“It's okay to be disappointed,” I tell him. “But I'm glad you're okay.”
“I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. How could I be disappointed?”
I kiss him on the cheek. I'm overwhelmingly grateful that he's coming back. He's coming back all the way.
“I've been praying for you,” I tell him. And I read the Bible verse you told me about, from Romans 8. I think it's helping me to understand how much God loves me.”
“Good,” he smiles at me.
Chase's mom returns after running some errands. She has a takeout box in one hand and a huge bag in the other. She sets the bag on a chair and asks, “Who wants pizza?”
Chase and I both eagerly accept the welcome change from cafeteria food. Chase is eating more now, but he can still barely finish one slice.
After lunch, Mrs. Nichols hands me the bag. I pull out three large photo albums and sit down next to Chase on the bed.
“I thought it might help jog your memory to look through some of those,” Mrs. Nichols tells Chase.
I squeal with excitement. “Yes! Are there baby pictures?”
Mrs. Nichols nods while Chase rolls his eyes.
I snuggle in closer to Chase as he flips open the first album. The very first page holds a 4x6 baby announcement that reads:
Thomas, Carolyn and Chelsea Nichols proudly welcome
Chase Ryan.
Born October 18, 1994
6 lbs. 4 oz., 20 inches
There are two pictures on the announcement: front and center is newborn Chase with a red squished face and a little yawn playing on his lips. A smaller picture is offset to the side – a very curly-haired Chelsea is smiling down at the little bundle of joy on her lap. I can't stop chuckling at Chase's wispy baby hair.
We browse through the years of Chase's life. Messy high chair pictures, bare-bottom bathtub pictures, toothless grins. It's the standard assortment of pictures, but it's an extended look into Chase's past, and maybe our future. Will our babies look like him?
Another album holds hundreds of grade school photos – most of them are Chase and his various sports teams. They're similar to the ones I saw in his room.
We arrive at Chase's high school years. I recognize the picture of him with the cross country medal. “I saw this one in your room.”
I stop him for a minute and ask, “Do you remember talking about high school the other day? You told me that you couldn't wait to take me to school to meet Dave and Scarlett....”
He looks puzzled, but then responds, “Yeah, I think I remember that. Things are still kind of fuzzy from the last few days.”
I turn serious and tell him, “You scared me a little. I thought maybe you had lost your memory, or worse.”
“I think I remember everything now. I still feel foggy sometimes, but I know who I am. I know who you are.” He plants a kiss on my nose. “I remember graduating from high school. I remember asking you to marry me.”
Chase then realizes that he never told his parents about our engagement, but they obviously know.
He turns to his mom. “Hey, mom, I hope you and dad aren't too upset that I didn't tell you I was proposing to Kate.”
She stands up to embrace both of us. “Oh, heavens, Chase. I knew Kate was the one the first time I met her. You've never looked at anyone the way you look at Kate.”
I can feel myself beaming from ear to ear.
She continues, “It was sooner than we had expected, but I'm so glad Kate's been here for you.” She kisses my head.
“What about Dad?” He ventures.
“He's coming around. It's just hard for him to let go. You were his little boy and he was always so proud of you. It tore him apart when the accident happened. He used to tell me that he wished it was him instead of you.” Mrs. Nichols is starting to choke up a bit; Chase and I are close to tears as well.
“It never seemed like he was very proud of me.” He gets that same sad, resentful look on his face. “He was always pushing me harder and harder. It didn't matter to him how many trophies or medals I won. He always wanted me to do better. After the accident, I felt like I was adding to my string of sports disappointments when I couldn't walk again. I felt like Dad thought I just wasn't trying hard enough.”
“After the accident, he wanted to be strong enough to make you better. Your dad would do anything for you, Chase,” his mom finishes with a whisper.
“I know,” he agrees. “When I really gave my life to God, I was able to forgive Dad for all his years of pushing me so hard. I think I started to understand him a little. I had a lot of natural talent when it came to athletics and he just wanted me to succeed. But some of the memories are still hard for me.”
This new piece of information helps me to see Dr. Nichols in a new light. He doesn't resent me for invading their life. He's just been consumed with grief over his son's disability and hasn't been able to move on.
Chase continues, “When Kate came for dinner and Dad kept saying I would walk again if I just worked hard enough – where did that come from? He hasn't said anything like that in a long time. I thought he had finally accepted that I would always use crutches.”
Mrs. Nichols ponders his question for a bit. Then she answers, “Dad and I both hoped you would get better completely. We all wanted that, Chase. But you accepted your disability even before Dad or I did. That was surprising to us, but it was good for you. You were able to move on with your life. I think that Dad's expectation for you was that you would be completely well before going to college and getting married, and now those things are happening while you're still disabled. It is hard for him to accept that your disability is permanent.”
Mrs. Nichols keeps focusing on Chase as she says, “He loves Kate, you know. And he knows you're madly in love with her. He just needs some time.”
With that, we resume looking at the photo albums. The next page Chase opens to reveals three pictures, taken from different angles, of a completely smashed car. I know instantly which car it is. I grimace while I mumble, “Why did you keep these?”
