Those last five words stung my tongue as they passed my lips, but I’m sure they stung him all over. He was quiet for a moment, perhaps recovering from my harsh comments, or maybe he was shocked I had even thought them.
“Ellie,” he whispered softly, pleading with me. “I freaked out. You always answer my calls.” I felt bad for a second, but then I heard a passive-aggressive shift in his tone. “But you know what? You do need to take care of yourself when I can’t. I’ve never seen you so drunk, and what’s with the pictures of the band all over you?”
“Pictures?” I paused. “Rhys, I have to go.” I was about to throw up and I was lacking patience for his attitude.
“No, don’t hang up. I have a long night of filming later and I won’t be able to talk. I was just worried you’d passed out in the tub or something.”
“Well, now you know I’m fine. Like I said, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Darling—” was the last word I heard before I hung up on him, confused and heartbroken.
∞
I called Lena after eating another bagel and she revealed she had been yelled at too. I knew Rhys had good intentions, and if it were the other way around, I would’ve freaked out too, but he needed to cut me some slack. Lena said, “I think he assumed we hooked up with the band. There are pictures on my Instagram that prove they drank and smoked with us, a few with their arms around our waists. Maybe when you didn’t answer he assumed something happened. I told him you were probably nursing a wicked hangover.”
“There are pictures? He mentioned them.”
“Oh yeah! We got camera happy last night…”
“Great, I’ll have to look. I don’t remember that.”
“You’re a fun drunk though, for what it’s worth. I was worried it would backfire, but you were a blast.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been that smashed though. I’ve never forgotten things.”
“It’ll pass. We’ll do it again, maybe not so crazy though, yeah?”
“Yeah. How did we even meet the band?”
“Remember, Noah arranged it?”
And then I recalled that Lena had mentioned in the car that she and Noah had hooked up a few times and she was pretty sure he liked her significantly. They just never seemed to figure out what they both wanted. She also told me that she suspected he was paranoid about Rhys’ reaction.
“Anyways, give the poor bastard a call and make up. He loves you.”
I let things be with Rhys for a bit; knowing he was on set gave me time to think. I wanted to figure out why I’d been so angry. I think it was because I had been so miserable without him, and was trying to stay afloat. I needed a night out, so when he’d bought the tickets only to punish me for enjoying them, I found it hypocritical. But then I considered that he was worried, and I would’ve felt the same way had it been me in his shoes.
I also looked up the pictures Lena mentioned and they were definitely suggestive. But did he actually think I was capable of cheating on him? Did he really think that little of me? Then again I had implied the same thing about Joan only increasing my self-righteousness.
I didn’t talk to him until Monday afternoon because he hadn’t called back or texted. I suspected he was angry or hopefully too busy filming. After finally feeling better, I went for a walk in Hyde Park and ended up by the row boats. It was stupid to be upset over his protectiveness, especially when it was one of my favorite qualities of his. As I sat there picturing us rowing, Rhys texted me as if he knew where I was.
Rhys: I got back late last night. I’m sorry we fought, but know I’m always on your side. Till Kingdom Comes - Coldplay.
I blinked back tears and called him back.
“Hey,”
“Hi, love,” he said, morosely.
“I’m sorry I hung up on you. It was a misunderstanding…”
“Me too. I’m just glad you’re calling me back.” He paused and I thought I heard his voice crack. “I miss you very much, and I’m glad you had a good time, but I was so worried. I know I’ve never lost someone like you lost Aaron, but that doesn’t mean I’m not constantly afraid of something happening to you, you know?”
I couldn’t believe he said or felt that. Hearing those words pass his lips made me feel selfish, because I’d been so obsessed in my fear of losing him, I never thought that he could worry about me.
“I’m sorry,” I groaned. “I didn’t realize…”
“What, that I fear losing you too? Of course I do, Ellie. You still don’t understand that I may have brought you back to life as you say, but you’ve done the same to me.”
