“It meant everything. You meant everything to me. None of it was a lie. Everything you felt, I felt. You were the girl I was going to marry. You were the girl I would’ve stayed clean for. You were the girl I would have done anything for.”
She blinked back tears and looked away from him for a moment. “But you didn’t. You couldn’t even do the basics—like stay faithful.”
His jaw clenched. “I was an idiot. I was young and stupid, and I didn’t deserve you.”
“You weren’t, though,” she whispered, finally admitting out loud everything she’d ever thought about him. “You were so good to me. No one got me like you did, Aiden. No one ever made me feel the way you did. You made me feel safe and wild at the same time. You made me feel things… I just… I would have forgiven anything but you cheating.”
He looked away from her, and for a second she thought she saw something flash across his eyes. “I will always regret what I did to you. I needed to make changes after…”
“Then when you did? Why didn’t you try to contact me?” It shouldn’t matter. She wouldn’t have been able to move past the cheating, but at least him calling and trying to make amends might have meant that he’d really cared. At least she might have found comfort in knowing that he’d loved her and had regrets. Leaving like that, without ever trying to contact her again made him seem so cold and like he could forget her so easily.
He looked down for a minute, then up again at her, and his eyes glistened with something that made goose bumps pop all over her skin. “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I didn’t want to screw up your life. It took me a long time to get it together. I had nothing to give you. I was messed up, and I needed to get my crap together.”
“Then what about after? Once you and Dylan were settled with your business, why didn’t you call me then if you cared so much?” Her heart was beating painfully, blood rushing to her head, pumping loudly in her body, voicing her deepest insecurities.
He winced and didn’t say anything. “I have no excuse,” he said finally.
“Because you’d moved on, right? Who cares about the stupid, naive girl back in Red River? Well, thanks, you just confirmed everything I ever thought about you. You walk around here pretending you actually cared about me, and it’s all an act. Fine, maybe your conscience is a little dirty because of what you did, but you never once tried.”
“I would have. I would have done anything to get you back if I thought I’d be good enough for you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Stop it. Stop pretending you’re noble and self-sacrificing. I don’t have time to stroll back down nightmare memory lane. In one hour, I need to be making my first delivery of the day.”
Natalia turned and started back toward the head of the trail. She said nothing when he caught up and walked beside her. The crisp morning breeze teased at the tendrils of hair that had come loose during her run, lifting them from her neck.
“I saw your new car around town. Looks good.” The fact that he could actually say her pink Volkswagen looked good was pretty impressive. So was his persistence.
She cracked a slight smile. “Thanks.”
“So business is going well?”
She nodded. “People are really responding to the idea of having food delivered.”
“How are you handling being in the bakery and delivering?”
“That’s a work in progress. I have ads out for delivery drivers on a part-time basis. I was hoping a teenager or college student might apply for extra cash, but so far I’m stuck.”
“Well, I guess too much business is a good problem to have.” Ugh. That adorable dimple appeared as he gave her a half grin.
“I hear you and Dylan are running quite the company.” Why? Why was she getting sucked into conversation with Aiden? She had just told him off, and now she was letting him walk with her and she was asking about his life. The dimple.
He shrugged. “The Mobile Mechanic really took off, and we work well together.”
She knew he was being modest. The two of them had been featured in countless business publications around the country. “Well, I’m happy for you,” she said as she stopped and turned toward him, ignoring the blood she felt dripping down her leg. “How’s your dad feeling?”
He ran a hand over his jaw, and her stomach did a little summersault. “He’s okay. Probably wouldn’t tell me if he wasn’t.”
She shifted from one foot to the other to give her sore knee a break. “It’ll go by fast. You’ll see. Then he’ll be fine.”
The sheen and vulnerability in his blue eyes made her breath catch. Oh God, he was worming his way back into her heart. Memories of him confiding in her about his home life flooded her, rushing through like the river current after a heavy spring rain. His home life had been awful. He’d never had the kind of family she’d been blessed with. Yet, there was always a deep kindness to him…a bad boy with a tender heart of gold.
