[What's Luck Got To Do With It 02.0] Down on Her Luck

by Carmen DeSousa

  He smiled softly. “And after that …?”

  “I guess we’ll just have to see what happens after that.”

  “Works for me.” Markus pressed his lips against mine, but then Buddy wriggled his way between our legs. “I better take him outside.”

  I sniffed again, trying to catch my breath. “I need to make something for Ray to eat anyway. Are you hungry?”

  “Always.” He winked. “What did you have in mind?”

  “Chicken soup.”

  “Oh, well … that works too, I guess.”

  “Go take him outside. I have work for you when you get back.”

  “Yes, Ma’am!”

  After Markus and I had moved most of my sister’s things to the only bedroom on the first floor, I woke Raylene for dinner.

  Raylene, as pale and thin as she was, didn’t look weak as she sat across from me at the dinner table. She rapidly tapped just her thumb against the glossy cherry-stained tabletop, as if contemplating her next move. “Did she tell you the news?”

  “Did who tell us what news?” my mother asked.

  My sister picked up her spoon and pointed it at me. “Her. Your prodigal daughter.”

  Markus looked at me, then at Raylene, his brow furrowing at once. “Tell us what?”

  Raylene started to answer, but I cut her off. “Calling me names isn’t going to change my mind, Sis. I’m staying and that’s the end of it.”

  Markus chuckled, then looked between Raylene and me for clarification. “Not my place, of course, but isn’t that a good thing? Laina wanting to stay?”

  “Not if she has to sacrifice her dreams for it,” Raylene growled.

  “Ray,” I sighed, “I told you. I’m happy. This is what I want.”

  My mother set down her fork and stared at me now. “What is Ray talking about, Laina?”

  “Laina landed the lead in You Don’t Need a Man, but called back and turned it down after she discovered I was sick.”

  My mother furrowed her brow as she stared at me. “Is that true, Alaina?”

  I exhaled a huge gust of air. “Yes. Yes. I don’t understand you people. First, everyone is upset because I don’t live here, and now everyone’s upset because I said I want to stay.” I slid my chair back and jumped up from the table, then darted for the stairs, the way I’d done when I was a teenager. Halfway up the stairs, I realized Buddy was on my heels, doing his best to climb the steps. I reached down and scooped him up, then charged up to my room.

  “What do they want from me, boy? Why are they never happy?”

  His tail thumped against my arm, but he had no answer.

  “What do you think I should do?”

  Buddy nuzzled his head closer to my chin, so I squeezed him, then set him down. It had always amazed me that animals looked humans in the eyes. How did they know that?

  I sat down beside him, and he hopped onto my lap.

  “You are a good boy, aren’t you? Why isn’t someone looking for you?” Was there something wrong with him? I had to agree with my mother: Why would someone let a perfectly good anything go?

  A soft tap on the door caused Buddy to jump out of my lap and yip. “Ahh … and you’re a watch dog, too. Perfect.”

  The handle turned, but Buddy stood his ground. When the door inched open, Buddy remained vigilant, but backed up a few inches.

  “Laina?” Markus asked as he tapped on the door while opening it at the same time.

  Buddy ran to greet him.

  “Traitor,” I mumbled. “We’re mad at all of them, remember?”

  At the sound of my voice, Buddy ran back to me, but then stopped between the two of us.

  “He’s torn,” Markus said.

  “I know the feeling.”

  Markus walked to where I sat on the floor and lowered himself beside me, which pleased Buddy. He immediately curled up between us. “I think he thinks we both belong to him.”

  I looked up at Markus and shook my head. “You’re ruthless.”

  “No, really. Every time we’re together, he rests silently between us, but when you run off, he jumps up. His comfortable world ends the moment you’re sad.”

  I sighed, realizing I’d done that to Markus repeatedly. Every time he started to get comfortable, I’d jump up and leave him.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Markus. I already turned down the role. I’m staying here.”

