I can't resist one more try, “Open your eyes for me, Baby.” I kiss his cheek and then lie back down next to him.
I rest my head right next to Chase's face. After several minutes, I feel a flutter in my hair. I jerk back and look up at Chase. His eyes are fluttering, opening and closing as if he's trying desperately to wake up. “Come on, Baby,” I whisper. “You can do it. Open your eyes for me.”
After several minutes of opening and closing his beautiful copper-colored eyes, he manages to keep them open for small amounts of time. His parents have joined us at his bedside again, smiling and cooing over him like a baby. “We missed you, son,” they tell him.
I kiss him fully on the mouth and say, “Whenever you're ready you can kiss me back.” The corner of his mouth twitches just a little, exactly the way I had seen it yesterday.
“Don't try too hard,” I smile. “I'll be ready when you are.”
Chapter 16
More waiting ensues, but this time it's not as difficult. Of course, I would be thrilled if Chase would just hop up on his crutches and walk out of the hospital with me like nothing ever happened. But I know he's coming back, and that's enough to keep me going.
Late in the evening, Chase opens his eyes again and seems to be looking around a bit more. He looks at me with confusion, like he's trying desperately to figure out what's happening.
Doesn't he recognize me?
Then he starts to groan and twitch a little and it really freaks me out. I push the nurse call button.
When Kellie shows up, I am so relieved. “Why is he doing that? What's wrong with him?”
Kellie walks over and starts speaking to him in a soothing voice. “Hi Chase, I'm Kellie. I'm glad to see you're awake. You're in the hospital, but you're doing great. Your fiancee has been waiting for you. She's a keeper, you know.”
She explains to me that it's very common for coma patients to feel confused and agitated when they're first waking up. He may have a hard time making sense of what's going on for a little while – until he can stay awake for longer periods and begin to communicate with us.
She tells me that the best thing I can do is to try to calm him down and tell him that everything is going to be okay. Stroke his hair, tell him I love him. Do all the things I've been doing. I can handle that.
I take over as Kellie leaves, assuring me that she will be back to check on him soon. “Hi, Baby. Your surgery is over and you've been asleep for a long time. Your mom and dad are here. They just went to get a snack. They will be back very soon. We'll be here whenever you need us. Don't worry. Everything is all right.”
I stroke his hair for a long time, until he drifts back to sleep. When Chase's parents return, I update them on his agitated state and how Kellie told me to calm him down.
I brush my teeth and resume my position on the tiny sliver of Chase's bed. I soon join him in dreamland.
It's still a little scary to see Chase so confused when he tries to wake up. He's clearly upset and I want to calm him down as quickly as possible.
When we're attempting to calm him, we always start with “We're here, Chase, and we love you.”
His parents sometimes remind him of funny stories about his childhood. They tell him where he is, how old he is, how long he's been here.
I try to replay everything that has happened over the past few weeks – our whirlwind romance, our engagement, his surgery, the coma. Except I never use the word coma; I'm not sure if it will alarm him. I tell him what day it is and that he hasn't been asleep for very long.
We all tell him, “Don't worry. You're getting better. We're all taking good care of you.”
Sometimes I kiss his cheek or hold his hand. But he always seems to calm down when I stroke his hair.
About lunch time, Scarlett shows up. “I hope you haven't eaten yet,” she tells me. I look worriedly at Chase and then at Dr. and Mrs. Nichols.
I could use a break, but Chase needs me so much right now. I'm not sure what to do. Mrs. Nichols finally says, “Kate, GO! You need a little respite. I will take perfectly good care of Chase.”
It's true. I have known Chase for two months. His mom has been caring for him all his life.
“How about some really good Mexican?” Scarlett asks. “We can walk there from here and be back in an hour.”
I nod with a sigh of relief.
The delicious smells and bright colors of the restaurant remind me that there is a world outside the ICU. I look around at the smattering of people – a few college students, some men in suits, a family with five kids. They're all here for the same reason as me – to get some food. But they can't possibly understand what I've been through in the past days. I feel a bit envious of their seemingly carefree lives.
