His conscience twinged, guilt nagged him daily, yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. He wished these secrets did not exist between them, prayed she never learned the truth. He swore to himself there would be no more lies or dishonesty, if only this one fact remained hidden away forever. For she would never understand his reasons for marrying her. She would never forgive him for using her to save his home.
The carriage hit a rut in the road and lurched to one side. Connor glanced at Alexandra. The noonday sun shone upon her pale skin. Dark circles shadowed beneath her eyes, and there was a greenish tint to her lovely skin.
''Are you all right?'' he asked, concern filling his voice.
She rubbed a hand across her forehead. "I'm feeling a little lightheaded."
"Did you eat anything this morning?" he asked, trying to control the horses while assessing Alexandra's condition.
She looked at him, a grimace on her face. "No. I couldn't. Not this morning."
Could it be illness or grief from losing her uncle? "You don't look as if you feel well."
She shook her head. "I think the strain of the last few days is catching up to me." She smiled at him. "And someone is keeping me awake at night, so I'm not getting much sleep."
Connor grinned. "That's not entirely my fault, Mrs. Manning."
"No." She smiled, yet her eyes remained dull, as if in pain. "Maybe I'll lie down and rest this afternoon."
"That's probably a good idea."
He pulled the carriage to a halt in front of Summerwood. People milled about the yard as they awaited the family's return. Aunt Clara had requested a few minutes alone at the graveside and had yet to arrive at the house.
A groom scurried up to the surrey. "I'll unharness the horses for you, sir."
Connor nodded and stepped down, hurrying around to help Alexandra alight from the buggy. He placed his hands on her waist and lifted her out of the buggy to set her on the ground. The feel of her beneath his hands was intoxicating, as if she were made especially for him.
"Thank you," she said, her voice whisperlight. He glanced into her eyes and felt as if he could spend the rest of his life swimming in those pools of green.
"I'll go in and make sure everything is set up," she said.
"Do you need my help?" he asked with concern.
"No. I'll be fine," she said, then ambled toward the house.
She seemed so tired and listless. The last few days had obviously taken their toll on her. He watched as she went through the throng of people, accepting condolences, making her way to the porch steps that led into the house.
Just as she reached the steps, she swayed, her hand stretched out as if grasping for support.
Like a puppet whose strings had snapped, she crumpled to the ground.
"Alexandra!" he cried, pushing people out of the way to reach her.
Two ladies knelt over her fanning her face by the time Connor reached her side. With a crowd of people gathering around them, he leaned down and felt her breath against his face, and a sigh of relief escaped his lungs. He held her wrist, and the steady throb of her pulse let him know she was in no immediate danger.
"Someone find Doc Brown!" he yelled. "He's here somewhere."
Slowly, Alexandra opened her eyes and glanced into his face. For a moment, she stared at him, bewildered. "What happened?"
"You fainted."
"I never faint." She glanced around, disoriented. "Where am I?"
"We're at your aunt's. Remember?"
"I think so." She put her hand to head. "I'm all right, really."
"The hell you are." Lifting her in his arms as if she weighed next to nothing, he strode into the house. His breathing was short and shallow as he raced up the stairs. ''The doctor—is going to take a look at you,'' he managed to say.
"I just need to rest," she whispered against his shirt.
"Don't worry, you're going to get plenty of rest. I'm putting you to bed now," he told her.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're bossy?" she asked with slight irritation.
Connor smiled down into his wife's green eyes. "Suzanne, as a matter of fact. But I don't let that bother me."
He kicked the door to Alexandra's room open. In two long strides, he reached the bed and gently laid his wife down.
"Do you hurt?" he asked, sitting beside her.
"No. I'm just exhausted," she said, her voice faint.
The same doctor who had treated Sydney strode through the door. "Well, my dear, you certainly caused quite a stir downstairs. So what's wrong with you?"
"She fainted, Doc," Connor blurted out, unable to contain himself.