  Markus released a long breath. “But you’ll be unhappy.”

  “I won’t be unhappy. I’m turning forty in a few months. I’m tired of running around. I want to settle down.”

  Markus leaned forward, and I closed the distance. He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and coaxed me closer. I opened up to him. His warmth. His smell. His kiss. Markus really did feel like home.

  I hated that I’d had to make a choice, but I’d made up my mind. I simply wasn’t willing to leave my mother and sister alone, and I was in love with Markus.

  I leaned back and looked at the man I’d been in love with my entire life. “I love you, Markus, and I’m staying. We’ll figure out everything else as we go along.”

  “I love you, too, Alaina, but you already knew that. And as I said earlier, stay or leave, we will figure out everything else, because I’m never letting you go again without a fight.”

  14

  Sisters

  As always, other than the birdsong and the ticking of the clock, the house was utterly quiet when I came downstairs.

  But unlike the previous days, there was a major difference in the kitchen. My sister. Wrapped up in an old patchwork quilt that Bubbie had made years ago, Raylene sat with her back to me, just staring out the glass door into the backyard. Now that I knew she wasn’t working, I guessed she didn’t have to hide from me.

  “It’s so peaceful, isn’t it?” Raylene said without moving from her cocooned state. “I never took the time to do this. Never took the time just to sip tea and listen to the birds. Every day was packed from the time I woke up, until I fell into bed at night.”

  I leaned over the back of the chair and draped my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder.

  Raylene leaned into me. “You know, everyone always said I had my life figured out, that I was so smart, so successful. But what is success, anyway? Working your way up to a branch manager position, starring in a movie, or choosing to have a child and stay home? How can anyone really measure what success is?”

  I straightened my back and walked around my sister, pulling a chair from the table to sit beside her. “I don’t know. I always thought you were successful.”

  She turned to me. “And I envied you.”

  “What? Why?”

  “For being brave. For not being afraid to live month to month.”

  I laughed. “Gee. Thanks.”

  Raylene struggled to sit up in her chair without breaking her cocoon. “No, really. I know there’s something to be said for both lives, but think of all the places you’ve been because you weren’t tied down to a job.”

  True. Whenever a friend of mine was starring somewhere, I could grab a cheap flight and go visit them since I had a free place to stay. Other than New York, I’d spent time in L.A., San Francisco, Phoenix, Florida, North Carolina, Chicago … even Japan. Raylene knew that, of course. I’d never thought it was bragging when I posted images to my Facebook page.

  “But you were happy, right?” I asked. “With Russell. What happened?”

  She dropped her head. “Yes … Until …” She sniffed, and I was sorry I’d asked. I’d kept my mouth shut ever since Mom had suggested I not talk about it. I’d been waiting for Raylene to open up to me. “The moment he found out I had breast cancer, he said it was over, said he wasn’t ready for that. Especially since there was a good chance I’d lose my breasts.”

  I gasped. “He didn’t! What a —” I suppressed my expletive at the hurt look in Raylene’s eyes.

  “He did. Days later, he refinanced the house so he could buy me out of my half because he was afrai
d that debtors would come after the property when my insurance ran out.”

  “Has it run out?” I asked, concerned at once. What would happen if she couldn’t get the treatment she needed?

  “No. One of the benefits of working eighty hours a week for so many years. But, it all depends on how much chemo I need after the surgery.”

  “Oh, Ray,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do.”

  She shrugged. “There isn’t. This is life. I’m not the first woman to deal with this. Thankfully, I do have great health coverage, and Mom, of course. I don’t know what I would have done without her.” Raylene stared up at me. “I’m sorry she called you home, Laina. She was scared. Scared that something would happen to me during the operation, and then you’d be upset at her for not telling you that I was sick.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I would have been. I am mad. You had no right to keep that from me. I’m your sister, and like you said, my job enables me to be here. You just had to let me know,” I said, exasperated. I sniffed, attempting to hold back the tears. “When’s the surgery?”

