Escape

by M. K. Elliott

  “I assume you’ve got something you want to tell me.” His voice sounded rough and forced, as though emotion had sapped all of the fluid out of his body.

  She sunk down onto the bed beside him. She couldn’t look at him; she was so ashamed of herself.

  “I’m so sorry, Max,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you. I should have told you we were over before I left, but I was so wrapped up in myself, it barely even occurred to me that it was over until I was here.”

  “Until you slept with someone else, you mean?” he said, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. “Who is he anyway, some loser traveler who has never held down a proper job in his life?” Lucy knew he couldn’t help the snide comments—she didn’t blame him.

  “He’s a dive instructor here at the resort.”

  He looked at her with contempt. “Oh, Lucy. Aren’t you a little old to be falling for such clichés? You’re probably one in a line of a hundred other girls.”

  If that was true, then why was he so upset when he saw me with you?

  But she didn’t say it. Let Max think that was the truth if it made him feel better.

  “You and I were never going to work,” she said. “All you want from life is being a doctor and working in the hospital. I want more. I want to see a bit of the world—have a life! I don’t want to wake up one day and find that I’m middle-aged and all I have ever done is work.”

  “I wanted more than just work, Lucy,” he said quietly. “I wanted you too.”

  She shook her head, “You only want me because I am part of that life. If we didn’t work together, we would have nothing in common. All we do is work, and talk about work, and socialize with people we work with!”

  “That’s not true,” he muttered, but she could tell his heart wasn’t in it. “And whatever excuses you are making, it still doesn’t change the fact that running off to Thailand and sleeping with someone else is a really shitty thing to do.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed, tears clogging her throat. “It was a horrible thing to do, and Max, I truly am sorry, but even if I hadn’t met Rudy, it would still be over.”

  He turned his head as he fought against tears of his own, and wiped at his face. Then he stood up and crossed the room and picked up his bag.

  “Well, I guess I’m not welcome here anymore,” he said. “So don’t worry, I’m not going to stay here and cramp your style. I’ll get a taxi to another resort and then go to one of the other islands. There’s no point in wasting my trip just because you’ve decided to screw me over.”

  She winced at his words, but deep down she was relieved to see him go. Rudy was first in her mind now. The last thing she wanted was for Rudy to hate her. She didn’t want him to think she had cheated on him and gone off with someone else, just because she didn’t get to see him for a few days.

  But that was practically what she’d done. Her resentment toward Rudy had stopped her from telling Max the truth as soon as he arrived. Hadn’t she even wished Rudy would see her with Max to make him jealous?

  She groaned inwardly. When had she turned into such a selfish person? All she considered was how things affected her. She never even bothered to think about Max or Rudy’s feelings.

  Even if she could get Rudy to forgive her, what would she achieve? Maybe they would have a couple of days together, but then she would go back to her disaster of a life and try to clean up her mess. Just the thought of having to go back to her flat to get her stuff and trying to figure out what to do about her job, made her feel sick to her stomach. She would hand her notice in at the hospital. She hated the job and there was no way she was going back and seeing Max every day.

  And in the meantime, she would have to say goodbye to Rudy.

  Why did she get herself involved? This story had no happy ending.

  Max left without even saying goodbye. She didn’t blame him. If the situations had been reversed, she would have been less gracious and forced him to walk away under a hail of bad language.

  Lucy hid in her room feeling wretched. She wanted to go and find Rudy, but she was embarrassed at the idea that everyone was talking about them, that others (especially Rachel) would know what had happened. But she knew she couldn’t hide in her room forever—thirst and hunger would drive her out eventually.

  She didn’t intend to wait that long. She had to find Rudy and tell him how she felt about him. Maybe if he knew exactly what had happened between her and Max, he would find it in his heart to forgive her.