"Now don't get too excited, son. Women are known to have these spells occasionally. Move out of my way and let me see to your wife."
Connor rose from the bed to stand next to the window, his eyes never leaving Alexandra as he watched the doctor.
"I'm just exhausted. There was no need for my husband to send for you," Alexandra protested weakly.
"I'll be the judge of that, young lady," the doctor said as he took out his stethoscope. "How long have the two of you been married now?"
"Almost five months," Connor replied.
"Hmm."
The door opened and Alexandra's father stepped into the room, not bothering to knock. Connor felt a stab of frustration at the intrusion.
"Everyone is talking about Alexandra fainting," the older man said. "What's wrong?"
Doc Brown turned around, an exasperated expression on his face."Why don't you men leave me and my patient for a few moments? I think we need some privacy."
Connor nodded reluctantly before taking his fatherin law by the arm and leading him out into the hall, leaving the doctor and Alexandra alone.
"Is she pregnant?" James asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.
Connor looked at Alexandra's father, stunned.
No concern for his daughter's welfare! Just consideration for his own selfcentered interests. No wonder Alexandra despised her father.
Besides, Alexandra couldn't be in the family way. Until two nights ago they had only been intimate one other night. She couldn't have conceived that first time, could she?
"I doubt it, sir."
"Why else would she be fainting?" her father asked.
"She might be seriously ill," Connor said, exasperated. "Or she could be tired and overwrought. We've been here since the day Sydney took a turn for the worse."
But Connor's thoughts returned to Halsted's suggestion. What if Alexandra were pregnant? Though he wanted a son or daughter in the worst kind of way, they were happy. Even dealing with Uncle Sydney's death, they had found a new sense of closeness, a feeling of harmony between them for the first time in their short marriage. He didn't want anything to interfere right now, not even a child.
A faint trickle of unease shimmied down Connor's spine. He didn't need or want her father to taint what they had only recently achieved. He only wanted James Halsted III to go away and leave them alone.
Five minutes passed, then ten. Finally, Connor couldn't stand it any longer. "I'm going in there, alone."
He strode to the door and entered the room, shutting the portal firmly behind him. Alexandra was lying on the bed, an expression of awe on her face as the doctor talked to her softly.
The doctor turned to look at Connor. "Well, young man, congratulations. You're going to be a father."
Connor felt as if someone had thrown cold water on him. Shock flowed through his body, leaving him numb. Alexandra was expecting a baby. Their baby.
An incredible sense of joy and happiness replaced his shock. He was going to be a father. Have a son or daughter. He felt like shouting for joy and couldn't quite contain the smile that lit up his face.
Rising from the chair he'd pulled up beside Alexandra's bed, Doc Brown grabbed Connor's hand. "This is the best part of being a doctor, telling people good news instead of bad. Near as I can tell, your wife is almost two months along. After everything settles
down, I'll come by to see her in about a month. Until then, she's to take it easy." The doctor turned to face Alexandra. "And no horseback riding, young lady."
"Thanks, Doctor," Alexandra said weakly from the bed. She glanced at Connor, a curious expression on her face.
As the doctor made for the door, Connor hurried to his wife's side, intent on sharing his joy with her. He leaned over and kissed her firmly on the mouth, her lips warm against his.
"You've made me so happy."
Alexandra laughed. ''I never thought this could happen. I'm so surprised. A baby." She looked at him uncertainly. "You're really happy about this?"
"Very."
The doctor had left the bedroom door open and in the background, Connor heard the doctor say, "Congratulations, Mr. Halsted. You're going to be a grandfather."
"Great news, Doctor."
James Halsted rushed into the room, a big smile on his aging face. He glanced at Alexandra before turning his attention on Connor. In two quick strides, he was by the bed.
"You did it, boy. You made quick time in getting her in the family way. I'll write you a bank draft today."
The blood drained from Connor's body.
