Had Enough

by Anie Michaels

  Her smile fell at my words and I almost wanted to take them back, but not quite. I was being honest. I did miss her. I thought we’d found a good place the night she found out what had happened in Vegas, thought we’d made a connection, gotten past all the bullshit we’d been wading through for so long. But I also understood that she needed time to adjust and wanted to take a step back.

  “You know it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you….” She started, but her words trailed off.

  “That wasn’t the important part of my statement. I miss you. I want to feel close to you even if we’re not having sex. But for the love of everything holy,” I said as I gripped both her shoulders, shaking her lightly, “if we aren’t going to have sex then let’s stop torturing ourselves and get the hell out of this apartment.”

  She laughed with me. “Where’d you have in mind?”

  “Did you seriously drag me out of my comfortable apartment to take me on a date to a convenience store?” Hadley looked over at me, one eyebrow raised, expression expectant.

  “You wound me,” I said as I opened my car door. We were, in fact, at a convenience store, but that wasn’t our final destination. “We’re just here to get snacks for the main attraction.”

  “Are you one of those people who buys candy and then sneaks it into movie theatres?”

  I couldn’t tell if the question came with judgement, but decided to answer her anyway. “No, I’m not taking you to the movies. That would kind of defeat the purpose of this outing anyway. You and I in a dark room together would only be trouble. Come on. You get to pick your own snacks.” I climbed out of my SUV and approached the door to the store.

  “Where are we going?” she asked as I held the door open for her.

  “It’s a surprise.” I motioned to the inside of the convenience store like it was a playland. “Choose whatever you want. There are no limitations.” I heard a snicker and turned to see Hadley holding in a laugh.

  “I’ve never had a date offer to buy me anything I wanted from a gas station before,” she said, trying to hold in a laugh.

  “Can’t set the bar too high. I’ve got an entire lifetime to impress you,” I replied, winking at her. I watched as her face softened at my words, but only for a second. The snarky Hadley was back a moment later.

  “Well, it’s not going to take much to beat the Plaid Pantry.”

  Ten minutes later we had snacks and drinks and we were back in the car. I took us to the freeway and pointed us east.

  “Okay, seriously, where are we going? There’s nothing out this way except trails and waterfalls.”

  She wasn’t wrong. The farther east you moved from Portland, the more trees you encountered. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t like there were a ton of things to do out there. But I had an idea.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’ll be fun. Plus, anything at this point is better than not having sex at your apartment.”

  “True,” she said just before biting into a Red Vines licorice. We’d both smiled when she’d picked them up at the convenience store.

  It was a short drive, just twenty minutes, but Hadley chattered away, chomping on her Red Vines and even taking the opportunity to feed me one. When we exited the freeway, I followed the signs that took us up the side of the hill.

  “Are you taking me to Crown Point?” she asked when we passed the signs.

  “I am.”

  “That’s state land, Justin. It’s really late. Isn’t it closed?”

  “Have you ever been there?”

  “No,” she replied, drawing the word out and adding in a hint of irritation at avoiding her question.

  “But you’ve heard of it.”

  “I heard it’s where the teenagers go to make out.”

  “That is true. And it all happens after dark. Don’t worry. No one’s going to jail. Besides, I’m a lawyer, I can argue my way out of anything.”

  She rolled her eyes and I swear I got an erection.

  I pulled up to Crown Point, or the Vista House, as it was sometimes called, and it wasn’t lost on me how eerie the place looked at night. I’d been there during the day and it was a breathtaking view. The viewpoint sat along the Columbia River Gorge and on a clear day you could see many miles of river toward the east, and to the west the tops of the skyscrapers in Portland could be seen. In the dark, though, it was an entirely different story.

  “Did you come here to make out with girls in high school?”

  “Me? Nah.” It was the truth. I’d never taken a woman there before—for make out purposes or others. “I’m a classy guy. I’m not even bringing you here to make out with you.”

  “No?” she asked with a laugh.

  I scoffed, pretending to be offended by her lack of faith in me.

  “Nope.” I pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. “Mark my words: I will not kiss you. I don’t care how sexy or sassy you are—it won’t happen.”

  “That almost sounds like a challenge.”

  I shrugged. “Take it however you like.” I nodded my head toward the windshield. “Shall we?”

  Her eyes followed my nod and I watched as she scanned the area with her gaze.

  “It’s really dark out there.”

  “There’re a few lamp posts.”

  She rolled her eyes again, damn her.

  “Yeah, two lights for an entire canyon of unfathomable darkness.”

  “Come on, scaredy-cat. I won’t let any monsters get you.” I opened my door and hopped out, then crossed over to her side and opened her door. She came willingly, licorice in one hand, energy drink in the other. I closed her door and walked with her to the stone wall that lined the viewpoint.

  The road wound around the actual building, circling down the mountain like a drain. To the north was the rushing river and Washington—just a stone’s throw. To the south—behind us—was just a dense wall of trees. Even though it was dark out, very dark, I knew there was green everywhere. That was the beauty of the Columbia River Gorge.

  We stopped at the wall, which was only the height of my countertops, and we both took a quiet moment to absorb the view. Then I placed my hands on the wall and hoisted myself up, pulling my legs over the wall and taking a seat.

