First Instinct

by Suzie O'Connell

  When she dropped to the ground beside him, she was grinning. She turned back to pat Remington’s neck, and said, “You are a truly magnificent beast, Rem.”

  “Now, go on and git… before someone else sees you making a fool of yourself,” Nick told the horse. “Or everyone will think they can ride you.”

  Remington didn’t seem inclined to go, so Nick gave him a shove and smacked him on the shoulder. Grunting, the stallion trotted away a few dozen yards, then turned around and watched them with his ears forward. He took a couple steps toward Nick and Beth.

  “Oh no, you don’t!” Nick called. “Go be a horse.”

  Remington snorted but stayed where he was, flipping his tail around to chase away the flies he’d stirred up. Beth stood silently with Nick, content to watch the stallion and admire the gorgeous September evening.

  “This is the life, isn’t it?” she murmured.

  “It’s certainly the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

  “Me, too. I can’t imagine either of us living anywhere else or doing anything else. This is where we are meant to be—surrounded by mountains with a wide sky above us and all this room to run.”

  “It’s heaven,” Nick agreed.

  He turned toward her and slipped an arm around her shoulders like he had thousands of times throughout their long friendship, but she was more aware of the support and potential in that gesture than she ever had been before. It was so natural, a reminder of times past when there had been no stress and few complications, and Beth leaned into him. Perhaps tonight’s revelations should leave her feeling off balance, but for the first time since that night, she didn’t feel like the ground was tilting beneath her feet. There was a new facet to her relationship with Nick, but their friendship was stronger than ever, and that was something she dearly needed right now. Maybe she’d find the courage to stand up to Trey and his family after all.

  “Next weekend and the weekend after are shot because we’re bringing the herds down from the summer allotments,” Nick said. “But how about you and I take a ride the following weekend? Indulge ourselves in a little horse therapy?”

  “That’d be great.”

  “All right, then. It’s a date. We should probably head in and grab some dessert before it’s all gone.”

  “Yeah, we should.”

  Despite the fact that he’d said he wanted to let things happen as they would, he threaded his fingers with hers. She briefly leaned her head on his shoulder and gripped his hand with both of hers, too mellow and happy to question this sudden shift in her life. For the second time in as many weeks, her life had taken an abrupt and unexpected turn, but this time, she welcomed the change with excitement and believed that the pieces of her life were beginning to come back together.

  Nick held her hand all the way back to his parents’ house.

  Eleven

  After telling Beth he’d see her in a few minutes, Nick headed upstairs to his room. As soon as he crested the stairs and stepped through the doorway into his hall, he saw them—a pair of handcuffs adorned with fuzzy, neon pink feathers hanging from his doorknob.

  “Real cute, Trey,” he muttered, digging his keys out of his pocket.

  Careful to avoid touching the handcuffs—who knew where they’d been—he unlocked and opened his door and dropped his keys and bag on his desk in the living room. Then he grabbed a pen and went back to his door. He stared at the handcuffs with narrowed eyes for a few moments before using the pen to lift them off his doorknob and held them up, unsure what to do with them. His first thought was to throw them in the garbage, but if there was a possibility that he could prove Trey had left them, they might be useful somehow.

  “What the…?” Beth asked, joining him.

  He looked at her. She had changed into her pajamas, and he was momentarily distracted from his quandary because she was completely adorable in those fuzzy, snowman-print pants, tank top and unzipped gray hoodie with her hair plaited into a sloppy braid. When she met his gaze expectantly, he said, “I’m guessing Trey left them.”

  Nick didn’t know how he expected her to react, but rolling her eyes certainly wasn’t it. He stared after her when she promised to return in a moment and disappeared back downstairs. Frowning with equal parts confusion and curiosity, he waited, wondering what sort of picture he made holding the fuzzy pink handcuffs with a pen as if they disgusted him. Well, that was true, but he was certain anyone who happened down the hall would burst out laughing as soon as they saw him. Still, he didn’t move, and Beth returned a few minutes later with a gallon-sized Ziploc baggie.

  “Here,” she said. “Put them in this.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m going to collect evidence that Trey is harassing us. I don’t know if it’ll help… but if we get enough, maybe it will.”

  Nick tried to recall anything else Trey had done that Beth could use, but other than his taunts at the Club Bar a week and a half ago, there was nothing else either of them could prove; it was all verbal without anyone other than Beth or himself as witnesses. Nick had been with Beth most of her waking hours since the rape or in a position to observe any harassment, so he would have seen or heard anything Trey did. Unless he’d done something Thursday night or Friday.

  “What other evidence have you collected?” he asked.

  “He wrote ‘slut’ on my whiteboard Thursday evening,” she replied. “I took a picture of it.”

  Nick’s immediate reaction was one of anger. He clenched his free hand into a fist and nearly hurled the handcuffs across his room, furious that Trey had snuck in while he wasn’t around to shield Beth and pulled something so cowardly. He held his temper in check, closed his eyes and counted to ten before he exhaled. In that time, he realized something else. Beth had acted with remarkable rationality when she’d decided to document it, and that in itself was worth celebrating because it was another step toward taking control.

