by Liza James
The drive went by quickly. With Jake’s constant road games like I-Spy and Trivia, we were all doubled over in laughter most of the time. When the conversation lulled, Jake and I would take turns practicing our monologues and giving each other any critiques that we could find after each performance. Savannah’s responses were less than helpful because she would mutter sarcastic comments like, louder please! Or I’m going to cry or fail fail fail between fits of giggles.
Soon enough, we pulled up outside the small but cute white, farm-style home, complete with black shutters on each window and a white picket fence that lined the property. Savannah’s parents lived on the outskirts of a bigger city, so we had the benefit of having a little more property rather than the usual stacked houses that were so common in New York.
We each climbed out of the Focus and pulled our respective bags out of the back before making our way toward the front door. Before we could even turn the knob, Ruth had flung the door wide open and was already wrapping each arm around Savannah and me, pulling us up against her for a hug.
“Mom, you’re suffocating us.” Savannah’s muffled voice did nothing to thwart Ruth’s grip on our shoulders. As much as Sav may not have loved it, I truly enjoyed the way that Ruth treated us both like her daughters. Nothing could ever fill the void of losing my parents at such a vital age in life, but Ruth and Dan never treated me like they were doing me a favor, or that I was a burden to them, and that meant more than they would ever know.
“Missed you, Ruth,” I said as we pried ourselves free of her arms before introducing her to Jake.
Jake immediately pushed through both myself and Sav and flung himself into Ruth’s arms, giving her the same strength of a hug that she had just given us. She threw her head back with a roar of laughter and patted Jake on the back while she urged us all to follow her inside.
After Sav and I both dropped our bags off in our old rooms, we showed Jake to the guest room and gave him some time to shower while the two of us headed downstairs. Dan had been at work when we’d first arrived, but he was now down in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of black coffee.
“Girls! We’ve missed you both so much,” he said before giving us each individual hugs and pulling us into his arms. Savannah turned to take a seat on one of the barstools that overlooked the kitchen, while I poured myself a cup of coffee and took a seat next to her.
Dan and Ruth were both preparing dinner together, something they had done for as long as I had known them. I loved that about them. My mom always seemed to make dinner herself and, when it was ready to be served, my dad and I would join her at the table. It was just part of my mom’s routine and we weren’t really a part of the process. Here, though, dinner was a family occasion. Dan and Ruth cooked together while Sav and I set the table and then cleaned up afterward. Ruth had been doting the warmest smile on her face since we arrived, and I found myself so relaxed by the sight of it. It was funny how things you didn’t notice when you experienced them every single day, could actually mean the most when you didn’t have them anymore. I felt the same way about losing my parents at fifteen so unexpectedly. I was a teenager with the normal teenage angst that you hear everyone talk about. I argued with my parents, I said things I didn’t mean, I didn’t listen to everything they said because I assumed they would always be there. I’d always have time with them to apologize, or make up for skipping a meal, or tell them I loved them. It was the rudest awakening imaginable when I got that dreaded phone call that night.
Shaking myself out of the dark thoughts that were clouding my mind, I turned my attention to what Savannah was saying. She was telling her parents about how class was going, mentioning the fact that she had been doing that project at the prison throughout the semester. I could tell she glazed over the subject rather quickly, in hopes that they wouldn’t comment on the potential dangers of that.
“Wait, you’re actually interviewing criminals? For a school project? Honey, is that a required assignment?”
No such luck.
Ruth leaned forward and took Savannah’s hands in hers, her eyes pleading with Sav to say she didn’t have to do it.
“Yes, Mom. It’s required. I promise it’s perfectly safe. They use the same inmates for each student every semester. It’s part of their good behavior program and parole.” The annoyance in her voice was evident, and Ruth dropped her head, shaking it in concerned defeat.
Jake startled us all by sneaking up and throwing his arms around mine and Sav’s shoulders, joining the conversation.
“Chatting about Savannah’s new friend group, I see?” We all couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous joke. Jake was always the best at lightening the mood and being a buffer for tension.
“Okay okay, now you three go set the table while we finish up here.” Ruth shooed us out of the kitchen and we headed toward a big vintage, wooden hutch that housed all of the plates, silverware and placemats for meals.
Once everything was set and Ruth and Dan had placed out all of the food, we each took a seat and enjoyed an honest-to-God, delicious home-made meal that we so longingly missed. It had been way too long since we had been able to sit down and eat with family. The café and fancy restaurants, while fun for the time being, didn’t hold a candle to this feeling.
I looked around the room, tuning out the conversation for a brief moment, and studied the expressions on everyone’s faces. Each one of the people in this room were so incredibly important to me. My best friend, my other best friend who had become my sister, and two people who stood by me, loved me, and supported me through the hardest part of my life. I knew I had given them hell, I spiraled out of control for a while after I lost my parents.