“Tell me how you met Chase,” Scarlett's exquisite eyes draw me back to the present.
I am very happy to tell her the tale of how Chase swept me off my feet.
“I know we moved really fast. But we both just knew. Something told me that it was right.”
“Or someONE,” Scarlett suggests with a knowing smirk.
I agree. “I'm starting to realize that God must have wanted us together.” I don't know why, but I feel a bit awkward saying it out loud. “Chase told me that you were a huge support for him after his accident. And that he is a Christian because of you.”
Scarlett smiles a knowing smile. “Well, it's because of the Lord that Chase is a Christian. I just like to think that I helped a little.” She takes a sip of her iced tea, then asks,” What about you? Are you a Christian?”
Why did that question seem so loaded? Of course I'm a Christian. My parents made me go to church on Sundays. I used to be really involved. But is that what makes me a Christian?
“I think I am,” I'm more ashamed of my answer than I know I should be.
“Do you have a relationship with God?” She gently nudges.
Okay, so yes, I grew up going to church. The concept of a relationship with God isn't completely unfamiliar to me. But my concept of being a Christian is still stuck at an elementary school level. Is there than just going to church, being a good person, and doing all the “right” things?
“I go to church with my family. We've always been pretty involved. I used to do all sorts of things with the other kids in my church, but eventually I stopped. You know, when life handed me more responsibilities.” I feel like I'm still a grade school kid trying to answer an adult question.
“Well,” Scarlett ventures, “God wants a personal relationship with you. Church is important, of course. But God wants you more than all of the good things you do for Him.”
“How do I have a relationship with someone who's not right here in front of me?” I wonder.
“It's a conversation. God speaks. All the time. You just have to practice listening.”
A new realization takes over. “Yeah. I think I heard Him in the chapel the other day, telling me to trust Him. And before the surgery, Chase gave me a Bible verse to read. I read it while I was in the chapel, and I felt like God was telling me something from that, too.”
Scarlett nods emphatically in agreement.
“So, what does it mean to trust God? I mean, really trust him. You could tell me that you're going to do something for me tomorrow, and I will believe you. I will trust you to do it if you said you would, even though I haven't known you for very long. Trusting God seems so much harder even though He can do anything.”
“Trusting God is hard because He doesn't always do things the way we want Him to,” Scarlett replies with conviction.
“So,” my voice cracks, “Chase might not be the same when he fully wakes up?”
“Oh, I think Chase is coming back.” Her warm smile comforts me. “But there will always be unexpected circumstances in your life. God hasn't put you in charge of your life, He wants to be in charge, and for you to trust Him like a little child trusts his parents. So, even if Chase isn't exactly the same after this, God wants you to trust Him even if things don't turn out
the way you wanted them to.”
I sigh. I'm not exactly sure I understand, but I'm quite sure that I have more letting go to do. Letting go of the way I want things and letting God work things out the way He wants to.
“Don't worry, Kate. Just ask God to help you find your strength in Him. He always answers that prayer.”
“Thanks, Scarlett, I really appreciate it.”
We pay the bill. I check my watch and I'm horrified to see that we've been gone for over two hours!
Scarlett catches the glance at my wrist and assures me, “It's fine. Mrs. Nichols would have called you if anything changed.”
On the way back to the hospital, Scarlett tells me how she used to torment Chase when they were kids. “It was so easy to upset him because he has such a tender heart. I would push him and he would never fight back. I used to kick his butt in sports, too.”
I laugh at her descriptions of him trying to outdo her in every sport imaginable. She finishes, “He never gave up on anything, but I think that's why he liked running the best – he was always faster than me.”
Mrs. Nichols apprises me of everything I missed while I was gone. Dr. Carbondale had checked in. He said that Chase's incision is healing very well and that he will be able to take out the stitches soon.