He felt as if everything was happening in slow motion, when in reality it was mere seconds. In a panic, he realized the old man was going to destroy the happiness they had just found if he didn't get Halsted out of the room now.
Alexandra released Connor's hand and sat up in bed, a puzzled scowl wrinkling her forehead. "What did you say, Father?"
James grabbed Connor's hand and pumped it up and down. "Good job. My first grandchild."
"What is he talking about, Connor? Bank draft?'' Alexandra repeated, her voice rising.
Connor felt his world starting to slip away.
"Come on, James. Alexandra needs to rest." His voice sounded frightened to his own ears. Connor grabbed Alexandra's father by the arm and tried to pull him to the door. If only he could get his fatherinlaw out of the room.
"But we must discuss our plans," the older man protested.
"Not now, James," Connor said, firmly pushing him through the door and shutting it behind him.
Connor stood facing the closed portal, afraid to turn around and look at Alexandra. Damn James! And damn himself for not telling Alexandra about the arrangement with her father. Why had he not been honest with her?
Slowly, he turned toward Alexandra. Connor thought he had never seen such a look of agonized bewilderment on her face. Torture could not have been any more painful to him as she gazed at him, the reality of what he'd done beginning to settle over her features like a cold splash of water.
''You agreed to get me pregnant for money?'' she asked in disbelief.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and realized how demeaning Alexandra's words were. "It's not as bad as it sounds."
She looked at Connor, her face a contortion of pain and anger. "You did. You agreed to get me with child, all for my father's money."
"Not exactly," he assured her, approaching the bed. He tried to pick up her hand, but she yanked it away from him. Her green eyes sparkled with an icy fury, her hands clinched into fists.
"Get out." Her voice was calm. Too calm.
"Alexandra, let me explain," Connor pleaded. "The arrangement had nothing to do with the two of us. I needed the money."
"Get out." Her voice raised just a notch.
Connor ran his hand through his hair, desperation and fear choking him. He took a deep breath. "Alexandra, please, it sounds horrible, but it wasn't meant that way. Give me a chance ..."
"A chance to use me again! Use my body, without regard for my feelings! Get out, now!" Her voice became more highpitched with each word. "Get out!"
In this kind of state, there was no talking rationally to her. He needed to give her some time before they could find a way to overcome this.
"I'm going to let you get some rest now. I'll be back later." He turned to leave, walking slowly to the door.
"Damn you, Connor Manning!"
Something smacked him in the shoulder, jarring him, sending a sting shooting through his muscles.
"Damn you to hell for what you've done!" she yelled. With a heavy heart, Connor yanked the door closed before anything else could come flying through.
God, he had really messed things up this time. Worse, he had no idea how to undo the damage.
***
Alexandra stared at the closed door. Her heart felt as if it had been wrenched from her chest. She wanted to cry, but the tears refused to flow. How could he hurt her like this?
All the dreams of the past few days seemed like dust blowing in the wind. Everything had been a lie.
A nasty lie for her father's money.
Swinging her legs over the side, she sat up in bed and ran her hand over her flat stomach. And now she was expecting a child.
But why would her father pay Connor to get her with child? The only thing he cared for in life was money and his bank.
The bank.
Oh, God, he'd mentioned on more than one occasion that he wanted an heir. She'd always known her father was a cold man, but to barter for a child, her child, was ruthless.
And how could Connor have agreed to such a barbaric arrangement? A child for money. How grotesque!
All the time she was with Gordon, she had never conceived. He'd even accused her of deliberately not wanting his children when just the opposite had been true. Then she had longed for children, hoping they would fill the void in her life that Gordon had never filled.
But how could Connor, the man she loved, agree to such a horrible proposition? Money for their child?
Every time she thought happiness was achievable, it slipped through her fingers like pebbles in a stream and sunk to the bottom, plunging her spirit with it.
