Born Again

by Heidi Lowe

We were spooning, still naked, me as the small spoon. She’d been unwilling to let me out of her embrace, which I was thankful for.

  “We’d never met her before, but they said she was our aunt. To this day I still don’t know which side of the family she was from. We were just grateful to her for taking us in, not letting the state separate us and put us in foster care.”

  She breathed in my scent, her nose burrowed into my hair. “What was she like?”

  “Distant,” was the only way I knew how to describe her. “She gave us food, and that was pretty much it. Never spoke to us. Barely even acknowledged us. I don’t think she liked people much.”

  She squeezed me tighter, as though trying to make up for the affection she knew I’d never received, not from my parents, nor from the aunt who’d taken us in.

  “I know I’m a mess. I know that’s what you’re probably thinking,” I said after some time.

  “That’s not what I’m thinking at all.” She kissed the nape of my neck as proof she wasn’t about to split from all my crazy. “Stop downing yourself. We all have our pain.”

  I waited for her to tell me about hers, to talk about the baby, perhaps. But she didn’t. Another time. We had plenty of time for that.

  I twisted around to face her. We were lying on our side, staring at each other now. I said what had been in my heart for five months. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met in Mario’s.”

  She didn’t seem surprised. She smiled, kissed me, then mounted me. Our sexes colliding again. This time it wouldn’t be sexual. We kissed and kissed.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  “For work, for Britney, for everything. I shouldn’t have started things with her. I thought I was discouraging you—”

  “But you made me want you even more,” I finished for her.

  She looked distressed. I was afraid she would do what she’d done in our previous encounters, turn nasty with regret and dismiss me. That would have been unbearable. My heart was open, in her hands; fragile.

  “Relationships between senior staff and their employees are forbidden. Ever since one of the seniors had something with his assistant a few years back.” She closed her eyes, like she was in pain. “It would be bad for both of us if they found out.”

  Just then, we heard tapping at the door. We froze, didn’t even breathe for fear of being heard.

  “Dakota, it’s me, Saeed. I just wanted to check if you’re okay.”

  I mouthed “fuck” to Naomi, who was still on top of me.

  “Dakota?” More knocking, more fervent, panicked.

  “Uh, I’m fine, Saeed. I’m just... I’m just resting. Sorry to worry you,” I called out.

  “Are you sure? Naomi said she would come and check in on you. Did she come?”

  “Uh, yeah, she came.” I looked at Naomi, who was smiling. “She definitely came.” She had to slap a hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing.

  “All right,” he said with uncertainty. “If you’re sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  We chuckled quietly a few seconds later, once we were sure he was gone.

  “I came all over you,” she whispered against my lips, before snaking her tongue into my mouth.

  My stomach started growling while we were curled up together, reminding me that I’d split before my meal arrived.

  “Oh God,” I said, embarrassed.

  She laughed, pressed her lips to my back. “Someone’s hungry.”

  I grabbed her wrist, peeked at her watch. One in the morning. We’d been in bed close to five hours, she’d given me three vagina-destroying orgasms. How I’d managed to survive through all of that on an empty stomach was a miracle.

  “D’you think they’ll serve room service at this time?”

  “Probably. Twenty-four hours, I’d guess. But...” She twisted my head so I was facing her, then she gave me a long kiss. “I have to go.”

  “What? No,” I protested. Five hours didn’t nearly make up for five months of pining for her. Now that I had her here I didn’t want her to leave.

  She pressed a finger to my lips to silence me. “We need to be careful, especially here. I can’t risk anyone seeing me leave your room.”

  I wanted to challenge her, demand that she stay so we could watch the sun rise in each other’s arms. That would have been magical. But I knew she was right.

  I didn’t feel at all pervy watching her get dressed. There were several red blotches — hickeys — I’d placed liberally on her body. I lay back, contented smile on my face, admiring my work.

  She caught me smiling, and returned it. “You never did tell me how the calzone was.”

