The Fragile Fall

by Love, Kristy

  Will stood from the stool. “Hi, I’m Will, Liv’s nephew.” They shook hands as my dad appraised him.

  “Oh, yes, I remember hearing about you.” My dad’s gaze lingered on Will’s wrists. He couldn’t see the scars due to his long sleeves, but Will tugged on his cuff, trying to pull it further down. “Are you joining us for dinner?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  My dad nodded. “Is dinner ready?” he asked again, looking at me.

  “Yeah.”

  My dad had left a few days after Thanksgiving, not returning until Christmas Eve. He was planning on leaving again in a few days.

  “Are you heading back to school soon, Will?” my dad asked as he dished out pasta.

  “I’m going back on Monday,” Will answered.

  “That’s only two days from now. Are you sure you’ll be ready?”

  “Yeah, I kept up on my studies in the hospital.”

  “I’m sure you’ll do fine,” I said. Will smiled at me, causing the butterflies to take flight and my heart to race.

  “You’ll kick ass,” Jax said.

  The rest of the meal was spent chatting. I was surprised my dad stayed downstairs and ate dinner with us, but it was actually nice to see him around and not grumpy. After dinner, he retreated to his room as the rest of us cleaned up.

  “It’s been so long since we have had a movie night with the three of us here.” Jax smiled as he plopped on the couch.

  “What do you want to watch?” Will asked.

  “We were thinking of something scary, just like old times.” I looked at Will, worried that something scary might not be the best idea. I wasn’t sure if it would bother him, but I had an ulterior motive. I remembered the last time we had watched a scary movie and the way he held me and I was hoping he would again.

  “Sounds good,” Will said.

  I put the movie in and turned, staring at the couch. Jax sat on one end of the couch and Will sat on the other. I really wanted to sit between them, but I wasn’t sure how Jax would react. As I stood there, worrying, Jax and Will made my mind up for me. They both patted the cushion between them. As soon as I sat down, Will put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. My heart fluttered and the butterflies rioted.

  “I didn’t want you to get scared again,” he whispered in my ear. I fought back a smile.

  I stole a glance at Jax, wondering if he truly was okay with Will and I. He merely smiled and shook his head. I took that as a sign that he was okay with it, so I snuggled into Will’s side and rested my head against his shoulder. Breathing him in, his scent was familiar once more. The Will I remembered. I sunk in his strong arms, enjoying being with him again after so long.

  Will

  AUNT LIV DROPPED ME OFF at Dr. Thomas’ office. I hadn’t been to this office before since it was only for patients not in the hospital. Since I was starting school tomorrow, she had requested that we meet today, even though it was Sunday. She wanted me to be as prepared as I could be to face the anxiety that would come with going back to school.

  Dr. Thomas popped her head into the waiting room. “Hi, Will. Come on back.” She smiled and I relaxed. I had gotten comfortable with her since I had been spilling my guts to her five days a week for over a month. Comfort and familiarity were bound to happen. “It’s good to see you. How have you been doing?” she asked when we were settled in her office.

  “I’m good, I think. Anxious.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “School starts tomorrow and I’m worried about what people will say.” I lifted my arm and looked at the scars on my wrists. The little cuts had healed and left behind little to no marks, but the ones from the scissors … they left large, red scars. I was embarrassed by them, but there was nothing I could do. “I don’t know if people know why I’ve been gone or how they will react.”

  “We discussed that you didn’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to.”

  “I know. I can tell them I was sick.”

  “Exactly. It’s up to you to decide how much or how little you want to share. You are entitled to boundaries and privacy.” I nodded. “How is being home?”

  I rubbed a hand through my hair. “Stressful.”

  She smiled at me. “You know you have to give me more than that, Will.”

  “It’s scary to be back home. Friday I hung out with Jax and Ry. Yesterday, I hung out at home. I found myself going into the bathroom and staring at my razor.”

  “Did you cut?”

  “No, I didn’t. I just looked at it. I kept thinking about how something so small and seemingly innocent had almost cost me everything.”

  “Do you want to cut?”

  I thought about her question and I wasn’t sure how to answer. Sometimes, I wanted to cut because it was familiar, but I also didn’t want to cut because I was stronger now. “No, not really. When the urge hits me, I write.”

  “Remember you can always call me if you have an issue. If the urge to cut is too strong, call me and I can talk you through it.”

  “I know.”

  “Good. How was seeing Jax and Ryanne? I know that was something that had you very nervous.”

  “It was good. They were happy to see me and didn’t make me feel weird or ask uncomfortable questions.”

  “That’s great, Will. I’m happy for you.”

  “Being around Ry was hard, though.”

  “Why was it hard?”

  “Because I have all these feelings. They have gotten stronger instead of going away. I thought that would happen in the hospital.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for her, Will.”

  “Jax has made it very clear that there is something wrong with having these feelings.”

  “Do you think you need Jax’s approval?”

  “I’m not sure. He’s my friend and she’s his sister. It’s kind of an awkward situation.”

  “I suggest you talk to them. You can’t know unless you try.”