“I’m really sorry, Rhys.”
“Me too. I’m so glad you’ll be here in a few days.”
I couldn’t wait to hold him and really apologize in person, because knowing what that felt like, I realized I’d really messed up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The day before I flew to Los Angeles, Rhys called to make sure I was all ready. I’d had a busy week of classes trying to focus on my students before leaving. Luckily, John was supportive of my visit and knew I deserved time off. He had seen me struggling to function in my temporary life without Rhys.
Rhys had sent me a packing list based on our plans and wasn’t pleased to hear I was packing the night before. To help ease his stress, I picked on him.
“I guess you don’t plan on having your way with me, you didn’t suggest any lingerie.”
He laughed bashfully. “I figured you would take care of that. Besides, I don’t need lingerie to have my way with you.”
Warmth rushed into my cheeks and I could picture him smiling with bubbling excitement we both felt. I couldn’t wait to have his hands on me.
“Okay,” I managed, but he continued teasing me, making me desperate for his touch thousands of miles away.
“Honestly, I rather like the confident look of you in your skin,” he groaned huskily.
“That’s definitely not gentlemanly of you, but I like it nonetheless.”
“Hmm…jokes aside, I can’t wait to see you, clothed or naked.” He paused, and a seriousness overtook his light tone. “I know I haven’t said it as much as you, but I just didn’t want to keep reminding you I missed you too. I thought it would make it worse.”
“I understand, but I think I needed to hear it. I thought I was being pathetic and it only made me lonelier.”
“No, darling, I’ve missed you immensely.”
Over the last week I had doubted him, especially with our fight after the concert. He had done a great job sending me gifts and flowers, or even hiding the notes I slowly discovered in his home, but I needed to hear his struggle. I needed to know that he was as incomplete without me as I was without him.
“Thanks for telling me, and for being strong for both of us.”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Have a safe flight. Love you, Ellie.”
“Love you, too. Rest easy, I’m all packed.”
∞
I spent 19 hours traveling to Rhys. I slept a bit, watched movies, read, and ate every snack offered in an effort to pass time. Flying there felt endless, and I grew exhausted having never flown so far. The second movie I watched starred Rhys, and it helped to watch his gorgeous face I would soon be touching.
But the closer I got to Rhys, the more my nerves I felt stirred in my stomach. What if I looked different and he found himself less attracted to me? What if he remembered liking me more than he actually did? Distance was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but was it possible it only made Rhys realize that he’d only missed the idea of me? I panicked over scenarios of how badly it could go, and the last hour I requested a glass of wine to calm down.
It helped, just not as much as I’d hoped. I tried relaxing, but the butterflies in my stomach were still stirring wildly as I stepped into Los Angeles. I could feel my heart racing, my stomach turning, and my lack of confidence was draining. When I saw him at the end of the gate for the first time in three weeks, I froz
e.
My ears muted, no longer hearing the array of sounds around me because all my focus went to what my eyes were witnessing. Rhys was wearing a black hooded jacket, with the hood and sunglasses hiding his face, and in his hands was a sign that said, Darling Ellie. He mentioned picking me up, but I expected him to wait in the car or by the luggage. Seeing him before me, susceptible to all the crowds and waiting like any other guy would, put a ridiculous grin on my face.
I caught his expression when his eyes finally found me, and it set my skin on fire. My heartbeat raced like a hummingbird’s wings; so fast that I felt nauseated from excitement. It had never beat so rapidly, not even during runs, and I swore it was trying to escape my rib cage and leap into Rhys’ embrace. His cheekbones rose revealing his boyish grin and I lost my mind and my rationale.
The need for privacy vanished as I rushed towards him and jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. Thankfully he dropped the sign and caught me as I clumsily kissed him, holding the hood tightly over our faces to keep us mildly covered. I kissed him hard and sloppy, our teeth hitting one another’s as we stifled laughter escaping our lips. His mouth tasted like mint and tea, which only fueled my desire for him. The way it rushed over all of me left me blindsided, and I knew there was no one else I’d ever love like I loved Rhys. He made my entire body bask with joy; warm as if I had stepped into the shimmering sunlight after months of a frigid winter.