  “Would you believe me if I told you I was so enamored with you that I barely tasted it that day?”

  She laughed. “You really had it bad, huh?”

  I clutched at my heart, like I was in agony. She chuckled, crawled across the bed, brushed her lips over mine before kissing me.

  “Wanna know something? I was going to ask you out that day... before I realized who you were.”

  This knocked me for six. So the attraction had been mutual. Love at first sight for her, too? I wanted to know more, but she got up to leave.

  “Enjoy your dinner. See you in the morning.” She blew me a kiss, which I caught before collapsing onto my pillow, beaming dreamily up at the ceiling.

  It took ten minutes for me to break out of my hypnosis, pull on my clothes, and order room service. Fries and a steak — the perfect meal to end a marathon of love-making.

  I checked my phone to see who’d been messaging me while I was in the throes of passion. Two messages, both from Brit. My stomach lurched, suddenly overcome with guilt. The first, asking me how the skiing was going. The second, expressing concern that Naomi still hadn’t messaged her back and wasn’t answering her phone. I couldn’t really enjoy my meal once it arrived. It was the flavor of betrayal and didn’t go down well. Even the lemon drizzle cake tasted bitter. I knew it was all in my head.

  My best friend and I were in love with the same woman. A worse irony didn’t exist. Two supposedly straight women who’d never even fallen for the same guy were now head over heels for the same woman. Cruel, cruel world. Someone would inevitably get hurt.

  She wasn’t at breakfast, and I didn’t know which room she was in to go look for her.

  Saeed was already at a two-seater with his breakfast of fresh fruit and toast when I entered the relatively empty dining hall.

  “Hey,” he said when I joined him. It was self serve, so I loaded my plate with fried everything, cholesterol be damned. He regarded me longer than usual. “Did you sleep all right?”

  “Good, actually.”

  His silence was heavy. He wanted to ask what had prompted my outburst. I saved him the trouble.

  “I hate bullies,” I started, as I spread butter on my toast, thick and fattening. “When I saw that guy attacking his daughter, I just lost it.”

  He nodded understandingly. Then smiled, “You were a beast last night! I thought I was watching MMA live.”

  I groaned with shame, but laughed. “Let’s never speak of this again. Please.”

  He motioned as though zipping his lips. “What happens in Crystal Mountain stays in Crystal Mountain.”

  We ate in silence for a minute, before he inevitably brought it up again. “What did The Glacier Queen say to you? Bet she was pissed.”

  I considered my answer carefully. The idea was to not make her actions seem suspicious. “Oh, yeah, I just got a slap on the wrist for making the company look bad and all that.”

  He gave me an incredulous look. “Really. Just that? I totally thought she would lose her shit. That woman hates being embarrassed in public.”

  I shrugged. “I guess she was sympathetic.”

  He shrugged too, then changed the subject. “Is there any point asking if you’re hitting the slopes again today before we set off?”

  “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.�
� I bit into my toast. “Gonna go swimming instead.”

  He laughed. “You can swim any time. Well, check-out’s at two, so be ready by then.”

  I’d only been back in my room five minutes when someone knocked on my door. I thought it was Saeed, trying to convince me to go to the slopes again. But I beamed when I opened it and saw Naomi standing there in her padded ski jacket.

  “Hi,” I said, letting her in.

  The door had barely closed before she had me against the nearest wall, her tongue down my throat. I held her by the waist, she pressed her hands to the wall, flanking my head.

  “Just saying good morning,” she said, once she’d freed my mouth from her restraint.

  “Interesting way to say it.” I stole another kiss. “You weren’t at breakfast.”

  “Wasn’t hungry. — Do you want to drive back with me this afternoon?”

  Heck yeah I did! Nothing would have made me happier.

  “What should I say to Saeed?” I giggled, feeling giddy and naughty.

  “Make something up.” She gave me one final kiss, said she had to catch the coach to the slopes, then slipped out.

