A Family Affair

by Nancy Carson

  Do not feel obliged to reply to this note, but if you do, I shall consider it an honour. At least you brought him some happiness where I failed. I am left with those of his personal possessions that have survived. If there is anything of his that you would like as a keepsake, please do not be afraid to ask.

  In the meantime, I remain,

  Yours very sincerely

  Clover Brisco

  She would have offered all her letters back but she did not feel inclined to let Mrs McMichael know she had been nosy enough to read them. In any case, Mrs McMichael would not want evidence of her extra-marital affair with Ned to incriminate her when her husband returned home, even if she was not happy in her marriage. Rather, Clover had another idea of what to do with those letters.

  She went out into the warm sunshine and called Posy who was playing hopscotch in the street with other children. She asked if she was all right. The child answered that she was and, fearing being dragged away to accompany her mother, begged not to be.

  ‘I’m going to see Granny and Granddad Brisco…’

  ‘I don’t care,’ she rigorously pouted. ‘I want to stay here and play.’

  ‘All right. I’ll be half an hour. Be good. You know where I am if you want me.’

  Clover shoved the letters, once more tied up in Ned’s tape, into the pocket of her skirt and made her way to the Briscos’. Rather than walk in without knocking, as she always used to, she tapped on the back door.

  Florrie answered. ‘Oh, it’s you.’

  ‘Can I come in?’ Florrie opened the door wider and stepped aside as Clover entered. ‘The Army sent back Ned’s things and I got them this morning,’ she explained. ‘I think you should have these…’ She handed Florrie the bundle.

  ‘His letters?’

  ‘Letters from his lady friend—’

  ‘Lady friend?’ Florrie snapped sternly.

  ‘Yes, his lady friend. A Mrs Evelina McMichael. She was evidently very fond of him, and he was fond of her as well.’

  ‘I tek it as you’ve read ’em, then?’ Florrie sounded disapproving.

  ‘They actually belong to me, Florrie, as does anything that was Ned’s. He had a leave from duty in May. Evidently he spent it with Mrs McMichael in Hampshire. I just wondered whether he’d told you about her. His last letter to you told you all about me and my affair with Tom Doubleday…I just wondered if he’d said more…Something about her…’

  Florrie hesitated to reply.

  Clover went on. ‘I’m just sorry that he was snatched away from happiness before he had the chance to enjoy it, Florrie. She sounds a very nice lady, despite the fact that she’s married. I’ve already written to her to tell her about Ned’s death, but once you’ve read the letters I daresay you’ll be moved to write to her as well. I suggest you don’t judge her too harshly yet. I think she was as unhappy in her marriage as Ned was in his.’

  Still Florrie said nothing.

  Clover turned to go. ‘Oh – and by the way – I haven’t given you all Mrs McMichael’s letters. I kept one…I’d thought about showing it to Zillah Bache, but then I realised you probably wouldn’t like me to do that in case word got around, especially as I imagine you’ve said nothing to anybody about me and my friendship with Tom Doubleday – well, at least I hope you haven’t…’

  Still there was no response.

  ‘I’d better go now, Florrie. Posy is playing in the street and she’ll fret if I’m away too long. Cheerio.’

  ‘Clover…’

  Clover turned to Florrie.

  ‘Clover…Don’t let’s fall out, eh?…Call and see us…As often as you’ve a mind. You see, we don’t want to lose Posy as well as Ned. That would break our hearts even more…’ Florrie tilted her spectacles up and wiped tears from her eyes. ‘And I’m that sorry about us having words the other day. You can’t imagine how upset I’ve been, what with everything an’ all.’

  ‘I know…’ Clover touched her arm reassuringly, guilty that she too had been unfeeling, too brusque. ‘Don’t worry, Florrie. We shan’t neglect you. There was never any intention to.’

  On the following Wednesday, Tom Doubleday had a visit at his studio from Julian Oakley of the Dudley Herald. Tom was surprised to see him and his first thought was that he wanted to commission him to take some photographs. He greeted his visitor cordially and, with his usual hospitality, asked if he would like a cup of tea.

