Can You Say Catastrophe?

by Laurie Friedman

  This morning, the only thing my brain was thinking about was what songs I was going to download on my phone. Now, my brain is thinking about so many different things.

  What’s it going to be like between Billy and me now that we’ve kissed? Are we still friends? Are we more than friends? What’s going to happen when we go to camp?

  Should I tell Brynn what happened? I can’t NOT tell Brynn what happened. I tell Brynn everything. And if Billy and I become more than just friends, Brynn will know anyway. But what’s Brynn going to say? She always gets excited about stuff she calls “newsworthy,” but I’m not sure she’s going to be excited about this.

  The thing is … Billy and Brynn and I have always been the Three Musketeers. Will we still be the Three Musketeers, or now will we be the Two Musketeers and a Hershey bar?

  I’m not sure. Right now, the only thing I’m sure about is that there are lots of things I’m not sure about.

  As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal finds herself a little lost.

  —Carrie Bradshaw

  Thursday, May 9, 7:45 A.M.

  Homeroom

  If I had naturally shiny, bouncy hair, this morning would have turned out differently. I set my alarm for 6:30 so I could get up and curl my hair. I needed a good hair day because I didn’t want to see Billy for the first time after he kissed me and have him think he can’t believe he kissed a girl with hair like mine.

  I’m also planning to tell Brynn what happened with Billy.

  I’m nervous to tell her because I’m not sure how she’s going to take it, but Brynn is the person I always talk to when something happens in my life that’s worth talking about. It might sound silly, but I want to be having a good hair day when I tell one of my best friends about kissing my other best friend.

  Anyway, when I went into the bathroom this morning, I couldn’t find my curling iron, so I went into May’s room. Even though she never uses the curling iron, she thinks hiding things I use is hilarious. “May, have you seen my curling iron?” I tried to ask in a sweet voice. Sometimes when I talk nicely, she’ll just give me back my stuff.

  But not today.

  “It must be hiding,” May said, like the curling iron was able to hide on its own.

  “It must be hiding,” said June, the backup choir.

  I knew what was next. May was going to make me play hot or cold if I wanted to find my curling iron. I really wanted it, so I played. I looked under her bed and behind her dresser and inside her pillowcase. She kept saying hot and cold but not in a way that made any sense.

  I kept looking at the clock. It was getting later and later, and my hair wasn’t getting any curlier and it didn’t seem like I was getting any hotter, so I did the only thing I could think of to speed up the process.

  I grabbed May’s hair and yelled, “GIVE ME MY CURLING IRON YOU LITTLE BRAT OR YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!”

  Unfortunately for me, Mom walked by right then, and even though all I’d done was try to get back what belongs to me, I was the one who got in trouble.

  “April Elizabeth Sinclair, what are you doing? That is unacceptable behavior.” Then Mom went on for a long time about how as the oldest sister, it’s my responsibility to treat my younger sisters in a manner that teaches them how to treat other people. Homeroom is way too short to write about all the blah, blah, blah. The only thing I have to say is that my hair looks like crap because Mom went on for so long, I didn’t get my curling iron back in time to use it.

  10:47 A.M., Study Hall

  OK. Not having curly hair is the least of my problems.

  My biggest problem is Billy, who I’ve walked past three times since I got to school, and all three times he’s ignored me. It’s the same thing that happened after the toe-touching, but this time, after the kissing, it’s worse. He’s not talking to me OR looking at me. I don’t get it.

  Maybe no curls is my problem. I bet if I had curls, he’d be talking to me. Now I really have to talk to Brynn. I just looked over at Brynn, three desks away, and mouthed, “I have something HUGE to tell you at lunch.” She nodded like she gets it.

  I don’t even care that it’s fish stick day in the cafeteria. I can’t wait for lunch to get here.

  12:55 P.M., Girls’ bathroom

  Lunch didn’t go as planned.

  I thought Brynn would get that it would be for her ears only when I told her I had something HUGE to tell her. But today Brynn’s mindreading skills were at an all-time low.

