Releasing Me

by Jewel E. Ann

  Quinn never knew about you, your family, or the photos. He assumed his dad was just being reckless and cowardly. Lucas was so ashamed of what had happened with his company, and he was ashamed of what happened to our marriage. He couldn’t bear to share all the details with his children. He chose to die a coward and a cheater in their eyes instead of a murderer. Someday, I hope they can see him for what he really was, an honest businessman and a loving family man who lost his way in an ocean of guilt and remorse.

  As a mother who loves her son, I want to beg you to never give up on Quinn. However, I also love you like a daughter, which means my instinct to protect you weighs against my desire to have my son find happiness. So, here’s all that I have left …

  Find peace wherever it may be in this world. Love and be loved. I give to you my heartfelt gratitude for what you have done for me. You owed me nothing, yet you gave me everything. Your presence in my life came to be such an unexpected, yet extraordinary gift. Take of mine what you wish, but please give me yours. Give me your past, all your pain, all your anger, all your guilt. Release it to me, and I will be a safe harbor for the life you need to leave behind.

  Know that by now, I’ve already thanked your family for the sacrifice they made so that my family could know and love you, our Addy.

  Have a beautiful life,

  Elena

  *

  Elena asked me to tell her everything about my past right before she died, and I did. I told her about Malcolm and my parents. I told her about the fire. Then I told her about Sage and Brecken. The biography of my life read like a horror story. As the tears bled from my eyes, I felt my soul being ripped from my body. I nearly died with her. Then she took her last breath and with it she took my past. I just didn’t realize it until I read her letter. A letter that I had been carrying around for close to nine months.

  Timing is everything. Had I read Elena’s letter right after she died, I would have packed my bags and flown back to Chicago before the funeral. Mac would have played the usual role of consoler, and she and Evan might not have conceived their child. I would not have gone back to Quinn, and he most likely would have continued down his path of self-destruction. But nine months after Elena’s death, I read her letter through a different mental lens. While shocking at first, by the end of it I had a clarity that had eluded me for nearly a decade. It was time, my time.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Quinn

  Apparently, Mac’s baby was in no hurry to make an entrance into the world because it wasn’t until the first week in June that I got the call from Evan early in the morning.

  “She’s in labor. The doula is here and the midwife is on her way.” Evan sounded nervous.

  “And Addy?”

  “Uh … yeah, she’s here too.”

  “When did she get there? Why didn’t you call me?”

  “Girl code. Well, Addy and Mac code anyway. Don’t be pissed at me. If my overdue pregnant wife tells me to keep a secret or else she’s going to rip my nuts off and throw them in the garbage disposal, then I don’t have a choice. She said I could call you when she went into labor, but you can’t come over.”

  “So help me God, if you let her leave town before I get—”

  “Listen man, she’s not leaving without … well let’s just say she wants to see you … to talk. She’ll call you, okay?”

  “Fine … actually I’m going to text you an address and whenever she’s ready just have her go there.”

  “Okay.”

  “Oh, and Evan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Congratulations. Give Mac a big hug and kiss.”

  “Thanks, Quinn. That means a lot.”

  I left my apartment and headed to the house. It was officially finished, thanks to the massive number of workers that had been working relentlessly over the previous few months. I hadn’t stayed there yet because I refused to sleep in our new bed alone. I was hopeful, nervous, excited, and still a little fearful. Evan said, “She’s not leaving without …” without what, I wondered. Did that mean she was leaving? Maybe she was finally ready to say goodbye.

  Never goodbye!

  Just the thought had me wanting to punch something, or drink something. I had to stay focused; it was my last chance. If she saw the house, the lot, if she saw me and still wanted to leave, then I knew it would be forever. I was giving her everything I had to give, and all I could do at that point was hope it was enough.

  The day dragged on and it was fucking killing me to not call Evan. Finally, around six that evening I heard the sound of a car pull up outside. When I looked out the window, my heart nearly pounded out of my damn chest.

  Addy.

  She had never looked more beautiful. Her blue blouse flowed over her khaki capris and matched those mesmerizing eyes. I expected her to come toward the porch, but she didn’t. She wiped her eyes and walked toward the woods. When she fell out of sight, I went out to look for her. Her back was to me as I approached with caution. She hugged her arms to her body as she stared at a large oak tree. I gave her space, as though she were a fragile, frightened animal. She had to know I was there, but I waited for her to speak first. I would have waited a lifetime just to hear her voice.

  “Why here?” she softly spoke.

  “It made me think of you. The location, the trees, the meadow … just the feel of it. The price tag … not so much,” I said with a slight chuckle.

  Still not turning around, she responded curiously. “Oh?”

