Aiden boarded a plane full of excitement: relaxed and giddy excitement in most of the civilian passengers and edgy excitement in Aiden and his team. He couldn’t believe his luck—that he was on a plane right now, heading home. It wasn’t luck, actually.
During the long flight, Aiden couldn’t call Vivianne, so he started an email, pouring out his heart and soul. He wished he were better with words so he could write poetry, something romantic and sweet and a maybe bit risqué. Damn, he was so eager to tell her he was on his way home, but he wanted to surprise her even more.
Vivianne, it was so good to hear your voice. I don’t think you know this, but it’s you who holds me together. You are my center. I do my job and I come back you, and that’s when I feel like the real me.
I want to be a rock for you too, but I often feel inadequate to do so. I know I should express my self-doubt to you rather than leave you guessing my feelings. If I am given the chance, I will show you just how much my very essence is intertwined with yours and that I am incomplete without you. I will commit to nurturing our union, including keeping the lines of communication open.
Vivianne, I admit I am not the best at putting my real feelings in writing, and that is why I ask you to please just hang on until can I express them in person through my actions.
All my love, Aiden.
Not too bad. It said everything he wanted to tell Vivianne and, maybe, it would show her just how deeply and fully he loved her.
He dozed on and off for the rest of the flight. As they neared the U.S., he woke up and found he couldn’t settle his thoughts on a single topic. On one hand, he felt unspeakable joy at the thought of seeing his heart, his Vivianne.
Yet, on the other hand, he knew there was much work to be done to restore their relationship. There was the old hurt over his stupid, senseless flirting with that woman. He and Vivianne had talked and talked about that, but he knew hurt remained. He knew how it’d shattered her trust. So he questioned his ability to convince Vivianne of what she truly meant to him. Would she fully forgive him for that, plus for not being there for her…and be able to return his love? He had seen marriages dissolve even when the two people still loved one another. That’s what happened to Vinny Daniels and his wife. The love had been there, but not the will to save the marriage.
Now, sitting in this big flying metal bin, he agonized over whether he and Vivianne would suffer the same fate, or if they could work hard enough, together, to make their marriage last. The first question would be if Vivianne even wanted to try.
Hopefully all this wouldn’t be for nothing. His friends, as well as MCPO Arora, had taken a huge risk in order to pull this off. If the men ended up paying the consequences, Aiden didn’t want them to learn his marriage was over.
He didn’t know MCPO Arora on a personal level, so he wasn’t sure why the officer had intervened on his behalf. But he didn’t for one moment question the motives of his friends. He wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for any of them, no questions asked. If only he could get rid of the nagging thought that this was not the end of the matter; he knew they might have to answer for their part in this plan. He, of course, planned to accept complete responsibility for his role, but he just prayed that the fallout would not be too costly for the other men.
The Captain announced it was time to prepare to land. He had made it to the U.S. as long as he was able to get through security with his fake I.D.
Landing again on U.S. soil always gave Aiden a rush of happiness and a sense of accomplishment after a mission. A few times they’d come back with heavy hearts after losing someone; each member of the team knew his occupation carried a high-risk factor. But this time the mission had been successful. Aiden wanted the same success for his marriage.
Chapter Seven
Christmas music filled the air everywhere, on nearly every radio station, throughout the jam-packed department stores, and even at the doctor’s office where Vivianne worked. The cheery holiday music starkly contrasted with her mixed emotions as Vivianne started her shift for the day. Normally, she threw herself into the holiday season, decorating before everyone else, but this year was a struggle. The holidays really drove home the fact that she might be losing her marriage.
Despite her slightly off stomach, she still smiled at the people in the waiting room as she walked back toward the office area. The medical building was professionally landscaped outside and expertly decorated inside, but it still had a ‘down home’ atmosphere. Hand-stitched quilts hung on the walls, with the local quilting club rotating in new quilts every four to six months. Vivianne loved the special holiday quilt, prominently displayed in the waiting room, with vivid winter scenes in each square. You could spend an hour looking through them, from the family having a snowball fight to the children drinking hot cocoa.
The children’s corner was another touch that added to the homey and welcoming setting. Previously, the corner had been a plain space with a small window high on each wall, several bean bags, scattered toys, and a low table stacked with children’s books. That had changed when Vivianne had a few co-workers over for a barbeque and they saw her artwork lining the walls. She’d always loved to draw people and had a sizeable collection of drawings that showcased her passion. Some of her friends thought she was wasting her artistic talent by being a nurse; they had even encouraged her to pursue art as a full-time career. Yes, she loved art, but her passion to help people was even greater. And, as it turned out, her artistic talent was useful at her job. She often drew pictures for sick kids to cheer them up or to reward them after receiving shots or stitches. She excelled at sketching Obi-Wan Kenobi waving his lightsaber, or an Evening Star Princess wearing a jeweled tiara.
Recognizing Vivianne’s talent and its positive effect on their patients, the office had all but begged her to paint a mural that stretched across the two walls of the children’s corner. Vivianne eagerly obliged, and in very little time the corner had blossomed with bright and colorful happy characters, smiling down on the little patients.
