It's not really the groundbreaking counsel I was hoping for, but it's a start.
“He said he still loves you. You have no reason not to believe him.” I agree with his reasoning, but I didn't see it in Chase's eyes, even though I heard the words from his mouth.
“What should I do about the wedding?”
My mother advises me to wait a week. If Chase doesn't make any decisions, we will have to postpone. At least. The thought makes me sick after all the planning I've done in such a short amount of time. Luckily, our locations will be fairly easy to re-book if we have to.
What about invitations? They're ready to go out. They're even stamped. I decide to go with my mom's advice and wait one week. One week. That's all the time I can afford. It's a good thing that my mom and Mrs. Nichols had sent out some simple save the date postcards while Chase was still in the hospital.
My parents kiss and hug me profusely before I leave to return to Madison.
“Don't worry, honey,” my father says soothingly. “Everything will work out.”
I give a small nod and pray that he's right.
On the drive home, I pray. “God, please help me to love Chase no matter what. You told me to trust You. Please help me. And please help Chase.”
I let myself into the Nichols' house and silently make my way up the stairs. I hope that no one hears me, although I really should let them know I'm back. I sit down on my bed – Chase's bed – and force myself to be calm. I take a few minutes to freshen up and then I look for Chase.
Instead I find his mom.
“Kate!” She hugs me. “I hope you had a lovely weekend at home. Did you get a lot done?”
I flash her a puzzled look. She must think I was planning for the wedding while I was back home. Does she not know that Chase is having second thoughts?
“Um, yeah.” It's the safest answer I can give.
“Dinner will be ready in about half an hour,” she informs me.
“Would you like any help?” I offer.
“No, dear, just get yourself settled.” She pats my shoulder and bustles off to the kitchen.
I find Chase in his room again. He doesn't look up when I enter, but when I greet him with a shy hello, he looks startled.
“Hi, Katie.”
I move over and kiss him on the forehead. I've never felt uncomfortable around Chase until now.
“I just wanted to let you know I'm home,” I tell him and leave just as silently as I came. I wish he would have just bounced back over the weekend, but obviously he's still working through whatever it is.
Dinner is painfully quiet, but Mr. and Mrs. Nichols don't notice anything different between Chase and me; or at least, they don't let on if they do.
Monday morning is excruciating. I go out to run. I go to work. I come home and help with dinner. I don't make any more wedding plans.
On Tuesday, my day off, I avoid Chase all together. I make a few phone calls, I run some errands, but mostly, I stay in my room, trying to distract myself.
Chapter 24
Wednesday comes. It has almost been a week since Chase told me he wasn't ready to get married yet. It feels like it's been a year. I want him to take me in his arms again and tell me everything is okay. I want my old Chase back.
I want him to tell me what to do. In all fairness, he did say he's not ready to get married yet. Which means the wedding won't happen in May. I have to cancel it. Or postpone. But I need him to work with me more. Are we rescheduling? When?
I'm ready to leave for work, so I find Chase. “I'll be done with work around 3:00. Can we talk when I get home?” I ask.
He agrees. “I'm sorry this has been hard for you. I do love you, Katie.” He kisses my cheek gently. It's the first sign of my Chase that I've seen in over a week. “I'm just having a hard time, not being able to do the things I used to do. You asked me if it bothers me that you're a runner....”
“Uh, huh,” I respond.
“That doesn't specifically bother me, although I still miss running. But when you and Elsie were talking last week, I had some disturbing thoughts. I just kept imagining you pushing me around in a wheelchair. I imagined you going out to work while I sat home flipping through the TV channels, doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I imagined you taking care of our babies without my help, taking our kids to the beach without me, going on their field trips all by yourself....” He finished with a sigh.
I'm taken aback by his confession, but it helps me to know that he's not second-guessing his love for me. “What Elsie said was stupid and brainless! You can do anything you put your mind to,” I assure him.