Savannah and I snuck out, we partied, we didn’t keep in contact with Ruth and Dan, and they were constantly worrying about us. But after I fought, and argued, and pushed them away, I grieved for my loss. I cried uncontrollably for weeks, and then it slowed down to several times a month, and then the periods between each breakdown grew longer and I began to see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I never stopped missing or loving my parents, but with time I was able to manage the darkness that flooded over me when I thought about them.
“Emma, sweetheart?” Ruth’s voice broke through my scrambling thoughts and brought me back to reality. I turned my gaze to hers and gave her a reassuring smile. She could always tell when I was losing myself in thought, and I think she always knew what it was about. My parents. Because her eyes always held a flicker of sadness, of her own grief. After all, Ruth and Dan had been my parent’s best friends. She had lost someone she loved when I had, too.
“I’m sorry, I was thinking about something else.” I smiled to the rest of the table as I took my fork and continued eating.
The rest of the dinner went smoothly. Jake and I explained both of our monologues and that each of us were performing at the Winter Showcase. Ruth and Dan both committed to coming and watching, even though the dates hadn’t been set yet. They swore they would be absolutely thrilled to come visit the school and wanted to show their support. I really lucked out in the guardian department, and I appreciated every word they said.
After Savannah, Jake and I had cleaned everything up and washed all of the dishes, it was already close to 8:30 PM. It was early in college kid standards, but we were all exhausted from the excitement for this weekend and the drive over here. Jake announced he was going to head to his room and do some studying before he crashed, and I made my way over to the living room where I knew several photos would be lined up across the mantle.
Savannah’s family home was beautiful. The way Ruth had decorated it made you feel like you were in a chic, modern farmhouse. Everything was white with small pops of color scattered throughout. But she was amazing at interior design, so even the mantle was covered in flowers from the garden or long strands of greenery that she would bring home every weekend from the small farmer’s market in town. The photos sat tucked within the greenery, a sure sign that she had taken the
time to move each individual one, appreciating each photo before setting it back down in its rightful place.
I knew this because that was what she had done every single weekend when I lived here. I loved watching it, it reminded me that I wasn’t the only one hurting with the loss of my parents. It showed me that I wasn’t alone and that someone else loved them like I did.
The first photo was a picture of Savannah and I when we were thirteen, before the accident, before my life had been split into two separate chapters.
I had my arm draped around Savannah’s shoulder and we were both laughing hysterically at something I couldn’t remember now. I smiled at the vague memory and moved to the next photo.
This one was of Ruth, Dan and my parents, Jenny and Brian. The four of them were incredibly young in the photo, each of them in their mid- to late-twenties, and I shivered at the thought that Savannah and I would quickly be approaching that age range before we knew it. It was crazy to think that they had all been friends for so long. They met at Columbia University, where both Ruth and my mom had been attending for nursing. The two of them became fast friends when they met my dad and Dan, who were both on the college football team. The four were inseparable, and had stayed living near each other for the rest of their lives. They had grown up together, gotten married and started families together. It was a no-brainer that Savannah and I would be as close as we were.
The next two photos always brought tears pricking my eyes. One was a family photo of myself and my parents, taken just months before the accident. I loved seeing that photo with every ounce of my being, but it was also a painful reminder of the words I had said to them whenever I let my anger get the best of me. We had been arguing all morning that day, in preparation for the photoshoot. I hadn’t wanted to go, instead I wanted to go with Savannah to the movies. We had plans to meet up with a couple of cute boys from our school at the time, and the last thing I wanted to do was spend the day with my parents.
“I promise it will be quick, baby girl! This is important to me,” my mom had said, rushing through the house and combing her fingers through her long, dark curls.
My dad came up behind her and kissed her on her shoulder before turning to me.
“Come on, it won’t be that bad. Besides, we can play board games tonight and watch the game when we get home.” This was my dad’s way of convincing me to play nice. I did enjoy watching the football games with him, but I had bigger, better plans waiting for me with Savannah. We had been dying to get these guys’ attention, and it was finally happening.
I rolled my eyes at him and stomped toward the door, intending to go sulk in the car while I waited for them to come out.
“One day, she’ll cherish these memories, darling. Don’t let it get to you. She’s a normal teenage girl,” I heard my dad whisper to my mom while I peeked around the wall at them. She was leaning her face into his chest and he was rubbing her back.
“I know, I know. I just wish I could hold on to that little, playful girl who only wanted her mommy forever, you know?” The words hurt. I knew I was being a pain, but I didn’t care. Instead, my priorities were lined up differently than my parents’ were. We could take family photos any other day of the week, why did it have to be tonight?
I stomped off to the car and awaited their arrival, scrolling through my phone and venting to Sav over text.
Did my dad know how much truth he held in those reassuring words to my mother? He didn’t realize it at the time, but what he had said back then had stuck with me ever since I lost them. His words played in my mind over and over again when I was in the thralls of darkness. When I was panicking and crying so hard I could barely breath, and all I could think about was how much I missed them.
I miss them. Every single day. I still missed them.