  “My realtor friend told me about the property. He said the house that was here went through demolition years ago and since then it’s just been sitting vacant. He put me in touch with the land trustee who said the property wasn’t for sale. I made an offer anyway. He flat out refused until I offered to triple my offer, then he just laughed at me. Surprisingly, the next day I received a call from him. He said the land unexpectedly was for sale, of course conveniently for the insanely high price I offered him the day before. But it didn’t matter, I wanted it for you … I wanted it for us.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Addy

  Mac gave birth at home to a beautiful baby boy named Brecken. Then Evan handed me an address where Quinn wanted me to meet him. I asked why that address, but he just shrugged his shoulders. A half hour later, I pulled down a private drive with large trees bordering both sides that formed an enchanted archway. The most spectacular view came into sight. A large three-tiered home with clean lines sat atop a small hill with trees on three sides and a beautiful meadow just beyond the drive. Hanging from the covered front porch was a modern-looking teak and brushed aluminum swing. The top tier of the house was covered in solar panels, the middle tier was a beautiful roof-top garden, and the lower tier looked like a private balcony with an outdoor fireplace. All three floors had custom floor to ceiling windows and the graduated landscaping at the front incorporated native grasses, edible flowers, and … lilac bushes.

  Quinn’s Lamborghini was parked in the driveway. When I got out of the car, the flood gates opened. It was so much more emotional than I ever imagined it could be. Like a magnet, I was drawn toward a large oak tree on the edge of the woods. That was when I heard the rustle of footsteps in the brush behind me. Fate, undeniably, was the most powerful force in the universe. Tears continued to trickle down my face as I asked him, “Why here?”

  While I listened to his answer, I thought back to the epiphany I had about letting go. While docked at shore that day I called Edwin Cooper. He was an old family friend and the trustee not only to my parents’ estate, but mine and Malcolm’s as well. He handled everything when I could barely take care of myself. I told him to sell. He laughed and told me that the stars must have been aligned because just the day before he had received a ridiculously over-priced offer on the land.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Quinn

  Addy shook her head and sniffled. Then she walked closer to the tree and slowly lifted her hand to the trunk. I started to close the distance be
tween us but stopped when I saw what she was doing. Her finger was tracing initials carved into the trunk.

  MJT

  AST

  SET

  “Oh my God, Addy,” I whispered. “This is where you––” I couldn’t finish and I didn’t have to.

  She nodded. “Malcolm Joseph Townsend, Adler Sage Townsend, and Sage Elenor Townsend.”

  “Addy I … I didn’t know … about any of it. I didn’t know how the fire started. I didn’t know it was my father’s company. I didn’t know about your son, and I promise you I didn’t know it was here.”

  “I know you didn’t.” She paused for a moment. “It’s amazing though, isn’t it?”

  I couldn’t answer. I was still in shock and I had no idea to what she was referring.

  “It’s amazing how many different roads we can take, but they all lead home.”

  Taking a deep breath, I fought back my own tears as I choked out the words I was so afraid to ask.

  “Are you … are you home?”

  Her body stood motionless as my heart clenched in my chest. In what felt like an eternity, she released a slow, steady breath as if she was letting go of every breath she had taken up until that moment. Then … she nodded.

  The relief nearly brought me to my knees. I stepped forward until there was no more distance between us. I kissed the top of her head then rested my cheek on it.

  “I will love you forever,” I whispered.

  As I wrapped my arms around her, she placed her hands over the top of mine and slid them down to her little … round … belly.

  Leaning her head back on my chest, she whispered with the most heartfelt emotion, “Do you have anything you’d like to ask me?”

  Epilogue

  On that fateful day underneath the large oak tree that symbolized the strength and courage of my journey back home, Quinn fell to one knee and with tears streaming down his beautiful face, he asked me to spend forever with him. Then he kissed my little belly and whispered words of love to our unborn child in Spanish.

  Apparently, while the doctor was doing my exam after the attack, he noticed a slight displacement of my IUD so he removed it. Somehow we both missed that important bit of information. It didn’t matter because Quinn was ecstatic and I was too. In our two years together, and apart, we both experienced love, pain, sorrow, compassion, honesty … but mostly, forgiveness.

  In the weeks that followed, we each shared our letters from Elena, and an ocean of tears. Quinn learned the truth about his father, and with that came the healing and closure he needed. We also made amends with Alexis. When we told her about my past she nearly sobbed. I saw a side to her I hadn’t ever seen before. It was a tenderness that came as much from Lucas as it did from Elena.

  We went to my storage unit and found my firesafe. In it were some of the few precious things that survived the fire, including discs filled with digital photos. Quinn experienced my life in pictures. There were photos of my parents, my graduation from undergraduate school, my wedding photos, and of course, lots and lots of photos of Sage. I shed many tears that day, but never once did I feel guilt or regret for the path my life had taken. They weren’t decisions I’d made, they were uncontrollable circumstances. In other words … life.

  Our house, well … it was beautiful. It was us. The neat modern lines of the design and the sheer size of it were Quinn, but the eco-friendly furnishings with tasteful splashes of warm color were all me. I loved everything about it, but mostly, I loved the new memories we made.

  Two months after Quinn proposed to me under the big oak tree, we were married in the exact same spot, surrounded by close friends and family. He suggested we find a new spot to carve our initials into the tree. I suggested we leave the poor oak tree alone. It had been Malcolm’s idea to carve our initials; I called it tree graffiti. Instead, we planted more trees on our five acre property. One for each soul that left our lives too early.