  “Start talking!” she said as she dragged Billy over to the table where I was already sitting. It was so obvious to me Billy didn’t want to be there, but it clearly was NOT obvious to Brynn.

  “So … what’s the HUGE thing that happened to you?” Brynn pretended to stick a microphone in front of my mouth. She poked Billy in the ribs. “Breaking news! April Sinclair has something to say. One. Two. Three. And April, you’re on …” She pointed at me like cameras were rolling.

  I couldn’t move. Billy looked like he was going to throw up. Brynn leaned forward like she was enjoying the suspense. I tried to give Brynn a we’ll-talk-later look. Billy gave me a keep-your-mouth-shut look. For three people who always have lots to say to each other, we were strangely silent.

  It was complete awkwardness.

  I had no idea what to do, so I did the only thing I could think of. I shoved a fish stick in my mouth, pretended to choke, and ran to the bathroom, which is where I am now and where I’m going to stay until lunch is over. Or possibly for the rest of my life, because on the way to the bathroom, I passed Matt Parker walking down the hall with a bunch of other eighth graders. He actually waved and said hi to me. Of course, I couldn’t say anything back because my mouth was full of fish sticks.

  5:15 P.M.

  In my room

  The rest of the school day was a disaster.

  Brynn kept asking what it was I was going to tell her.

  Billy kept glaring at me like I better not say anything.

  There was nothing I could do that would make both friends happy. My head was a mess.

  When Ms. Crawford called on me in math, I didn’t even know what page we were on. How could I think about linear equations when my brain was thinking about how Billy was going to feel if I tell Brynn he kissed me and how Brynn is going to feel when I tell her? Brynn can be unpredictable. She’s truth-in-journalism honest when she’s the one asking the questions, but sometimes when I tell her stuff, she gets quiet like she’s thinking something but doesn’t want to say it. Part of me wishes I’d never told her I had something to tell her. But I can’t un-tell it, so I asked Brynn if she wanted to go for ice cream after school and talk. We do our best talking over hot fudge sundaes.

  But today wasn’t one of our best talks. As soon as we got our ice cream and sat down, Brynn told me to start talking. So I just came right out and said it. “Billy kissed me.”

  Telling Brynn made it feel more real than it had before, even when it happened. I waited for her to say something. I wanted her to make one of her newsflash comments like, “Cute couple alert! April Sinclair and Billy Weiss hook up! This is a happy day in Faraway!”

  I hoped she would stick her pretend mic in my mouth and ask for all the juicy details, or even get mad about it. But Brynn didn’t do any of that.

  There were a few “wows” and “tell me mores,” but mostly, she was quiet while I told her exactly what happened in my room with Billy. When I finished, she looked at me and nodded like she heard what I said. Then she ate her ice cream and didn’t say much else. This was definitely one of those times when Brynn was thinking something she didn’t want to say. I just wish I knew what that something was.

  Friday, May 10, 7:53 A.M.

  Homeroom

  Good news and bad news

  Good news first: I know what Brynn is thinking.

  This morning, when I got to my locker, she had left me a note that said, “NEWSFLASH: April Elizabeth Sinclair gets her first kiss by 7th grade c
utie Billy Weiss!” She drew hearts, lips, smiley faces, and X’s and O’s all over it. She signed it, LYLAS. Luv ya like a sister, Brynn.

  I know the note was Brynn’s way of saying she’s cool with what happened.

  She gave me a big hug after I read the note. Brynn really is the sister I wish I had.

  Now the bad news: Billy saw Brynn hug me after I read the note. I know the look he gave me, and it was his way of saying he knows that the note and the hugging meant I told Brynn that he kissed me.

  I also know the look was his way of saying he’s not cool with the fact that I told Brynn. I’ve known Billy since third grade, and I’ve never seen him look mad.

  Until today.

  For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

  —Judy Garland

  Saturday, May 11

  11:30 A.M.

  Billy has not spoken to me since Wednesday.

  Sunday, May 12

  5:43 P.M.