How much I wished they were still here and how much I needed them in my life as a growing woman, trying to navigate adulthood without her parents. I couldn’t help but wonder what they would say about Cade, about Tyler and the mess I had gotten myself into at school. I actually thought they would love Cade, aside from his downtime activities. But his relaxed, laid back attitude? They would have appreciated that. Hell, they probably would have said how good he was for me. How ironic since the last time we were together he had convinced himself of how bad he actually was for me.
The last photo was a picture of myself, Savannah, Ruth and Dan. All four of us together, a couple of years after the accident. But this time I knew the importance of what these photos meant, the memories they would hold for me. So, I had gone willingly, enthusiastically, and I smiled a heartfelt, genuine smile in each photo.
I felt Savannah’s arms come up and wrap around my shoulders as she leaned her chin against my back, peering over to gaze at the images with me.
“You know you look just like her, Em,” she said, a smile stretched across her face.
I leaned my head against hers and squeezed her hand in a silent thank you.
“I’m headed to bed, if you want to talk, or vent, or even cry, you know where to find me.” She hugged me once and quickly left the room just as Ruth walked in beside me.
After a moment of silence, she turned her face toward me and met me with warm, loving eyes. “I have something for you. Something from your mother that I’ve kept all these years, waiting for the right time to give it to you.” Her hands were on my arms, gliding up and down in a caring gesture.
I smiled in response, because I was struggling with forming the right words and speaking them out. As she turned and walked out of the room, she quickly returned with a long powder-blue garment hanging across her arms.
“I thought, since you and Savannah have the charity event coming up, that this may be the right time to give you this.” Ruth held up the long gown in front of me and my breath was literally knocked from my lungs. My eyes scanned it from top to bottom, taking in every detail with love and wonder. The dress had long, vintage lace sleeves and beautifully scalloped at the edges.
The neckline was higher, which I absolutely loved, but was also a boat neckline so it drew wide and exposed the tops of my shoulders. The matching blue slip underneath came all the way to the floor where the dress spilled around in beautiful folds and waves. The slip stopped at the top, just above the breast line, so my skin on my upper chest would be exposed underneath the delicate lace.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more beautiful, Ruth turned the dress over and my breath hitched at the stunning, plunging backline that would fall to just above the base of my hips.
“Where did my mom get this?” was all I managed to choke out. The tears were pooling in the bottom of my lashes and would no doubt fall through at any moment.
“Your mother wore it to an event we had at Columbia, right before graduation. She went to eleven different stores before she found this dress. It was the one she wore in hopes that she would snag Brian’s attention.” Ruth giggled at the heartwarming memory, and the look in her eyes showed me that she was reliving those moments in her own mind.
“I can’t ... I don’t ... I don’t know what to say. I would absolutely love to wear this.” The tears spilled down my cheeks, sliding over my lips and leaving a salty taste behind.
“Oh good, I was hoping you’d say that.” Ruth laid the dress on the couch beside her and stepped forward, wrapping her nurturing arms around me. I let my cheek fall to her shoulder as I continued silently crying for a few moments. Her hand stroked my hair as she comforted me.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I pulled my face back up to look at her.
She brought both hands up to cup my cheeks and smiled in response. “I think about your parents every single day. They are sorely missed.”
I nodded, once again thanking her, and stepped forward to pull the dress in my arms before making my way upstairs to my room.
I hung the dress up in my closet, next to the bag that I’d be loading into the car tomorrow before we made our next stop at the Thunder Ridge resort.
&nb
sp; Chapter 25
First thing Saturday morning, after a quick but delicious breakfast and a cup of coffee, we repacked the few things we had used by staying here last night and loaded everything back into Savannah’s little hatch back. The three of us walked back inside and gave Ruth and Dan a hug before heading back to the car.
As Sav and I reached the driver and passenger doors, we noticed Jake hadn’t been following behind as we’d thought. Turning to face our old home, we found him hugging Ruth and Dan one last time, gratitude clearly radiating from him as he smacked a kiss on each of their cheeks before he ran over to the car. Savannah and I both looked back and laughed as we waved our final goodbyes and pulled away from the house, heading for the ski resort.
After driving the remaining two hours to reach Thunder Ridge, we found a surprisingly close parking spot and walked in through the main doors. The resort was absolutely beautiful, complete with log cabin features, massive fireplaces surrounded by big lounging couches and chairs, and jacuzzis lined up across the outside patios. All of the rooms were located on the upper levels, and Savannah and I checked into our shared suite while Jake located his single room, thankful he didn’t have to bunk with someone else.
“Now, if my options were Cade Davenport, I may make an exception for a bunkmate.” He joked as he nudged me in my ribs. The mention of Cade’s name sent an aching pain through my chest and I noticed Jake’s change in demeanor when he saw me wince. “Hey now, I was joking, I’m sorry. That was a shitty joke.” He leaned in and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug and giving a light kiss on my forehead. I gave him a quick smile, letting him know I wasn’t upset before we finally located our respective rooms and separated to unpack our things.
Walking into our room, I saw we had two separate queen size beds and a rather large bathroom. The shower was shielded by large, frosted-glass panes and was already stocked with the essentials like shampoo and body wash.