“It's a little weird, I know. The pictures were for the insurance company. I kept them because I wanted to remember how God saved my life.”
I understand, but I turn the page because I've seen enough. Then I turn to him and comment, “He saved your life again. Should we get a picture of you here in the hospital?”
I pull my phone out and get selfie of the two of us snuggling on his hospital bed.
It's the first picture of us together.
That night, Mrs. Nichols and I agree to head home. I am hesitant, even after I had told Chase that I wouldn't stay overnight at the hospital any more. I leave my cell number on the white board in his room, I tape it to the phone, and I make sure the phone is right next to his bed.
Dr. Nichols will be taking the night shift with Chase, even though Chase insists that he doesn't have to.
“Call me if you need ANYTHING, okay?” I can't resist telling Chase one more time.
Chase smirks, “I'll be fine, Katie.” He pulls me in for a kiss and then says, “I like that you worry so much about me, but now I'm worried about you. You need some rest. Don't try to rush back here first thing. I will have physical therapy all morning, and then I'm sure I'll take a nap. Get some sleep!”
He's about to let go, but he pulls me down for another delightful kiss, one that causes those wonderful flutters. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Mrs. Nichols and I take our time meandering home from the hospital. We decide to stop at the little cafe just a few blocks from the hospital. We both get a chocolatey dessert and some coffee. When I go to pay, however, I realize that I've left my purse back in Chase's room.
Mrs. Nichols picks up the tab and we head back to the hospital. She pulls up outside the patient drop-off area, just so I can run inside and get my purse.
As I approach the door to Chase's room, I hear muffled sobs. My heart begins racing and I feel sick to my stomach. Who's c
rying? What happened?
Then I hear Chase's voice and I'm instantly calmed. I listen intently and I can hear Chase telling his dad, “I forgive you, Dad.”
“I know, son.” Dr. Nichols' voice is soft and broken.
I hear some sniffles, and then silence.
Dr. Nichols softly continues, “You know I played college football. But I probably never told you I had a chance to play professional ball. I had scouts coming to watch me, but in the end it never happened. I just wasn't quite good enough to make it. I think I pushed you so hard all those years because I saw that you had real talent. Maybe I wanted you to succeed where I failed.”
“Dad, you never failed us,” Chase tells him. “Look at how much you've provided for Chelsea and me. You worked two jobs so that Mom could stay home with us, you gave us a nice house in a good neighborhood. You gave us a lot of good experiences and a solid family life, Dad. That's nothing to be ashamed of, and you certainly didn't fail.”
I hear more sniffling and then Dr. Nichols' hoarse voice saying, “Since when is a son supposed to be wiser than his old man?”
“I love you, Dad.”
“You, too, son. And you know that I love Kate. She's perfect for you. She will make you very happy.”
“She already does, Dad.”
I'm not really sure how to interrupt such a moment, but I decide to walk in as if I heard nothing.
“Hi, Baby. I just forgot my purse.” I grab it and lean in for yet another quick kiss to my beloved's cheek.
I catch Dr. Nichols' small smile out of the corner of my eye.
Chapter 19
I guess I really did need a good chunk of sleep. I wake up and I'm shocked to discover that it's almost 10:30 AM. I jump out of bed and rush to the shower. Once I'm clean and dressed, I race down the stairs. I want to tell Mrs. Nichols that I'm sorry I slept so long, but she has left a note saying she went back to the hospital. There is breakfast in the fridge and I just have to push the button on the coffee maker to get it started. I should call her when I'm ready to come back to the hospital and she will come to pick me up.
I slow down and take a deep breath. “It's okay. Chase's mom is with him. He's not alone. I'm not the only one who can take care of him.
And he was right, I really did need some rest.
I eat breakfast quickly and then fill a large mug with coffee. I'm eager to sit down in the morning sun streaming through the breakfast nook window. Not long after I get settled, I hear a knock at the front door. Should I answer it? It's not my house but I can at least see who it is.
I'm not prepared for the surprise waiting at the front door. I hastily undo the lock and swing it wide open.
“MOM!” I squeal as I lunge at her with an enormous hug. Fiona steps out from the lower step behind my mother and I practically knock her down with my fierce embrace.
“What are you doing here?” I cry.
More kisses and hugs follow before Fiona demands with a laugh, “Can we come in? It's freezing out here.”
They trudge inside with their suitcases. I ask how long they can stay.
“We worked it all out with Carolyn. We're staying for a whole week!” My mom sounds almost like I did when I first saw Dani a few days ago. She must have been missing me.
“So, you're ditching class?” I ask Fiona.
“Yes, can you believe it? Mom is letting me take the week off. Well, it's only 4 days since we have a long weekend coming up for the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.”
“Speaking of class, weren't you supposed to start today?” My mom questions me.
Oh great, this is the real reason for her visit, to badger me about taking responsibility and going back to school.
“Yes, mom, but I already called the college to tell them I will have to withdraw from classes for this semester. I have a whole year to re-enroll in classes. I just can't leave Chase. He's doing great, but he still needs me, and-”
“Honey, it's fine,” my mom cuts me off. “I knew you would be staying with Chase. You have a lot of time to finish school.”
