Ricochet

by Jessica Wilde

  "You need to back off a bit or I swear to God I will be the one punching you in the balls," Amanda had growled.

  Jake's laughter rang out through the kitchen and my lips twitched at the sound. It was beautiful, always had been, and it hadn't been often enough that I was able to hear it.

  "Hell no! Every time I piss her off she gets that fire in her eyes that shows me my little sister is still in there. No way I'm backing off when it's the only glimpse of the real Ari that I get to see these days."

  So instead of threatening him with a punch to the balls, I decided to try my hand at being as nice as possible. I didn't need to be reminded of what I had lost.

  Who I had lost.

  She wasn't coming back no matter how much Jake wanted her to.

  Amanda let me lean on her shoulder as I limped to the bathroom. My ankle had only been sprained and it was getting easier every day to put weight on it. It turned out I didn't have a concussion, but Amanda still insisted that I go to the hospital to get checked properly and I still refused.

  We both turned at the sound of the front door opening and saw Jack walking in with my two suitcases pulled behind him.

  "What the hell are you doing with my stuff?"

  Without looking up, he rolled the suitcases passed us and pulled them into his room. "You aren't going back there, so I packed up all your clothes and anything I could find."

  "I can't stay here forever," I argued.

  "I know that, but you aren't staying there. My house is practically done so I'll be moving back in tomorrow. This way, you have your stuff and there's no need to go back there and do it yourself."

  I looked to Amanda who had her eyes averted to the ground and refused to look at me. She wasn't going to help me and I could almost guarantee Jake would agree to anything Jack proposed when it came to my safety.

  "I'll be moving out the first chance I get," I said through my clenched teeth.

  Jack grinned and took a step closer, tugging on my braid with a smirk. "I'm sure you will, but not now, so don't argue."

  I growled and turned into the bathroom with Amanda still supporting me. She was holding back a laugh and I sent her a glare that forced her to push it back.

  "He's right. You'll be staying here anyway, why not have all your shit?"

  "God, you all are ridiculous. I didn't move here to mooch off my brother. I moved here to get my independence."

  "Damn fine job you have done of that, huh?" she snapped and slammed the door shut before helping me with my clothes. "Cut the shit and deal with it, Ari. You know damn well you are grateful for his help. He's taken care of a lot of stuff for you so you don't have to go out of your way for anything."

  "Oh really? Like what? Taking my stuff out of my apartment without my permission? Or was it -"

  "Just shut the fuck up and take it," she shouted, making me freeze in place.

  Her chest was heaving as she glared at me and I knew I had pushed too far. Fuck, I am being a bitch again.

  "Listen," she said, her voice softening as she took a deep breath. "Jack has done more for you than you could ever know. You need to stop this grudge you have, let it go and let him help. I know you still have feelings for him and I'm sure that makes it difficult to get past what you think is a betrayal, but stop for a minute and think, Arianna West."

  How could she possibly know I still had feelings for Jack? I didn't even know whether I did or not. At least, that's what I was telling myself.

  "What are you talking about? What has he done?"

  "Well, for starters, he went and took care of your apartment the morning after you got the shit kicked out of you. Fixed the door, cleaned up, locked up. He even talked to any nearby neighbors to make sure they hadn't seen anything or called the cops. He was furious when I told him to do it, but he did it anyway."

  "Why?"

  "Because I used the idea that it would make you happy if he did and what do you know? He did it right away even if he didn't agree with it. What the fuck does that tell you?"

  I knew what it meant. He loved me in his own way. Like Jake loved me. That's how it always had been.

  "I can see you are coming up with all sorts of shit for brains ideas so I'm going to shut up before I make this any more difficult. You smell, so let's get you cleaned up."

  She helped me take my pants off and guided me into the half filled bath tub.

  "Now, it's time for you to talk."

  "About what?" I whispered, my mind still back out in the rest of the apartment with Jack. I was letting my bitterness seep out of me at every turn and it was affecting the people who had been by my side this whole time.

  "Hey," Amanda called quietly and put her hand on my shoulder. "Let it go now. You're safe and no one is going anywhere."

  I nodded and closed my eyes, letting the hot water warm my chilled body.

  "Now talk."

  I took a deep breath and spoke. I told her everything she needed to know about the threats Roger had made against my brother. I told her everything without telling her anything.

  Amanda was confused, as she should be. "So he thinks he can put Jake in prison for being in a gang? For doing the stupid things he did years ago? That doesn't make any sense."

  "It doesn't have to make sense. I won't let him ruin my brother's life. I'm surprised he hasn't already gone to the police. Every day I expect the cops to come and arrest my brother."

  "It's his only leverage over you. Why would he play that hand so quickly when he still has a chance of getting you back?"

  My muscles tensed as adrenaline slid through my veins and that oh so familiar nausea started to rise in my throat.

  "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Ari. I didn't mean that he would get you back, I was just saying that he is just as smart as you said he is. He isn't going to give up the only thing that kept you around. Not yet."

  I stared down at the water, seeing the distorted view of my body beneath it. The bruises were still dark and the pain was still intense at times, but I was healing. I could always heal. That's what I told myself all the time.