After a few moments, he hesitantly lowered me and laughed into my neck while pressing kisses on the sensitive skin. “You can’t kiss me like that here because it’s quite obvious I enjoyed it and there are people all around us.”
“Sorry.” My cheeks pinked. “Would you rather I hadn’t kissed you?”
“No, that was perfect,” he said, adjusting his pants. “Let’s get some privacy.”
My luggage came out quickly while Rhys took pictures with fans and signed autographs. I witnessed genuine relief in his expression when he saw it was the first on the carousel. After grabbing it he took my hand and we walked to the car. I was a ball of nerves around him, watching his every move and speculating what he might do next. Part of me wanted him closer, and yet I craved space to collect myself, because I still couldn’t believe we were together again. He put my luggage inside his rental and leaned me against the car to kiss me. Rhys pressed his body against mine, causing my breath to falter during the short kiss. He whispered, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”
“Mmm,” I hummed, satisfied by the electrical currents bouncing off our nerves onto one another.
“It’s so wonderful just to feel you here,” he said, threading his fingers through my hair for another kiss. “I can’t wait to get you home.”
We barely spoke during the drive as he held my hand, but it seemed that while he conveyed an abundance of confidence around me, I had become more anxious around him. I think he noticed and tried giving me time to settle in. The apartment building was a block from the ocean and though it was only one bedroom, it was elegant and spacious. I had been observing the artwork in the pre-furnished space when Rhys approached and cleared his throat.
“Why don’t you take a shower and freshen up? I’m going to start dinner.”
I nodded and made my way towards the bathroom.
“Ellie?” he asked, causing me to stop in the doorway and meet his eyes. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem a little quiet, shy around me.”
I shrugged. “I do feel a little shy.” Rhys’ lips frowned and I felt the need to explain. “In a good way…I’ve had you in my head all this time, but I don’t think I was prepared for how flustered I’d get seeing you again.”
He laughed, looking down at his scuffed sneakers. Rhys took a deep breath and placed his hand on his chest, reuniting his eyes with mine. “I thought it was just me. You’ve left me a bit like a schoolboy in love; I want to look at you nonstop, but I don’t want to stare. I missed you too much.”
I licked my lips and started turning around before I added, “It’s okay to stare…” and then I winked sexily while walking away. He smirked and cleared his throat again, differently than before and I disappeared into his room.
The bathroom was covered in beautiful stonework and marble. I turned the shower on to the hottest setting as I undressed, excited to feel the warm spray soothe my back pain from sitting for hours. Lathering his soap all over my skin, I inhaled deeply and imagined myself smelling it on him. I couldn’t wait to see him naked and joined with my body while I sniffed it on his neck and jaw. The jacket had sufficed in the meantime, but I wanted him now.
I jolted when I heard the bathroom door open and closed my nervous eyes because I knew he was there. The cold rush of air hit my skin as it melded with the steam, causing goose bumps all over my skin. With my eyes sealed, I felt his hand grab all of my wet hair and brush it across the back of my neck. His lips skimmed my shoulder before he asked, “Is this all right, darling?”
I turned and opened my eyes, seeing vulnerability in his as I studied the blue pools I could stare at forever. I nodded and kissed him, barely touching his lips with mine as I whispered, “It’s exactly why I winked at you.”
We made love in the shower, and then again on the bed as we dried off. It was a long while before Rhys started dinner, but we ate in our underwear and inhaled our meal. Being around him became simpler once we admitted how nervous we were. We caught up on our last few days; he told me about the film and difficult scenes he’d finished, and I told him about my courses and confessed how I lacked my usual passion but had found my stride again. He continually stared, taking me in and grabbing my wet waves to twirl them in his fingertips. I got the impression he was reassuring himself I was real.
