The night Jack brought me home from the hospital was long and exhausting. Both of us had to deal with our own set of pain, but we did it together.
I told Jack everything. Anything I could remember in my time with Roger. I told him about the first night he hit me, the day after, the weeks after, the years after.
I told him about that night. The night Roger held me down and slowly tore my skin open. How I fought against it.
"It was you that night that made me fight, Jack," I said as he held me in his arms. "I saw that keychain on the floor, the northern lights looking back at me, and I knew that I wasn't going down without a fight. You were in my mind, Jack. When I didn't think I would survive, you were there telling me I could."
I told him about the pain I felt when the cut was stitched together without any anesthesia because Roger told the doctor that it was lethal for me. Not that the doctor would have cared either way since it was a dingy clinic in the worst part of town and one that wouldn't repeat anything they ever saw, for a price.
I told him about the fever I had gotten after and Roger's demand of going out to buy him more alcohol. I told him about the moment I woke up in the middle of a grocery store surrounded by curious eyes and not knowing how I had gotten there. The time I spent in the back of that ambulance, begging the EMT to just let me die or to drop me off at the next bus station.
By the time I had gotten to my last night with Roger, the night Margaret found me, Jack was kneeling in front of me, his arms around my waist and his face pressed against my stomach, letting the tears falling down his face soak into my shirt.
It was hours before we finally fell asleep, clinging to each other, when the first rays of morning light broke through the curtains.
We slept the whole day, only waking when the phone rang and Jake informed us that my parents were desperate to see me. They had been at the hospital while I was asleep and had left only minutes before I opened my eyes. Jack granted my request and took me from the hospital before they could return and Jake told them to give me some time. It wasn't easy to face them after everything and it wasn't easy for them to face me. They had both been filled with guilt for not forcing me to press charges against Roger.
"It wouldn't have changed anything," I told them. "Not then. It would have only made him that much more determined to get rid of me."
"I'll kill the bastard," my dad had threatened. "Where is he now?" he asked Jake and Jack. "Let's go find him and tear him apart."
I wanted to laugh because my dad was the sweetest man I had ever known, but the expression on his face told me he was more serious in that moment than he had ever been before.
It took a while to talk him down and my mom had spent the time holding onto me and holding back her tears. Jack didn't protest when they wanted to stay the night and make sure I was okay. He insisted, however, that I was to sleep in his bed with him and that if they had a problem with that, they would just have to deal with it.
They had stayed with Jack's parents since then and came to visit me every day, helping me through the worst of it.
Amanda spent a lot of time with us, too, making sure my concussion was resolving and that I had enough pain medicine to get through the first few days without incident.
Jake only left for a few hours during the day and at night. Other than that, he was there helping to take care of me and arguing with Jack about the stupid things they always argued about.
All the while, Jack was there. Every minute of every day. He never left my side unless it was to use the bathroom or get me something from the kitchen. He assured me that things were taken care of at Milestone and that Jake had temporarily limited the hours at West Ink while Reggie took care of the schedule.
"I'm not leaving until you force me to and, baby, it's going to take a lot of forcing," he said with a wolfish grin.
It was the first time I had laughed since leaving the hospital and it felt so fucking wonderful. Jack had spent the rest of that day making sure I knew how much he still wanted me and how sorry he was for trying to push me into something I wasn't ready for.
"I should have listened," I said. "I should have listened from the very beginning, but you're right. I wasn't ready." I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes, "I'm ready now. I want to go and talk to someone that can help me and I want Roger to spend the rest of his life suffering for the things he has done. Behind bars."
So that's what the next several weeks consisted of. I met with a therapist twice a week, gave my statements to the police with Sean and Jack by my side. I told them everything I knew about the sketchy dealings Roger had been involved in while I was with him and everything that had transpired during my time with him.
Sean was close with one of the judges and it didn't take much to convince the guy to move the court date up so we could take care of Roger Dayton as quickly as possible. Jake and Jack had discussed the possibility of Roger doing something to reopen the case on Dillon Thatcher. Sean just shook his head and assured us that he wouldn't be saying a damn thing about it, not if he wanted to stay alive in prison. When I asked what he meant, Jack had told me he would explain it later and Jake hadn't looked surprised by the news at all.
I didn't let myself look over my shoulder anymore wondering if Roger would come for me again. Sean said he was around, but he was being watched every minute of the day so there was nothing to worry about. They weren't taking any chances and with Sean in charge of my case, he had the final say.
Of course, speaking with a therapist and revisiting all the things I had been through with the man opened up a whole new can of shit in my mind. Nightmares kept me up most nights and I spent hours crying in Jack's arms while he tried to comfort me.
It was difficult, but I was healing. I could always heal. It would just take a little longer this time.
I shifted against Jack, trying to get closer, and his heavy arm constricted around me, keeping me surrounded and safe. I shifted again, turning so my back was to his front, and his warm hand spread across my stomach while he shifted his hips closer, still asleep. I felt his hardness pressing into my lower back and I smiled to myself.