  ‘No thanks, Tom,’ Julian replied. ‘I’ve got something for you. I just wanted to get rid of it and wend my way back to the office.’ He felt in his briefcase that he’d put on the table and pulled out an envelope that was stuffed with paper. ‘Looks like that loan you made to Ned Brisco has finally been repaid.’

  Tom looked at him in open-mouthed disbelief as he took it from Julian.

  ‘Well, aren’t you going to count it?’

  ‘Did Clover bring it in?’

  Julian shook his head. ‘No, it wasn’t Clover. Unless Clover has turned into a big fat old woman since the last time I saw her. Whoever it was, she made certain I gave her a receipt.’

  ‘Zillah Bache. Clover would’ve sent Zillah with it.’

  ‘Well, aren’t you going to count it? Aren’t you going to make sure I ain’t pinched any? It’s all there, I can assure you. All two hundred pounds.’

  ‘Good God!’ Tom said quietly. ‘I never expected her to…Not the way things are. Not in her straits.’

  ‘Her straits? I thought she was married now – to Ned.’

  Tom explained that Ned had been killed in action.

  ‘Never! I’ll run a piece on him in the Herald. But the poor madam,’ Julian remarked solemnly. ‘You and she had a bit of a fling a few years ago, eh, Tom?’

  Tom nodded.

  ‘Handsome-looking piece, as I recall. I don’t suppose she’s changed that much. You’re a widower now, eh, Tom? Why don’t you pay her a visit? I bet she needs a bit of comforting. She’d appreciate it. You could get back into her good books. Who knows where it might lead? Dammit, I’ve a good mind I’d go myself.’

  Tom sighed. ‘Can you keep a secret, Julian?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Clover and me have been seeing each other for a couple of years now. The day she heard about her husband being killed I upset her by letting her think I didn’t want her.’

  ‘You what? You heartless bastard!’

  Tom shrugged. ‘I know. It all flared up in a minute. I was trying to explain but she wouldn’t give me time. She suddenly left in a huff and I thought, oh, she’ll get out of her mood soon enough. But she hasn’t. I keep waiting for her to come back and say she’s sorry.’

  ‘Bloody hell, Tom. The way I see it, you’re the one who should be apologising. Fancy putting her through that when she’d just had that dreadful news about her husband, whether or not she was still in love with him. She must have been upset to start with, and then you rubbed salt into her wound. You’re a heartless bounder, Tom Doubleday. I would never have thought it.’

  ‘I saw it as her fault…’

  ‘Evidently, she doesn’t. Neither do I. Christ! How could you treat a poor grieving woman so?’

  ‘She wasn’t grieving that much.’

  ‘I expect she needed comforting nonetheless. It would still have come as a shock. And you turned her away.’

  ‘Think I should go and make it up to her?’

  ‘Don’t you think so? Especially now she’s paid off his debt as well.’

  ‘But she never knew it was me who lent the money in the first place.’

  ‘All the more reason to go and see her.’

  Tom grabbed his appointment’s book and flipped it open. ‘I’ll go right now. I’ve got nobody else coming this afternoon.’

  Julian made his exit and Tom packed the large envelope into his hold-all and locked up his studio. When he arrived at Clover’s house in Hill Street he tapped on the door and waited.

  Clover was sitting in the scullery mending one of Posy’s frocks. She was thinking about T
om Doubleday at that very moment. When she heard the tap at the front door she put down her mending and answered it.

  ‘Tom!’ All at once her resolve to be haughty with him vaporised and she found her legs trembling. ‘Won’t you come in?’

  It was the first time he had ever been in her house. It was not like his own. The furniture here was well-worn, shabby. There was a darn in the tablecloth and a hole in the teacloth that hung over the fire grate on the drying-rack. There was no fire, just a few pieces of screwed-up newspaper and some sticks of wood in the fire basket, ready to burn but not alight. The fire grate was black-leaded to perfection, the curtains were fresh and everything was spotlessly clean; but he saw here evidence of financial hardship compared to his own modest but comfortable home.

  ‘What brings you here? I wasn’t expecting you.’

  ‘Well, Clover, I think there are one or two things we need to discuss.’

  ‘Oh? Such as?’ She sounded indifferent, her animosity revealing itself at having been neglected and avoided for too long.

