The Fragile Fall

by Love, Kristy

  I followed Jax inside the restaurant. It was small and quaint. The walls were a deep red color, and the kitchen was open, allowing customers to see the chefs at work. A woman walked up to us with menus in her hand. “Hey, Jax. How’ve you been?”

  “Good, Sandy. Can we sit in Ry’s section?”

  Sandy smirked. “Of course.” We followed her to one of the tables near the windows and sat down. She handed us each a menu and walked away.

  “Everything is good,” Jax told me as he scanned the menu for a few seconds and then placed it on the table.

  “Hello, Jax and Will. Good to see you,” Ryanne greeted us. Her voice and smile were stiff, obviously wary of our presence. She didn’t take her eyes off Jax and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.

  “Why, hello, sweet sister. How is work going?”

  “It’s been uneventful.” She gave Jax a warning look. “Let’s try to keep it that way.”

  Jax put his hand to his chest as if her words had hurt and offended him. “I have no idea what you could ever mean.”

  “Cut the shit, Jax. I’m not in the mood.” She forced a smile. “What can I get you to drink?”

  “A soda for me. What about you, Will?”

  “Water.”

  Ryanne nodded and walked away.

  As we ate lunch, we talked about random things like video games and music. Our conversation wasn’t forced and he didn’t constantly mock me. Every time Ry came back to the table, she smiled and I soaked it up. I watched her move around the room and the effortless way she smiled and talked to the people at her tables. No matter how many times I tried to pull my gaze away from her, my eyes continued to follow her wherever she went.

  Ryanne came over to refill our drinks. “Dad just texted me,” she huffed, clearly annoyed.

  “What did he have to say?” Jax asked. There was an urgent yearning in his voice. I wondered again why I had yet to see either of their parents.

  “His job has been extended. He said the earliest he can come back home is probably September.”

  “We’ll be fine. We always are.”

  Jax sounded sure of himself, but Ryanne looked anything but relaxed. Her eyes were full of worry and she frowned. Ryanne looked at me briefly before schooling her features so she appeared unconcerned. “Yep. Let me know if you need anything.” She turned on her heel and rushed toward the kitchen.

  Jax stared at his plate with his head resting in his hand, pushing the food around.

  “Where is your dad?” I asked.

  Jax’s head snapped up like he had forgotten I was there. “Working. I’m not sure which state it is this time.”

  “Does he travel a lot for work?”

  “Yeah. He’s usually gone a month or so, but he’s been gone almost two months this time. He came home for a weekend and that was it.”

  “What about your mom?”

  “She left when I was two.”

  “Oh, sorry.” I felt bad for bringing it up.

  “It’s no big deal. It is what it is. It’s always been me and Ry, so it shouldn’t be anything new, but it’s hard to deal with two parents not giving a shit, you know?” He shrugged, but there was a hint of sadness and pain in his voice. I understood what it was to miss your parents, so I knew how Jax felt. The only difference was my parents hadn’t left by choice.

  In that moment of understanding, I found it easier to be myself around him. We weren’t so different. We were both missing parents who were absent, and we were both trying to get through life the best way we knew how. Jax and Ryanne were good people and weren’t out to humiliate or mock me. Everything Aunt Liv had been saying about them was true.

  As Jax and I got ready to leave the restaurant, Jax asked me to wait a minute so he could go talk to Ryanne. She looked everywhere but at him and he looked like he was pleading with her. Finally, Ryanne walked away and Jax watched after her, his shoulders sagging in defeat, then he walked toward me, his feet dragging.

  “Ready to go?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

  “Sure.”

  When we were on our way to the laser tag place, I asked Jax what had happened with Ryanne.

  He sighed. “We had a fight last night after you left. I thought she was over it but, apparently, she’s not. She’s still pretty mad at me.”

  “What’d you fight about?” I don’t know where my boldness came from, but I couldn’t stop the question from slipping past my lips.