Damn her father for meddling in her life. Damn Connor for making her believe she could be happy with him, only to show her he was like all the other cruel, manipulative men she'd known.
A sob escaped her, and she buried her head in her hands, letting the tears flow freely. She cried for the death of her dreams and for the unborn babe she now carried, its future so uncertain. But most of all she cried for the loss of Connor. How could he do this to her? How could he hurt her even more than Gordon had?
At least Gordon had never pretended he loved her. But deep down, she had begun to believe Connor cared for her, had begun to hope they had a chance of making a real marriage. His betrayal hurt most of all.
Alexandra took a deep breath and released the pentup tension, leaving only the heartache behind.
To hell with Connor. To hell with her father.
She didn't have to return to River Bend with Connor and be his wife again. She didn't have to remain by his side, knowing what he had done, pretending nothing was wrong. She had other choices. Choices that didn't include Connor.
Alexandra glanced around her old room. This very room had been her haven since childhood. It would be once again. Connor could return to River Bend without her.
She had felt uneasy about leaving Aunt Clara alone tonight, and now saw no need. She would stay for as long as she could. Long enough to decide where to go from here.
Maybe it was better this way. For her and the child. Better to stick with her original plan of getting her revenge and living her life alone.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she stood, grabbed the servant's cord, and yanked the bell.
Men were despicable creatures. Connor had just proved it. She would stay here, lock herself in her room, and finish her second novel. At least with the publication of The Banker's Perfidy, she could possibly support herself and her unborn child.
Walking to the desk, she pulled out pen and paper. A few moments later, someone knocked on the door, and Alexandra glanced up from the note she was writing.
"Who is it?" she sniffed.
"I'm answering your summons, Mrs. Manning," the servant said through the door.
"Come inside."
She g
lanced at Betsy, a young maid. "I wish you to return to River Bend with my husband and pack all of my belongings. I've decided to stay with Aunt Clara."
The girl gazed at her, expressionless. "Yes, ma'am."
Alexandra folded the note and handed it to the young woman. "Give this to my husb—" She took a deep breath. "To Mr. Manning."
Connor leaned against the wall of the parlor and watched as the guests mingled quietly. He didn't feel like being social. He only felt a numb sense of shock.
Why had it happened this way? Why had her fattier blurted out the damaging words in front of Alexandra? Why couldn't her father just keep his mouth shut?
Maybe by tonight she'd be willing to listen. Maybe by tonight, he could explain why he'd felt it necessary to take her father's money.
No. He was fooling himself if he thought Alexandra would forgive him so easily. It had taken weeks for her to get over his bet with William. This would take even longer.
"Mr. Manning?" a young maid said, approaching him.
"Yes?"
"I have a note from your wife."
Connor took the note from the young girl and tore open the seal. His eyes quickly scanned the document.
Mr. Manning:
Betsy will accompany you back to River Bend, where she will pack my belongings. I will not be returning to River Bend. Don't try to see me or change my mind.
Stunned, Connor sagged his shoulders, despair overpowering him. This was worse than he thought. He hadn't considered life without Alexandra.
With a calmness he didn't feel, Connor shoved the note into his pocket and glanced at the waiting young girl. "I'll meet you at the carriage in five minutes."
"Yes, sir." She hurried off.
Putting his hands in his pocket, he touched the crumpled note with his numb fingers. His heart felt in much the same condition. He was going home. Alone.
Fear trickled down his spine. Surely it wouldn't be forever. Would it?
Connor straightened his shoulders and held his head high. This was only a temporary setback. After several days to sort her thoughts out, she would return to River Bend. Several days and she would realize her mistake. Realize they belonged together, forever.
***
The next day, Alexandra remained closeted in her room. No one had asked any questions regarding her remaining at Summerwood while Connor had returned home. Betsy had fetched her belongings from River Bend, yet even with her few possessions around her, Alexandra felt lost.
A Scarlet Bride Page 24