  Outside her room, the bright sun was sinking down into the horizon, casting a beautiful orange glow over the resort. The sea, calmer now, gently lapped at the shore, and a breeze carrying the scent of the ocean rustled through the leaves of the palm trees. Lucy was in paradise, yet she barely even noticed. All she could think about was Rudy and how he must hate her. She only wanted to put things right between them.

  With her clothes now dry—if a little wrinkled—Lucy chose an outfit she thought Rudy might appreciate; a long white skirt and a teal halter-top. She brushed her hair down around her shoulders and applied enough make-up to hide the dark rings beneath her eyes and her blotchy skin. To Lucy, the person in the mirror still looked as if she’d been crying, but she hoped the other people at the resort might not notice.

  With a pounding heart and fists clenched with nerves, she headed down to the restaurant and bar area.

  She spotted Stacy and Leanne, sitting in the restaurant, nursing a beer each. They both looked up and smiled as she approached. It was good to see a friendly face.

  “Hey,” Stacey said. “We thought you must have been blown away in the storm. We haven’t seen you since that night.”

  “Yeah, sorry. I’ve been kind of busy.”

  “With a certain dive instructor?” Leanne asked, giving her a wink.

  Lucy gave a tight smile, but didn’t answer. “How’s the arm?” she asked.

  Leanne cradled the cast like a baby. “Itchy and annoying. We’re leaving tomorrow to see a bit more of Thailand. No point in staying here when I can’t dive.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. Other than Rudy, the two girls had been the only friends she’d made. “I’ll be sad to see you both go.”

  “Well, if we ever get injured in London, we’ll be sure to look you up,” said Stacy.

  Leanne laughed. “Yeah, and knowing me, that won’t be too unlikely.”

  Lucy didn’t tell them she didn’t intend on being there.

  “At least sit down and have a drink with us,” Stacy said.

  Lucy looked around anxiously, “Maybe later, yeah? I need to find that certain dive instructor.”

  Leanne nudged her friend, “Told you.”

  Lucy gave them a smile and then turned back to the reception and bar. Standing behind the desk, with her back to her, was the one person Lucy didn’t want to see, but knew she needed to. She was no longer embarrassed. Rudy was too important to her and she would grovel if that’s what it took.

  “Rachel?” She spoke nervously and tentatively, and Rachel turned around with a wide, fake smile on her face.

  She saw who had spoken and the smile faded, “What is it?”

  “I need to find Rudy. It’s urgent. Do you know where he is?”

  Rachel stared back, shooting her daggers. “Rudy doesn’t want to see you.”

  “Please, Rachel,” she said, tears in her eyes. “I need to find him.”

  “Why?”

  She wanted to tell Rachel to mind her own business, but she needed Rachel a damn site more than Rachel needed her.

  “I think I’m in love with him, Rachel. I need him to know that.”

  At the ‘l’ word, Rachel’s eyes softened, “Then we need to talk.”

  Rachel came out from behind reception and grabbed Lucy by the elbow, ushering her to an empty table at the back of the restaurant.

  They sat down opposite each other and Rachel folded her arms onto the table, leaning toward her. Lucy felt as if she was about to be interrogated.
r />   “So you think you love him, huh?” she said.

  Lucy nodded and her eyes filled with tears once again. She sniffed and wiped them away.

  “I know it’s not been very long, but all I can think about is him, and now he hates me.”

  “He told me what happened, Lucy. You can’t expect him to just forget about it.”

  “But it was an accident. I had no idea Max was going to turn up here and I’d already told Rudy about him. Yes, I should have told Max the truth as soon as he saw him, but I was hurt because I thought Rudy had slept with me and then blown me off.”

  Rachel shook her head. “Rudy wouldn’t do that. He’s not like a lot of men. He cares about people. He’s been hurt before and I don’t want that to happen to him again. The girls who come here just want to use him, you know, so they can tell everyone back home they shagged their dive instructor.”

  Lucy looked at her in amazement. “You think I came here to screw a dive instructor?”

  Rachel looked at her as if she was stupid. “Well, yeah! The way you were hanging around him was painful to watch. You were so obvious.”