  Bruises heal, cuts stop bleeding, but Jake would be in prison for the rest of his life.

  "It still doesn't make sense to me," Amanda stated as she leaned forward and helped me wash my hair.

  I didn't try to explain anything knowing that she would only catch on to the fact that I pretty much lied to her. She knew enough to send Jake into a frenzy, but I trusted her to not say anything.

  "You promised you wouldn't say anything," I reminded her.

  "And I won't."

  "Thank you."

  She smiled and started to rinse my hair with the removable shower head. "You're welcome. Now, I have something to say that I think you might be interested in."

  "And what is that?"

  "I take a self defense class every week over at Milestone, I want you to come with me once you are healed up. It would be good for you."

  "Self defense?"

  "Yeah, it's just a class that teaches you how to get away if you are attacked. Different moves and scenarios to practice. It's actually very effective and I know a lot of women that have been saved by a simple technique they learned."

  "What kind of techniques?" I asked, my mind racing at the possibility of being able to fight Roger off, make it impossible for him to ever have control over me physically ever again.

  "Nothing too complicated. We practice different attack holds and ways to escape them. There are also different attack moves that are extremely effective, but the point is to get away so we focus on that," she said casually and shrugged. "It's something to do and it won't hurt to learn these things."

  "Do you teach it?"

  She grinned, "I wish. The guy who does is so hot, though, so it is definitely worth just showing up for the eye candy."

  I rolled my eyes. She was still the same Amanda, but not near as shy as I remembered.

  "You can come with me. I'll be there every time if you want. They teach the class on Saturday nights."


  The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. I wanted to be able to get away and I wanted to be able to hurt Roger if I needed to.

  "Can they teach me to fight?"

  Amanda froze and leaned back, looking into my eyes seriously for a moment.

  "You don't need to fight him, Ari. You just need to get away and prevent him from hurting you this badly ever again. It isn't even a guarantee, but it's a small piece of control that you will have in your arsenal."

  I stared back at her, my expression as serious as it had ever been. "Can they teach me to fight?"

  Amanda shook her head with exasperation and stood. "Maybe, but that's not the point."

  "I know that, but it's something."

  She helped me out of the tub and I dried myself off as best as I could while she went to fetch me some clothes out of my suitcases. When she came back into the bathroom, I could hear Jack and Jake out in the living room. I couldn't hear their discussion, but by the tone of Jake's voice, he wasn't very happy with Jack at the moment.

  I dressed with Amanda's help and started limping toward the bathroom door.

  "Ari, wait."

  When I turned back, she was wringing her hands together and looking anxious.

  "What is it?"

  She stepped right up to me and gripped my shoulders, getting in my face and not letting me back away.

  "I've seen women go through this. I've seen what it does to them and I've seen what happens when they lose hope. You've still got control and I know, deep down, that you know that. Don't fuck things up by thinking you can have more than you need."

  "Amanda -"

  "Just shut up and listen," she growled and her grip on my shoulders tightened. "I want you to fight back, I do, but I also know what fighting back could entail. It's you against him, Ari. Who the hell do you think will come out on top? Truly think about it. I'm not trying to destroy any confidence you may have but I want you to think rationally. Come with me to the self defense class and learn self defense. Learn how to get away from him."

  I heard what she was saying, but I didn't listen completely. An idea had formed in my mind and I couldn't just let it go. I didn't want to be afraid anymore and if learning to fight was going to help, then so be it.

  "I'll come to the class, Amanda."

  "Good."

  She released my shoulders and stepped back.

  "You alright now?" I asked sarcastically, smiling in the hopes that she would calm down.

  "Yeah, I'm good. I thought for a minute there I had just screwed things up, but you're smart, right? You get what I'm saying."

  "Yeah, I do. Thank you for letting me know about the class."

  She smiled and helped me out of the bathroom and into the living room where Jake and Jack were waiting for us, looking upset and stressed.

  "What's going on?" I asked as I sat down in one of the lazy boy chairs next to the pull out.

  Jake raked his hands through his hair and looked over at me. "I've got to leave town for a few days. There's a convention in Vegas that I've had scheduled for months now and I can't back out of it."

  "Okay. Why do I feel the need to ask why you are so upset about it?"

  "Because I don't want to leave you."

  "Jake, I'll be fine."

  "I know that. Jack is going to stay here with you while I'm gone."

  I looked over at Jack who didn't look the least bit okay with this idea.

  "I'll be fine without him. He can move back into his house. I'm moving around better."

  "I don't want you to be alone," Jake insisted.

  "I'll be okay. Plus, Amanda can stop by when she is able to, right?"

  Amanda looked back and forth between me and Jack, then stuttered, "I, um, I've got some meetings and I'm working a double for the next couple of days. I won't really be as available as I have been."

  Panic.

  No, this can't be happening.

  No way would I be able to spend the next few days alone with Jack. It was difficult enough to be in the same room as him. I still felt guilty for the years I had hated him, the things I had said to him. He hadn't deserved them but fuck if I could act any differently with him. Every time he looked at me I felt my entire body flood with these crazy emotions and I couldn't focus on just one and roll with it.