  “Someone’s picking you up?” Saeed questioned, incredulous, ten minutes to two. We were in the lobby with our bags, waiting in line at the reception desk to hand in our keycards. I looked over at Naomi, who was sitting in one of the leather armchairs, having already checked out, her designer luggage by her seat.

  “Yeah. Er, Colin’s coming. We’re gonna have lunch here and then head back.” The lie made no sense, and I doubted if he would have believed the truth, but I said it anyway.

  “He’s driving all the way up here just to get you?”

  “And have lunch. He wants to see the place.”

  He frowned deep, then shook his head. “Cool. Bit peeved that I’m driving back alone, but you gotta do what you gotta do.”

  I said goodbye to my other coworkers, settled into one of the leather armchairs farthest from Naomi. Our eyes met briefly, and a faint smile crept to her lips. I couldn’t wait to kiss them again.

  It took half an hour before everyone we knew left. She got up, and I waited a few seconds before following her out to the parking lot. We exchanged no words as we loaded our bags into the trunk of her Lexus. We said nothing still as we strapped ourselves in and set off.

  She stopped the car on the side of the road, reached across and, as though desperate, drew me into a long, passionate kiss.

  “Do you think they suspected anything?” she said, her forehead pressed to mine, her hands on my face.

  “They never would. I’m a good Christian girl, remember?”

  She let out a filthy laugh. “That’s not what you were saying last night...”

  She started the ignition again, and just as she did, the sky became overcast.

  “Looks like there’s a storm coming,” I said, gazing out at the angry gray sky.

  That was never a good sign.

  FIFTEEN

  Naomi giggled as I stole one final kiss from her. At least, I promised it would be the last, but it never was. Every time I started to leave the car, I’d be compelled to kiss her again. She had officially become my addiction.

  She’d parked up the block from my apartment in case Brit saw us from the window.

  “It’s only until tomorrow,” she said, once our lips parted. She clutched my hand, squeezed it.

  “But I won’t be able to kiss you like this, or at all,” I whined. That was the agreement, we kept it in our pants at work, didn’t do anything to cause suspicion. No touching, no quick, stealthy kisses. We would essentially go back to being what we had been all along, on the surface. I wasn’t sure how I’d fare.

  “Well you’ll just have to have dinner with me next week. How’s Tuesday evening?”

  Any day she suggested would have been perfect. I would have dropped everything for her.

  I gave her a parting kiss, which I purposely drew out and savored, loving the taste and feel of her tongue against mine. Then I dragged myself away from her. She popped the trunk so I could remove my bag. I waved goodbye and watched her car speed off.

  Blissful. My mood could not be hampered, not even if I had to walk two minutes to my apartment with a bag that seemed to be heavier now than when I’d left. None of that mattered now. I was on cloud nine.

  Brit was vacuuming when I let myself in, and I knew instantly that something was wrong. Brit almost never vacuumed, unless she needed a distraction from something grave. She was the messiest person I knew, unapologetically untidy.

  She switched off the vacuum cleaner when she noticed me. Her hair hadn’t been brushed, and she was still wearing her pajamas.

  “I go away for two nights and you start cleaning the house?” I chuckled. “I need to go away more often.” It was a relief to not have to do all the cleaning myself for once.

  “Hey,” she said. “How was it?”

  “Good.” Vague.

  “You didn’t text back.” She unplugged the cleaner. “Neither did Naomi. All weekend, can you believe that?”

  That rush of guilt gripped me once more. I said nothing, simply headed to my bedroom to put down my luggage. But she followed me.

  “Not one lousy text. Was she so busy that she couldn’t even give me that?”

  I shrugged. “She was on holiday, maybe she didn’t want any interruptions?”

  Brit rolled her eyes. “I’m her girlfriend, I’m not an interruption.”

  No, I’m her girlfriend. It was on the tip of my tongue; I had to bite it to stop myself blurting it out. I despised how entitled she sounded, especially now, after what had transpired.