As she walked by the mural today, Vivianne thought of painting her own nursery. Despite all of the tension in her marriage, she became more attached to the baby growing in her womb with each passing day. She couldn’t help but daydream about having an ideal happy marriage, imagining them waiting for their baby, and picturing Aiden’s face as he held his child for the first time.
But what if their marriage fell apart? What if they were never a family?
She always came back to the truth of her situation, including the unfortunate fact that her husband had no idea she was expecting a baby. But how could she tell him when they were talking about divorce? Of course Aiden would do “the right thing” and stay with his family, but that might only make things worse. She would always wonder if he stayed there, trapped, because they’d created a child together. Then, later on, he might end up leaving anyway, hurting that child even more.
No, she wanted to resolve things one way or the other before he knew. That way she would at least know if he loved her and wanted to be with her. When he learned about their baby, it might further complicate things, but she had to know where she stood with Aiden first.
Vivianne sat down at her desk and booted up her computer. After a minute, she reviewed her work notes for the day’s tasks ahead. She also checked her personal email in a different window—since she was a few minutes early, she wasn’t on the clock yet—and a new message from her husband jumped out amid the holiday emails from friends and family members.
Had he changed his mind? Aiden had asked her to hold off on making any decisions, but… maybe he had taken a preemptive strike.
She was surprised at the length of the email, which almost made her laugh—Aiden was usually straight to the point. She would have at least smiled, but her nerves were pricking all over, and her stomach knotted up even more. Then she let her eyes focus on the words.
Vivianne, it was so good to hear your voice. I don’t think you know this, but it’s you that holds
me together. You are my center. I do my job and I come back you, and that’s when I feel like the real me.
She continued reading through blurry eyes. He had signed it All my love, Aiden.
He was obviously making a sincere attempt to communicate his feelings from the heart, to win her over again. Loving him had never been a problem. That man could take her breath away by flashing the O’Riley smile. She’d always been so proud to be with a man like him, someone so strong and yet loving.
I will commit to nurturing our union, including keeping the lines of communication open.
Her own confusion made it hard for the words to sink in. She had to fight through layers of hurt and… guilt. She had hidden more than her pregnancy from her husband, and it would be impossible to go forward until she unburdened this secret.
“Morning, Viv!” Her co-worker, Sheila, hustled by, dressed as one of Santa’s elves over her nursing uniform. “Ready for the rush? Are you feeling better?” Sheila had a cheery, sing-song voice.
Vivianne couldn’t help but smile. “A little better, thanks. It was just a stomach thing.” People had noticed she’d taken a few days off and came in later now, but thankfully no had put two and two together so far. It wouldn’t take long, however, in a doctor’s office. “Hey, Sheila, could you cover me for a few minutes? I need to take care of something.”
“Of course, no problem.” Sheila smiled and patted Vivianne’s shoulder before walking away, singing slightly off key to Frosty the Snowman playing softly in the background.
After several minutes of blankly staring at her computer screen, one clear thought rose amid all Vivianne’s confusion. She read Aiden’s words once again, then she clicked “reply” and began typing.
Chapter Eight
She stared at his I.D. for a few seconds too long, making Aiden nervous. He simply smiled at her when she looked up, and then she waved him through security. One hurdle cleared. Now he was in ATL and would soon fly across the US and to Vivianne.
He wasn’t happy about the five hour layover in Atlanta, simply because he wanted to see Vivianne now and not five hours later. He ate a quick burger, enjoying the fast food and the air of civilian normalcy all around him. People were wishing each other Merry Christmas and talking about who they would soon visit.
His cell rang while he was slowly chewing his last bite. Did they catch him already? That seemed doubtful. It could be important so he answered, his chest tight. “O’Riley.”
“We got you a quicker flight,” Daniels said. “Unless you want to sit around there for a few hours.”
“No, not at all, but how did you do it?”
Daniels was quiet for a second. “Well, apparently some people have the power to move around take off times. And it’s better to keep you moving, just in case. That other flight was scheduled in case we needed it.”
Aiden got his new flight information and hustled across the airport to catch the new plane. Once he was on his final flight to California, this started to feel real. This flight was shorter and he couldn’t sleep. The time went by painfully slow and then suddenly too fast, as he realized they were nearing their destination.
“All passengers return to your seats and prepare for landing. It has been my pleasure to be your pilot today. Have a very Merry Christmas.”
Viv, I’m coming home. Before Aiden knew it, the plane was touching down in a smooth landing. He hoped it’d be a good omen for things to come with his wife. With all his heart he longed to make it home to Vivianne and envelop her in his arms.
Just the thought of their reunion sent happy endorphins through his brain, almost like the sensation of eating a very hot pepper and feeling it all over his body. Although he knew they had some hurdles to overcome, simply laying eyes on the woman he loved was enough to thrill him to the very core.
Once again, he went through security without any problems. He’d need to rent a car now and hoped the credit cards Arora provided would work.