He doesn't seem convinced as he continues. “The idea that I can't take care of you is killing me. I hate to think that you can do some things that I can't do. Maybe you'll have to work if I can't. What kind of life will that be?”
I just kiss him on the lips and say, “It will be the kind of life I cherish because I'm with you, Chase Nichols. You already take care of me in every way that matters to me. I love you. I have to leave for work now, but I'll see you as soon as I get home. We'll talk more then, okay?”
I breathe a huge sigh of relief about Chase's parting words as I start my truck. It looks a little out of place parked in front of the Nichols' upscale home, but they don't mind.
I've enjoyed finding my way around Madison, even though the physical therapy clinic isn't far away. I've become good friends with Mary, the OT who interviewed me with Dr. Vernis. I look forward to seeing her on the days that I work. I told her what was going on with Chase, and she suggested that we have a chocolate-fest at lunch time today. I'm bringing my favorite brownies, and she told me that she will surprise me with something decadent.
I absent-mindedly make my way out of the neighborhood and head toward the clinic. I place my travel mug of coffee into the cup holder just in time to start braking for a yellow light. I panic when I feel that the road is much more icy than I had anticipated. I begin to pump my brakes as I've always been taught to do, but it's not enough. I slide into the intersection. I turn the steering wheel sharply to try to avoid the traffic that has begun to flow freely from either side, but I'm unsuccessful.
The last thing I hear is a horn and a loud screech.
My head hurts terribly. I've never been drunk, but I assume that this is how a hangover feels. My head is hollow except for a constant drumming from the inside that emphasizes the pain with every beat. I try to remember where I am and what I might have done to make my head hurt so bad.
I try opening my eyes, but my lids feel so heavy. I hear Chase's voice, “Katie?” I turn my head a little bit toward him, but even that hurts, so I grimace. I manage to open my eyes and I see a Chase that I haven't seen before. His hair is a mess and his eyes are red and puffy.
“What's going on?” I mumble.
“You were in an accident this morning,” he tells me. “Your truck was broadsided by another truck.” His voice is cracking and I notice tears in his eyes. He puts his head down on my arm and then he's sobbing. I've never seen Chase like this before.
Once he regains control, he confirms, “I've never been so scared in my life, Katie!”
“I'm sorry.” My eyes are tearing up to see Chase come unglued. “I'm okay. I'm really fine, Chase. My head just hurts a lot.”
He spreads about twenty kisses very gingerly over my face. I notice that he avoids the left side. I think that's where most of the pain is coming from. I reach my hand up and find a large bandage from my temple all the way to my jaw and hugging my ear.
I look at Chase and he answers before I even ask the question. “You have 18 stitches. You hit your head pretty hard against the side window. We're still in the ER, but they will be admitting you for the night, just so they can make sure your concussion isn't too bad.” His voice is shaking again, but he keeps his tears in check.
“I'm glad you're here,” I whisper. I do my best to scoot over on the bed and pat the spot next to me. Chase sits on the bed, leans back and lets me
cuddle into his shoulder. I touch his face, his gorgeous hair, and then let my hand rest in his. I drift off again.
As I'm going through my checkout instructions the next day, I tell Chase with a chuckle, “Well, at least I can't run for a while.”
Chase's eyes fill with tears. He embraces me in a tight hug. “I don't want that. Katie, I don't want that at all!” His chin quivers and I know he's on the verge of crying again. “I was just feeling sorry for myself, Katie. Please forgive me.” He squeezes me so hard that it hurts my head. He breaks down and the sobs come again.
I breathe out an enormous sigh and I tell him, “Of course, I forgive you. Of course I do.” I can hardly move because he has me so firmly in his grasp, but I turn my head to kiss his cheek. He loosens his grip so that he can reach my lips with the most passion I've ever felt. I forget the pain of the past week, the pain of my concussion and my stitches. All I know is Chase, loving me.