Run fast, Nat.
“Thanks, Natalia,” he said in a really low, deep voice. He took a step toward her, and she backed up. No way, she needed to stay immune, no matter how endearing he was making himself. Her chest felt heavy, weighted down by the memories of them together, by what they could have been. It hurt to stand so close to him and know that it was all over.
She looked away from his intense gaze. “I’d better get to work.”
He gave her another nod, and she turned and started running back to her car. Week three always tripped her up.
Chapter Five
Aiden settled into the booth at The Roadhouse, waiting for his buddy Jake. God, when was the last time the two of them had been out together? Well, the last time he was in Red River…so a decade ago. The trouble they’d gotten into…but they were both still here, both had made something of themselves. Jake had gone down the whole married-with-kids path. Aiden was happy for him. That was the path he had planned for himself. But of course, he’d screwed that up.
He let his gaze wander the room. Not much had changed here. In some ways, it was reassuring. It had been a few brutal weeks back and forth from the hospital. He and his dad barely spoke in the car, and when they did, it was the usual sniping at each other. He tried to remind himself that this wasn’t the time to get into it with his dad. What was the point, anyway? Some things were better left buried, because soon enough he’d be living his own life in Toronto and those issues would be fine tucked neatly under the rug.
The bar was packed, which was how he remembered it on a Saturday night. The live band was local and seemed to mesh well with the late twenties to thirties crowd. He leaned back into the booth and extended his legs as he took a sip of his ice-cold beer.
He glanced down at his phone when it beeped, indicating a text message. It was from Jake.
Running late. Michael refused to go to bed without me reading him a story. On my way ASAP.
He reread the message, shocked this was the kind of life his friend was leading. He wasn’t allowed to go out if his kid forced him to keep reading? That sounded like a crappy kind of agreement. Did he need to acknowledge this text? Before he could decide, a bunch of texts came through. They were all pictures of Jake’s kid. Cute kid. Looked like Claire for sure.
He texted back, Stop sending me pics of your kid and get the hell over here.
Man, this is what had happened to his friend? He’d expect this kind of stuff from Jake’s older brother, Quinn—that guy had always had his crap together. Maybe even Evan. But Jake? He ran his hands down his face. Maybe he was the one who was all screwed up. He couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to have someone else love him like that. He’d never begged his father to spend extra time with him. He couldn’t even imagine his father sitting on his bed reading. Or choosing to stay home with his kids instead of going to a bar.
He took a long drink of his icy beer and let himself contemplate the life his friend was leading. It sounded a lot like the life he had once wished he could have with Nat.
Fifteen minutes later, J
ake finally walked in.
Aiden stood to greet his former partner in teenage delinquency with a sort of shoulder-punch greeting. He was relieved Jake didn’t really look like a dad. He still had a leather jacket. He didn’t have a paunch, and he hadn’t shaved today. He felt more relaxed as they sat down in the booth. Once Jake had ordered himself a beer, he grinned at Aiden.
“Never thought I’d see you back in Red River, man.”
He grunted. “Yeah. Never thought I’d see you married to Reverend Holbrook’s daughter, or with a kid. Or texting me like some sort of soccer mom.”
Jake scowled. “Hey, my kid is cute.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t care if he’s won pageants.”
“I’d never put him in a pageant.”
“So how’s the family?”
His friend gave him a stupid smile. He’d never seen that smile on him before. He’d missed his wedding; he’d missed everything really. They kept in touch, texts mostly. Aiden had sent him and Claire a Pottery Barn gift card for their wedding, because apparently married people shopped at stores like that.
“They’re good. Crazy-ass busy between Michael and work.”
“Yeah…I can imagine.”
Jake laughed. “No, you can’t.”
“You’re right. Tell me again how you managed to get Claire Holbrook to marry you?”