  “Not until after the holidays. Isn’t that nice? I get to keep my womanhood for one more Christmas. Of course, I’m losing more of my hair every day and sicker than a dog from the chemo, which doesn’t seem to be working anyway.”

  I blew out a long breath. I wanted to say that her breasts weren’t what made her a woman, but I tried to imagine myself in her position, and how stupid I would think the woman was who would dare say that to a woman who was losing her breasts. Her breasts weren’t what made her a woman, of course, but it would still sound thoughtless coming from a woman who had her breasts, so the only thing I said was the truth, “I’m so sorry, Ray …”

  Now Raylene sniffed. “And I’m afraid.”

  I jumped out of my chair and lowered my body over hers. “I’ll be here. The way you’ve always been here for me. You can count on me.”

  Raylene buried her head into my shoulder. “Thank you. I really don’t want you to miss your chance at your dream, but thank you for coming home, Laina.”

  I leaned back. “It was time for me to come home. Besides, if I hadn’t come home, I wouldn’t have landed a lead role.”

  “A role you’re not taking because of me.”

  “Not just you. Mom, Markus, Buddy … I have lots of reasons to stay home.”

  “And what about Joe? I never thought he was your type, but when I saw you together in New York, he seemed crazy about you.”

  My sister was nothing if not perceptive. Maybe because she didn’t ramble on as I did. Instead, she’d be the one to sit back and analyze a situation, people. In the end, she probably walked away from a conversation knowing more about a person than the person knew about him- or herself.

  “Joe … Hmmm … He asked me to marry him. Can you believe it?”

  “And what did you say?”

  I flopped back down in my chair again. “He asked me in a letter, a letter he left on the counter because he was accepting a job in Chicago. Apparently, he didn’t think I loved him, so he didn’t want to go through the fanfare and money of asking me in an extravagant way. He said if I agreed to marry him he’d stay in New York, though.”

  “When did this happen?”

  I couldn’t stop the bitter chuckle that escaped my mouth. “He left the letter for me the day I came here … but I didn’t read it until right before I got the final callback for the audition. Like I said, I had several reasons to come home, but I have more reasons to stay.”

  Raylene’s eyes were thoughtful. “But do you love Joe?”

  At Raylene’s penetrating gaze, I thought long and hard about my answer. Clearly, she was hurt by Russell’s rejection. “Yes, I do love Joe, but I don’t think I love him enough to marry him. I think …” I paused as I thought through my words again. “I know it’s only been a little over a week. Well, thirty-three years plus a little over a week, but I think I’m in love with Markus. Like, really in love, not just, ‘he’s a friend I care about’ kind of love, but an ‘I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him’ kind of love.”

  Raylene smiled. I loved seeing my sister smile, something she didn’t do often enough, even when she wasn’t sick. “Markus loves you, Laina. He really, really loves you. You should see the way he smiles whenever he talks about you. His entire face lights up. And when Mom told him you might be coming home for Thanksgiving after she spoke with you, she said she thought he might have even teared up.”

  I sighed. “It’s scary, though. I mean, just a little over a week ago, I was in a relationship for three years, and I walked away without even a tear. I mean, I was sad. I was ticked, but I didn’t cry. What does that say about me?”

  My sister’s lips turned up slightly. “I don’t want to tell you what you feel, as only you know that, but, I think it means you cared for Joe, but I don’t think you really loved him.”

  “That makes me sound so, so … I don’t even want to think about what that makes me feel like. I certainly don’t want to make that same mistake again. And definitely not with Markus.”

  “Markus won’t push you. He never has before.”

  “No, Markus has never pushed me for anything.”

  But maybe he should have …

  15

  Station Square

  The phone rang and I just stared at it, trying to make out the name of the caller through hazy eyes.