Also, Chase had opened his eyes once and became very distraught. Mrs. Nichols said she had a hard time calming him down. “I think he wanted you, Kate.”
I gulp down a feeling of guilt. “I'm sorry.”
“Oh, don't be sorry, Kate. You needed the break and he's fine now. You look refreshed. You must have had a great time.”
“I did, thank you!” Turning to Scarlett, I give her a hug and say, “Thanks so much!”
Even though he's asleep, I stroke Chase's hair and assure him that I'm back. I'm here for him.
The next morning, I awaken in my standard spot next to Chase. I hear the most wonderful sound I've ever heard. A faint, dry, crackly voice next to me whispers, “Katie.”
Chapter 17
I lie still, absorbing the sound. I don't move at first because I just want to bask in the joy of hearing Chase's voice.
Gradually I sit up and look at his fluttering eyes. “Welcome back, Baby. I missed you.”
His eyes open and he is even able to crack a small smile. However, when he tries to speak again, his voice barely cooperates. “I...I'm...sorry.”
“Chase,” I shake my head. “Please. You have nothing to be sorry about. You're here now and I'm not afraid any more.”
Mrs. Nichols wakes up to our whispered conversation and hurries over. “Good morning, sweetheart. It's so nice to see you awake.”
“Hi, Mom,” he croaks. Even with those simple words, I am overjoyed. Chase is awake and he is alive and I couldn't be more thankful.
She leans over and kisses his forehead.
I press the call button and ask Michelle, the nurse for this shift, if I can give him some water. I don't want him choking if he's not ready to drink, but his parched tongue must be so uncomfortable. The nurse brings a small cup of water with a straw and helps Chase to take a sip. I ask her if she can also bring something for his dry lips, and she returns with a small tube. I take a bit of the petroleum jelly on my finger and smooth it on for him.
Michelle informs me that Dr. Horowitz will be in soon to check on Chase's progress. I desperately need a bit of food and some coffee before that happens. I hate to leave, but I need sustenance. “Mrs. Nichols, I'm going to get some food. Would you like anything?” She shakes her head, saying she will get something a little later.
Michelle gets to work on Chase's vitals while I slip out the door.
I order a breakfast wrap and a large coffee from the snack bar down the hall. Just as I'm getting back to the room, I hear a familiar voice behind me, “Kate???” It takes me several seconds to process that voice, but I'm sure I wake up every other patient in ICU when I squeal, “Dani?”
Subsequently, I am shushed by the nurses.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
My best friend strides toward me and hugs me tight, trying not to disturb the hot drink in my hand. She plants a giant kiss on my cheek and then hugs me again. I motion for her to follow me into the room. I set down the food and launch into, “What...How...? You're here!” I finally sputter.
She giggles and says, “Of course, I'm here. I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, but today is the only day I've had off in weeks. And I didn't even know about Chase until I called your house last Saturday. Oh, my gosh, Kate, I'm so sorry.” She hugs me again.
“He woke up two days ago!” I sound like a little kid on Christmas morning. “Obviously, he's sleeping right now,” I motion to Chase who has dozed off again, even while Michelle was finishing his vitals. “But he's out of the coma, and he said my name.” The emotion takes me by surprise, but I start crying tears of joy as Dani grabs me for yet another hug.
I nudge Mrs. Nichols, who has drifted off again as well. I make the introductions and tell her that Dani is here to visit for the day. She groggily extends her hand, “Nice to meet you, Dani.” Then she closes her eyes to catch a few more winks until Chase reawakens.
Dani smiles and returns her focus to me. “Oh, Kate, I'm so happy. I can't imagine what you were going through. First my bestie falls in love and gets engaged over Christmas break,” she stops and dramatically drops her mouth open to convey her absolute shock. “But then your fiance is in a coma! It's like a soap opera.” I know that she is not intending to make light of our situation at all; that's just Dani's drama-queen way of processing things.
“And, oh my gosh, Kate,” she whispers. “He's hot!” And then we're laughing and giggling just the way we used to in high school.