  "I'm okay with it, Ari," Jack muttered. "I'll just be here to help you and to make sure nothing happens. I'll try not to annoy you too much."

  I needed to clear the air before I burst into tears. "Jack -"

  "It's settled then," Jake interrupted. "My flight is in a few hours. I need to get some shit together downstairs before I leave."

  My brother stood and quickly moved toward me. He pulled me up out of the chair and into a tight hug, then helped me sit back down and kissed my cheek.

  "Love you, sis. You'll be fine. Just go easy on him, yeah?"

  Amanda said goodbye and walked out the door with Jake, leaving Jack and I sitting in the empty living room staring at the walls in front of us.

  "You hungry?" Jack asked nervously.

  "Yeah, I am."

  He nodded and stood without looking at me, "I'll make something. You just stay here and relax."

  Relax.

  For the first time in a long time I wanted to burst into laughter. Relaxing was the last thing I would be able to do with Jack.

  Chapter Four

  "And now I sleep

  Sleep the hours that I can't weep

  When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes

  I was lost"

  Mumford & Sons 'Below my Feet'

  Broken Places

  A warm breeze slid over my face as I stared up at the lonely cloud in the blue summer sky. It had been a beautiful day for a birthday party. My 15th birthday to be exact. I had spent the afternoon with my friends and family swimming, lounging, and eating the delicious barbeque Mom and Dad had labored over.

  It was a perfect day.

  Still, I felt like there was a piece missing.

  Jack hadn't shown up like he said he would and Jake had made all the excuses in the world for him.

  I was disappointed, but somehow continued to enjoy the people around me. Until now.

  I wandered off to the foothills behind our house and sat alone under the huge tree Jake and I refused to let Dad chop down. So many summers spent under that tree, so many secrets shared by not only my friends¸ but Jake and Jack, too.

  I hugged my knees to my chest and breathed deeply, letting the fresh air cleanse my lungs and that beautiful breeze push away the scent of chlorine that had been clinging to my skin since I got out of the pool.

  It had always been peaceful under that tree. Quiet. A perfect place to think about what you really wanted out of life.

  "Shouldn't the birthday girl be partying her heart out right now?"

  I whipped my head around to find Jack standing close behind me with his hands in his pockets and a playful smirk on his gorgeous face. Just the sight of him took my breath away whether he was happy, angry, sad… he was Jack, and Jack owned my heart.

  "You came."

  "Of course I did, Ari. I wouldn't miss it. Just had a few things to take care of first. I'm sorry I'm late."

  "It's okay. I was worried."

  "Worried?"

  "Well, yeah," I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him, making him chuckle.

  He sat down next to me, close enough that I could smell his cologne. A spicy scent that you couldn't find anywhere else.

  "You know you don't have to worry about me. I'm invincible." He laughed at the irritated scowl I sent his way. "I have a present for you."

  "Really?"

  "Sure. Why wouldn't I? It's your 15th birthday. That's one year closer to eighteen, right?"

  "Right," I smiled widely.

  He returned that smile with one of his own and I could swear I saw impatience in his eyes, but I couldn't imagine what it would be over.

  He passed over a small, perfectly wrapped box and I accepted i
t eagerly, fingering the white and blue paper.

  "Calm down now. It's nothing too crazy, but I thought you might appreciate it."

  I tore open the wrapping paper, ignoring the small paper cut I received in my haste, then pulled the lid off of the little black box inside. At first, I didn't know what it was I was looking at, then my eyes widened when it hit me.

  "Like I said, it isn't much. But you will be driving soon, so I figured…"

  "I love it."

  He cleared his throat and watched me closely as I lifted the small keychain out of the box. It was heavier than I expected, but that wasn't what I had been so focused on. The plastic encased picture attached to the chain was what stole my breath in a rush.

  The northern lights, bright and beautiful, displayed so perfectly. The lights moved across the dark sky as I tilted the picture back and forth.

  "Pretty cool, huh?"

  "Yeah," I breathed.

  "I'll get you something better when I get there. I'll try to capture what I can of it for you. It's got to be the right time, the right place, but I'll get it."

  "You still going there next summer?"

  He shook his head and his shoulders slumped. His disappointment was palpable and I felt the familiar urge to reach out and comfort him.

  "Why not?"

  "I just don't think it will work. Not with all the shit happening right now."

  "But Jack - "

  "It's okay. I'll get there eventually. Just not that soon."

  "What about school?"

  He raked a hand through his hair and sighed with frustration. "I don't know. Jake and I were thinking about doing online classes. It will give us more time to…"

  "To what?"

  "Nothing," he said tightly. "It will just be easier."

  I looked back down at the keychain, clutched tightly in my fist. I hated that they kept things from me, that they kept themselves from me. I knew what they were doing was dangerous and it hurt that they didn't care how I felt about it. I couldn't lose them. Either of them.

  "You're smart, Jack. Don't let some stupid gang stop you from accomplishing what I know you can."

  "Ari -"

  "No. I'm sick of you and Jake hiding it from me. I'm not an idiot. I know what you both are involved in, but I love you both anyway. I just don't want you to give your dreams up for a bunch of guys that think holding their fingers up a certain way means brotherhood."