  “Things have been tense lately. My dad’s been gone a long time and she’s stressed out about keeping on top of everything. It’s really not a big deal. She’ll get over it and we’ll make up.” He looked at me and smiled stiffly. His smile didn’t meet his eyes, almost as if he didn’t even believe himself. “We always do.”

  I nodded, not really sure what I could say. I didn’t know Ryanne or Jax enough to be able to offer any real advice or insight. I turned and looked out the window, listening to the music Jax had turned on.

  At the laser tag place, the guy explained the rules since I had never played before, then we were led into separate rooms since Jax and I were on separate teams. When a buzzer sounded, I went out into the laser tag arena. It was a large, dark room with different platforms and obstacles to hide behind. While I was looking around, Jax popped up from behind a barrel and shot me, scoring a point.

  “Boom! Got you, asshole!” He hooted and laughed as he ducked and ran. I laughed and ducked down to try and find a hiding place.

  After we’d finished our first ten-minute game, we paid for another. It was a lot of fun. Every time Jax scored a point, he exclaimed some kind of curse word and laughed like he just won a war singlehandedly. I lost the first game but won the next two. I was better at hiding and not giving away my hiding spot since I didn’t feel the need to gloat every time I scored a point.

  When we were done, Jax slapped me on the back and invited me over to his house to play video games. It was different playing video games with someone in the same room as we bantered back and forth, trash talking each other’s moves.

  After spending the day hanging out with Jax, my wariness with him disappeared. He had been nice and a ton of fun to hang out with. Between his honesty when he came over in the morning, and the fact that he didn’t make fun of me all day and treated me normally, I realized that we could have a real friendship. It felt good to have a genuine friend.

  Over the next week, Jax and I hung out almost every day. I found out what it was to be a normal teenager, hanging out with friends and goofing off. I was still more reserved than Jax, but I was slowly relaxing. We’d sit in his room and listen to music as he filled me in about what to expect at Fairfax High School. Other times we’d get in his truck and drive around endlessly, usually ending up at a movie or laser tag. It was strange not having every moment structured and being able to make my own decisions, but Aunt Liv didn’t care what I did as long as I was home by midnight, though she often told me to forget my curfew because she was so happy I was out of the house.

  I felt like a teenager for the first time, a feeling I could easily get used to.

  Friday afternoon had arrived and I was just crawling out of bed after a late night hanging out with Jax and Ryanne. We had hung out at their house, swimming in their pool which led to an epic water fight. At one point, I worried there was more water being emptied out of the pool than was left inside. We finally had to call it a night when the neighbor on the other side of Ryanne came over and cussed us out. I went home and collapsed into bed. My whole body was sore from throwing buckets of water over Ry and Jax and from laughing. I now knew what it felt like to have a good time.

  Something changed between Ry and me last night. We were constantly watching each other, and I kept finding excuses to touch her. I had no idea where my boldness was coming from, but I couldn’t stop it. Even stranger was that Ry seemed to be having the same problem. At one point, she rested her hand on my arm and didn’t move it away. When I looked at her, she quickly moved it then smiled. Jax seem
ed to get annoyed, putting himself between Ry and me, and when I caught him shooting her a dirty glance, she’d immediately backed off and kept her distance for the rest of the night.

  Aunt Liv was reading a book at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when I finally made it downstairs. Since I had been spending more time with Jax and Ryanne, she seemed less worried, and I was sure she was relieved I was no longer locked in my room day after day. She smiled when she saw me pour myself a cup of coffee. I was never allowed to have coffee back home. In fact, coffee wasn’t kept in the house at all. Aunt Liv had introduced me to it shortly after I moved in with her and I discovered I loved it. I poured some cereal before falling into a chair.

  “Have a good night?” she asked, smiling.

  “Yeah.”

  “I could hear you guys in the pool until after midnight.”

  “Jax and I declared war on Ry, which ended up into a free-for-all.”