  Raylene and I had talked through the day and into the night, catching up on years and years of missed events. While we’d spent many holidays together, and had talked on the phone nearly monthly, there was nothing like sitting face to face, confessing and sharing dreams and secrets, regrets and hope.

  Through one eye, I read Markus’s name and clicked Answer. “I’m only answering this because it’s you, you know.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad I rate high enough on your Friends list to rate an answer.”

  I groaned at his chipper tone so early in the morning.

  “Good morning to you too, sunshine. It’s my day off, and Buddy and I would like to spend it with you.”

  “Doing what?” I mumbled.

  “Oh, we have to qualify there too?”

  I laughed. “No, I’m just tired. Ray and I stayed up all night talking.”

  “Hmm … I was thinking since it was Thanksgiving tomorrow, and you were complaining how much you’d eaten in the last few days, I thought we’d go to another park, several actually. I have the entire day mapped out for dog-friendly activities.”

  “What’s the weather like?”

  “Just checked. Sunny and sixty. Perfect. But bring a jacket.”

  “Okay, give me an hour to get ready.”

  “You got it. I can knock out a few more words, then.”

  “I thought today was your day off.”

  “It is. This isn’t work. This is something else I’ve been working on.”

  “Oh. All right. See you in an hour.” And I hung up.

  Before moving out of bed, though, I just sat with my head between my knees, thinking about my sister. Would she be okay by herself?

  Instead of heading to the shower, I headed downstairs to her room. “Ray,” I tapped on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Ray was sitting by the window, sipping tea. She looked good, better than she had since I’d been here. “You look good today.”

  “It comes and goes. They have me on a cycle of treatments. I don’t start up again until next week, so hopefully I can enjoy Thanksgiving tomorrow.” She lifted the cup to her mouth and sipped. “The ginger tea helps too. Amazing stuff, really.”

  “I’ve heard that it helps stress, too, or maybe that’s just because many people confuse an upset stomach with anxiety.” I sat down on the window ledge. “Markus wants me to go out with him today, but —”

  “I’m fine, Laina. Great, really. Go. Have fun. I’ll call you if I start to feel ill.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,
I’m sure. I’m just going to read.”

  I walked over to her and kissed her forehead. “Okay. Please call me if you need me. We won’t be far, I’m sure. And I’ll make sure I take you to all of your appointments from now on, so you won’t have to go alone. I promise.”

  “I haven’t been alone. Mom’s been taking me, the reason Markus has been filling in so much. But that’ll be great. It’s hard on her. You know how much she hates to drive to Pittsburgh.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, especially when the tunnel monsters are causing traffic to back up.”

  “Exactly,” Raylene said through a reserved chuckle.

  Markus paid to park in a parking garage downtown, then we walked down a level from the street to the subway, Buddy tucked quietly in a carrier.

  “You won’t be able to carry him like that for long, will you?” I said.

  Markus smiled. “No, we won’t.”

  Had I heard right? Had Markus emphasized the word, we?

  “That’s why I wanted to do this now, before he gets too big.”

  “So, you’re keeping him?”

  Markus looked at me and grinned. “No, I’m training him. You’re keeping him. In fact, he’s almost completely trained, so I think tomorrow he’ll move in with you. He needs more room to run.”

  I stared at Buddy’s sad eyes as I sat down on a bench seat on the train … He definitely had the expressive round eyes of a boxer. “You want to move in with me, Buddy?” His tail smacked against the crate.

  Markus stuck his hand inside the crate and stroked Buddy on the neck. “Of course he does; he loves you. He wants to be with you all the time.”

  “And what about you?”

  Markus sat down beside me. “Do I want to move in with you?”

  “No,” I said through a nervous chuckle. “I meant, won’t he miss you, since you’ve spent more time with him than I have?”

  “Well, I was kind of hoping I’d have visitation rights. You know, since I’m a great father and all.” Markus leaned toward me and kissed my cheek. “And since I am in love with his mommy.”