  “Justin,” she cried. “Get down from there! You’re going to fall!”

  “I’m not going to fall. I’ve been sitting upright for most of my life. Come on. Hop up,” I said, patting the concrete next to me.

  She only shook her head at me, a smile playing on the corner of her lips.

  “Come on,” I urged.

  She looked over the side again, then her eyes cut to me. “Promise not to let me fall?”

  “Scout’s honor,” I said, making a cross over my heart with my finger.

  “That’s cross your heart, hope to die. Were you even a Boy Scout?”

  “Nope.”

  She let out a sigh but set her licorice and energy drink down, then turned and placed her hands on the concrete, hoisting herself onto the wall exactly like you would hoist yourself up onto a kitchen counter. Once her ass was on the wall she very slowly turned her body around so she was facing north like me.

  “Look at you, sitting upright so well,” I joked, giving her a wink.

  “You’re going to get us killed.”

  “It’s fifteen feet to the ground.”

  “Yeah,” she said on a laugh. “Fifteen feet until the rock-solid ground.”

  “Don’t worry. I promise I won’t let you fall.”

  She let out another sigh and looked out toward the gorge. “It sure is pretty.”

  She wasn’t wrong. There was a lot of beauty in the darkness. The moon was reflecting off the water and the city lights were twinkling in the distance.

  “It’s a good thinking spot.”

  “You come here to think?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “What do you need to think about tonight?”

  “Oh, not a lot, I suppose. Whether or not I want to remodel my ma
ster bathroom, what to get my parents for their fortieth wedding anniversary, what to do about the woman I married in Vegas.” I tried to make the words as light as possible, but I knew as soon as I said them I’d failed.

  “Your master bathroom could use an upgrade,” she said, not missing a beat.

  “And for my parents?”

  “Fortieth, you say?” she asked as she leaned over slightly and pulled her phone from her pocket. “Hmmm.” Her thumbs moved quickly over the screen, which lit up her face and she looked really out of place surrounded by darkness. “The fortieth anniversary is the Ruby anniversary, or the red anniversary. So…” she says, her voice trailing off. “Hmmm.” She looks up at the sky where there are innumerable stars available for counting. “I know. Send them on a vacation to the Red Sea.” Her fingers started to move even faster. “Google says there’s a great scuba spot in the Red Sea. Marsa Alam, Egypt. There. Done.” She took a bite from a licorice rope and then a pull from her energy drink.

  “You know what? That’s kind of perfect.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said with a smile, still chewing her licorice.

  “And what about my wife?” My tone, again, was way more serious than I intended.

  Her smile fell and her gaze dropped to my lips, then darted back up to meet my eyes.

  “She’s just as lost as you are.”

  “What if I’m not lost? What if I know exactly where I am and where I want to go? Where I want us to go?”

  “Where are you going?” she asked as she held out a licorice rope, offering it to me.

  I took it but let my hand fall to my lap, trying to read her expression. “I guess I’m trying to say I’d go anywhere as long as you’d come with me.”

  Our gaze was locked, but she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

  “Are you, though? Because for the last week I feel like I’m chasing you. We’re together, but you’re running from me and I’m trailing along behind you, hoping I’ll get close enough to grab hold.” The truth poured out of me before I could stop it, before I could analyze the argument and find the best angle to deliver the case.

  “You’ve already caught me,” she whispered just as quietly, just as quickly. “I think,” she started, then turned away, forcing her gaze out toward the darkness. “I think I’m trying to figure out how to run with someone, alongside you, instead of being pulled. Does that make sense?”

  I let out a laugh. “This whole conversation is fucked.” Her head turned to look at me. “But I think I understand.” I took a chance and reached out to her, taking her free hand in mine and threading my fingers through hers. I had to hold back a fist pump when she didn’t pull away.

  We sat in the dark on top of that concrete wall for a while, the silence between us not so loud any longer. After a few moments she leaned over, her head coming to rest against my shoulder. And there we sat until the sharp brightness of headlights moved over us.

  Another car pulled around the bend and parked in a spot facing the trees in the north. The engine cut, the lights went out, but nobody exited the car. After a few quiet moments Hadley remarked, “Well, they obviously didn’t come for the view.” She snickered and pushed her face into my chest as she laughed. My hand cupped the back of her head and my lips dropped to her crown. I inhaled the scent of her and tried to burn the moment into my brain, singeing it into my memory. Her, tucked in close and clinging to me.

  “Where do you see yourself in five years?” she asked a few minutes later.

  “In regard to what?”

  “Anything.” She shrugged. “Job, family, life.”

  It took me a moment to formulate my answer, but then I decided to just go balls to the wall—consequences be damned.

  “I think in five years I want to be settling down. I think it would be nice to spend the next few years with you doing things that are more difficult to do with kids. Traveling, camping, exploring. You know, do the things you have to put on hold for a while when kids finally come along. But then, maybe in about five years, I want to see you carrying my child. I want to build a family with you.”

  I laid it all out there, basically fileted my heart right open for her.

  It was with her next words she gave me hope.