I go to bed shortly after dinner. I'm still very tired from the hospital ordeal, and the doctor said that I would need more rest for a few weeks. Chase follows me to his room. I slip into the bathroom to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. He is waiting at the edge of the bed with the covers folded back so that I can climb in.
“Katie,” he whispers.
“Yes?”
“Will you please forgive me? I never meant to hurt you.”
“I already forgave you, Chase,” I insist.
“I know. But I really hurt you. You could have hurt me back, but you didn't.” His voice is shaking. “I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I never want to hurt you again.”
“I believe you,” I tell him and close my eyes.
“When I got the call from the hospital, I thought I lost you,” he whispers. “I'm never letting you go again.”
He leans across the pillow, above my head so that his chest is close. I can feel his heartbeat. He strokes my hair as I fall asleep.
The next morning, Chase and I talk about wedding plans. He brings me my coffee in bed. We have suspended the no-visiting-in-bedrooms rule while I'm recuperating.
I sit up and welcome the first warm sip.
“So, what are we going to about the wedding?” I ask Chase.
He kisses me, coffee breath and all. “Can I marry you today?”
“I'm serious, Chase. We lost a whole week of wedding planning. The invitations have to be mailed now, but only if the wedding is still on for May 4.”
“Mail them today, then!” He grins. I absorb the warmth of his face. I missed that smile.
My old Chase is back.
“Or,” he continues, “we could wait and ask your parents when they get here.”
“Chase,” I ask slowly. “What are you talking about?”
“They'll be here this afternoon,” he tells me.
My entire family arrives after lunch, just as Chase said. My brother Marcus seems to have matured in the few days since I last saw him. He gives me a gigantic hug and admits quietly, “I'm really glad you're okay.” I return the bear hug and then I inform him that Chase owns tons of video games. It doesn't take him long to talk Chase into an epic battle.
My parents had been understandably frightened by my accident. I hope they weren't as scared as I had been when Chase was in a coma. I would never want anyone to suffer through that. At least I was only unconscious for a short time.
The weekend is pleasantly full of conversation and wedding planning. This unexpected visit offers both of our families a unique chance to get to know each other before we all become in-laws. It's a great relief to discover that, not only do our families get along, they actually enjoy each other's company.
The wedding invitations are sent out the very next day.
Mrs. Nichols, my mom, Chelsea, Scarlett, Fiona, and I spend hours talking about final details for the dresses and decorations, etc. They talk Chase into letting them take me to the bridal shop so my bridesmaids can try on their dresses together. He makes them promise, repeatedly, to make me sit down the whole time with my feet up. “No jumping up and down and screaming” are his exact words.
I am moved beyond words to see three of my bridesmaids together in their scarlet dresses. They are beautiful. I chose a style that, with minimum alterations, would accommodate Chelsea's huge belly.
I so desperately want to try on my dress for them, but I promised Chase I would sit down. With my feet up. Besides, I'm not sure I would look so stunning with a bandage across half of my head. They will see me in my dress soon enough.
It takes a while for me to recover from the accident. Headaches are a daily experience, but my face is healing nicely. They had called in a plastic surgeon to do the stitches. I'm pretty convinced that the scar will be almost invisible, thanks to the doctor's delicate work and my abundance of freckles. Score one for the ugly dots.
The headaches aren't subsiding at the same rate. Some days, they're tolerable. Other days, the pain is excruciating. I spend a lot of time lying down with a cool cloth on my head. When the pain get exceptionally bad, Chase sits next to me, strokes my hair, and quietly prays for me.
Everyone involved in my life has recommended that I quit my job. I need some time to heal from the concussion and I already have a lot on my plate since the wedding is so close now. The doctors had informed us that the healing time for a grade 3 concussion can vary. If I have a day when I feel really good, I might try to get a lot done and then feel terrible the next day.