  Billy has still not spoken to me. No calls. No texts. Nothing.

  I went over to Brynn’s house this afternoon to ask her what she thinks about Billy not talking to me just because he kissed me and he knows I told her. Brynn says I had to tell her because I’m her best friend. Then she said that Billy is just “processing” and all he needs is a little time.

  I asked her how much time she thinks he needs. Brynn said she thinks he’ll talk to me at school tomorrow. She said that all the three of us ever do in school is talk, and if Billy doesn’t talk, the only thing left to do will be his schoolwork. I reminded Brynn that Billy likes doing schoolwork. She said I had a point.

  I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

  Monday, May 13

  7:47 P.M.

  Tomorrow, which is now today, brought nothing. The only thing Billy did at school was a lot of schoolwork.

  Tuesday, May l4

  8:56 P.M.

  Today Billy did even more schoolwork.

  8:58 P.M.

  Billy didn’t talk to me today, but Matt Parker did. I was walking by the baseball field on the way back from P.E., and Matt said hi. For once, I wasn’t a total blubbering idiot around him. I just smiled (in a pretty cute way, I think) and said hi back.

  Ugh! I can’t believe I just wrote that. It’s pathetic that I’m proud of myself for just saying hi, but it was kind of an accomplishment given the fact that every other time Matt Parker has even looked in my direction, I’ve said something stupid. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m sure Matt saying hi meant nothing.

  Absolutely nothing.

  Wednesday, May 15

  4:45 P.M.

  I made a decision. If Billy’s not going to talk to me, I’m going to talk to Billy. The only problem is that I’m not sure what to say to him, because I’m not even sure why he’s not talking to me. It could be that he’s mad because I told Brynn he kissed me. But I don’t think that’s the problem, because he wasn’t talking to me before he thought I’d told Brynn. Or it could be he doesn’t know what to say to me. That’s what Brynn thinks it is. She said she read in Seventeen that it’s normal not to know what to say to people after you kiss them. But Billy always knows what to say. It could be that he’s upset he kissed me in the first place. Maybe kissing me was one of those things that falls into the things-you-do-without-thinking-first category. Except that when he kissed me, he said he’d wanted to do it for a long time.

  I’m confused. I’m going to brush my hair, put on lip gloss, and hope I get un-confused.

  4:59 P.M.

  I’m still confused, but at least I have smooth hair, shiny lips, and a plan.

  I’m going to walk Gilligan over to Billy’s house. I’m going to say I was just out walking my dog and happened to pass his house. But while I’m pretending to walk my dog past his house, I’m going to talk to Billy and find out exactly what’s going on.

  10:47 P.M.

  In my room

  My door is locked

  My brain is spinning

  What I’m about to write is CRAZY!

  I never found out what’s going on with Billy. I took Gilligan out for a walk like I’d planned, but then something completely unplanned happened.

  I saw Matt Parker. He was walking his dog too and he was like, “Want to walk our dogs together?” He didn’t even wait for an answer. He just started walking beside me and telling me all this stuff about how the best thing about living in Faraway is that they have a really good baseball team and that it’s a lot better than the team he was on when he lived in California, and how he misses living near the Pacific Ocean because he liked surfing there, and that he used to take all these cool pictures of the beach there, which he said looks totally different from the beaches here.

  One minute, it seemed like Matt Parker hardly knew I was alive, and the next minute, he was telling me all this stuff about himself.

  I wanted to say the right thing back, so I tried to think hard and fast. “The beaches around here are pretty cool,” I said. I thought that still sounded kind of stupid, so I kept talking. “But I’ve never been to California. I bet the beaches there are awesome.”

  Matt smiled. “Want to see some pictures?” he asked.

  And the next thing I knew, I was in Matt Parker’s family room looking at the pictures he took of the beaches in California. I couldn’t even believe it was me, sitting on a couch next to him, looking at pictures on his laptop. We looked for a long time, and then the most unbelievable thing happened.