  Lucy colored, “I had no idea, but it really wasn’t like that. I mean, he felt the same way about me.”

  “Yeah, he did. But he doesn’t think he can trust you anymore, and for him, trust is so important—especially after last time. He was so scared he would lose this place, lose everything he’d worked so hard for.”

  Lucy gave a small shake of her head and frowned, “What do you mean?”

  “This place,” said Rachel, holding her hands up around her. “Turtle View.”

  Lucy looked at her blankly.

  “You mean he hasn’t told you? You don’t know he owns this place?”

  She almost laughed out loud. “Rudy isn’t the owner of this resort. He’s a diving instructor.”

  Rachel shook her head. “No, he’s not. He’s the owner. He’s my boss.”

  Lucy felt as if her eyes had been opened. She remembered seeing Rudy and Rachel on the beach, arguing about shifts. She thought back to all the times the Thai staff had called him ‘Boss’. This was the reason everyone ran to Rudy when things went wrong and explained why he was so upset about the damage the storm had caused.

  “Why the hell didn’t he tell me?”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “Cause he’s an idiot.” Then she sighed. “I’ve probably already said too much and though I care about Rudy, he’s also my boss. The last thing I need right now is to get involved in his domestics.”

  “Please, Rachel,” said Lucy, reaching across the table and grabbing her wrist. “I need to know. If he’s not told me what’s going on by now, then he’s probably not going to, and look at the mess that’s already got us in!”

  “Fine, fine. I’ll tell, but you heard it from someone else, okay?”

  Lucy nodded frantically.

  “A couple of years ago he was engaged. They nearly got married, but then he found out she was trying to sell Turtle View to some big developers who wanted to tear the resort down and build some exclusive hotel. They had a huge fight and she left, saying that she didn’t intend to spend the rest of her life living in a shack. Rudy was devastated. None of us wanted to see him like that again. I didn’t want to see him like that again.”

  “You care about him, don’t you?” Lucy asked, softening to the woman.

  Rachel shrugged. “Hey, who wouldn’t? He’s one of the good guys, you know? Even if he did ever feel the same about me, I wouldn’t be any good for him. I like my freedom too much.”

  “I can’t believe it,” she said again, running a hand through her hair. “No wonder he’s been so elusive about things. I kept asking him why the resort seemed to revolve around him, but he would never answer me.”

  “Well, now you know.”

  “How do I find him?”

  “He’s using the internet, contacting some suppliers from the mainland. Last time I saw him, he was in the office behind the teaching room.”

  “Thanks Rachel.”

  She smiled; the first genuine smile Lucy had seen. “Make sure you look after him or you’ll have me to answer to!”

  Lucy grinned back, “That’s good enough reason for me.”

  Shaking with nerves, Lucy went to find Rudy. She stood outside the office door, her stomach in her throat. Her hand trembled as she raised her fist and tentatively knocked.

  “Yeah?” Rudy’s voice came from behind the door.

  Lucy took a deep breath and opened the door. Rudy spun around in his chair, but as soon as he saw Lucy, he spun back around again and focused on the computer.

  “How can I help you, Lucy?” he said, his voice detached but professional.

  “I needed to speak to you.”

  “Unless you are trying to book a dive or you are after some extra training, then I’m really not interested.”

  “Well,” she said. “I’m not, but I’ll book a dive if it means you’ll talk to me.”

  Rudy hunched over the keyboard. She could see the tension in his shoulders, his muscles bunched up in knots at the base of his neck. He gave a deep sigh. All she wanted to do was cross the room and put her arms around him and bury her face in his neck, but she didn’t move.

  Slowly, he turned around again. Lines were etched between his eyes and he looked tired and hurt.

  “I can’t trust you, Lucy. That is the most important thing to me and I can’t trust you.”

  “Yes, you can,” she said, desperately. “I promise you can.”

  He shook his head, sadly. “I think we both know that’s not true.”