  We honeymooned on The Sage around the Great Lakes for two weeks. Quinn refused to put his pregnant wife on a plane, and I refused to stay home. We set sail on the first of what would be many compromises in our marriage. We had two weeks of beautiful weather. I was in heaven soaking up the sun and breeze in my little bikini with my baby belly bared to all … all being just Quinn. He was in his own heaven. Nothing about my pregnancy turned him off. He couldn’t get enough of my full belly and plump firm breasts; while I couldn’t get enough of him touching, teasing, and kissing every inch of my engorged and highly sensitive nipples and sex. But nothing compared to the view of his dark eyes gleaming at mine while his lips kissed every inch of my belly. It was pure love and adoration.

  *

  The calendar flipped to November and my belly had reached capacity. I was still doing yoga every day, and when Quinn came home he took us for a walk down our private drive. By the time we reached the house I was exhausted and in need of a foot rub.

  Then, late one night, I felt my contractions start. Quinn put on a calm supportive act, but I could tell he was beside himself with nerves, anxiety, and excitement. I was quite calm; I’d done this before … sort of. Then by five o’clock the next morning I called my doula and midwife. While we waited for them to show up, I seized the opportunity to say something to Quinn that I had wanted to say since I first found out I was pregnant.

  He rubbed my lower back as I sat on an exercise ball circling my hips. “Babe?”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked into Quinn’s. “A life.”

  He knelt down in front of me and rested his forehead on mine. When the first tear escaped, he kissed it away. “I’m truly honored,” he whispered.

  Three hours later we welcomed five pounds, eight ounces Benjamin Lucas Cohen. Then, seven minutes after that, we welcomed five pounds, two ounces Elena Mabel Cohen.

  *

  Quinn was a natural at parenting and completely smitten with his son and daughter. I occasionally tandem nursed Ben and Elena, but most of the time he insisted on holding one while I nursed the other. He wore jeans and no shirt every day so he could be skin to skin with them, cuddled under a warm blanket. I always had the camera nearby to snap candid shots of my big strong man holding our tiny babies to his chest. I’d fallen in love with Quinn all over again.

  On Christmas the twins were six weeks old. Chase arrived at our house Christmas Eve and I nearly had to fight with him and Quinn to get my babies back just to feed them. The rest of the family came over Christmas morning. Brecken, Mac and Evan’s son, was almost seven months old. He was rolling everywhere and full of smiles, giggles, and enthusiastic squeals. Mac was glowing in her role as mother.

  “So when is that husband of yours going to get back to work so we can have some mommy-baby play dates?” she asked just loud enough for Quinn to hear.

  “When they start school,” he piped in carrying Elena toward the rocking chair where I was nursing Ben. “Switch?” he questioned as Elena started to fuss.

  Much to his displeasure, Gwen swooped in and snatched Ben as he handed me Elena. “Sorry, Daddy, you’re going to have to share today.” She smiled as she carried Ben toward the kitchen.

  Quinn shook his head with a fake scowl.

  “See, Quinn, there’s plenty of help. Time for you to get back to your day job,” Mac prodded.

  He grabbed Brecken from her lap and nuzzled his belly until he was in a giggling fit. “Tell your mommy I don’t want to go back to work,” he said in a goofy voice.

  After dinner Alexis and Mitch took Ethan and Ellen home to play with their new gifts. Mac and Evan left with Brecken as well. Chase was in a food coma on the couch while Gwen and Richard held the twins. Quinn helped me clean up in the kitchen.

  “Come here,” he whispered as he clasped my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen toward the stairs.

  “Where are we going?”

  “My babies are sleeping and supervised,” he said with a dev
ilish grin as he led me up the stairs.”

  “You mean my babies are sleeping, right?”

  “No, that’s not what I mean, but we can argue that point later.”

  “There’s no point to argue because I carried them nine mon—”

  Quinn’s lips pressed to mine as he scooped me up in his arms and carried me the rest of the way to our bedroom. He laid me on the bed then began to remove his clothes.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered as I tried to listen for noises downstairs.

  “It’s been over two months since I’ve made love to my beautiful wife. So before we bring up our little prince and princess, who sleep so peacefully between us every night, I’m going to have my way with you, Mrs. Cohen.”

  I pushed down my leggings then pulled off my sweater. “They’ve been asleep for a while, we’ll have to hurry.”

  He slid off my panties as I unfastened my bra. “Baby, it’s been two months,” he said seductively as he crawled between my legs. “As much as I’d love to take my sweet time with you, I’m never gonna last that long.”

  I wrapped my legs around him as he sank into me with a slow, appreciative moan. Then I pressed my palms to his face. Our connected bodies stilled as he rested his forehead to mine. “Eres el amor de mi vida y te amaré por toda la eternidad.” You are the love of my life and I will love you for eternity.

  *

  A serendipitous encounter in the front of my Café brought Quinn into my life. I offered him my body filled with a shattered heart and a wounded soul. He offered me hope. Some people spend their whole lives searching for the unknown or trying to achieve the impossible. Quinn did both in two and a half years. He found a part of me that I never knew existed and he completely mended my broken heart with two beautiful babies and his eternal love.