“It’s nice to look at you in person,” he doted.
“Yeah, feeling your touch is pretty good, too.” I had meant his hands in my hair, but Rhys’ cheeks rose mischievously as he remembered our heated moments from before. Grinning I asked, “So what’s the surprise tomorrow?”
“I’m not saying, but you need to wear sneakers.”
I accepted his lack of details and put both our plates in the sink. Rhys came up behind me and grabbed my waist, just holding me for a moment. Again, it was comforting to feel his skin against mine and I was surprised by the intensity of fondness my heart felt for him. Grabbing my hand he pulled me away and led me to the bathroom.
“Get ready for bed. We have an early morning.”
He finished before me and I met him under the sheets. Facing me with his head on his hand, I observed that Rhys had a lot on his mind but was worried about overwhelming me.
“What is it?” I asked, rubbing his forearm.
“Nothing,” he shook his head.
“Liar. You’ve been looking at me like that all night,” I said pointing accusingly. “I know that look, what’s on your mind?”
“I’m just thinking how surreal it is for you to finally be next to me, and how I don’t want to sleep because I know our time is fleeting.” He paused and licked his lips. “This has been just as hard for me, you know?”
“I know. I’m thrilled to be here and this afternoon was nice.” He winked cockily at me and I laughed. “But it’s going to pass quickly. I have been looking forward to this though,” I added as I climbed into his embrace.
“Me too. We certainly should sleep. I’m sure you’ll pass out after your travels.”
“I will with you here,” I said, and then it felt like home, just like I’d wanted for three weeks that were unending, just Rhys and I.
∞
The next morning Rhys woke me before the sun and took me to Disneyland. He knew I’d always wanted to go and figured it was something cute we could do together. I was surprised he had taken me to such a crowded place, but he loved showing me off and arranged for a tour guide to gain some privacy and shorter wait times. People respected our space, though I’m sure we were trending on social media with all the ph
otos people took of him.
Rhys endearingly rubbed his thumbprint into my hand repeatedly and I forgot how much I relished it. It was his sweet and overprotective way of claiming me. He bought us Mickey hats with our names stitched in, and we rode every ride without any issues. Rhys particularly insisted on riding the Matterhorn three times. I think he liked the way we could sit with our bodies completely together, still never close enough though. Rhys had always been affectionate, but after being apart he made the effortless habit of keeping physical contact throughout the whole day. I knew he had missed me because the intimacy we shared the night before said it all. He had continued kissing me all over, pressing his mouth on me, making sure to mark himself as a tattoo on my skin. And his words were another clue; he told me how much he yearned for me, how he found it almost distracting in the best way, and how he couldn’t wait to be home again.
That day at the park was no different; he kept his hand in mine or around my waist, and his lips were frequently on my mouth or cheek. He didn’t care that we were with a tour guide, or that fans were calling his name and taking our picture. He just wanted to be us that day without the limits of public pressure. He wanted to make me happy, and he did. I was at the happiest place on earth with the person that left me most elated.
By the end of the night my feet were aching and I was grateful it didn’t take long to get back to his place. After a long shower together, we laid in bed relaxing. It was still early, but Rhys had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. for his only work day while I was there. It sucked, but at least it was only that day. Since he’d be gone, Rhys arranged for me to have a spa day to relax before our Valentine’s date, saying he had something special planned. We cuddled and I told him how much the day meant to me, how important it was to see he cared, and he grew quiet.
“Ellie,” he whispered, moments after I assumed he had fallen asleep.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think you could deal with this in the long run? My job, I mean.”
And there, in the dim lighting, Rhys hinted at our future. I had thought about it while he was away, asking myself the same question and many more. After everything, it was surprising to hope for a future, but I still hadn’t answered my own concerns and with his impending inquiry, I became wordless. The topic was inevitable if we wanted to keep moving forward, I knew that.
For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) Page 32
