Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10)

by Crystal Perkins

  With all my love,

  Matt

  * * *

  Almost twelve years ago…

  I can’t be a good girl anymore. I saw things while I was kidnapped. Things I won’t ever be able to un-see. They scared me, and I’m so glad I was rescued before I was forced to do any of them, but now they’re in my brain and I can’t get them out. I was lucky—I know I was. I only had to give up my first kiss. If I hadn’t blurted out that I was planning on going to the convent, they might have done more. For some reason, my revelation stopped what was going to happen. At least temporarily.

  I know without a doubt that more would’ve been taken from me had I been forced to stay there. I won’t let myself ever be that vulnerable again. I can’t. Jane Corrigan said she can help me, that I can go to work for her. I want more, though. I need to be in control of my body, and I was hoping tonight would be my night.

  My mother has other plans for me, though. The dress she bought me may be strapless, and my favorite color, but it still looks like something a little girl would wear. It’s light blue with a little ruffle at the top, and giant ruffles from my thighs to the floor. It’s modern, yes, but definitely not sexy. I’ll wear it because I have to, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t want to look like a stripper, but I wanted to be noticed.

  I manage to convince her to let me wear my hair loose around my shoulders, and keep the jewelry to a minimum. If my dress isn’t sophisticated enough for my liking, I can try and make the rest of my look that way at least.

  As soon as we walk into the ballroom, I see him. I know who he is from the pictures around the house, but they don’t do him justice. He’s got close-shaved hair, which I know is from the military, and I can see the muscles bulging in his arms under his tuxedo jacket. He’s surrounded by girls—and women—in slinky dresses, and he doesn’t seem to mind their attention one bit.

  All of a sudden, as if some magic force has made it happen, his head snaps sideways to look at me. All the breath leaves my body as his beautiful eyes meet mine. I’m captured there in his gaze, until my mother shakes me.

  “Reina, we need to go and see Jane.”

  “Of course, Mama. I was just overwhelmed for a moment.”

  It’s the truth, but not for the reason she thinks. When I look back to Matt, he’s smiling down at a blonde who’s got herself plastered against his side. As if he can sense me again, he looks up. Only this time he’s smirking, and grabbing her ass. I know it’s for me. He’s showing me that I’m not interesting enough to keep his attention. Message received, loud and clear.

  I manage to ignore him as I’m introduced to all of the people at the ball. Jane tells them that my father is a respected doctor, and that I’m going to be working for her at the Corrigan & Co. Foundation while attending college here in Chicago. I smile and make polite conversation, and everything is going well until we’re seated for dinner. For some reason, Jane sat me right next to him.

  I’m already seated when he makes his way over, the blonde still clinging to him like her life depends on it. “Trade seats with me,” she practically demands.

  Before I can answer, Jane does it for me. “If you have a problem with my seating assignments, perhaps you should leave.”

  “Oh no. I don’t, Mrs. Corrigan. Matt and I were just having such a nice time that I wanted to sit with him.” The girl is practically whimpering and her smile is long gone.

  “If Matt is interested in you, I’m sure he’ll find you later.”

  She practically runs from the table, while Matt drops into his seat with a sigh. “Did you have to scare her away, Gram?”

  “Do you really want to be with a woman who I can scare away so easily?”

  “It was just going to be for an hour or two. It’s not like I was going to date her.”

  “Of course not.”

  I’m shocked by the openness of their conversation, and it must show on my face. “You can close your mouth now,” he whispers to me with another one of those smirks.

  “Fuck you,” I hiss back at him.

  He looks me up and down before leaning towards my ear again. “Nah, I’ll pass. Uptight isn’t really my thing.”

  I push my chair back so fast that it almost topples over. I manage to grab it in time, and push it under the table. “I-I’m sorry. I’m not really feeling well all of a sudden. Please excuse me.”

  “I’ll go with you,” my mother says, rising from her chair.

  “No, Mama. You stay. I just need some fresh air. I promise I’m fine.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yes.”

  I don’t look at Matt as I make my way out the patio doors. I’m sure the blonde has already taken my seat. Or maybe not—she looked pretty scared of Jane. If she only knew just how right she is to be scared. I don’t want to think about that now, though. I just want to hide.

  I open the door of the glass gazebo at the edge of the backyard. Over the last week, this has become my haven. I read in here, and I cry when I need to. My parents are upset enough about what happened, and so I try not to cry in front of them. This place is my refuge, until it isn’t.

  It’s only minutes after I’ve curled myself onto a bench with a fuzzy throw over me before the door opens. Matt is silhouetted in the doorway, holding some covered plates with sodas tucked under his arm. “What are you doing here?”

  “Trying to apologize for running you off like that. I don’t know you, and I shouldn’t have insulted you.”

  “Why did you?” I ask as he walks in, and puts the plates on another one of the cushioned benches.

