancy test in the trash.

  She turned to greet Amy as they came through the door.

  “Hey! You look bigger already, after just one day,” Elena said laughing but Amy’s thin lip smile told her she knew something was up.

  “Yeah. I know. It’s terrible. I outgrow clothes daily... You ok?”

  “Oh, I’m fine. Please, let’s just go sit and- wait a minute. Alex we don’t have any furniture yet, remember?”

  “Ah! Yeah, the furniture won’t be here til tomorrow night,” Alex said looking around for a solution but finding none.

  “Well we came here thinking you might have some by now, we sure don’t,” Roger said laughing.

  They decided to go out, even though Elena and Alex had just gotten home. They went to a little coffee shop that had live music with local kids and people playing acoustic. It was nice, Elena thought, very inner city for a small town.

  They talked and talked as Elena persistently avoiding Amy’s questioning eyes about what she was crying about earlier. She didn’t want to have the pregnancy discussion with a pregnant lady. So they chatted about their days work. Roger thought Amy should stay home but after hearing that Elena was working and that Alex thought it was a good idea for them to not be home by their selves all day, with no protection, he willingly agreed for Amy doing the same.

  She was ecstatic. She got hired at a veterinarian’s office as a receptionist. Desk work, perfect for her. Forced to sit and rest all day. Roger and Alex weren’t really thrilled about their work but tried not to be too somber about it in front of Amy and Elena, though Elena would not be fooled.

  After they chatted for a while and their coffee cups were empty. Amy downed three entire cups of Chai tea and started to yawn and that was pretty much the signal to indicate that the night was over. They hugged and said their goodbyes and made the parting paths in opposite directions to their homes a hop and a skip from downtown.

  Downtown. Ha! It amused Elena, the small town jargon used to describe their ‘hole in the wall’ town, as she’d heard someone say. They must have never been t
o a real city before. This is certainly not a ‘downtown’ area.

  They drove home and Elena was tired, more so that she realized. The short drive in the dark was already taking its toll. Alex helped her up the porch stairs and into their pallet on the floor. They lay peacefully, Elena snuggled under his chin into his chest with his arms around her like clap irons, protective and gentle as always. And they drifted off to sleep.

  The next day after Elena got home from work, the delivery men were scheduled to be there shortly after and were right on time. They brought the bed in and set everything up right where Elena instructed. Then as they headed back out to the truck she thanked them as she started to close the door.

  “Wait, ma’am, we have one more item,” the delivery man said and immediately starting looking at his delivery notice to make sure.

  “Uh...I think that’s it. Just the bed, right?”

  “Nope, right here. I’m showing one more item to deliver.”

  Elena stood there door half opened, still thinking it was a mistake and he would figure it out eventually, but he pulled the box out, double checked the label and nodded in agreement before taking it up the steps.

  Elena opened the door reluctantly. Once he set it inside he tipped his cap to her on his way out. She closed the door, dreading the call to make advising the furniture man that a box had been delivered by mistake. She peeked at it and it did have Alex’s name and address. All at once her heart was in her throat.

  The Community. The traffickers! They found us and got the men to deliver this to us somehow. What if it’s a bomb or something? As she was mid freak out Alex came through the door.

  She ran to him, already crying. She started to blubber on about her revelation and how they should get out of the house right now. He grabbed her arms as if to hold her down from fleeing.

  “El, calm down, baby. I ordered something else from the furniture store. It’s ok. I know what’s in the box. No one knows we’re here. I’m sorry, it was meant to be a surprise. I never would have thought you would jump to that conclusion. You don’t feel safe here?” he asked her, still not letting go.

  He genuinely wanted to know.

  “Yes, I feel safe here. I’m sorry. I just...” She worked to slow her breathing.

  He let go and walked over to the box, pulling his pocket knife out and slicing through the tape. Elena knew exactly what it was now and felt utterly stupid for her over reaction.

  He pulled the painting out and laid it against the wall by the kitchen, stepping back to get a better look.

  “I thought you might like one of your own since it reminded you of your grandmother.”

  She cried again, but for a different reason. She walked over to hug him and sank into his chest in embarrassment and thanks. He had just been trying to be sweet and she ruined it. He had hoped she would open it before he got home and be thrilled when he got there.

  “I’m sorry about that. Thank you, I love it,” she said earnestly.

  He nodded and looked down to her eye level, looking somewhat pleased but also worried.

  “Good. I’m glad you do.” He looked a little uncomfortable and proceeded carefully. “Did you make a doctors appointment today?”

  “No, but I will first thing in the morning. I’m sorry ok? I really do love it. Thank you.” She smiled, thinking of a new thought and rubbed his chest. “My grandma would have really liked you, you know?”

  “Oh, I’m sure.” He laughed and made his best old lady accent. “‘So kids. How did you meet?’ ‘Well grandma, he kidnapped me from the street and we just fell in love.’”

  They both laughed and he kissed her hair and became serious again.

  “I don’t want you to be scared here. I want you to feel completely safe. I’m going to ask the landlord about letting me install a security alarm, ok?”

  “Ok, sounds good.” She wouldn’t argue with that one.

  She was scared and skittish. An alarm might make her feel better, she thought, after all.