  “I’m proud of you,” he said, finally dropping the handcuffs in the plastic bag. “And amazed and thrilled you were able to think so clearly about it.”

  “I’m a little amazed myself because it barely bothered me. After everything he’s done….” She shrugged. “There’s not much worse he can do to me, is there?”

  “No.”

  “Honestly, I think I was too worried about you that night to care much about anything else.”

  Nick couldn’t begin to explain why, but her statement made him smile. If some good came out of him sitting in jail with the possibility of facing a longer stay, it was—and would be—worth it. He doubted any judge in the county would actually give him jail time, but the possibility hung over him, and he appreciated anything that reminded him of why he’d decided to shoulder the consequences of that terrible night.

  He took her hand and pulled her into his room, then closed the door after briefly debating leaving it open. If any of the freshman who populated his hall needed him, they could knock. If Trey happened to walk by, he really didn’t want Beth’s ex to glance in and see them sitting on the couch together and watching a movie in their PJs. God only knew what he’d do with that kind of ammunition.

  “What are we watching?” Beth asked. “I’ll put the movie in while you change.”

  “I don’t care. You pick it.”

  “How about Back to the Future?”

  “Sure.”

  He stepped into his bedroom and closed the door to change into his pajamas. It struck him that he didn’t even know if he needed to close the door anymore. He and Beth hadn’t talked about the specifics of their evolving relationship, though she had agreed with him about letting things progress as they would, so he wasn’t sure if he should start thinking of her—and treating her—like his girlfriend instead of his off-limits best friend. Shaking his head and chuckling at this newest predicament, he headed into the living room clad in his flannel pajama pants and a gray T-shirt. At least this dilemma had an element of humor in it and the promise of adventure.

  Beth was sitting on his
couch with her feet tucked under her and was fast-forwarding through the previews. Nick popped some popcorn in his microwave, dumped the contents of the bag in a big bowl, and joined her on the couch. He propped himself against the arm and beckoned her over. She scooted close, and he set the bowl on his leg, then wrapped his arm around her, tucking her into his side. A quiet, welcome peace settled over him, and for the time being, the tension that had been his companion for days on end drifted away.

  “I want to officially ask you out,” he remarked, “so we know where we stand. But I think it’s too soon.”

  “Too soon? We’ve known each other for twenty-one years,” Beth replied with a delightful playfulness. “I hope you don’t plan on waiting another twenty-one years before you finally decide it’s time.”

  He chuckled. “It’s good to hear you so animated and joking again.”

  “Mmm. Yes, it is… but I am serious about not taking too long. All you have to do is ask, and I promise, the answer will be yes.”

  “You know why I think it’s too soon, don’t you? I don’t want to wait until November, but it’d probably be smart to wait until after my trial. I don’t want to give Trey anything else to use against us.”

  “Your trial,” she echoed. The humor had left her voice. “I never, in a million years, would have ever thought someone would be able to say that. It even sounds wrong. It is wrong.”

  “I’m not arguing that. Any of it. But if this is what it takes to make all this go away, so be it.”

  “Do you think Trey will be satisfied with that?”

  “I hope so.”

  “What if he’s not? What if he keeps up this bullshit game?”

  “He can’t keep it up forever, Beth. He’s not smart enough, and he’ll end up doing something else stupid.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “We can only do what we can do, right?”

  She nodded. They lapsed into silence, content for the time being to watch the movie. It was only a little after eight, but Nick yawned. Over the weekend, he’d caught up most of the sleep he’d lost Thursday night, but he admitted that everything was taking a toll on him and draining his energy. He tried to pay attention to the movie even though he’d seen it at least a hundred times, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Promising himself he’d close them just to rest them, he gave in to the heaviness.

  Before he knew it, Beth was getting up to answer the door. He reached for her and begged her to stay, but she smiled over his shoulder and kept walking away. Dread wormed its way into his brain, and he tried to warn her. She opened the door, and her smile disappeared when she saw Trey standing on the other side. Before she could retreat, he grabbed her arm and yanked her out into the dark hallway. Nick pushed off the couch and tripped, crashing to the floor of his living room. His ankles were chained together by the fuzzy pink handcuffs, and he fought to break them. Loose at last, he lunged to his feet and stumbled toward the door. She wasn’t anywhere in the hall.

  “Beth!” he called.

  “Nick!” she screamed in response. “Help me!”

  He followed the sound of her fading screams out into the pitch black night. There were no lights, and squinting into the darkness, he realized he was standing alone in a vast field. Beth’s screams mingled with Trey’s mocking laughter, echoing around him from every direction. Full-on panic set in. He had to get to her… but where was she? One last scream, and then silence. He bellowed in anger and grief, feeling like his heart had been ripped from his chest. It was too late. He couldn’t save her.

  “Nick! Wake up!”

  He jerked out of the nightmare, still firmly in the thrall of that shattering panic and panting for breath. Beth watched him with worried eyes, and he reached for her, certain she was a mirage, but his hand met soft, warm skin, and he pulled her into his arms. He trembled as he held her, reassured when she wrapped her arms tightly around him, digging her fingers into the back of his neck and his ribs. He relished the tangible and very real pressure of her grip.