  She could feel tears perilously close to the surface, but she fought against them. The tears were partly frustration. After all, he hadn’t exactly been totally honest with her the whole time.

  “You talk about trust,” she said, “but what about the thing you haven’t been able to trust me with, huh, Rudy? Isn’t there something you’ve neglected to tell me? After all, I told you about Max. I didn’t know he was going to turn up here, and yes, maybe I should have told him straight away that it was over, but I was just trying to find the right time.”

  He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. “The right time being just after you had chewed his face off?”

  He sounded just like Max and anger speared through her. “Oh, shut up, Rudy. Stop acting like you are a fucking martyr. Maybe if I’d known that you owned this place I would have been a bit more understanding when you decided to go AWOL the day after we slept together. I am a woman, for God’s sake. I think I’m entitled to be a bit paranoid when the supposed ‘dive instructor’ I have just slept with suddenly acts like I don’t even exist.”

  He frowned in confusion, “I didn’t act like you didn’t exist. I sent a guy out to get your bag.”

  “Oh, big deal,” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I wanted you Rudy; I didn’t care about my damn bag. And I didn’t understand why you were so upset about the resort, but maybe I would have made different choices had I known you were the owner.”

  His eyes narrowed, the lines between his eyes deepening. “So my owning the resort would have made a difference to you? Can’t you see that was the whole reason I didn’t tell you?”

  “I’m not trying to steal your damn resort, if that’s what you think!”

  His face froze, “I think you should leave.”

  Lucy felt like screaming in frustration. “You are infuriating and self-righteous. Yes, I made a mistake, but you are the one giving up on me, not the other way around.”

  “Then I’ll be the one who’ll have to live with that,” he said, cold and withdrawn. She felt as if she wasn’t even reaching the real him, as if he had put on a mask and was now hiding behind it.

  “Screw you, Rudy,” she spat, but her words hid how she really felt and she ran out the door before he saw her burst into tears.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Back in her room, Lucy threw herself face down on the bed and sobbed, great heart wrenching sobs. S
he cried until her chest hurt and her whole head felt bunged up and puffy. Her eyes hurt when she tried to open them, as if she had sand grating beneath her eyelids.

  How dare Rudy act as if he was whiter than white? Okay, he not telling her about owning the resort wasn’t as bad as her kissing another man, but he still hadn’t told her the truth. If she’d known about the resort, she would have realized the reason for his absence and not gone running off all hurt and defensive.

  Lucy curled up into a ball and hugged her pillow.

  Did she want to leave? She only had three days left on the island, but surely she couldn’t stay at the resort? Every day would be tortuous and she would constantly be hoping for Rudy to change his mind. If she bumped into him (which she was bound to) it would be awkward and painful for the both of them. However much she prayed Rudy would come around, she had seen the look on his face. He’d cut himself off emotionally from her. Her betrayal, in his eyes at least, was too large to forgive.

  She would have to go to the mainland and find somewhere to stay for a few days, or else just head back to Bangkok. She was starting to feel like a yo-yo, bouncing back and forth.

  Lucy closed her eyes and held her pillow, tighter. All she could think about was Rudy, about being with Rudy. She imagined his smooth tanned skin beneath her lips, and how she felt when he kissed her. In her mind, his arms were still around her and she rested her cheek on his chest, hearing his heart beat. The memory brought more tears and her whole insides twisted with a deep pain and longing. To think she could never have him again was more than she could bear. She had never felt this way about anyone before. All she could do was lie on her bed, crying. When she finally cried herself to sleep, she woke up and remembered what had happened and the crying started again. She was a mess. She needed to get home—where ever home was for her now.

  After lunch tomorrow, another boat would leave for the mainland, and this time Lucy intended to be on it.

  Rudy was in a foul mood. He had snipped at everyone he’d come into contact with that morning. When the suppliers shipping in material for the new restaurant roof told him it would be at least three weeks before they could get to the island, Rudy swore at them and slammed down the phone.