Soon, the room is bustling with activity again. Dr. Horowitz arrives for his evaluation. He gently wakes Chase up and asks him to respond to a number of commands. Chase's eyes follow the doctor's penlight, he can wiggle fingers and thumbs, and he is able to nod or shake his head in response to the doctors many questions. Dr. Horowitz finishes by telling us that Chase is doing remarkably well in terms of return of his cognitive abilities. He will still be very tired for a few days as he “comes out of the fog.” Over all, though, he tells us that he is very encouraged by Chase's progress.
Sighs of relief are breathed around the room, and I move in to introduce my best friend to the love of my life. Dani touches Chase's arm and tells him, “It's wonderful to meet you. I think you've made my bestie very happy.”
Chase smiles a bit more and says, “She's awesome.” He turns his focus to me and very slowly asks, “Did we get married?”
I bite my lip to stifle a laugh and answer, “Not yet, Babe. You asked me on New Year's Eve and I said yes. But that was only ten days ago. You haven't been sleeping for that long. Maybe I confused you because I went on and on about planning our wedding.”
Dani and I step out while Chase's parents take over, catching up with their son who has been missing in action for five days. The Nichols have been exceptionally gracious to let me take a front seat during his hospital drama, so it only seems right that I give them some space while my best friend is visiting. We leave the ICU and stroll the halls of the hospital. We visit each little gift shop and coffee shop nestled in every corner of the hospital.
We spend hours catching up. I take her through every detail of our whirlwind romance. I tell her about the proposal and then remember, “I found my dress already!” I pull up a picture of it on my phone so she can “ooh” and “aah” over my bridal gown.
“Of course, I want you to be my maid of honor,” I tell her.
“Absolutely!” She agrees.
“Great! We'll have to get to work on choosing bridesmaid dresses then,” I continue.
I confide in Dani that I thought I was in love with Chase after the first week, but I second-guessed myself, thinking it couldn't possibly happen that fast.
“Oh, and then my mom freaked when I told her we were engaged,” I say dramatically.
; “Ha ha, I bet she did!” Dani agrees that my mom can be a little too over-protective. “Kate, you've never rushed into anything in your life. But I know that Chase is right for you. You're ready for this. I can see it in you.”
“So, how did you like Dani?” I ask Chase after she's left. “She drove all the way from Chicago just for the day.”
“She's nice,” he utters in a husky voice.
“And she thinks you're hot.” I watch as the words cause a small smile to appear on his lips. Lips that I can't wait to kiss again. “But that's too bad. You're all mine now.” I lean in and he is finally able to weakly kiss me back.
We sit silently for a bit and then he starts talking more than he has all day.
“When I get out of the hospital, I'll have to take you to my high school. I want to introduce you to my friends. They will love you. Especially Dave and Scarlett – they're my best friends.”
My eyes widen in confusion as I listen, but I don't correct anything that Chase is saying. I just listen and wonder if he thinks he's still in the hospital after the car accident.
Chase keeps babbling on about high school sports and extracurriculars and how he's excited for baseball to start in the spring.
“Try to get some rest, okay?” I suggest as I begin to stroke his hair. As he dozes off, I choke back the lump in my throat.
Chelsea and Mike bustle in around 6:00 PM. There is much celebration as we retell the story of Chase's waking.
Chelsea moves to Chase and asks him, “Do you want to feel the baby moving? Right here.” She puts his hand directly on her belly.
His eyes pop wide open. “I felt it!” Chase becomes more animated than I've seen him in a long time as a giant grin spreads across his face.
Chelsea continues, “I've been telling him all about his uncle.” She exaggerates the words so Chase will get the hint.
“It's a boy?!” He is so excited that his monitors start beeping. He keeps pushing on Chelsea's belly to feel his nephew squirming around.
Dr. and Mrs. Nichols throw their arms around Chelsea in delight. I'm sure they couldn't be any happier – Chase is alive, and now they know they will have a grandson in just a few months.
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