  “I honestly don’t know. I’m usually not that much of an ass. It’s just when you walked in earlier, it was like…like I felt you. I knew you were there, even though we hadn’t met.”

  “I felt it, too.”

  “I fuck girls, Reina—that’s you name right? Reina? It means queen?”

  “Yes, that’s my name, and it does mean queen in Spanish and some other languages. You’re Matt. Your grandmother talks about you and your brother all the time.”

  He nods. “Like I was saying, I fuck girls. I don’t get to know them, and I don’t usually remember their names after. They know the score, so it’s not like I lead them on.”

  “Thanks for the info. What does that have to do with me?”

  He walks over and cups my face with his hand. “I want to remember your name, Reina. Now, and always. I don’t know why, and it scared me inside, but right now I don’t care. I don’t care about anything but kissing you. Can I kiss you?”

  “Yes.”

  His mouth descends on mine, and I feel it all the way to my toes. The rightness of his mouth on mine. This is what my first kiss should’ve been like. It wasn’t, but without that one, I wouldn’t have this one, so right now I don’t let it bother me.

  Matt licks my lips, and I open them for him. We haven’t broken apart yet, and I hope we never do. I arch against him without even realizing I’m doing it, and I feel him smile against my lips. His tongue is driving me crazy, and I think mine might be doing the same to him when he moans into my mouth.

  I don’t protest, or say anything at all, when his free hand moves to the back of my dress and starts to lower my zipper. I vowed to be a bold new Reina, and I want whatever he’s willing to give me of himself tonight. I push his jacket off his shoulders as my dress falls to the floor. He steps back to look at me, and I force myself to remain still and not try to cover myself.

  I have on a sheer blue strapless bra, and matching thong. My mother doesn’t know I put such sexy things on underneath this little girl dress, but I needed to feel like a woman. I didn’t expect anyone to see them, or the thigh high stockings covering most of my legs, but now I’m glad that I chose them when Audrey took me out shopping with her.

  “Holy…wow…I mean, damn Reina. That dress should be charged with a crime for hiding this. Your tits alone should have a shrine built to them. Fuck.”

  “Thank you,” I say. I sho
uld feel more embarrassed, but I don’t.

  I know I have fairly large breasts, round hips, a small waist and long legs. I’ve never liked having attention on me before, but I love the way Matt is looking at me. He looks almost hungry.

  “I know I said you were uptight, but after that kiss, and this body, I need to apologize. I do want to fuck you, Reina. Almost more than I’ve wanted anything in my life.”

  “You’re a little overdressed for that,” I tell him, desperate to see his muscles.

  “So that’s a yes?”

  “It is.” It shouldn’t be, but it is.

  He takes off his clothes in record time, and my eyes widen as more and more of him is exposed. Matt said my chest should have a shrine, but his deserves a temple. My God, he’s a work of art. His pecs are big, and covered in just a little bit of hair. His arms just might make my panties disintegrate, and then there’s his abs. There aren’t supposed to be four sets of ridges—I mean, how is that even possible. When he drops his pants and briefs, I suck in a breath.

  He has leg muscles for days, but it’s what’s between them that has me pressing my own legs together. His…penis…is thick, and wide, and long, really long. I’m not stupid enough to think it won’t fit, because vaginas are made for babies to come out of, but I am a little nervous.

  “You’re beautiful, Matt.”

  “Um, I’m not sure you’re supposed to say that to a guy.”

  “But you are. I mean it. You look like a god.” I probably shouldn’t tell him that, but it’s true.

  “I’m going to fuck you like one, Reina. You can be sure of that. I won’t be satisfied until I have you screaming my name, over and over again.”

  “Yes, please.”

  He’s on me again in less than a second. His hands expertly remove my bra, and he puts a hand in each side of my panties and tears them right off. I let out a squeak, and he smiles. “You like it rough, baby? I’m going to give it to you rough. At least the first time. After that, I’ll worship this nice, wet pussy and make you come on my tongue.”

  “Matt,” I say, realizing I have to tell him.

  “I know. I can feel how wet you are. You’re ready for me, and it’s going to be so good. For both of us,” he tells me, running his fingers through my curls down there.

  I don’t get a chance to speak again as he takes control of my mouth. I’m so lost in his kiss that I barely register the sound of foil tearing, and then there’s pain. More physical pain than I’ve ever experienced in my life. I break my mouth away from his and scream, as tears run down my face.

  Matt’s body freezes while he pulls my face up to look at his. “Oh my God, Reina. You’re a virgin?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? You should’ve told me.”

  He starts to pull away, but I wrap my arms around his back and hold him still. “No, please don’t stop. I mean, be a little slower if you can, but don’t stop. I started to tell you, but you kissed me, and it felt so good. I want this, Matt. I want you.”

  “I can go slow,” he says, wiping the tears off my cheeks. “I can do whatever you need. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, Reina.”

  “You won’t.”