  “I’m glad.” She watched me as I ate my cereal and drank my coffee. Her eyes had a lightness in them that I hadn’t seen since I’d moved in. I was glad I wasn’t a source of worry any longer.

  The doorbell rang, and Aunt Liv’s brows scrunched together. “Who could that be?” She got up and smiled as she opened the door. “Hi, Jax.”

  “Hey, Liv. Is Will home?”

  “Sure, come on in. He’s in the kitchen.” Aunt Liv stepped out of the way and motioned Jax in. He smiled and made his way into the kitchen. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Just tired from last night.”

  “Yeah, the only reason I dragged my ass out of bed at all is because I have a ton of shit to do before movie night tonight. Ry is inviting Courtney and I wanted to know if you wanted to come because I don’t want to be stuck with the two of them.”

  I laughed. I had seen Jax and Courtney together—they constantly fought. He was always pulling some kind of prank on her and she was always doing something to push his buttons. They acted more like siblings than Ry and Jax did. “Sure, I’ll come over. What time?”

  “Like 5:30. We’ll get pizza or Chinese or something before we begin the movie marathon.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there.”

  “Sweet. See you then.” He turned and waved goodbye to Aunt Liv before leaving. As soon as he was out the door, Aunt Liv actually squealed.

  “I told you they would be your friends.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m so happy for you. You seem to be doing much better now that you’re hanging out with them.”

  “Yeah.”

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry about your curfew tonight. You can hang out over there and even spend the night if they ask, okay? I just want you to have fun.”

  I had no idea why she’d brought up a curfew because she’d always told me not to worry about it every time I hung out with Jax.

  “Okay.”

  “We should get you a cell phone so you can let me know what’s going on.”

  “No, that’s okay.”

  “Are you sure?” Her eyes were filled with concern and she tilted her head as though she was confused, but I didn’t want to tell her that a cell phone would only remind me of all the people who weren’t calling or texting me. I may have been hanging out with Jax and Ryanne, but I was constantly waiting for them to stop wanting to be around me. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  She nodded and finished her cup of coffee as I went upstairs and tried to figure out what to do to fill my day.

  Aunt Liv gave me chips and salsa to take to Jax and Ry’s place, saying that I needed to show effort.

  Whatever that meant.

  When I went to ring the doorbell, I heard Ryanne arguing with someone, so I pulled my hand away and tried to hear what was going on.

  “Stop being stupid,” Ryanne said.

  “I’m not being stupid,” Jax said. “I see the way you looked at him and you need to stop.”

  “I don’t look at him any way.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I call bullshit on your bullshit statement.”

  “I’m serious. You need to stay away from him.”

  “Fine. I’ll say away from him. Can we stop fighting about this? It’s getting ridiculous.”

  “As long as you stay away from him.”

  As I stood there, debating whether I wanted to ring the doorbell or not, Courtney came up behind me.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Just going to stand here all night and watch the door? Or do you want to go in?” She pushed the door open and stepped inside. I followed behind her, still unsure whether I should be there or not. Ryanne rounded the corner and stopped as soon as she saw me, panic overtaking her face. Her eyes flitted to Courtney and she plastered a fake smile on her face.

  “Hey, guys. Glad you could make it.” She came over and took the chips and dip from me.

  “What’s up, my favorite bitch?” Courtney exclaimed.

  “Court, seriously?” Ry always seemed to get upset about Courtney’s swearing, at least in front of me. Jax told me once that she didn’t care what Courtney said unless I was around. She was afraid that Court’s vulgarity would upset or offend me, even though it didn’t.

  “Don’t worry, Will. If you hang out with these two losers enough, you’ll get used to cussing before you know it,” Courtney said, putting her arm around Ryanne’s neck. Ryanne shot me an apologetic look before she ducked under Courtney’s arm. I relished the fact that she had looked at me, even if it was brief. I followed them into the kitchen, feeling uneasy. I had become really comfortable around them, and I hated feeling like I had taken a step backward now. I worried that this was when my friendship with Jax would unravel. Jax kept a close eye on both Ryanne and me, though I wasn’t sure exactly why. It made no sense. I was thankful that Courtney was there. She was able to keep it from being completely awkward and awful. Ryanne avoided looking at me and stayed as far away from me as she could.

