The Fragile Fall

by Love, Kristy

“Jax was just over there and Will didn’t answer.”

  “Shit.” She was quiet a few minutes. “You still have the spare key to my house, don’t you? Would you go over and check on him, please? I’m worried.”

  “Sure, no problem. I’ll call you once I find him safe and sound.” The pit in my stomach told me things were off, but I didn’t want to worry Liv more than she already was. There was nothing she could do from work other than worry, so I’d pretend to be optimistic about Will.

  “Thanks so much, Ryanne. I’ll talk to you soon.” She hung up.

  I pocketed my phone and turned to Jax. “I’m running next door to check on Will.”

  “I’ll come with you, just in case.” Jax put his shoes on and we left. The air was so cold it that my teeth chattered within seconds. When we got to the front door, I pulled my sweater tighter around me and rang the doorbell. There was no movement from inside the house. Jax knocked loudly and called out Will’s name, but we were met with more silence.

  “I’ll see if it’s unlocked.” Jax grabbed the doorknob and turned it. The door opened and we stepped inside into the silent house.

  “Will?” I called out, but there was no answer. The soft light shining down the stairs gave everything an eerie feel, and chills ran through my body.

  “Let’s go to his room,” Jax said as he ran up the stairs in front of me. I followed, looking around the house, hoping to see some sign of Will. The silence and darkness grated on my already frayed nerves. I was halfway up the stairs when Jax yelled. I ran to catch up with him, finding him standing outside of the bathroom, his face completely pale and his body shaking.

  “Jax?”

  I rounded the corner and saw Will in the middle of the floor, surrounded in blood. A pair of scissors laid open on the floor next to him and blood flowed out of his wrists, flowing in time with his slow heartbeat.

  “Oh, God. Oh, God. Jax, call 911, now!”

  Jax stood there, eyes wide, and I shoved him away. I hoped if he couldn’t see Will anymore, he would snap out of it. “Jax! Now!” I shoved Jax farther down the hall and he finally grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

  I rushed to Will’s side and fell to my knees. My hands fluttered over him, unsure of what to do first. My knees were sticky and wet, warm from the blood covering the floor. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked them back.

  Jax came up behind me. “They want to know if he has a pulse.” His voice was hollow.

  I moved my hand to his wrist, but when I picked it up, the blood came out quicker. I dropped his hand. “I don’t know what to do, Jax,” I said through tears. “I think he does. His blood seems to come out with every beat.”

  Jax repeated what I said into the phone. “Check for a pulse in his neck.”

  I leaned closer, blood soaking my jeans. The metallic, sickly sweet smell turning my stomach. I raised my shaking hand to his neck, brushing his hair to the side and looked for his pulse. After pressing a few different spots, I felt a very faint beat under my fingertips. “He does, but it’s faint.”

  “He has a faint heartbeat,” Jax said into the phone. He paused for a few seconds. “They want to know if he’s breathing.”

  “How do I do that?” Every second it felt like Will was slipping farther and farther away and I was panicking.

  “Hold your hand in front of his mouth.”

  “His breaths are shallow and slow.” I brushed my fingers over the side of Will’s face, wishing I could offer him some comfort. My hands were covered in blood from touching his wrist and I left blood behind on his cheek.

  “Ryanne, the ambulance should be here any minute. I’m going to wait downstairs for them.”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. I heard Jax descending the stairs and I was left alone with Will. My sweet, broken Will. I brushed my fingertips over his cheek again. His normally warm skin was cooler now and I knew in the pit of my stomach that he was dying. I looked around the bathroom for towels and found them under the sink. I wrapped them around Will’s wrists and applied pressure, hoping to staunch the blood flow.

  “Hang on, Will. Help will be here soon. I’m here.” My voice broke and fresh tears swam in my eyes. My heart was breaking over and over again.

  I heard Jax call out and then the sound of several feet running up the stairs. I was shoved to the side, then pulled up to my feet. Arms wrapped around me and pulled me into the hall.