Before anything else, he checked his email, hoping to see one from Vivianne. We’re so close, baby. She had written. Happiness swelled in his chest but quickly deflated as he read on.
Thank you for being so honest, Aiden. I know that it took a lot of effort on your part to convey your feelings in writing.
I have something to tell you, too. I don’t believe that I’ve crossed any lines or done anything wrong, but this is something you should know about. As hard as it is to write this, you really must know if we are serious about making our marriage work.
This concerns your friend Travis. Since he lives just down the street, he started coming around more this last year when you were away on missions. In all honesty, it was so nice for me to have someone to talk to, and soon I realized how much I needed that. At first, he and I both saw it as just a close friendship. I’m not sure exactly when things changed, but I began to notice he came by more and more often to check on me. He also started to hug me—innocent friendly hugs at first and then more frequent, more intimate hugs. So I guess I knew his feelings had changed. But I didn’t tell him to back off.
Then, things changed when you told me about that girl on your last mission. I’m not sure if you truly understand how much that hurt me. I know we talked and talked about it. I tried to explain how deeply that situation affected me, but I never felt you really understood my devastation. We had been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half, as you know. But I felt like a bad wife and that something was wrong with me because I couldn’t get pregnant. When you told me about her I felt like I failed twice. We were fighting so much about your job during that time, and I felt sure she would understand your responsibility to your job, and everything else about you, a lot better than I did. I started thinking about how you could be happier with her and could even start a family. I was consumed with fear, insecurity, and jealousy.
I found myself telling some of this to Travis. I’m sorry. I knew that would hurt you, especially since he was a friend. But that might be part of the reason why I did it. I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me.
I wasn’t sure how far I would take it, though. In August, a week before you came back, he hugged me goodbye and leaned in to kiss me. I didn’t kiss him, Aiden. I pushed him away and said no. He left.
I feel guilty because I intentionally did something to hurt you. I also feel guilty because I was thinking about doing things that crossed the line, even though I didn’t act on those thoughts.
You came back, and we tried to talk through everything—about trying to get pregnant, your emotional affair, and our constant arguing. I didn’t want to throw in something else to confuse the situation, especially since it was over by then.
I know you wanted to wait till we could talk in person, but I’m scared to say all this to your face. Not scared of you. Just scared of what this will do to you.
I do love you, Aiden, with all my heart.
Talk to you soon,
Vivianne
His heart sank lower and lower as he read each word. Anger soon followed his heartache, along with every emotion in between.
Among the emotions he felt was pure, red-blooded male jealousy. Next, he imagined plowing his fist right through Travis’s nose. Travis was shorter, smaller, and weaker than Aiden. He could beat the life right out of him in a minute flat if he wanted to. The desire was certainly there, but as he sat there thinking, he replayed his life with Vivianne. He thought about all the pain he had inflicted upon her in the recent past. He loved her, too, and tried his hardest to make her happy, but yet he had failed miserably in some ways. To be honest, it really wasn’t Vivianne’s fault that she had turned to another man for support. Aiden took the blame for his part in making her unhappy.
As for Travis, he was—emphasis on was—Aiden’s friend. What was he doing coming on to Vivianne?! It sounded like Travis had come looking to replace him, knowing that Vivianne was vulnerable. Damn Travis!
The email didn’t say if she’d seen Travis since the attempted kiss. Aiden couldn’t help b
ut wonder if his so-called friend was still attempting to “check on” his wife on a regular basis.
Chapter Nine
Vivianne slowly awoke on Christmas morning as the dim light streaked through the curtains, thinking that maybe she should have gone to her parents’ house. They’d invited her to come over last night and wake up with everyone to open presents. Her sister would be there, her nieces, and even Uncle Phil. She just…couldn’t.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see them. She just didn’t want them to see her in such an emotional state. Her mom had believed her when she explained horrible she felt in the mornings, which was actually true, and that was why she didn’t want to come over. They all expected her later, however.
Vivianne was dreading it a bit. She knew her mom was sharing the news about the baby, maybe this very minute. Tears stung her eyes. She used to daydream how she would tell Aiden once they were finally pregnant. It’d just taken longer than she had expected, and now Vivianne wasn’t sure if this would be happy news, if he knew.
The morning sickness sometimes didn’t set in until she got up, so Vivianne stayed right where she was, nestled under the covers. Her only movement was to stretch over and pull her phone into bed.
There was a voicemail from Aiden.
“Merry Christmas Eve, baby. I love you. Miss you. Need you. That stuff with Travis, let’s forget about it. Let’s just look forward. Talk to you soon.”
He sounded so excited, and he wasn’t angry! Sharing that, being honest, had made her feel so much better. Strangely, it had also helped to clear the hard feelings she had held onto about Aiden’s flirty thing with Cindy. Maybe they really could move past all of this.
I love you. Miss you. Need you. She replayed the voicemail several times. Too bad the team wasn’t able to come home for Christmas; she’d give anything to see him.
Special Ops Christmas Page 3
