Samurai Zombie Hunter

by Cristian YoungMiller

  Lilly got up as Van approached. He pulled her close with one hand and kissed her on the cheek. He was mildly surprised she’d let him do it; he hoped that allowance represented a thawing of the ice.

  “Have you been here long?” Van asked while sitting.

  “No, just a minute ago. And it’s a good thing too, otherwise I would have missed the show.”

  “What show?”

  “You walking in. Do you realize that everyone in this room is staring at you right now?”

  Van looked around and found everyone else casually eating dinner. “Everyone?” Van looked back at Lilly for her usual devilish smile. He didn’t find it. Van wondered if she was seeing something that he couldn’t. “Maybe they’re all looking at you. Maybe they’re all thinking about how lucky I am to be with you.”

  Lilly had not expected that response. It made her feel warm inside and she couldn’t help it when she giggled.

  There was something different about Lilly tonight. After her abrupt departure at lunch he’d wondered if he would ever see her again. Now there seemed to be a looseness about her that was undeniable.

  “Are you feeling any better from the other day?” Van inquired.

  “Much, thanks. I think it was just that you took my breath away so much that I couldn’t stand to be around you anymore,” she retorted, returning to her playful smile.

  “Well, let’s hope that that doesn’t happen again,” Van offered.

  “Or, let’s hope that it does with my legs wrapped tightly around your waist,” Lilly said with a smile.

  Van felt a rush of anxiety overtake him. “Here’s hoping,” Van replied with a misleading smile.

  “Excuse me, Mr. Leeds,” a young voice said, grabbing Van’s attention.

  Van turned to the 13-year-old boy who had approached the table.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but can I get your autograph?”

  Van was surprised by the question. He looked over at Lilly in surprise.

  Lilly, who wasn’t entirely surprised, gestured to the boy to not be shy.

  “Who should I make it out to?” Van asked, looking back at a table of staring parents.

  “You can make it out to Michael.”

  Van took the pen that Michael offered, scribbled out a small note on the boy’s paper napkin and handed both back to the boy.

  “Thank you, sir,” the boy said before jogging back to his parents.

  “You just made that boy’s night,” Lilly said, impressed.

  “I not sure how much I like this,” Van responded in moment of honesty.

  “Oh please, you’re eating it up.”

  “No. I’m not. Think about this. These people are admiring me because I go into the street at night to murder other people.”

  “No, they admire you because you’re saving them from a fate worse than death,” Lilly corrected.

  “You think being a zombie is worse than death?” Van was looking for the future of their relationship in her reply.

  “I do,” Lilly said without any further explanation.

  “Oh, thank you,” Van said as he was handed a menu.

  He let the silence draw out as he decided what to order. He couldn’t help but think that there wasn’t much further their relationship could go if Lilly considered who he was to be something worse than death. Van didn’t know what else to say.

  The two sat in silence until the waiter returned. Both ordered and were summarily stripped of the large menus that had shielded them from each other.

  “So you really think that being a zombie is worse than death?” Van finally asked.

  “Yeah. It’s like you said, being a zombie is knowing that one day you’re gonna turn into the undead, after which all you can do is mindlessly wonder the gutters and swamps until someone like you mercifully puts you out of your misery. How could that not be worse than death?”

  Van stared at Lilly. She had a point. “So now you think that my being a zombie hunter is good?”

  “I think there are times when it’s not that bad” she said. There was definite sadness in her eyes.

  Van looked at his date curiously. “Do you know what’s going on with me right now? Do you know why everyone knows who I am?”

  “Because you’re a famous zombie hunter,” she playfully mocked.

  “Well, kind of. You really don’t watch TV do you?”

  “I really don’t,” she laughed.

  “Do you know what the Coalition for the Rights of Ascended Humans is?”

  “It’s that anti-zombie group, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. They approached me to be the head of their new military division. I never answered but my partner did. Everyone here knows me because Robert Tailgate announced me as the savior of the world.”

  “Wow. That’s amazing.” Lilly said realizing she could never share her zombie status with Van.

  “But that’s not all. Up until a few months ago, my business partner and I had another best friend. He showed up after being AWOL for months announcing to the world that he is infected and is now the face of zombie rights. I met with him and he tells me he’s found a way to curb zombie cravings and lessen their effects. And this man who was my closest friend asked me to stop hunting zombies, or else a war will begin.”

  Lilly paid no attention to the last thought. “What did your friend discover? I mean, how was he able to decrease his cravings?”

  “It was with dieting and supplements and stuff. But the point is that, now, I’m stuck between the two. Today my partner told me I had to attend a meeting with C.R.A.H. or bad things would happen.”

  “What did you do?” Lilly asked, concerned.

  “I came here to instead be with you,” Van confessed.

  “Me?”