Jake grinned. “It’s irresistible charm. In the genes.”
“Actually, he got her pregnant, and then she stabbed him.”
Aiden looked up to see Jake’s older brother, Quinn, standing there. Quinn looked just as he remembered him—maybe a little older because the last time he saw him there had been no gray hair in his stubble.
“Good to see you, man,” Aiden said standing up to give him a handshake.
“Yeah, so glad you joined us,” Jake said, taking a swig of beer and shoving over in the booth.
Quinn sat down with a grin. “I speak the truth, but, I guess it all worked out in the end anyway.”
Aiden cleared his throat. “She, uh, stabbed you?”
Jake flipped his brother the finger and then turned to him. “No, of course not. She was pissed at me for something and…stabbed my burger. But that’s all ancient history. I never even think about it—until Quinn or Evan bring it up.” His friend had to stop talking as Quinn laughed.
Aiden laughed. It felt good to be back here with them. Although he’d never hung out with Quinn because he was older, and a helluva lot wiser than he and Jake had been at the time, he’d always liked him.
“She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. And, of course, so is Michael.”
The slight cheesy sheen in Jake’s eyes made him uncomfortable.
“Uh, that’s great. And you, Quinn?”
Jake interrupted. “He begged Holly to marry him.”
“Nice, Jake.” Quinn was already holding out his phone, showing him a family picture. Two cute little girls were smiling into the camera, while Quinn’s pretty wife stood in his embrace. God, they were all so damn happy. Even Jake. He’d pegged the two of them for sure as perpetual screwups.
“Congratulations. Beautiful family, Quinn.”
Quinn also beamed at him like an idiot. “Thanks. So how’s Dylan?”
Quinn and Dylan had been close. Somehow even though he and Dylan had come from the same screwed-up household, it was only Aiden who’d messed up, probably because Dylan didn’t really have the luxury of acting like a moron. “He’s good. Work is keeping us busy.”
“Yeah, I saw the commercial for Mobile Mechanic a few months ago. Great concept.”
Normally he could talk business all day. Right now, after looking at what these two had accomplished, it felt like nothing. His whole life felt like it had no meaning. He had no relationship with his father. The only woman that he’d ever loved couldn’t stand him.
He straightened in his booth a little as he spotted a group of women walk through the door. It was as if he already knew she was here without even seeing her yet. Sure enough, a minute later, at the edge of the crowd of women he caught a glimpse of Nat, and she looked irate. Luckily she hadn’t seen him yet, so he knew it wasn’t directed at him.
Jake turned around and followed his stare. “I take it you haven’t seen Natalia yet.”
“Oh, I have.” He had seen her many times. None of them had gone well.
“She’s still pissed at you?”
He nodded, his eyes on her. She was currently leaning over the edge of the bar, ordering a drink. He was not letting his gaze wander. Too late. She was wearing those dark skinny jeans again with the high boots. Sabrina appeared beside her, and he found himself smiling as Natalia smiled at her friend. He was relieved she wasn’t looking upset anymore.
“You realize you’re smiling like a loser, right?”
He glared at Jake and leaned back in the booth. “She’s hated me since I left.”
Jake glanced over his shoulder. “Why don’t you tell her the truth? You never should have taken the blame for that,” he said, leaning forward.
He shrugged. “What the hell choice did I have? I was no good for her then. I would have ruined her life.”
“Yeah, but not now. You got your life together.”
“What did you take the blame for?” Quinn asked.
Jake answered before he could. “It’s in the vault. All I can say is that it’s in the past now. You should talk to Dominic and then come clean to Nat.”
He toyed with the empty beer bottle and thought of the other relationship he’d screwed up—Dominic. Man, no wonder he’d stayed away from Red River. He and his father had a pathetic relationship. Natalia hated him, and so did her older brother. There was nothing left for him here. “What’s the point? I’ll be gone in a little over a month anyway.”