  ‘I think you know.’

  ‘Can I make you a cup of tea or something?’

  ‘Later maybe. First, I want to get one or two things straight.’

  ‘Sit down then.’ Her heart was beating fast and her tongue seemed to fur up with dryness. ‘So what do you want to get straight?’

  ‘You and me.’ He sat down biddably and shifted the hold-all so that it sat on the floor between his legs. ‘I apologise for being so…so unsympathetic the other Saturday. I should’ve realised you were upset having just heard about Ned. I wasn’t much help, was I? I really am very sorry, Clover. I feel very guilty about it.’

  She shrugged, merely pretending to be indifferent now.

  ‘You see,’ he continued, ‘I’ve been in love with you for so long, and too many times we’ve been on the verge of committing ourselves finally to each other, then had it snatched away at the last minute…What I’m trying to say is, although I’ve loved you for so long, because you were married to Ned I never really expected us to be in a position where we could become man and wife. It’s not that I don’t want you, Clover. It’s just that, suddenly faced with the opportunity, it struck me that over these last few years I’d overlooked two important facts that would affect such a circumstance and…’ He shook his head, and she looked into eyes that revealed his sincerity and the struggle within him as he tried to choose the right words. ‘Well, before I say anything more, I need to know how you feel. Otherwise I might be wasting my time explaining.’

  ‘I feel hurt and angry that all of a sudden you should shun me after all we’ve meant to each other,’ she replied vehemently. ‘You turned away from me as if I was just a casual bit on the side and you were safe from having to marry me. But as soon as you realise I’m suddenly marriageable again you run a mile. How am I supposed to feel?’

  ‘But do you still love me?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she answered sullenly.

  ‘You must know, Clover. You just can’t turn love on and off like a tap.’

  ‘You can, apparently.’

  ‘I can’t. Of course I can’t. If I could I would’ve turned off my love for you ages ago, because sometimes it’s just too painful to bear.’

  ‘Says you.’

  ‘Yes, says I. And it’s the truth. I still love you, Clover, with all my heart…Always I’ve wanted to be your husband. Ever since I’ve known you…’ He paused.

  ‘But?’ She could sense there was a but…and this was the crux of the matter.

  ‘But there’s Posy to consider.’

  ‘She’d like nothing better than for us to be married. She’d have a permanent playmate in Daniel.’

  ‘I wasn’t thinking of it from Posy’s point of view, Clover…’

  ‘From whose then? Mine?’

  He shook his head. ‘No…Mine…You see, I’m not sure I could cope with taking on another man’s child.’

  ‘What?’

  At once Clover burst into tears, unable to cope with the unspeakable irony of his unwitting presumption. She could have hit him. She wanted to hit him. She would hit him, damn him. So she punched him on the shoulder as hard as she could and hurt her fist. But this was worth hurting her fist for. She punched him again, incensed that he was such a prize fool, that never in his life had he bothered to count months, that he accepted everything at face value while he winced under the pummelling. Unsuspecting, he had taken on Elijah Tandy’s child as his own. Yet his own flesh and blood he did not recognise. He deserved a good thumping.

  ‘Stop fighting me,’ he earnestly beseeched, trying to defend himself by parrying her punches. ‘Christ, you fight like a man.’ He grabbed her wrists and held them. As she quieted, drained of strength and emotion at his exasperating lack of guile, he looked into her eyes and saw her tears of anguish. ‘I can’t help the way I feel, Clover. I have to be honest with you.’

  ‘It’s time I was honest with you, Tom Doubleday,’ she croaked, her voice hot with fervour. ‘Let go my wrists…Let go my wrists!’’

  ‘Only if you’ll stop thumping me. What d’you think I am, a punchbag?’

  ‘Oh, I could kill you,’ she shrilled. ‘You’re so stupid. You’re such a fool.’

  ‘That much I know. But in what particular this time?’