I'm slightly shocked at my mom's change of heart. “Thanks, Mom.”
I'm not quite sure where they are supposed to stay, but I decide on the in-law suite at the back of the house. I drag Mom's & Fiona's bags back to the tiny apartment. They start unpacking while I just sit and watch and marvel that they're really here.
Mrs. Nichols comes in a short time later. She came home knowing my mom and sister would be here by now. She makes all of us a nice lunch. When we sit down to eat, she begins with, “Well, Kate, your mom and I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Again, my heart falters a little. They're probably going to try to convince me that Chase and I should wait, that there is too much going on with him right now, or that he won't be ready to get married for a long time. I prepare myself for battle.
My mom starts in, “May isn't very far away. It's not a lot of time to plan a wedding.” Yep, just what I thought. I try to listen respectfully as she continues.
“Carolyn and I thought you could use some help. Oh, and Fiona, too. We're here for the entire week to help you get a jump-start on wedding plans.”
Her words sink in. I'm grinning like an idiot. “Yes!” I cry. “I would love help! I don't even know where to start...well, except for my dress. Mom, I found my dress already! I can't wait for you to see it! Oh, and did you talk to Pastor Koskinen yet? And I'm not really sure how to plan it from here, but I really want us to get married in Eagle Canyon. That's what you were thinking right? And-”
Mrs. Nichols laughs and comments, “I guess she's okay with us helping her.”
I laugh, too, but then I get a little choked up. “I just can't believe that you're okay with this now.” I thought Chase and I would still have to fight for the way we want it to happen, especially with everything that has happened over the past two weeks.
“Well, Kate,” my mom admits, “It was hard to accept at first. You got engaged so fast and it really didn't seem like a good idea at the time. But I could see it in your eyes when you almost lost him. I'm still a little worried about you, but I want you to be with Chase because I know...I know you really love him.”
I've never loved my mom more than at this very moment.
My mom concludes, “We all might have our thoughts about how your relationship should have proceeded, but when it comes right down to it, we all know you're both set on getting married soon, and we would rather support you than fight with you about it.”
Mrs Nichols takes over, “I told you yesterday why Dr. Nichols didn't seem very supportive at first. Chase has been through so much. He didn't want him to rush into anything new.” I nod in understanding. “But we know that Chase loves you more than anything. You've been there for him this whole time.”
She turns toward my mom and continues, “Kate hardly ever left the hospital. Last night was only her second night to sleep here at the house. She worked with him every day, stretching his arms and legs while he was in a coma, talking to him non-stop, and encouraging him constantly.” I giggle a little at her commentary on my chattiness.
“Thank you, both of you.” Salty tears are stinging my eyes.
“Mrs. Nichols,” I say, turning toward my future mother-in-law, “I know I haven't really said it, but I wouldn't be able to do this without you and Dr. Nichols. You should be consumed with caring for Chase, but you've still taken time to take care of me, too. I really appreciate the two of you.”
I retrieve the wrinkled list that Chase and I started a few days ago. Scribbled on the paper are:
Black tux
Bridesmaids dresses - scarlet
Band or DJ?
Ask about reserving the Westchester Ballroom for reception - ASAP
Ask Mom to check out florists
Photographer?
Our list isn't very long, so we spend a good bit of time brainstorming to come up with more to add so the planning can begin right away.
Invitations!
; Order a cake
Hair and makeup appointments
Decide on a venue for the wedding.
Chase and I actually know where we want the wedding to be. It was one of the first things we talked about the night we got engaged. But we have to talk to the right people to make it happen.
Mom and Mrs. Nichols agree to get started while Fiona and I head back to the hospital.
I greet Chase with my lips and then say, “Hey, look who I brought back with me!” Fiona leans in to hug Chase and he plants a small kiss on her cheek.
“Hey sis,” he smiles.
“You look great Chase. I think you've been faking it and just letting my sister take care of you!”
Fiona winces when I punch her in the arm.
I fill Chase in on my family's surprise visit. “They're going to help us with planning the wedding!” I can't contain the excitement in my voice.
“You mean, you didn't get that all finished since the last time we talked about it?” He jokes. When I give him a frown, he says, “I'm sorry. You were here the whole time taking care of me.”
“Very happily, I might add.”
Chase's physical therapist, Brian, comes in after lunch. He gets Chase into a wheelchair so they can head down to the rehab gym instead of just doing exercises in the room. Fiona seems fine to stay back at the room by herself while I accompany Chase. I carry his crutches.
When we arrive, Brian starts with some basics. How much can Chase do on his own?
Brian locks the wheelchair in place and moves the foot rests. Then he fastens a thick belt around Chase's waist so he has a way to hold on to Chase and to keep him balanced. He instructs Chase to try to stand with his crutches. Brian is standing close enough to block him in case Chase loses his balance, which he does at first. It's a little unnerving to see him so wobbly.
Chase tries two or three times to stand up gracefully, which I've seen him do many times. But he doesn't seem to remember how to do it. Either that, or he lacks the muscle coordination he had just a few weeks ago.
Strong Page 15