  “It’s okay, he’s in good hands now,” Jax whispered in my ear and his voice was thick with tears. I buried my head in Jax’s neck and let the tears fall, and I felt his own tears as they fell in my hair. Wrapping my blood-soaked arms around him, I couldn’t get the vision of Will drowning in a pool of blood out of my head.

  I heard the rumble of Jax’s voice in his chest and the voices of the paramedics behind me, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. The image of Will lying on the floor made it impossible for me to function and I was trying to keep from hyperventilating. Footsteps went down the steps and Jax pulled me away from his chest slightly, then raised my chin with his fingers.

  “They are taking Will to the hospital now. They said we should get cleaned up and we can wait for news there. We should notify Liv.”

  I nodded and let Jax escort me down the stairs, out of the house, and to our own home. I felt like I was trudging through thick mud because my body was so reluctant to move. Jax took me into the bathroom and turned the shower on.

  “I think you’d feel better cleaning yourself off. I’m going to change and then I’ll be right outside the door if you need me, okay?” I nodded and he left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

  I stared around the bathroom blankly, but all I could see was Will’s blood covering the floor and his limp body sprawled and soaked in blood. I yanked at my blood-soaked clothing and threw them all in the garbage. There was no way I would be able to wear them against without remembering this awful night. The blood that had soaked through my clothing now covered my skin and I wanted to get clean. I needed to get all it off my skin.

  My body shook as I stepped in and turned the tap, making the water as hot as I could take it. Squirting body wash into my hands, I furiously scrubbed at my body, using my nails to scrape away the grime and the blood. I scrubbed and sobbed, and scrubbed some more. The water was a dark pink as it swirled down the drain.

  I could still feel the blood on me, so I repeated the scrubbing. I scrubbed at my flesh until it was red and raw, sobbing the entire time. I was such a torrent of emotions and furious scrubbing, I lost my balance and fell to the shower floor, hugging my knees to my chest and burying my face in my knees. I sat in the shower, heaving sobs tearing from my body until the water turned cold and I was freezing.

  Pulling myself off the shower floor, I shut the water off, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around me. When I opened the bathroom door, Jax was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He looked up and gave me a sad smile.

  “Feel better?”

  I nodded my head and went to my bedroom to throw clothes on, dressing quickly.

  “Ready?” Jax asked, pushing up off the floor.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” Jax grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze. We went down to Jax’s truck, hand in hand, unsure of what we were heading into.

  Ryanne

  WE RODE TO THE HOSPITAL QUIETLY. I listened to the engine rumble as I continued replaying the scene from Will’s bathroom in my head, over and over.

  Will lying on the floor.

  Will surrounded by blood.

  Will’s arms covered with cuts, the scissors covered in blood.

  Will’s faint heartbeat.

  Chewing on my lip, I hoped I’d done everything right and that we would get to Will in time. I squeezed my eyes to try and stop the tears from falling.

  “You should call Liv,” Jax said. “She needs to hear it from us first.”

  “Oh, yeah.” My voice sounded rough. Between leaving Will’s and washing the blood off me, I hadn�
��t stopped to call her. Sighing, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Liv’s number. She picked up before it finished the first ring.

  “Ryanne, I’ve been waiting for your call. How’s Will?”

  The lump in my throat grew and I wasn’t sure how to tell her that her nephew tried to kill himself. And even worse than that, I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it. I cleared my throat, hoping it would get rid of the lump.

  “You’re really freaking me out, Ryanne. What the hell is going on?”

  I decided to power through the story, like ripping off a bandage. “Will never answered the door, so Jax and I went in and looked for him. We found him upstairs in the bathroom.” The lump in my throat grew with each word. It hurt to talk, but I knew I had to get this out. Liv needed to know. “He was bleeding, Liv. A lot. It looks like he tried to kill himself.”

  Liv made a strangled noise. “Is he okay? Please, tell me he’s okay.” I squeezed my eyes shut and my cheeks were coated in hot tears.