He hadn't pushed for anything more than kissing and the occasional touch. Not until a few weeks after he brought me home and I had begged him to touch me. Even then, he hadn't taken his own pleasure and had spent hours making sure I took mine.
Today would be different. I wasn't going to stop begging today. I needed him to make love to me like I needed my next breath.
God, waking up like this made me feel whole. Completely me.
Suddenly, the reason I woke up in the first place came flooding back.
A dream. Not a nightmare. A dream about Jack making love to me, moving over me and bringing my body to places I could only imagine in my dreams. All of it with his eyes on mine, whispering words that made the pleasure so much greater. He had told me he loved me just before we both came together and that's when I woke up. I may have come to a release in my dream, but I was nowhere near sated.
I took a deep breath, feeling my relaxed muscles gradually wake up. I lightly pressed back into the cradle of Jack's hips and rubbed myself against the thick erection that seemed to get harder with every second. Jack's hand pressed into my stomach and he let out a quiet groan.
His other arm pressed under me and he pulled me tighter against him until there was no space between us from head to foot.
His raspy voice, filled with sleep, made me catch my breath. "You okay, baby?"
I closed my eyes and savored the flutter in my belly and heat pooling between my legs. "Tonight I am."
"Did you have another nightmare?" he asked, coming awake completely after hearing that I was really awake.
I shook my head and smiled, "Not a nightmare."
"Really?"
I arched my back and pressed back harder against him, "Really."
He groaned and all of his muscles tightened. "Baby, you're killing me here. You have no idea how desperate I am to be inside of
you."
"I'm not stopping you, Jack. In fact," I said breathlessly, "I'm begging you right now."
He growled in my ear and his hands frantically pulled at my tank top, tearing it up and over my head. He was at the end of his rope because I didn't have to say another word. He cupped my breast, lifting the weight of it in his hands before sliding his fingers over the branches of ink stretching over the side. He followed the lines down with his fingers as he kissed the ink over my shoulder blade and up to the last bird at the base of my neck. When his hand found the edge of my shorts he didn't stop. I lifted my hips to help him as he shoved my shorts down along with my panties. I kicked them off and then his hand was cupping my sex, his fingers already exploring the slick sensitive skin that had been waiting for him.
"Christ, you're so wet. How long have you been like this, Ari?" he whispered into my hair.
"Weeks," I sighed.
He removed his hand and shoved his boxers down, keeping me pressed against him and guiding himself between my legs.
"I love you, Arianna."
"I love you, Jack. Now please, give me a proper good morning," I grinned.
He thrust into me, stretching me and filling me completely. We both moaned, neither of us moving as we savored the sensation.
"Jack," I whispered into the silence between us.
"Ari," he whispered back.
He started to move, in and out, slowly pulling away and thrusting back in fast and hard.
"More, Jack. Please, I need you so badly," I pleaded.
He grunted behind me before taking my hips in his hands and slamming into me again and again. I cried out as that swirling heat started to coil inside me, tighter and tighter.
"Yes, Ari. It's been too long, baby. Let me have it," he panted and moved his hand between my legs.
At the first touch of his fingers, I came hard and long. He never faltered as the orgasm swept through me, stretching the pleasure out before he found his own release. "Ari!"
We both sunk deeper into the sheets as we caught our breath. Jack kept his hands on me, moving up and down my body and touching every inch of skin he could reach, spending his time tracing my tattoo and the scar that would always be there.
"I'm proud of you," he said.
"You are?"
"Mmhmm. You're still here. You're still here and you've pulled yourself out of the dark, baby. You've been facing your demons and you're kicking their asses. Of course, I'm proud of you."
I giggled and raised my arm back so I could pull his face to my lips. I kissed him hard, planning on just the kiss, but he took it further. His tongue pushed past my lips and he rolled me under him until I was on my back and he was settled between my legs once more. He ran his fingers through my hair and buried his face in my neck, inhaling deeply and resting his weight on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
"I'm proud of me, too," I said. "I think I'm ready for tomorrow."
Jack pressed a kiss to my neck and lifted up to look down at me. "I'll be right by your side. No matter what. We all will."
"I know. That's why I know I can do this. It will be over soon and we can move on."
"Yeah," he smiled down at me. "It will be."
***
"So, tell me about tomorrow. What kinds of things go through your mind when you think about it?"
Jack squeezed my hand when Dr. Graves asked the question near the end of the hour. I had asked Jack to sit with me during today's session since it would be the last one before the hearing tomorrow. He had been with me through several of my appointments, but only when I asked. Today, I needed him to remind me that he wasn't leaving my side with tomorrow looming in the distance.
"I'm nervous," I answered, looking the elderly man in the eyes.
He grinned expectantly, "I would hope you are. Not being nervous would mean you've lost your sense of self preservation." He chuckled dryly and looked at Jack. "And what about you?"
Jack cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. "I'm nervous, too, but I'm expecting everything to go the way we are hoping it will."