  “I guess we should start thinking about a honeymoon then.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hadley

  “Earth to Hadley.”

  The words pulled me out of my daze. My body flew into action and I turned my chair around to look at Amy.

  “What?”

  “I’ve called your name three times.”

  “Sorry, I guess I’m a little preoccupied.”

  “You’ve seemed a little bit off all week. Anything wrong?”

  It was Saturday afternoon and Amy and I were both in the office. It wasn’t uncommon for people to come in on Saturdays, especially because it was usually quieter. Ria didn’t work weekends, so the phone was put on auto-answer and the only people who came in were the ones who wanted to work. Sometimes I’d rather be there on a Saturday than a regular weekday—less noise and distractions.

  I was glad when I saw Amy come in, though, because even though I wanted to get some work done, I didn’t want to be lonely.

  I nibbled on my bottom lip, contemplating my options.

  “Can you keep a secret?” I asked, lowering my voice to a whisper even though no one else was around.

  “Uh, yeah,” she said, pushing her chair closer and rolling her eyes a little, as if to add ‘duh.’

  “This is going to sound so crazy. And I haven’t told anyone yet, so you really can’t tell anyone. Like, seriously.”

  “You can trust me.”

  “Okay,” I said, letting out a deep breath and then taking another. “Last weekend, when we were in Vegas, I married Riley’s husband’s best friend.” I said the words with a grimace, waiting for Amy to flip out on me.

  She blinked a few times, then said, “Ha-ha. What’s really bothering you?”

  My shoulders dropped and so did my tense expression.

  “I’m totally serious. We got completely tanked and took an Uber to a wedding chapel. It’s legit.”

  “Shut up,” she said, laughing and gently slapping my shoulder.

  “Amy! Stop it! I’m serious!”

  She laughed a few more times, but when I didn’t laugh with her, she narrowed her eyes at me.

  “Are you shitting me?”

  “No. And ew.”

  “You got married in Vegas?”

  “I did.”

  “Hadley, that’s crazy.”

  “I know.”

  “So, who is this guy?”

  “His name is Justin Hunter. He’s Camden’s best friend.”

  “Are you going to get an annulment?”

  “What? No.”

  “No?” she asked, surprised. “Isn’t that, like, the first thing everyone who’s ever gotten drunkenly married in Vegas has done?”

  “I mean, maybe. But we don’t want that. We’re trying to make it work.”

  “Did I miss a step? Are you leaving out some information? Because it sounds like you married a practical stranger and now you’re trying to make a marriage work with him.”

  “Well, he’s not really a stranger. I met him when Riley and Camden started dating, and I’ve always been attracted to him. I’ve just never let anything happen.”

  “Right. So, marrying him was a great first move.”

  I glared at her. “Maybe not the best first date idea, but.” I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “I don’t know. We were definitely drunk and we’d just watched our best friends fall madly in love and get married, and I can’t make myself give him up. He’s under my skin.”

  “So what’s the problem? Does he not feel the same way?”

  “No, he’s on board. We’re just trying to feel the whole thing out. It’s weird. I sort of feel like we had an arranged marriage. The wedding came first and now we’re trying to get to know one anot
her. It’s a lot of pressure. I’m not sure how to navigate through it.”

  “Hmmm.” She tapped her finger against the desk as she hummed, thinking about what I’d said.

  “The other problem is that neither one of us has a lot of relationship experience. So we’re literally fumbling our way through this.” I spun my chair back around and pulled my goody drawer open and snagged four pieces of licorice, offering two to Amy, which she took.

  She took a bite. “Okay, so you guys are just going to have to map your own course. You’re in uncharted territory and you’re going to have to go where no man’s gone before. Or, you know, woman.”

  “Well, that’s comforting.” I laugh, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully.

  “No, it’s refreshing! Think about it. You don’t have to worry about societally accepted dating norms. None of those rules apply to you. You can make up your own rules. Half the pressure of dating is that looming idea of marriage. Is this the guy? Right? Like, you don’t even have to worry about all that because you already married him. So, he’s definitely the guy. Takes the guessing out of the equation. Now you can just focus on being half of a whole. You can start to think about how you can support him, what kind of wife you want to be, and also think about what you need from him.” As she spoke her hands came together at the fingertips to make the top of a triangle. “You can support each other.”

  “Wow,” I said, surprised. “You’re like my own personal Dr. Phil.”

  She smiled. “I’ve always been a problem solver.”

  “Good to know,” I replied, tipping my licorice toward her with each word.

  “Just remember, the key to a good marriage is communication—or so I’ve been told. Just talk to him,” she advised, shrugging her shoulders.

  I laughed and she gave me a confused look.

  “The entire nine months we’ve known each other, I’ve been trying to avoid talking to him. This seems like a fitting punishment.”

  “Sounds like you’ve got to make up for lost time.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Justin

  For the first time since Vegas I was bored.

  Hadley had to work and so I’d forced myself to do the same, but I couldn’t concentrate for long before my thoughts would turn back to her. Eventually I went back home and tried to distract myself with television. Baseball wasn’t my favorite sport to watch, but if football and basketball wasn’t in season, my choices were limited.