  I unpacked my things, threw them into my laundry basket. “Well she was there to ski, not send messages.”

  Was there something in my demeanor then that made her suspicious? Because I almost choked on my own saliva when she said, “Did something happen out there?”

  “W—what do you me—”

  “Was she with someone? That’s the only explanation. She was screwing some mountain whore!”

  I willed myself not to take offense, but it was difficult. Being called a whore for sleeping with the woman I loved, that hurt. I wasn’t just some fling she would forget the next day. My place, in any case, was far more secure than Brit’s.

  “I wasn’t keeping tabs on her, Brit,” I said. “You wanna know what she was doing, ask her yourself.” It was easy enough to say this, because I knew the truth that what, and whom, Naomi had been doing would remain a secret. We hadn’t spoken about Brit at all, but I was certain she wouldn’t drop me in it when she did finally speak to her.

  “I would if she’d answer her fucking phone!” She huffed and puffed then stormed from the room.

  I’d fallen asleep with my headphones on, and woke up late that Sunday evening with Ed Sheeran’s crooning soothing my eardrums. The curtain was still open, so the moonlight provided the only light in the room.

  As soon as I pulled off the headphones, I heard crying coming from the living room. I ran out and found Brit curled up on the couch, hugging a cushion.

  “Brit, what’s wrong?” It didn’t even cross my mind.

  “This is so stupid,” she said, wiping her eyes with her forearm.

  I sat beside her, put a hand on her thigh. “What happened?”

  “She broke it off.”

  A stab of guilt. “Oh...” I didn’t know what else to say; anything I did would be disingenuous, and more than a little slimy.

  “Said it had run its course.” She laughed mirthlessly. “Run its course, like she’s ending her medicine prescription. It didn’t mean anything to her: I didn’t mean anything to her.”

  “I’m sure that’s not—”

  “Did she say anything to you when you were out there?” There was desperation in her voice. “She must have hinted at something.”

  “No, we... I, we don’t speak about you. She’s my... she’s my boss.” If she hadn’t been so distraught, worse than I’d ever seen he
r, she would have noticed how shit my lying was, how untrustworthy I came across. The shifty, shady best friend who’d stolen her girlfriend right from under her nose. It wasn’t like that, but the result was the same — she’d been dumped because of me. Not because of some mountain whore, but because of the real deal.

  Brit didn’t cry over men, principally because she was always the one doing the dumping. And here she was, bawling her eyes out over a woman she’d dated for five minutes.

  “I really liked her, Daiquiri,” she said, and fell into my arms before I could stop her. I had no choice but to hug her, comfort her, knowing I was the cause of her pain.

  I tried to keep my shit-eating grin at bay the following day upon entering the office and finding her and half of the team already at the conference table, in preparation for the briefing. She, on the other hand, didn’t have the same problem. She barely acknowledged my arrival, gave me the briefest look, before scanning through her papers, whilst sipping coffee.

  I panicked. Were we back to square one, with her treating me horribly, like public enemy number one? No one would have guessed, by the way she looked at me, that we’d spent five hours in each other’s arms, only two nights ago. Or that we’d been unable to part only the day before as we sat in her car. Had the Naomi from Mario’s once again gone into hiding?

  Once the rest of the team filtered in, we started the briefing, talked for fifteen minutes, then everyone dispersed. She disappeared into her office and closed the door. I stood there, stumped, gutted, then retreated to my office to sink into my misery.

  Two minutes into my fall into depression, my work phone rang. Internal line — line two, Naomi’s office.

  “Hello?” I answered on the second ring.

  “Miss Adams, can you come to my office,” she said in the most business-like tone.

  I didn’t know what to expect when I got there, so I took each step anxiously.

  I found her sitting on the leather couch when I entered. I closed the door behind me, expecting the worst. But suddenly, a smile broke out on her face.

  “Hi,” she said, the affection returning to her voice and countenance. She patted the seat beside her.