Dr. Graves nodded and turned back to me. "And what are you expecting, Arianna?"
I looked down at my hand engulfed in Jack's and took a deep breath. "I'm not expecting anything but an exhausting day that will be the end of years of shit. At least, I hope it's the end."
He nodded again, not implying whether or not I was wrong to expect that or not. What I felt could never be wrong. He had told me that the very first time I came to see him. The way I felt was the way I felt and the only thing I could do about it was accept it and decide if that was the way I truly wanted to feel. I had to heal in my own time and accept my life and my past for what it was.
Every time I spoke with him, it was like opening up a filing cabinet and sorting through the events of my life, making sure they were in order and resolved before shutting the drawer and moving on. It was freeing to feel all those secrets and trials slowly trickle out of my mind and it had changed me for the better.
The old Ari wasn't coming back, but I didn't want her to because I liked who I was today. With Jack. I liked who I had become despite the negative things that had happened and the mistakes I had made.
Jack loved me today. My family loved me today. That's all I needed right now until I could take care of the last file.
Putting Roger out of my life and walking away from it.
In my sessions with Dr. Graves, I had realized that my need to move on and forget what had happened was not the wrong thing to need. In fact, it was a goal I had made that he enthusiastically encouraged. It was the timing and method of it that I had "miscalculated".
"You can't expect three years of shit to just go away in a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months," he informed me. "Everyone heals in their own time, but it's time that controls the healing. Rushing it will only leave trails of grief that you never faced and eventually, you'll come across them once more and it can be discouraging if you aren't careful. Let time be your friend, Arianna. Accept the next period of your life to be full of stepping stones and allow yourself to feel the grief, the sorrow, the pain. Once you feel it and accept it, it will be done and you will be one step closer to accepting yourself even more."
It had only been weeks and I had accepted that my issues would still need work, but I felt like I was on the right path and doing the right things for myself. For the first time in a long time, I truly had control of me.
"How is the training coming along?" Dr. Graves asked, interrupting my self-reflection.
I smiled and looked over at Jack who was smiling with me. "It's wonderful. I feel good and I feel strong. Knowing now that it was the idea of fighting that was keeping me going and not the actual ability, has helped. And Jack is a good trainer."
I felt my cheeks fill with heat at the pointed look Jack threw my way. He had tried to convince me to stop my training, but once I told him it was for me and had nothing to do with anyone else, he conceded and we spent the time building my endurance and working on technique to keep my focus. Of course, we had cut the time at the gym down to two or three times a week and spent the other times at his house - our house - working on a custom session here and there.
I think we would both get arrested if those were performed in public.
"It sounds like you've kept yourself busy," Dr. Graves said with a knowing grin. "Just make sure you take care of yourself."
I nodded in agreement and Dr. Graves stood.
"I will see you next week, Arianna. I will be available all week in the mean time if you need me and don't hesitate to contact me tomorrow either."
"Thank you, Dr. Graves."
We said our goodbyes and Jack and I walked hand in hand out the door.
We stopped at McCall's for lunch and Marie couldn't stop smiling every time she looked at us. As Molly had told me before, Jack had left his mark on everyone in town and seeing him happy - with me - was like a mystery had been solved.
The whole incident w
ith Roger had spread around town, but not one person asked any questions. They gave me their best and told me they were behind me every step of the way. The self defense class had been scheduled for a couple more nights a week to accommodate all the new sign ups and Molly never failed to pick me up for the Saturday night class even when I didn't feel like going.
"This is our thing now, Ari. We go to this together, we support each other and in the end, you get to tell me all the juicy stuff that Jack can do with his tongue while I listen like the supportive friend I am. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for you."
"God, Molly!"
"What?" she laughed. "I don't have a boyfriend and God knows it's been months since I've even been touched by a man. I keep the hardware store in business with my purchases in batteries alone. I need some new fantasies to keep me going and if I get to choose, I choose to hear about Jack."
"Well, you don't get to choose. Why don't you take Sean up on his offer to take you out?"
"Because he's looking for a wife, not a single night of sweaty, crazy sex that will leave me sore for a week."
I dropped my head into my hands and gave up. Molly needed to get laid soon or Reggie and I would be traveling to the nearest male strip club and dropping her off.
"What are you thinking about over there?" Jack asked and brushed his finger against my cheek. "You're blushing."
"Oh, I was thinking about male strip clubs," I replied with a devious grin.
He frowned and I couldn't hold back the giggle.
"You know, you don't need to pay for something like that," he shrugged. "I'd be happy to strip for free and dance a bit in the privacy of our home."
I blushed again, knowing he was completely serious and suddenly anxious to get home.
"Can anyone join this party?" Molly said breathlessly from behind me and it was Jack's cheeks that flushed red this time.
"Sorry, Molly," I said and stood quickly, pulling Jack out of his chair. "Private club for members only."
It didn't take long to get home and I'm pretty sure Jack broke several traffic laws in the process.
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