  I nodded, not sure if I’d ever get the courage to talk about my feelings with either of them. Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure if I was strong enough yet to get into a relationship.

  By the end of the appointment, I walked out feeling relaxed and ready to tackle the next day.

  I sighed deeply and pushed open Jax’s truck door. The high school sprawled in front of me and the ocean of students swarmed the parking lot. I had been giving myself a ton of pep talks, telling myself I could do this and I didn’t have to answer any questions.

  It was easy telling myself that.

  It would be harder to follow.

  My anxiety climbed, so I practiced the tips my therapist and I went over yesterday. I closed my eyes and visualized a calm place as I breathed deeply and slowly. When my heart slowed and the nausea passed, I opened my eyes and walked toward the school. Jax stood off to the side, giving me time.

  “Ready?” Jax asked.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  We walked toward the school, and I heard people murmuring and saw a few fingers pointing, but no one approached me. When we pushed open the doors of the school, I was met with the familiar sounds, sights, and smells of the high school—dry erase markers, chalk, and cleaning products. Most of my experiences inside this building had been good, and I was in charge of my attitude and how I let things affect me, so I was choosing to remain positive.

  “See you at lunch,” Jax said. I nodded and we parted ways.

  I walked to first period where I was met with my first obstacle.

  Lindsey.

  When I saw her, I realized she hadn’t met us in the parking lot and Jax hadn’t walked her to her first class. I made a mental note to ask Jax about it at lunch.

  “Hey, Will. Long time, no see,” Lindsey said. She looked annoyed, like I was causing her some kind of distress.

  I didn’t understand so I smiled politely as I sat at my desk. “Yeah, good to see you.” I grabbed a pen and notebook out of my bag and doodled in the margins of the paper to h
elp deal with the nervousness.

  Before I knew it, class was over. In the hall, Lindsey caught up with me again. “Has Jax said anything about me?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “No. Should he?”

  Her whole body sagged. “It’s no big deal. I’ll talk to you later.” She turned on her heel and left.

  At lunch, I grabbed food and sat at the table with Jax, noticing that Lindsey and her friends weren’t at the table. “I noticed you didn’t walk Lindsey to and from all her classes today,” I asked Jax.

  “Yeah, we broke up while you were in the hospital.” He ripped a piece of bread off and popped it into his mouth.

  “Oh, I didn’t know.”

  He looked around the table, making sure no one was paying attention. “I figured you had enough to focus on without worrying about my problems, so I didn’t tell you. I got sick of her bullshit. She kept cheating on me and I was done, so I told her it was over.”

  “It’s good you ended it then.”

  “Yeah, I feel the same way. It’s good to be a free man.” Jax grinned.

  When school was over, Jax and I headed to his truck. “How was your first day back?” he asked.

  “Good, but incredibly strange.”

  He laughed. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Everyone’s life has moved on while I was in the hospital and I feel so out of the loop.”

  “Trust me, nothing huge has happened.”

  “You and Lindsey broke up.”

  “That isn’t huge. That was inevitable.”

  I nodded. We walked in silence to his truck and climbed in.

  Jax sat back against his seat and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “So I want to talk to you about something…”

  I shifted in my seat nervously.

  “I know I gave you and Ryanne a hard time about whatever feelings you both may have for each other, but I wanted to let you know that I was sorry and I was an asshole and I’m officially backing off.”

  My heart stumbled. Where had this come from? “Okay,” I said, my voice trailing off.

  “I know you both have feelings for each other, so if you want to try being with her, I’m not going to get in the way.”

  “Do you really think you’d be okay with it?”

  “Yeah, man, I’m fine with it. I had a month to get used to the idea. I saw the way she reacted when we found you on the floor,” he said, his voice breaking. “It was hard, man. It was hard seeing you that way and I listened to her fall apart after. She was devastated, Will. I don’t even want to think of what would have happened if you … if you hadn’t made it.” The words came out like they were painful to say, but I needed to hear them. It meant a lot that they cared that much about me and I hated to think of everything I had put them through.

  “I’m sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for putting you through that.”

  Jax turned away from me and I saw him wipe at his cheeks quickly before turning back to me, a shaky smile on his face. “It’s okay, man. Just don’t let it happen again.”

  “I promise.” If there ever was a reason not to cut again, this was it. I was facing the pain I had caused others head on and it sucked. It made me feel awful, but I kept it from causing me to spiral. “I appreciate what you guys did.”

  “You would do the same for either of us, Will. You are kind of like family, which will be really weird when you guys start dating.”

  I chuckled nervously. “It’s tough getting a read on her. Sometimes I feel like she had feelings for me and sometimes I don’t think she does.”

  “Trust me, she feels the same way. Are you going to ask her out?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure.”

  “Well, will you think about it at least? I don’t really want to discuss my sister’s feelings with you, but I know you both have your heads up your asses. She was upset when you stopped talking to her after homecoming and she was devastated when we found you on the bathroom floor. She’s been going out of her mind trying to deal with everything and I know she’d jump at the chance to be with you.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “She loves you,” Jax said quietly. “But I don’t think she knows it yet. I think she’s in denial, or maybe she’s too scared to admit it because of all the shit that has happened.” He was silent for a moment. “You make her happy, Will. Give her a chance.”