  “When I’m with you I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like the entire weight of the world isn’t resting on my shoulders.”

  “The fate of the world is resting on your shoulders.”

  Van felt his body tense.

  “But I think that’s ok, because you look like you have strong shoulders.”

  He relaxed instantly and stared into Lilly’s soft, vulnerable eyes. He wished he could tell her more, tell her he was a zombie. But she had made clear her feelings on the topic, and he didn’t want her to think of him as something was worse than death. “I’m starting to need you,” he volunteered instead.

  “Why me?” Lilly asked starting to be seduced by the moment.

  “Because you make me feel like I can breathe.”

  Lilly felt a rush through her body. She looked for the closest part of him and, finding it, placed her hand on top of his.

  It was as if the fire that burned below the surface of his skin was suddenly extinguished. In its place was a syrupy feeling he had never felt before. Van never wanted this feeling to end.

  But it did end when he caught a glimpse of someone familiar in the corner of his eye. It was Kofi. Feeling the change of mood Lilly removed her hand and Van felt the fire come back.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Kofi asked from across the room.

  “How the fuck did you find me?” Van asked the angry Greek who now stood next to the table.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re a fuckin’ celebrity. Four people in this restaurant are Twitter stalking you right now. They’re probably writing down everything I say as I say it.”

  Van looked around and saw no one with their phone out.

  “Why weren’t you at the fuckin’ meeting?” Kofi was starting to make a scene.

  “I had other things I had to do,” Van said defensively.

  “And this is the other thing that you had to do? Just fuck her and get over it!”

  Van felt the urge to kill swell up in him. “Watch your fuckin’ mouth!” Van growled.

  Kofi looked into Van’s eyes and the fury looking back told him that he had crossed a line.

  “Oh is this your girlfriend now?” Kofi turned to Lilly. “I apologize for offending you but, if you don’t
want your boyfriend to end up in a fuckin’ ditch, I suggest you tell him to come with me right now.”

  Lilly looked at Van, concerned.

  “Which part of watch your fuckin’ mouth did you not hear?” Van said getting ready to spring at him.

  “Is this about the meeting you skipped?” Lilly asked getting concerned.

  Kofi turned to Van, surprised. “You told her about the fuckin’ meeting.”

  “If it’s serious,” Lilly acknowledged, “we can do this another time.”

  “See, she doesn’t mind if you go. Now can you please get your fuckin’ ass up and come with me?”

  Van stared at Kofi, waiting for his anger to subside. Once it stopped cresting the breakers, he turned to Lilly. “I chose where I wanna be. And I wanna be here with you.”

  Lilly looked at Van with worry and gratitude. She then turned to Kofi. “Can you give us a second?”

  “Van, we don’t have time for this!” Kofi barked.

  “Listen. Know when someone is trying to help you,” Lilly countered.

  Kofi turned to Lilly, gave her a quick scan and then walked away.

  “Is he right? Can you end up in a ditch because you’re here with me?” Lilly asked worried.

  “I don’t know. They’re dangerous people.”

  “And you like living dangerously,” Lilly continued.

  “What I like is sitting here with you. I didn’t ask for any this to happen to me. I didn’t ask for everyone here to know me. I didn’t even ask to become a zombie hunter. The only thing that I did ask for is you to be here with me. That’s the only thing happening to me that I wanted.”

  She stared. “Donavan Leeds, you are nothing at all like I expected. I was expecting some obnoxious player asshole, but you keep surprising me.” She searched his eyes for other hints to who was seated in front of her.

  “I keep surprising myself,” was Van’s straight-faced response.

  “Like that,” Lilly pointed out looking for more that didn’t follow. “Van, I don’t know what you’re going through. Your life seems so complex. But what I do know is that I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt. Go with your friend. And the next time we go out, let’s make it fast food so we’re sure that we can get through the whole thing.” Lilly paused and leaned in. Her voice lowered. “And make it somewhere closer to your home. I wanna see more of you, preferably from the waist down.”

  Lilly lingered, waiting for Van to lean in. He did. They kissed. Van shivered.

  Van stood up, took two hundred-dollar bills out of his pocket and tucked them under the sugar caddy.

  “Please stay,” he said. “I will call you soon.”

  “Oh, I will answer.” This was the shortest excellent date Lilly had ever been on.

  He then scanned the room for Kofi and met him. Van went for the door but Kofi grabbed him and turned him around.

  “No, the cameras are out there.” He led Van into the kitchen. The chefs barely paid them attention and it only took a second for them to exit into the alley and hop into Kofi’s car.

  The two drove in silence. Every so often, Kofi looked back to see if they were being followed. They were not.