  “How do you know? You’ve just met me. I know Gram talks about me, but she’s supposed to say nice things,” he tells me as he slowly slides in and out of me. The pain is lessening but it’s still there.

  “I can’t explain it, but it just feels like whatever drew us together tonight is bigger than just one night.”

  “It is. I want to see you tomorrow, and the next day. All the days I have here, which aren’t much. I’m going out of the country in two weeks.”

  “Yes. All the days, and then I’ll write to you, and send you cookies. If you want.”

  “I want. God, you don’t know how much I want to have you write to me,” he says, and then he shudders as he buries his head in my hair. “You’ve conquered me, my beautiful queen.”

  * * *

  Reina

  I lived my life for eighteen years in this village, and never knew there was an underground tunnel between the cathedral and the convent. Of course, I was always a good girl back then, destined for said convent. I did everything I was told, and kept my curiosity in check. It’s not that my parents demanded it of me, or even expected it really. They wanted me to be happy, no matter what I did.

  I just always knew that I wanted to give my life to God, and so I set expectations for myself. No lying. No cheating. No kissing boys. And then I was taken, and my first kiss was taken from me. If I had been kept for longer, the rest of it might have been taken from me, too, but it wasn’t. I willingly gave my body to Matt, along with my heart, and I have no one to blame but myself for the damage he’s done since then. The damage I’ve allowed him to do to me.

  “We’re almost there,” Errol says to me. He’s the man I traded my ring to, and he’s been leading me on this underground journey.

  “It’s the door up ahead?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I can go from here.”

  “The ring is too much, Reina.”

  I stop in my tracks and reach for my gun. “How do you know my name?”

  “Relax. My cousins told me about you when I moved here a few years ago. All about the girl who got out after being kidnapped. And even in this small town, we get the world news. Your wedding to Matthew Corrigan was the event of the year.”

  “If you knew who I was, why did you help me?” I ask, my gun still leveled at his face.

  “Because this entire town knows that he’s doing this to the convent to get you back here. He’s starting with the convent, but he’ll eventually come after the rest of us.”

  “So you’re just hoping he catches me. Is this a trap?”

  “I’m sorry, but yes, I do hope he catches you. And no, this isn’t a trap. I won’t be sorry if he gets you, and it saves us, but I won’t hand you to him.”

  “Thank God for small favors.”

  “I hope you find a way to save yourself. I really do.”

  “I’m more concerned with saving everyone else. Thank you for bringing me here. I know it was dangerous for you.”

  “It wasn’t enough for me to keep this ring. It’s too much,” he says, holding it out to me.

  “No. You keep it. Get away from here if you can.”

  “Thank you.”

  I nod and watch him walk away from me. It takes me a moment of lightly banging my head against the wall, and clenching and unclenching my jaw before I’m ready to remove the dress I had covering my real clothes, and take those last few steps to the door. When I do, I find it unlocked. I reach behind to lock it once I’m through, and then I take the stairs two at a time to the top.

  I’m in the chapel, and without even thinking about it, I drop to one knee, and make the sign of the cross as I step in front of the altar. Old habits, and traditions, die hard. I used to go to church from time to time, and pray every night, but living in the gray doesn’t make it easy, and so I stopped. Or at least that’s the reason I tell myself when I feel guilt for letting myself lapse.

  I take one more look around the space, remembering that once I had planned for this to be my home, and then I walk out into the courtyard. I nearly run into a young novice who is making her way down the sidewalk, and have to steady her when she starts to fall.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Who are you?” she asks me, her eyes wide as she takes in my all black clothing and the various weapons I have strapped onto me.

  “I’m someone who’s here to help. Can you take me to Mother please?”

  “You know her?”

  “I do. I was once going to commit my life to this convent,” I tell her with a smile.

  Her eyes grow even bigger, but she motions for me to follow her as I start walking. I hike my bulging messenger bag even higher on my shoulder, and match my pace to hers. Neither one of us speaks, until she reaches a thick wooden door that I once knew quite
well. She reaches up to knock, calling out for Mother Superior.

  “Come in.” When the door opens to reveal me, the old woman inside lets out a cry of distress. “No, Reina. No. You cannot be here. He will take you again. Why did Jane let you come here?”

  I motion to the girl, and Mother dismisses her before gesturing for me to sit down. The girl quickly closes the door, leaving me with the woman I admire more than most in this world.

  “Jane is no longer in charge of the Society. Or I should say, she was no longer in charge. With me gone, she will need to take over again. And I had to come. He’s going to escalate until he gets me, and I won’t let you, or these girls, suffer for me.”

  “He will not breach the walls of this convent. He prides himself on being a “religious” man.”

  “That will only be the case for so long. And I’ve heard that he’s cut your grocery orders in half already.”

  “We have enough food stored in the basement to last us for several months.”

  “You know as well as I do that he won’t stop. He’ll never stop. He considers my escape to be the biggest failure in his life. He will stop at nothing to get me, especially with the added of knowing that I’m now famous.”