If it had just been the parents suggesting this, I would have chalked it up to their classic over-protectiveness. But Chase is the one who finally convinces me by telling me, “please let me take care of you for once. You're not my wife yet, but I want to care for you and protect you.” I know this is important to him, to feel like he can do something meaningful for me, so I am now unemployed.
I'm disappointed because I really liked the job at the therapy clinic. Dr. Vernis told me, however, that if I am able to come back after the wedding, he will gladly re-hire me.
Chapter 25
With time, my headaches finally subside. I've been able to make up for lost time with wedding plans.
Since we are keeping it simple, almost everything is done. The days are flying by now and I can't believe the wedding is so close.
Both Chase and I are benefiting from the increasing sunshine. I start running in the mornings again when my head is completely healed. It doesn't seem to bother Chase anymore. There are even days when he hobbles along with me until he can't keep up, but since I usually make a circuit, I catch up and give him a peck on the lips when I do a lap. We get out and take walks together in the afternoon, usually after he's put in several hours of studying.
Chase surprises me with a telescope. I had decided not to bring mine from home. I always want it to be there when I return. We spend several clear evenings finding constellations, although it's not as easy to do in the city as it is in Eagle Canyon. Chase seems genuinely eager to learn the names of the stars and all of the little facts that I have accumulated.
One Friday afternoon, just a few weeks before the wedding, Chelsea arrives with Scarlett in tow. “We have a surprise for you,” they tell me. I can't imagine what they're talking about. I open my eyes wide with interest.
“We're taking you on a girls' getaway this weekend!” They squeal like a couple of high school girls. Their enthusiasm is contagious, and soon I'm squealing with them.
Chase enters the room and playfully covers an ear. “It sounds like they told you the news.”
“You helped them plan this?” I ask incredulously.
“You've been working so hard. You deserve a weekend away.”
“We're going to the outlet malls in Pleasant Prairie. We'll stay in a nice hotel, spend some time at the spa, and shop til we drop. Assuming there's anything else you need before the wedding. If not, we can help you pick out something sexy for the honeymoon.” I can't believe that Chelsea just said that in front of her brother. The familiar blush graces my face.
&nb
sp; “Go and pack!” Scarlett demands. “We're leaving as soon as you're ready.”
“Are you sure?” I ask Chase. I feel uneasy about leaving when the wedding is so close, but there really isn't much left to do.
“I'm a big boy. I still have a lot of studying to do. Plus, if you have any phone calls you want me to make, just let me know. I can handle some of the planning, too, you know.”
“Sure, now that I'm almost done!” I joke as I place a kiss on his cheek and run upstairs to get packed.
We check into a luxurious hotel in Pleasant Prairie, just west of Milwaukee. Our suite is humongous – two adjoining rooms with four queen beds and two bathrooms, each with a jacuzzi tub. I am instantly relaxed as I sink into a comfy chair.
“Thank you so much! I would never have planned this for myself, but it's perfect!” I rave as my eyes drift closed with the surrounding comfort.
The other girls putter around unpacking while I enjoy the luxury.
A knock on the door startles me slightly. Chelsea announces, “We have one more surprise for you, Kate!”
Who? I wonder. It can't be Chase. That would be weird.
Just then, the perky red head of my best friend pokes into my room.
“Dani!” I shriek, not quite as loudly as in the hospital, but still quite loud.
She grabs me and squeezes me tight.
I am near tears as I look at the three women who planned such a special weekend for me. I wish Fiona was here, but I'm in no position to complain.
Dani probably read my mind because she tells me, “Fiona couldn't make it. She's studying for finals and she just couldn't get away. Otherwise, consider this your bachelorette party weekend.”
Could I possibly have better friends? I think not.
After a fantastic dinner at an Italian restaurant, we retire to the hotel with a healthy stash of chocolate. Once we're in our pajamas, we flop on the beds like schoolgirls.
Scarlett starts, “Kate, what is your best memory with Chase?”
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