  “He was unconscious when we found him, but he had a faint heartbeat. Jax called 911 and they took him to Fairfax Hospital. We’re on our way there now.”

  “How long ago was this?”

  I looked at the clock. “Maybe half hour. No more than forty-five minutes.”

  “And it took you this long to notify me? He could be dead by now!”

  “I’m sorry, Liv. A lot was going on and I didn’t know how to talk to you about this.”

  “I have to go,” Liv said quickly. “I have to go see how Will is doing. I’ll see you when you get here.” She hung up the phone.

  “That sounds like it went well,” Jax said. I dropped my head into my hands and cried. “Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

  “There is no way you can know that, Jax.”

  “It has to be true.” His voice was soft, and anguish coated his words. “There is no other option.”

  I looked over at Jax. In the passing street lights, I could see his furrowed brows and his pressed lips. He was being strong for me. “Are you okay, Jax?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just worried.”

  “It’s okay to be upset. We’re all worried.”

  “I just can’t believe I missed the signs.” He hit the steering wheel with his palm. “I knew he was going through a lot and that he’d changed, but I had no idea he was struggling so much. I should have known. I should have spent more time with him and paid more attention.” His voice broke. “I should have been a better friend to him and now he may be gone.”

  “You did everything you could have done, Jax. He was pushing everyone away.”

  “I was all he had, Ry. I should have known.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up. Let’s just get to the hospital.” Jax nodded his head once.

  The hospital was twenty minutes away, though Jax made it in twelve. He parked and we rushed into the hospital.

  “We’re here for Will Mathers,” Jax said to the woman behind the desk in the ER. I grabbed his hand, trying to anchor myself and preparing for bad news.

  “Are you family?” she asked, looking up from her computer screen.

  “No.”

  “Have a seat in the waiting room and I’ll notify his family that you are here. When they’re ready, they will come out and notify you of his condition.” She swiveled her chair, walked to a set of doors, and disappeared behind them. I followed Jax to the waiting room.

  There was something about a hospital waiting room. Time always felt like it had stopped and each second took a lifetime. The clock on the wall punctuated each second that we didn’t know Will’s fate.

  We sat and waited for what felt like hours, though it was only fifteen minutes. Liv finally emerged from the double doors, her hair a mess and mascara smeared under her eyes. She ran over and engulfed us in her arms as she burst into tears.

  “I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was just so scared.” Her grip tightened. “I’ve failed him. That boy has been failed so many times and I failed him. Everyone fails him, and I didn’t want to be one of them.” She continued to ramble on, not making much sense. I fought back my own sobs, trying to be strong for her. She needed us to be here for her.

  Memories overtook me. I thought of the first time I saw Will in his bedroom window, how sad and alone he looked. He’d captured me from that first glance. I had seen the lost and scared person inside of him and I’d wanted to help. When he came outside and was able to handle my crazy friends, I saw him for who he really was—a survivor. He’d survived so much, but the hurt and the pain were too strong. He couldn’t see beyond the fog.

  I thought of his beautiful crystal blue eyes and how they smiled. I loved his eyes. They were gentle, just like his soul.

  I thought of his husky voice, the one that caused butterflies to take flight and my heart to pinch.

  I thought of his lips that felt perfect against my own.

  Though he hadn’t been in my life for long, I couldn’t imagine life without Will.

  “Ryanne, are you okay?” Liv asked. She held me at arm’s length, looking into my eyes, worry etched on her face.

  “I’m sorry, Liv. We did everything we could.” I collapsed into her arms.

  “Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. He’ll be fine. They’ve stitched up his wrists and they are giving him a blood transfusion now. He’s still unconscious, but he’s stable. His prognosis is good.”

  “He’s okay?”

  “I’m not sure I’d say he’s okay, but hopefully he’ll get there.” She brushed hair out of my face. “He lost a lot of blood. You and Jax found him in time. If you had been a few minutes later, he would have died before the paramedics showed up. You saved him.” She pulled me into her arms again and squeezed me tight. Jax came up and wrapped his arms around the two of us.