“You don’t have to be. I left Red River for a while, but I came back and fixed things.”
“It’s not the same, Jake.”
Quinn leaned forward. “Jake really screwed things up. He had a lot of people angry at him, but it all turned out in the end. He’d never have the life he has now if he hadn’t taken a chance. Maybe you should trust people with the truth and then let them choose. Maybe it’s not up to you to decide.”
He stared at Quinn. He had always been older, wiser. And hell, he was right in a lot of ways. It made sense. The only problem was, what if they didn’t accept the truth and still hated him? He’d spent the last ten years building a life that didn’t involve Red River. To come back and…
He fidgeted with the label on his beer bottle and looked over at Natalia. He scowled when he saw two guys chatting her and Sabrina up. This wasn’t his business anymore. She wasn’t his business anymore. But God, he had a physical response every time she was in the room. If he had a heart, he’d also know it wasn’t just physical. He felt everything when he was around her.
His body stiffened when one of the guys put his arm around Nat. He took a deep breath and tried his hardest to look away. Except then he found Jake and Quinn grinning like morons.
“Oh man, why don’t you go over there already?” Jake said.
What Nat did, or whom Nat did, was not his business. He hated how hot she looked. Of course she’d get picked up. Her pale pink sweater clung to really full breasts and showed off her tiny waist. Her dark jeans hugged her curvy form, and the knee-high boots she was wearing were seriously hot. Like her. Seriously hot.
He ran his hand over his jaw. “I can’t. She’s not my concern.”
Jake nodded slowly, barely containing his grin. “Oh, so you don’t care they’re going to go home together?”
He tried to look normal, but the look Quinn and Jake were giving him told him he wasn’t pulling it off. “Natalia lives at home. Mr. Puccini wouldn’t let any guy past the front door unless she was wearing a ring.”
Quinn sighed. “Oh man, I think I actually feel sorry for you. Natalia doesn’t live at home anymore.”
He swallowed hard and wished he hadn’t polished off his
beer. “Oh. She has her own place?”
“The Puccinis own the entire bakery building. She had the apartment above renovated about five years ago and moved in. We handled the reno,” Jake explained with obvious glee.
“Glad business is going so well for you,” Aiden choked.
Both brothers burst out laughing. He had no idea how at one time he’d actually liked either of them.
Jake pointed behind him. “Don’t look now, but Natalia’s making her way to the dance floor with that guy.”
He whipped his head in the direction of the small dance floor and felt blood rush through his head faster than Niagara Falls.
“You look like you’re either going to crap yourself or you’re going to beat the crap out of that guy.”
He gripped the sides of the table. “That would be bad, right? Like she’d be pissed at me if I went over there and beat the crap out of him? Would you help me?”
Jake held up his hands and shook his head. “No, Claire would put me in the doghouse if I got into a barroom brawl, man. You’re on your own. And if you still want to come over for dinner on Sunday, you can’t do that kind of stuff.”
He leaned back in the booth, trying to do the opposite of what his instincts were telling him. “I can’t sit here and watch.”
Quinn gave him a you’re-a-pathetic-loser grin. “You’re going to have to.”
He drummed his fingers against the sticky tabletop, not knowing what to do with his nervous energy. “I can’t. So to clarify your answer to me going over there was?”
Jake sighed. “No. No. And no.”
He slowly stood.
“Ah hell, man. I can’t back you up,” Jake grumbled.
He didn’t know what was going on with him, all he knew was that the longer he spent in this stupid town, the harder it was getting to ignore his feelings for Natalia. “I’m not going to touch him. I’m going to touch her.”
“Should we stay?”
He ignored his friends, making a mental note to never get married. His blood boiled as her laughter floated through the air, and she tilted her head back. The fool she was with pulled her closer, getting a nice, good feel. Holy hell, he was jealous. Jealous to the point of not being able to think clearly. Take a deep breath or something that calm people do.
The Rebel's Return (Red River) Page 6