  * * *

  The next week, they had an alarm installed, paid for by Alex of course. The landlord laughed at his request advising them with these parting but allowing words.

  “Security systems in this town are useless, but it’s your dime and you leave it when you leave.”

  Elena finally got in to see the busy small town doctor, the only doctor in town, 2 weeks after making the appointment since it wasn’t an immediate illness or emergency. She had explained fatigue, severe hunger and crazy moods swings. She also advised she’s taken a pregnancy test and that it had been negative.

  The doctor took some blood but seeing how the hospital was in the next town, he’d had to wait a couple days for results. He told her he thought it was due to exhaustion and stress.

  Elena explained to him that she was neither stressed, anymore, nor exhausted and it must be something else, however he wouldn’t hear of it and sent her home with a prescription for ‘quality family time and a lot of relaxation’, and of course, plenty of water.

  Elena wanted to hit that old coot. He had no idea what her life was like and how happy she was with Alex. Just another unhappy housewife, right? No! Why does everyone always assume you’re just unhappy and that must be what’s wrong with you? He had even made a jab at her job.

  “Cutting flowers instead of receiving them must be depressing,” he had said in his superior tone.

  Ha! Idiot! Surely she would not be returning to him. Meanwhile, Amy was having to travel the thirty minutes out of town to see her OBGYN. Most of the time Roger tried to take off work to take her there, but sometimes she went by herself and somehow always came back in one piece.

  Elena laughed to herself, thinking Roger’s paranoid attitude must have rubbed off on her.

  They had dinner together often. Elena and Alex had been to a few yard sales and to her pleasure, Alex loved it. He had found all kinds of things and their house was slowly but surely becoming a home.

  Between that and the furniture store they had acquired a dining room table, dresser, lamps and living room suit, among other things. It was fun starting over, she thought. Roger and Amy were on the same wave length and slowly making their home a nice place to live.

  Amy had really blossomed in the past weeks. Her moods had calmed down some and the morning sickness was gone completely. Her and Elena had gone maternity shopping together as she no longer fit a single item of clothing, in fact she wore one of Roger’s shirt to the store that day. Elena laughed thinking it was hilarious.

  * * *

  The day was dragging, considerably so. She watched as the clocked mocked her. Mr. Pete had put that blasted clock right in front of the desk to taunt her all day, she knew it. It was only 11:30 in the morning, yet it felt like it should be after supper already.

  She was hungry, irritated with nothing to do. Mr. Pete was out making deliveries and Mrs. Pete, whatever her name was, was in her usual spot in the back of the store blaring the television shows at top volume and hadn’t moved an inch. Must be time for Matlock. I swear I know every old show theme song better than anyone now.

  She had cauterized and PH’ed and stacked vases and replaced gift wrap and tissue paper and foil. She even swept the store, twice, and wiped the entrance door down with window cleaner. Mr. Pete usually wasn’t gone this long. She wasn’t really ready for him to come back anyway. She didn’t like standing around with nothing to do. Made her feel useless, and she didn’t wanna be useless around her boss. Suddenly the door chime. Oh a customer. Thank you!

  “Hello, there. Can I help you with something?”

  The tall man just stood there, half hiding behind the hydrangeas.

  “Is there something I can help you with?” Elena asked again, a little louder but still polite.

  He finally spoke and stepped a little closer.

  “Elena, right?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Your name. Your name is Elena, right?” he said and stepped another inch closer.

  “Yes,
can I help you?”

  “Maybe... What’s a good flower to send to someone’s funeral? Or a plant maybe?” He now stood directly in front of her by the counter, looking her dead in the eyes.

  He was tall and tan with his long hair pulled back in a ponytail. His voice was deep and gruff.

  “Carnations are a good funeral flower. Would you like to look at some arrangements?”

  “No. Well, not yet. So. Are you married?” he asked in a low deep voice.

  “Yes, I am,” she answered firmly.

  “Happily?”

  “Very. Is there something flower related I can help you with, sir?” She was trying extra hard to not be rude but this guy was making it difficult.

  “Darn, isn’t that just the luck? All the...good ones are taken.” He leaned on the counter on his elbows towards her and she retreated back to lean against the wall by the register. “You seem jumpy? Are you afraid of something? Waiting for someone perhaps?”

  What is this guy’s problem?

  “I’m sorry, who are you?”

  “Juan. Juan Rodriquez. Pleasure.” He reached out to shake her hand and she did so, reluctantly.

  “Ok, Juan. Can I ask why you’re asking me all these questions?”

  “General curiosity? Do you not get approached often?”

  “No, not really, and especially not after I’ve already told them that I’m happily married.”

  “So Elena, what’s your husband like?”

  “How did you know my name?”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “You didn’t answer mine.”

  He pointed to her shirt, almost touching her chest, and she jumped back prepared to grab whatever was handy for defense. She felt the harsh poke of scissors in her finger and grabbed them in her fingers.

  “Name tag! Name tag,” he said hastily, sensing her reaction and put up his hands in defense but he smiling, clearly enjoying her reaction.

  “Oh yeah, right. Look, I don’t wanna get in trouble for chit chatting. Is there something I can get for you?”

  “You can answer my question. What is your husband, Alex, like?”