  “Olivia?” a doctor asked, clearing his throat. Liv turned and wiped under her eyes. “He’s waking up. We thought you’d like to go back and be there when he regained consciousness.”

  “Thank you.” She smoothed her hair and offered us a weak smile. Turning, she followed the doctor through the door, leaving Jax and me alone.

  “I’m glad he’ll be okay,” Jax said. “Though I hope they get him help.”

  “I’m sure Liv will.” We sat back down and waited as time slowed to a crawl once more. I rested my head on Jax’s shoulder and fell asleep.

  I was jostled awake by Liv. “You should head home, honey.” I stretched my neck which ached.

  “How is Will?”

  “He’s fine. Well, as fine as he can be. He’s resting right now.”

  “I’d like to see him.”

  Her eyes slid to the side. “I’m not sure, Ryanne. He’s not really in a good place right now.”

  “He needs to know he’s not alone.”

  “How about I go ask him if he’s up for visitors?”

  “That sounds good.”

  She stood and headed over to the elevators, throwing a glance my way before she stepped inside.

  “I’m going to head to the bathroom,” Jax said as he stretched.

  I was left alone with my thoughts, which immediately went to Will on the bathroom floor. I wanted to see him so I knew he was okay, needing to erase that horrifying vision. A few minutes later, Liv came back.

  “He’s pretty heavily medicated right now. They are trying to help him sleep and to deal with the pain, then they’ll transfer him to the psychiatric hospital tomorrow afternoon. If you want to see him, get here tomorrow before lunch. Once he’s transferred, his access to visitors will be limited.”

  “I’ll be here tomorrow.” I cleared my throat, unsure how to ask what I really wanted to know.

  “Did he say why he did it?”

  “I think that’s his story to tell.” She patted my shoulder. “You should head home. You need to get some rest that isn’t in a hospital waiting room.”

  “Yeah, okay. Text me his hospital room number so I know where to go tomo
rrow?”

  “Sure.” She pulled her phone out and typed the message quickly. “I’m going to head home to get out of these scrubs. I’ve been in them for days now. Thank you again.” Liv walked away.

  I stood and stretched, trying to ease the ache in my back as Jax returned.

  “What’d she say?”

  “He’s pretty drugged up right now. He’s being transferred to the psychiatric wing tomorrow and if we want to see him, we should come back before lunch tomorrow.”

  “I think it’ll be good for him to know that we are all here for him and we support him.”

  “I totally agree.”

  We headed home, both of us exhausted. As soon as we got home, I went into my room and collapsed on my bed, emotionally and physically drained, and fell into a fitful sleep, visions of Will in a pool of blood haunting my dreams.

  Will

  LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED and staring at the ceiling, I tried to come to terms with everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. It just didn’t seem real that I had almost died last night, but the IV in my left hand, the stitches, and bandages didn’t lie. I was numb.

  And I found it incredibly hard to care.

  Last night, I had bled all of my emotions out. I was no longer tormented with memories, and the debilitating emotions didn’t bring me to my knees. The weight of my actions weren’t crushing me and I wasn’t second guessing everything.

  A vacation from my daily existence.

  But I was waiting for the dam to break. For the emotions that were hiding to come rushing out and to drown in them.

  The peacefulness couldn’t last forever.

  As I was staring at the ceiling, contemplating where I was going to go from here, someone knocked on the door, but I didn’t move my head or pull my eyes away from the ceiling. Instead, I continued staring at the ceiling.

  It was the only thing that mattered.

  “Will?” Ryanne said, her voice barely above a whisper and it felt like an embrace. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound of her voice, especially since I hadn’t heard it in so long. “Are you awake?”

  The walls around my emotions trembled and I fought to stay neutral. “Yeah.” My voice sounded hoarse. I hadn’t said much since I’d regained consciousness.