  Van was awash in too many emotions to speak. The kiss from Lilly had left him aware that she wanted much more. But he hadn’t made love to anyone since finding out that he was a horrible in bed. He was also sure that he was starting to love this woman, but the one thing that she had said to him was “Don’t be quick.” Van didn’t know if he could help being quick.

  Plus, she had requested that he stop hunting zombies, yet she sent him off with Kofi knowing that he could hunt somebody. And, finally, for the first time he was starting to feel closeness with a woman. It made him want to have her climb inside of him and sleep. But it tore him apart that what she would find inside was a zombie monster that threatened her survival constantly. Van was lost.

  As Kofi took the last turns, the destination became familiar. Kofi parked the car across the Pacific Coast Highway from a home that he had visited many times before. The home belonged to Aaron Craft. And living above the garage was Kieran.

  “What are we doing here?” Van demanded.

  “We have an assignment,” Kofi said, coldly.

  “From who?” Van asked as Kofi averted his eyes.

  “Guess.”

  “Tailgate wants us to kill Kieran?”

  “Eliminate him now before he becomes too big to kill.”

  “We’re not killing Kieran,” Van protested.

  “Maybe if you showed up for the meeting you could have told him that,” Kofi argued, feeling his own anger building.

  “Does he know that he’s our friend?”

  “You wanna tell the head of the worldwide organization devoted to the destruction of zombies that the face of zombie rights is your best friend? You want to see what he does to you then? I think you fail to realize how dangerous this man is. One of the three of us is gonna die. And personally, I prefer that it wasn’t someone in this car. So…”

  After a moment Kofi popped the trunk and got out of the car.

  Van followed Kofi. “What are you doing?” Kofi pulled his sword out of his trunk.

  “What are you gonna do with that?” Van challenged.

  Kofi looked squarely at him. “I’m gonna do what one of us has to do.”

  “No you’re not,” Van insisted.

  “Look, it’s gonna be one of us. He’s a fuckin’ zombie. It’s better it were him than you or me.”

  “Give me the sword,” Van demanded.

  “What are you gonna do with it?” Kofi asked, suspiciously.

  “Just give me the fuckin’ sword.”

  Kofi looked into Van’s eyes and didn’t like what he saw. “Do you know that Robert keeps a database of zombies throughout the country? Did you know that?”

  Van paused.

  “There are names in there that you would never believe. It’s like they have spies in the fuckin’ ground, or satellites that could fuckin’ see in your bathroom when you’re takin’ a shit. You don’t wanna mess with them, Van. You really would end up in a ditch.”

  “Kofi, give me the sword,” Van requested calmly.

  Kofi still didn’t like what he saw. “Is it the fuckin’ bitch? Is that what’s shittin’ on your brain? She’s just a fuckin’ bitch, Van. You know how many of them there are? Did she convince you to turn fuckin’ coat on me like this?”

  “You’re a fuckin’ hack, Kofi. Now give me the fuckin’ sword!” Van yelled.

  Kofi looked at Van again. He was right - Kofi’s first kill in the riverbed still weighed on his mind. At night he would sometimes relive the feeling of the sword as it hacked into the zombie woman’s face and she screamed in pain.

  Kofi looked down at the blade and examined it. He flipped it onto its side and rubbed his hand over the Japanese characters. “To thine enemies be true. Isn’t that what it says?”

  “Yeah, that’s what it says,” Van replied in a relaxed tone.

  Knowing that there was nothing else he could do, Kofi took the sword by the blade, rested the metal on his arm, and offered the handle to Van.

  Van slowly reached up and took the sword. He bounced the weight of the steel in his hand. It felt just like his. He then turned it and pointed the blade at Kofi’s throat.

  “Now give me your keys,” he commanded.

  “What are you doing?” Kofi asked, backing off.

  “Give me your fuckin’ keys or I will cut your throat right here and now,” Van said, feeling anger build.

  Kofi reached into his pocket and tossed Van the car keys.

  Van caught them, walked around to the driver’s seat and got in.

  “Van, you can’t do this. This isn’t gonna stop anything. They want Kieran dead. Kieran’s gonna end up dead.”

  “But not by my hand.” Van started the car.

  “All you’re doing is making sure you end up dead too.”

  “You can pick up your car on Hollywood Boulevard.
The keys will be under the car.”

  Van pulled off, leaving Kofi on the side of the road.

  “Don’t do this, man. You’re just killing us all!” Kofi yelled with Van too far to hear. “Shit!”

  Kofi pulled out his phone and made a call. “He didn’t do it. But there’s one more thing we can do. He has a weakness.”

  *****

  Chapter 14

  Someone Must Die

  Van scheduled his next date with Lilly as soon as he could. She had suggested the weekend so that she wouldn’t be constrained by work. She did ask about the meeting with Kofi, but when Van dodged the question, she thought it best to drop the topic.