  ‘Posy is your child, Tom…Oh, you great lump…’ She broke a wrist free and hit him again. ‘Did you never bother to work it out? Did it never occur to you why I didn’t marry Ned until the very last minute? Well, I’ll tell you. It was because I wouldn’t let him sacrifice himself on another man’s child. If the child had been Ned’s, don’t you think it might have suggested I was in love with the poor devil? In which case I would have married him earlier. But you, in your blindness, never thought that deeply about it, did you?’

  Tom looked as if he was in a state of shock.

  ‘And what about me? Did it ever occur to you how I might feel about taking on Daniel? Another woman’s child?’ This would have been the perfect opportunity to enlighten him as to Daniel’s parentage, but still she could not do it. She could not fulfil Ramona’s dying request. It would introduce too much trauma, too much hurt. Both Tom and Daniel would suffer. There had been suffering enough already. As far as she was concerned, the secret died with Ramona.

  He ignored her question. He had not heard it. He was totally preoccupied with what he had just been told. Posy was his own daughter? She was his? Not Ned’s?

  ‘I had no idea, Clover,’ he uttered quietly.

  ‘God, you only have to look at her. She’s the image of you.’

  ‘She’s the image of you, Clover.’

  ‘To you. But not to me. I can see you in her all the time. Look next time and you’ll see it yourself.’

  ‘And there is no doubt about this?’

  She rolled her eyes in impatience. ‘I have never been with anybody but you, Tom. Not even Ned…Not all the time we were married. Not Once. Not ever.’

  ‘You didn’t?’

  ‘Never.’

  ‘But this puts an entirely different slant on things…If she’s my child…’ He broke down, put his hand to his face and his shoulders started shuddering.

  Clover sat beside him and put her arms around his shoulders. She ran her fingers lovingly through his hair while he wept uncontrollably, overcome by emotion for his daughter and all those lost years he had never spent with her.

  ‘Oh, Tom,’ she cooed softly, consolingly, hugging him tight. For some minutes she held him like this, realising what an absolute shock it must be.

  ‘I never realised,’ he blubbered. ‘All that time…You were carrying Posy…at the same time Ramona was carrying Daniel. If only I’d known…Why didn’t you let me know? I would never have married Ramona…’

  ‘I couldn’t let you know, Tom, because I didn’t know myself till after you were married,’ she whispered calmly. ‘Besides, if I’d done that, it would have been just as terrible for Ramona. Better this way, I think.’

&
nbsp; ‘You must have felt terrible. It must have been awful for you…’

  ‘My mother knew,’ she said and stroked his cheek, avoiding his question. ‘There was no fooling Mary Ann. But she couldn’t say anything because of Jake – because he was your father-in-law…Zillah knows as well. But she’s sworn to secrecy.’

  ‘And Ned…Ned was still prepared to marry you, carrying another man’s child?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘God,’ he sniffed. ‘He’s more of a hero than ever I gave him credit for. He’s a better man than me, Clover. I feel so ashamed now at what I said a few minutes ago…at being reticent about taking on Posy.’

  She gave him another hug. ‘Well, at least you know the truth now.’

  ‘Why did you never tell me before?’

  ‘Out of respect for Ned. While he was seen to be Posy’s father there seemed no point in gainsaying it.’

  ‘No, I suppose not.’ He took a handkerchief from his pocket and dried his eyes. ‘I feel such a dope,’ he sniffed. ‘But at least it’s determined one thing.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘That we’d be fools not to get married. Will you marry me, Clover? Say you’ll marry me. We’re a family, for God’s sake. We should be together.’

  She sighed, a profound sigh. ‘That’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. Of course I’ll marry you. After a suitable time. How long do you think is a suitable time?’

  ‘I don’t know, sweetheart. Three months? Two months? A week?’

  She laughed. The first time she’d laughed in ages. ‘As soon as we can. I don’t feel so bad about Ned any more…All his things came back…He had a lady friend, you know…’ She explained, and Tom made some comment about him being a dark horse. ‘At least he didn’t get himself killed deliberately over me, which had crossed my mind. He had something to live for after all.’

  ‘You know, I’m glad for him, Clover – about his lady friend, I mean.’

  ‘So am I…So shall we live at your house in Salop Street? I want to get away from here. There are too many sad memories here.’

  ‘As you wish,’ he said, and kissed her on the lips as if to set a seal on it.