  Matt put his hand on my leg. At first, I thought maybe it was a mistake. But then he didn’t move it. He looked at me in this way that’s hard to describe, because no one’s ever looked at me like that before. This sounds really weird, but it felt like he was trying to look inside me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. It was like Matt Parker’s brain was talking to mine and telling it I should keep looking at him while he looked at me.

  I’m not sure exactly what happened next. I remember thinking the room felt too warm. I wondered where Matt’s parents were, but the house was quiet. It was just the two of us. After that, everything became a blur.

  Matt put his laptop down. He squeezed my leg. Then he kissed me.

  It wasn’t anything like the way Billy kissed me. It wasn’t soft, like I was a fragile doll. Matt Parker’s lips were pressed against mine, and it was so intense. Part of me felt like I shouldn’t be kissing anyone like that, but part of me liked it.

  Matt put his hands on my waist. My cell phone vibrated in my back pocket. “Ignore it,” mumbled Matt. He kissed me again. I tried to focus on kissing Matt, but my phone vibrated again and it was hard to ignore the buzzing of my phone against my butt.

  In the corner of my brain, I heard Gilligan bark. Matt’s lips were still locked against mine. His hands were tight around my waist. I felt the vibration of my phone again.

  I pulled away and reached into my back pocket. I freaked. Mom had called three times.

  I looked at the time. “My mom is going to kill me!” I told Matt. “I was supposed to be home an hour ago to go to my grandma’s birthday dinner.”

  Matt did this head bob like I’d better go.

  I grabbed Gilligan and raced home. And just like that, my unbelievable moment with Matt Parker ended, and my nightmare with my parents began.

  The minute I walked into the kitchen, Mom said, “April, where have you been?”

  My whole family was sitting there, dressed and ready to go.

  Fortunately, Mom didn’t wait for an answer to her question. She crossed her arms. She didn’t look happy. “April, I told you to be back by 6:00 to go to Gaga’s birthday dinner. What do you have to say for yourself?”

  I tried to pull myself together. I prayed I didn’t look like I’d been kissing my next-door neighbor. “I told you I was going to walk Gilligan,” I reminded Mom. “I just forgot about the time.” Which is true, I did forget about the time.

  But that didn’t seem to be good enough f
or Mom or Dad.

  They went crazy. I couldn’t even take in everything they were yelling about. Responsibility. Attitude. Punctuality. Consideration for others. Answering my phone whenever they call. I was trying to listen, but the only thing my brain could focus on was kissing Matt Parker. All I wanted to do was touch my lips and see what they felt like.

  The yelling went on and on and on. Mom and Dad finally stopped, and we went to the dinner. But honestly, I don’t understand why they were getting so upset. Gaga was celebrating her 79th birthday. After all that time, does starting an hour late make that much difference? And if we were so late, why were Mom and Dad wasting even more time yelling at me?

  11:45 P.M.

  I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about kissing Matt Parker.

  I close my eyes and pretend like I’m still kissing him. I want to be kissing him. I feel like I just drank ten Mocha Frappuccinos. I’m buzzing. I could be a poster girl for Starbucks. I could levitate. When Matt kissed me, it felt like something inside me changed. I think I look different. My fingers look longer, my nail beds look whiter, and my ankles slimmer. When I point my toes, I don’t even feel like they’re mine. My skin is sparkling. Is that possible?!

  It sounds crazy! I sound crazy!

  I keep thinking about Matt. I want to kiss him again.

  Then I think about Brynn. I have to tell Brynn.

  Then I think about Billy. For the first time since this afternoon, when I was going over to his house to find out why he’s not talking to me, I think about Billy.

  I’m just not sure what I think about Billy.

  Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes just be an illusion.

  —Javan, poet

  Thursday, May 16

  Study Hall

  Pretending like everything’s OK

  But it’s NOT

  Telling Brynn what happened with Matt was a BIG mistake.

  I thought maybe it would be another instance when she wouldn’t say what she was thinking, but it wasn’t. After homeroom, I told her what happened with Matt yesterday and she had a whole lot to say.