  “You’re safe,” he breathed. “Thank God you’re safe.”

  “Of course I am. I’m with you.”

  Gradually, his heart rate slowed, and he was able to draw a deep breath. He didn’t loosen his hold on Beth but lifted his eyes and glanced around his room. The light on the end table was still on, and the movie was only half over. Eventually, he tipped his head back and rubbed his hand over his face.

  “Do me a favor,” he murmured. “Let me answer the door tonight.”

  “Why wouldn’t I? It’s your room.”

  “I know that. Just please…. I dreamed you answered a knock on the door… and it was Trey. He took you, and I couldn’t get to you. Scared the hell out of me.”

  “Obviously,” she replied with a quirk of her lips. “But I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere any time soon. In fact….”

  She reached for the remote, which sat on the end table beneath the lamp, and turned the TV off, then stood and held out her hand. He frowned, confused, but took it and rose to his feet. When she started to pull him toward his bedroom, he asked what she was doing. She smiled and shook her head, then turned on the light in his bedroom before turning back to lock the door and click off the light in the living room. He stood in the doorway, watching her, wondering what she was doing. When she tugged at the hem of his T-shirt to pull it over his head, he asked again.

  “I’m going to stay with you tonight,” she replied. “So you’ll know I’m safe.”

  She hugged him tightly for several moments, and he lowered his head to rest his cheek against her neck. The words she whispered made his eyes burn with tears and his chest tighten.

  “Together, we’ll keep the cold and dark at bay, just like we did that night in the shed with Winter. You need sleep, and something tells me this is the only way you’ll get it after that dream.”

  “Beth… are you sure you’ll be comfortable?”

  “I’m sure your bed will be much more comfortable than the couch.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know exactly what you meant.” She met his gaze with gentleness and concern in her blue eyes. “I have always been completely comfortable with you, Nick, and I still am. I trust you.”

  He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at her but said nothing.

  “You don’t mind if I stay, do you?”

  Perhaps he should, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it because she was right. He needed to know she was safe, so he shook his head.

  She turned off the light and tiptoed to him, then gave him a teasing shove to make him move. He scooted back to make room for her. With a contented sigh, she twined her fingers with his and pulled his arm tight around her waist, fitting perfectly against him when he tucked his knees in behind hers. Desire stirred briefly, but he quelled it instantly when he thought back to the terror of his dream and the very real horror of the night Trey had raped her. That she could find comfort in his embrace after that was a miracle and a compliment in the highest degree, and he could barely fathom the level of trust she placed in him.

  “Better?” she asked.

  “Mmm-hmm. Sorry if I scared you.”

  “Don’t apologize, Nick. No apologies between us, remember? Anyhow, you’ve helped me through more than a few nightmares, so it’s my turn to do the same for you.”

  “I wish I could have gotten to you sooner,” he whispered. “I wish I could have stopped Trey before he….”

  He choked on the word. After the nightmare, the emotions and fears of that night were too close to the surface, leaving him raw and exposed.

  “What’s done is done,” Beth replied. “Like you’ve shown me, all we can do is move on. And we are. Together. Let it go for tonight and get some sleep, okay?”

  He pressed a kiss to the soft curve between her neck and shoulder. The fear wrought by the dream faded away until only a blissful contentment remained, and he thought again that everything felt right when Beth was in his arms. As muc
h as he’d enjoyed holding Michelle, she had never given him this exact sense of completeness.

  This time when Nick drifted off, it was to pleasant dreams.

  Beth stared at the box of condoms tied to the antenna of her car for almost a minute before she burst into tears. After the numerous crude gestures, the obscene drawings shoved under her door or Nick’s, and the various slurs Trey had been leaving all week on her whiteboard, which she had taken down this morning, this latest prank was more than she could handle. She fumbled with the shoelaces Trey or whoever had used to tie the box to her antenna, unable to see clearly through the wavering sheen of tears. By the time she succeeded, her ambition to head to the grocery store to restock her mini fridge and cereal stash had waned, and she headed back to her dorm with the condoms in hand. They were going in the cardboard box full of other mementos of Trey’s harassment even though she wanted nothing more than to throw them in the garbage.

  After she dropped the condoms into the box without allowing herself to even glance inside at the other contents, she trudged upstairs to Nick’s room. His door was open, as it often was, and she slipped into his room and perched on the arm of his couch before he even noticed he wasn’t alone.

  “I thought you were going to the store,” he remarked as he continued scribbling notes. After he finished whatever he was working on, he glanced over his shoulder at her. At once, he stood and strode to her side. “You’ve been crying. Why?”

  “Trey or someone tied a box of condoms to the antenna of my car,” she replied.

  “That’s it,” Nick said sharply. “Come on. We’re getting off campus for a little while.”

  “Where are we going to go?”

  “Fishing.”

  “Fishing?”

  “Yep. And we’re going to ask June and Aelissm to join us, and my brothers, too, after football practice, and we’re going to barbecue some hotdogs and burgers and forget about all this crap for a few hours.”