  I felt like a freight train had hit me. My mouth opened and closed like a fish.

  “Listen, I’m only saying talk to her.”

  “Okay.” I felt like I had won a small battle by getting that one word out.

  Ryanne loves me.

  I didn’t even know how to process that. I needed to text her the minute I got home.

  Ryanne

  WORK HAD BEEN CRAZY busy tonight with no time for a break. Everything was ready for closing. The other server and I were sitting in a booth adding up tips with another server so we could clock out when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  Will: Did I upset you? I didn’t mean to. Sorry.

  My brows furrowed as I read his message. Why would he have upset me? Going back, I checked to see if he texted me earlier.

  Will: Hey. I wondered if you wanted to hang out later this week. Maybe we could go to the movies or something?

  My stomach fluttered. Was this his way of asking me out on a date? I texted him back, not wanting him to think I was mad at him.

  Ryanne: Totally not mad. Busy night at work and I didn’t get your text until now. I would totally love to hang out with you! When would you like to?

  Will: Glad you aren’t upset with me. I was thinking Friday? Is that good for you?

  Ryanne: It’s perfect!

  I was excited. I would take whatever he was ready for, even if it were building a closer friendship between the two of us.

  Will: I can drive on Friday. Aunt Liv is taking me to get my driver’s license as soon as school is done.

  Ryanne: That’s awesome! Are you excited?

  Will: Excited. Terrified. Nervous. Hoping I’m ready to pass it, especially after being in the hospital.

  Ryanne: You were a good driver before, I’m sure you’re still a good driver.

  Will: I hope so. Aunt Liv just came in and yelled at me for texting this late on a school night. I’ll talk to you later about Friday. Think about what movie you’d like to see.

  Ryanne: I will! Good night :)

  Will: Night :)

  I was ready and waiting for Will to show up. I didn’t want to seem over eager, so I was up in my room. Jax was going to answer the door and let him in. I felt like I was back in high school, waiting for my crush to pick me up, except I had no idea if this was just Will and I hanging out or if this was something more.

  The doorbell rang and I crept to the top of the stairs. Jax greeted Will and invited him in.

  “Ry, get your ass down here and stop being coy!” Jax yelled. “Our boy has some news to share!”

  I walked down the stairs, debating whether to play it off like I wasn’t waiting upstairs or if I should make a joke about it. Will made the decision for me. He was standing there with a gigantic smile on his face, holding up his driver’s license. I ran down the remaining steps and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Oh, Will! Congratulations!”

  He chuckled. “Thanks, Ry.”

  I backed up and held his shoulders. “I told you that you would be fine.”

  He ran a hand through his hair, seemingly uncomfortable. “You were right.”

  “I’m proud of you,” I whispered. It felt like such an intimate moment. Too intimate since Jax was standing right there.

  “Thank you,” he said, looking into my eyes. A charge passed between us and tension filled the air.

  “You two crazy kids have to get moving or you’ll miss the movie,” Jax said, thoroughly destroying the tension and whatever had just passed between Will and me.

  “Yeah, we’ll see you later,” Will agreed.

  “Be careful, okay?” Jax said, looking at Wi
ll. His eyes seemed to say something more to Will. Will nodded and held the door open for me. He seemed to be reserved after whatever had passed between him and Jax.

  I hoped it didn’t ruin the rest of the night.

  Will and I had just arrived at the movie theater. We were seeing a new scary movie and I was nervous. I had seen the first one and had trouble sleeping for a week, but I wanted an excuse to be close to Will. I felt safe in his arms and I would use any opportunity I could find to be in them.

  When he ordered us a large tub of popcorn, two drinks, and two boxes of candy. I laughed.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Nothing. That’s just a lot of food.”

  He looked down at the ground before glancing up at me with a grin on his face. “Would you make fun of me if I told you I was too nervous to eat anything before we came out?”

  “I wouldn’t make fun of you. I’d totally understand since I felt the same way.” I had practically gagged on my own dinner from nerves.

  He laughed. “I kept telling myself there was no reason to be nervous. You and I have hung out a lot before.”

  I couldn’t help but feel a little deflated that he referred to this as hanging out. Even though I had told myself over and over again that this was only us spending time together, I still had hope that this was something more. I tried to push the disappointment away so I could enjoy being out with him. It was just two friends hanging out and if it developed into something more, then that was great. If not, I would be glad to be better friends with Will.

  At least that’s what I told myself.

  We walked to our theater and picked seats at the back. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach. I knew it was completely innocent that we were in the back of the theater—Will wouldn’t think anything of it as anything other than a good place to sit and watch the movie—but all I could think about was kissing him. I missed kissing him so much. The two kisses we’d shared were amazing and I wished I could experience that again.

  As we waited for the movie to start, I ate my box of candy and listened to Will talk about his first week back at school. It seemed like it had gone well. No one had given him a hard time about being gone for a month. In fact, no one had even really asked him about it.