  No one talked throughout the movie, other than Ry occasionally offering us drinks or snacks. The tension was thick in the air and I made an excuse to leave as soon as the credits started. Jax followed me to the door, blaming the weirdness on him not feeling well. I let him blow it off, though I didn’t believe a word he said.

  I was upset. I felt like I had two really good friends in Jax and Ry and suddenly something changed. I had no idea what happened, if I did something or if there was something no one was telling me. The fact that Ry avoided talking to me and looking at me all night and the fact that Jax seemed upset bothered me. I felt like I was being punished for no reason.

  August came and I almost didn’t recognize my life. After the strange movie night, things went back to normal, though I never did get an explanation. Jax and I continued to hang out a lot and he had introduced me to a few of his friends and his girlfriend Lindsey. I found out that Jax kept her away from his house because she and Ry fought like crazy. Ry hated his girlfriend and made sure she knew it, so Jax thought it was easier to keep them separated the majority of the time. They had some kind of weird on again, off again relationship. Sometimes they broke up for a week or two and then they’d get back together like nothing happened. Apparently, they had been broken up for the majority of the summer and now that school was starting soon, she’d begged him to get back together. It was too much for me to try to keep up with, so I just pretended to understand.

  The more time I spent with Ryanne, the more intrigued I was by her. My eyes always seemed to find her. I couldn’t stop myself, though I tried. I’d watch her as she moved around the house. Her movements were always graceful, like a dancer. I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was, and the feelings I felt stirring inside of me made me nervous. I knew Jax wouldn’t like me being attracted to his sister, but I was.

  And there was nothing I could do about it.

  Ryanne

  JAX AND I COULDN’T SEEM TO STOP ARGUING.
>
  It was strange having this tension between us, but he was worried that I was developing feelings for Will. I tried to tell him I wasn’t, though I knew that was a lie. I gravitated toward him when he was near and I felt…off when he wasn’t there.

  I was trying to deny my feelings for him to keep Jax from fighting with me constantly. When Will was around, Jax watched us like a hawk. I tried my hardest to keep from watching Will, but it was a losing battle, and I felt his eyes on me as I moved. His eyes were like a gentle touch that stayed on my skin even after he looked away. I could feel him when he was in the same room, even if I wasn’t looking at him.

  I couldn’t lose Jax. He was my brother and one of my closest friends. I worried about what would happen to Will as well. What would happen with his friendship with Jax if we started dating? Would it be ruined? Would it become awkward? What would happen if Will and I broke up? Would Jax get upset with Will for breaking my heart? Would Jax and Will be able to stay friends if Will and I broke up?

  August was winding down. School had started and I was spending some time with Will and Jax before my night class.

  Well, that had been the plan.

  Jax ended up leaving early to go hang out with his girlfriend, which left me alone with Will, something I avoided at all costs. I couldn’t fight my feelings if I were alone with him. He had offered to leave with Jax, but it wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t control my feelings, so instead, I sat by the pool while Will swam laps. I loved watching the way his muscles flexed under his skin. I could watch him move all day.

  I felt like I was baking in the sun, so I moved to the side of the pool, dangling my feet in the water. I didn’t want to disturb Will, so I bent over and cupped some water in my hand, then rubbed it over my skin to cool off. Pouring some water over my neck and back, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool water against my hot skin. When my eyes opened, Will was standing in the middle of the pool, staring at me. His eyes were heated as he watched the water drip down my skin. I bit my lip, not wanting to break his trance. I liked the way his eyes felt on me. I liked that I didn’t have to pretend that I didn’t want him.